booked adult trip buy now feeling guilty! what would you do?

[ChipnDaleRule]

I dread the day my kids don't want to come to disney with us ( and boy can they fight) we too have had the im sleeping in that bed argument! DH and I spend a lot of time apart and for us all to be together in disney gets us through the long weeks, but I would never judge someone as a parent for their decision. If I were you I wouldn't have asked the question here, it might cloud your judgment for what is actually the best thing for you.

 

[elaine amj]

I guess it would just depend on where *you* want to vacation. If you are planning an adult trip, obviously you would go somewhere. I do think it would be overly selfish of a child to expect parents not to go somewhere they would choose to visit simply because they are not going to get to come along. Especially since you have other trips in the future. All that said - I totally get your "guilt" about Disney. DH and I would love to do WDW without kids, but have not been able to do it. Part of it is because we have non-expiring tickets and going without the kids will mean our days will not sync with their which will make things more complicated in the future for family trips.

For the first bunch of years, DH and I only ever took an overnight trip 1x a year within an hour's radius because we were nervous about leaving our kids. (we didn't have reliable childcare available). When the kids got older, they could take care of themselves and grandma could watch them easily (well, they watch grandma, but that's besides the point).

Our first 4 day trip with no kids was incredibly blissful. Wow was it amazing to travel without children. We have since been hooked and go 2-3 times a year on 3-5 day trips without the kids. That first trip made me remember how much we actually like being with each other and we talk for hours. With kids/at home, we talk a lot and spend tons of time together, but it is different. On a couples trip, we can talk UNINTERRUPTED for 12 hours on anything and nothing. At home, that would be a 5-10 minute conversation which would then turn into stuff related to home and kids. Don't get me wrong, we have an awesome day to day relationship, but I truly cherish our couple trips.

DH and I are not great at the whole dinner date night thing. He eats super fast and we are out of any restaurant in 1 hr and then we just end up going home. We really should do more local couple day trips - except then we can never resist bringing our kids along. We like being with our kids

Anyway - no real advice other than to cherish your adult time together. It really is a different dynamic than when you are with your kids. And no, it certainly does not have to happen on vacation. Relationships develop in all kinds of ways. I simply find vacation an ideal way to spend uninterrupted time together.

 

[Dimplenose]

There is no right answer to your question but we've just had our first child free trip and it was wonderful. OK, our kids are much older than yours but I still had a pang of guilt when I booked and I missed them on occasion whilst there but we had a great time.

DH didn't feel guilty at all and he really enjoyed having time together in our favourite place without having to referee arguments and without having to lose his wife because she had to go and deal with stroppy, overtired offspring.

Now that you've booked it stop worrying and enjoy a special time with your DH. Accept there will be moments that you wished you'd brought the kids, but then I'm sure there were moments on your family trips when you wished you hadn't.

 

[Lisa_C]

I'm going to go against the grain and say go for it. I left my then 3 year and 11 year old behind for two weeks in July for Florida. I did Disney, Universal and a cruise. I felt guilty at leaving my DD as it was the day after her birthday, but it was something that I needed to do for me. I took them back the following February for two weeks, with a 7 day cruise included.
However, it was their first trip to Florida and they didn't actually know what they were missing. We've not been back since and they are now 10 and 17, plus I've got one more on the way now.
I do spend a lot of time in DLP and Paris with them. Well I did up until February when my 18 year old decided to loose two passports and that it wasn't worth replacing it! So three trips later it's just us and DD.
I will add though, I've been twice without her in the past 18 months, but she is having her own Daddy/Daughter trip in February while I enjoy half term at home. There's a balance in our family and we all know that it won't kill us to miss a trip, especially when we know one is planned just around the corner

 

[PrincessHi]

Where did I say it's only for families??? I said "when you've got kids at home who know how awesome Disney is" I've only ever been on adult only trips to Disney. If OP is feeling guilty then she knows her kids are going to be disappointed that they're getting "left behind" I personally (the only way I can comment) would not feel comfortable going to Disney and leaving children behind unless they were older and would rather not come. If it was going to upset them I'd save Disney as a family trip and go somewhere different as a grown up trip. There's a lot of world out there and now I'm a parent I realise a lot of it is hard to get to with children in tow.

I obviously misinterpreted you but I was going from the statement that

"if I wanted a grown up, alone time sort of stress free break it wouldn't be a Disney trip I'd plan. Why not go somewhere relaxing without the kids that they'd find "boring" and save Disney for a family trip? Or go to Vegas or New York or somewhere it's difficult to take kids to."

which to me sounded like you thought Disney was a family type of vacation place and not the best place for an adult vacation.

 

[tinkerpea]

I always think it's a horrible thing to do to travel to Disney without kids (when you've got them at home and they know how awesome Disney is)

Also if I wanted a grown up, alone time sort of stress free break it wouldn't be a Disney trip I'd plan.

Why not go somewhere relaxing without the kids that they'd find "boring" and save Disney for a family trip? Or go to Vegas or New York or somewhere it's difficult to take kids to.

I wouldn't go somewhere relaxing as I would be bored!
I feel that the point of a holiday is to enjoy it,why book a trip that neither I nor my husband would enjoy?
We do not gamble,and can't stand lying on a beach,it doesn't leave much left over.

 

[tinkerpea]

Thank you for all of your replies,
If it had been a trip anywhere else I'm not sure I would feel the same,of course leaving your kids at anytime you will feel something,
I do believe if we didn't take the kids already every yr for 3wks at a time, then taking a disney adult trip might be the wrong thing to do,however they have been to disney world pretty much every yr since birth.

Dh and I do not do beach trips,I remember taking the kids to tenerife and being bored for most of it,
And we don't gamble.
I know many have said about waiting till the boys are older,and I would totally agree if it wasn't for the fact I have a life threatening disease that they call a time bomb in my head,I may never get the chance to take that adult trip if I wait.

Now that may make people think that I definitely shouldn't go without the kids...and in many ways I agree,
But I also want my husband to have fun with me,while I still can.
We will be taking the boys to dlp in the summer,
My boys know that I've been very sick,and I actually believe if they knew we was going to disney although they would be disappointed,they wouldn't begrudge me the trip.
I'm going to think about it some more,but there is no where else I'd like to visit I'm well travelled from a young age and have been to so many different countries, no where gets me as excited as disney,and going anywhere else just so I don't feel guilty seems a waste of time and money.
There is so many things and so much I'd do different if it was adults only....
I do hope I'm not a horrible person if we choose to go it alone,

Again thank you for your views,they are appreciated,

 

[torsie24]

Of course your not a horrible person.

We're not able to go every year. More like once every three. So WDW trips to us are a lot rarer and therefore we wouldn't be fair going without DD from now on. Also we've had a lot of adult only trips to all over the world so I'm not really concerned in child-free trips as they are the trips we've always dreamt of. Everyone is going to have different preferences and opinions based on past experience.

My parents never left me for 2 weeks until I was away at university so that's how I plan to be.

You also have very unusual circumstances so do what feels best for you. X

 

[Elise79]

I wouldn't go somewhere relaxing as I would be bored!
I feel that the point of a holiday is to enjoy it,why book a trip that neither I nor my husband would enjoy?
We do not gamble,and can't stand lying on a beach,it doesn't leave much left over.

Thank you for all of your replies,
If it had been a trip anywhere else I'm not sure I would feel the same,of course leaving your kids at anytime you will feel something,
I do believe if we didn't take the kids already every yr for 3wks at a time, then taking a disney adult trip might be the wrong thing to do,however they have been to disney world pretty much every yr since birth.

Dh and I do not do beach trips,I remember taking the kids to tenerife and being bored for most of it,
And we don't gamble.
I know many have said about waiting till the boys are older,and I would totally agree if it wasn't for the fact I have a life threatening disease that they call a time bomb in my head,I may never get the chance to take that adult trip if I wait.

Now that may make people think that I definitely shouldn't go without the kids...and in many ways I agree,
But I also want my husband to have fun with me,while I still can.
We will be taking the boys to dlp in the summer,
My boys know that I've been very sick,and I actually believe if they knew we was going to disney although they would be disappointed,they wouldn't begrudge me the trip.
I'm going to think about it some more,but there is no where else I'd like to visit I'm well travelled from a young age and have been to so many different countries, no where gets me as excited as disney,and going anywhere else just so I don't feel guilty seems a waste of time and money.
There is so many things and so much I'd do different if it was adults only....
I do hope I'm not a horrible person if we choose to go it alone,

Again thank you for your views,they are appreciated,

Why don't you swap the trips - you and your DH go to DLP or maybe a Disney Magic cruise round the Med and then take the boys to WDW later in the year or early 2016?

Our DD is a very lucky little girl in December it will be her 15th trip and she is not quite 6.5yrs. Even with all those trips I would still not go without her as she loves and looks forward to every trip.

DH & I just did a long weekend cruise from Southampton without DD and loved it. We are not gamblers or sit around people either but there was so much to do on the ship we came home exhausted but we loved it and can't wait to do another. I also know DD would have loved it however I didn't feel any guilt as we will take her when she is a bit older but for now for us it is a perfect couples break.

We have also enjoyed NYC without her although that was only a day trip as she stayed with relatives while we went into the city. Again we would like more time to explore. We have done it with her but is was nice without her as we could walk and explore more without the worry.

This might give you something to think about - there is no right or wrong answer just what you feel comfortable with and some options to think about. If you fancied NYC you would be able to change your VA flights fairly easily as they are booked with miles.

 

[irenep]

Thank you for all of your replies,
If it had been a trip anywhere else I'm not sure I would feel the same,of course leaving your kids at anytime you will feel something,
I do believe if we didn't take the kids already every yr for 3wks at a time, then taking a disney adult trip might be the wrong thing to do,however they have been to disney world pretty much every yr since birth.

Dh and I do not do beach trips,I remember taking the kids to tenerife and being bored for most of it,
And we don't gamble.
I know many have said about waiting till the boys are older,and I would totally agree if it wasn't for the fact I have a life threatening disease that they call a time bomb in my head,I may never get the chance to take that adult trip if I wait.

Now that may make people think that I definitely shouldn't go without the kids...and in many ways I agree,
But I also want my husband to have fun with me,while I still can.
We will be taking the boys to dlp in the summer,
My boys know that I've been very sick,and I actually believe if they knew we was going to disney although they would be disappointed,they wouldn't begrudge me the trip.
I'm going to think about it some more,but there is no where else I'd like to visit I'm well travelled from a young age and have been to so many different countries, no where gets me as excited as disney,and going anywhere else just so I don't feel guilty seems a waste of time and money.
There is so many things and so much I'd do different if it was adults only....
I do hope I'm not a horrible person if we choose to go it alone,

Again thank you for your views,they are appreciated,

Sounds like you and your DH both need this trip alone and I completely get where you are coming from about going to WDW - you know you would have a great time there and like you say, why spend a load of money somewhere else when that is where you really want to be?
You have every right and reason to go on this holiday and not feel guilty about it. Your kids have been plenty of times with you and seem able to cope with not going along.
Why is it us mums are made to feel guilty or bad parents just because we are not with our kids 365 days a year? loads of dads go away on trips and it is never questioned?

Hope you are able to make the choice that suits you and not others - only you can decide (don't feel bad whatever you choose)

 

[Jakejosh4]

My Husband and I have a spa weekend coming up as we all need couples time to get back in touch with each other as life is busy and chaotic at times with children. But me personally I could not go to Disney without my children whilst they are still young. If they were older and not interested then that would be different, everyone has their own values, ideas and reasons. My friend thinks we are wrong having a weekend away as she can not ever imagine leaving her children at all.

 

[m1ckeymouse]

Hi Cindy

Knowing you, your situation and family very well, all I can say is PLEASE go and enjoy yourself! We will be very dissapointed if you don't.

Lots of love and hugs
Sx

 

[Ware Bears]

We never went away without our DDs - we didn't want to (which was just as well as neither set of grandparents were willing to have them stay overnight let alone look after them for a week!) but I wouldn't think you were wrong if you did, every one has different circumstances and has to make their own decisions based on what they're comfortable with.

Now our DDs are all grown up we went for our first child free trip in nearly 25 years this summer (not Disney, mind) and I was quite surprised to find I didn't miss them at all! Will probably miss them quite a bit next year when we do Disney again but mostly DH and I are looking forward to pleasing ourselves!

Now that you've booked, don't waste time and energy on feeling guilty - go and enjoy yourself and before you know it, you'll be looking at a countdown for the next family trip.

 

[ukool]

I think id feel guilty at first but after a few days peace im sure id be fine. Your boys have been before and your planning on taking them again, you sound like you deserve a break. If they had never been then it would be different.

 

[tinkerpea]

I'm still undecided,however dh is pretty much set that he really wants us to have this time away,
And due to him never asking for anything ever!! Then I'm inclined to let him have this since its clearly important to him...

However due to us not taking the boys,I'm managing to swindle dlp for 4 nights and the 7 night cruise instead of 5 along with 15nights at disney in April may or October 2016, depending on what we think the boys would prefer holiday time wise,.
I've spoken to the boys again,and they said that we deserve to have a trip away alone..
And that they want us to have a holiday while I'm well, the fact they love their nan alot helps,
They just don't need to know it's disney.
And even then I now believe that they wouldn't be as upset if they know that they are going to dlp to make up for it, since there so excited to get on the upside down space mountain.

 

[Dimplenose]

Go for it!

It is important for your DH to have some time with just you while you are well.

Your kids are looking forward to DLP and are more than happy for you to have an adult trip.

Stop feeling guilty (I know you won't, but try) and enjoy some special time in a special place with DH.

(Now I will get off my soapbox!)

 

[1andrea]

Ive booked an adults trip for February, just me and my partner.

My daughter is 14 and we all went in August this year and hopefully will be going again in July next year so although I feel guilty, on this trip I want to do what we want to do and what my daughter hates!
x

 

[tinkerpea]

Ive booked an adults trip for February, just me and my partner.

My daughter is 14 and we all went in August this year and hopefully will be going again in July next year so although I feel guilty, on this trip I want to do what we want to do and what my daughter hates!
x

I think this is what I'd enjoy about the trip,doing bits I'd like to do....
My kids bring me so much joy and they are what have kept me going and fighting this awful tumour and illness! However due to that I holiday different,I need to be able to rest during the afternoon and go out at night when it's cooler, there idea of resting is daddy throwing them around in the pool,and me being a shark! Lmao.
I'd like to also not do ride ride ride,constantly or have to sit alone when I can't keep up..

We have just decided to book 5 nights at dlp for next September with the boys,I looked yesterday and the deal is too good to pass up,
And so I'm swaying towards dh and I carrying on our plans to do the trip,even If we choose to go somewhere they wouldn't be jumping to go to,I'd feel a degree of guilt,and find something that they would have enjoyed.
So I think Ive hopefully earnt the trip to somewhere I love to go,since last yr they was on the thought process of me not making my 30th..