booked adult trip buy now feeling guilty! what would you do?

[tinkerpea]

Ok,so we booked last month a disney dream 4 night cruise " our 1st one"
Followed by 9 nights at Akl...

However I now feel so guilty about not taking our boys who will be just over 12 half,and our twins 10.

We got a great deal on cruise and have used our miles for the flight so they only cost £215 each with virgin.
The last 2 trips we have taken,the kids have argued non-stop! My tween wants to do everything his own way, ( going through that selfish stage) lol they even argue over which bed there going to sleep in,as last time we was at Ssr and one could sleep in the lounge!!

So we took them for 16 nights last November and 3wks in June.
And said it would be last time we took oldest trying g to get him to you know think and behave haha" shame he knows that's a threat we will never go through with"
Which in turn gave dh the idea to go it alone.
The kids refuse to nap,as there not BABIES even though we nap,which means they are too tired at night when we go out,and I'm not a rope drop person..

So it's my 30th birthday in July but we can't go then due to dh work,plus I'm due yet again more damn surgery so he said we should go in May for a birthday trip, and to get some quality adult time.
Due to the fact I've been so sick for the last few years,we haven't had much time where I've been well,
And I do know it would be so much fun to do what we wanted,selfish I know.

Anyways Sorry for long post,but
Would you go without your kids? I'm so thinking of postponing till we can afford to take them, but dh has said no as he thinks I deserve to have a stress free bday.
We're taking the boys back in either may or October 2016 for 3wks & surprising them with a 7 night disney cruise..just waiting on the may onwards prices to be available.
They think we're going to Mexico,as we did let them know we was thinking about taking a trip,and they have said they don't mind.
However if they knew it was disney it would he a whole other story.

 

[G2MAmber]

Following along! We are taking a kid free trip in January and I'm starting to feel that guilt too :/

 

[Caseheidi]

I think you deserve a grown up trip, and have no reason to feel guilty. It is important for couples to take time away from the kids and remember the joy of just your relationship. Of course you are going to miss them while you are gone, but think how much better the next trip with them will be because you two enjoyed this one on your own. And maybe your boys will realize that they need to make a better effort on trips moving forward.

Go and enjoy your trip guilt free! You deserve it.

 

[haj697]

My DH and I have an adults only trip to WDW coming up in January. We booked it as soon as we got home from our family trip in June. While on that trip, I asked my DH how long it would be before we could go back on our own. I was getting tired of the whining from our kids, not being able to have a conversation without them chiming in and just having some time to ourselves.

That being said, every once in a while, I will feel a little guilty that we are going without them. But all of my married friends w/kids say that we need to do this for ourselves. Our oldest is almost 13 and my DH and I have only been away twice without them (once for 3 nights and once for 1 night). We have not yet told them that we are going away and even when we do, we probably won't tell them that we are going to WDW.

So I say, take some time for yourselves. Don't think of it as being selfish.

 

[Elise79]

Personally, I wouldn't go without DD for 2 weeks. Disney holidays are family time - it's the only time the three of us get away from most of the everyday stress.

How about booking a trip somewhere else? You could have a short break as a couple. What about a cruise from Southampton?

 

[torsie24]

I always think it's a horrible thing to do to travel to Disney without kids (when you've got them at home and they know how awesome Disney is)

Also if I wanted a grown up, alone time sort of stress free break it wouldn't be a Disney trip I'd plan.

Why not go somewhere relaxing without the kids that they'd find "boring" and save Disney for a family trip? Or go to Vegas or New York or somewhere it's difficult to take kids to.

 

[flortlebap]

We have done two trips without the kids and we are considering a third next year.

Our family trips are two weeks long, our couple trips are between 7 and 9 days. I wouldn't push to two weeks as that's a little long, but you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I must admit I did feel a little guilty, but to get round it we make sure we have one good family holiday a few weeks before and let the kids choose where they want to go. They've never really batted an eyelid (although we never tell them we are going to disney - we just tell them we are off to florida!).

You don't get to see as much when you have kids so it's really nice to go at an adult pace and be able to enjoy restaurants, bars/evening entertainment, and not have to worry about pleasing everyone, which is impossible in a large family. I say go and enjoy - life's too short!

 

[Minniesgal]

Personally I would love to go without the kids and do all the stuff they wouldn't do. Don't feel guilty go and enjoy

 

[PrincessHi]

I always think it's a horrible thing to do to travel to Disney without kids (when you've got them at home and they know how awesome Disney is) Also if I wanted a grown up, alone time sort of stress free break it wouldn't be a Disney trip I'd plan. Why not go somewhere relaxing without the kids that they'd find "boring" and save Disney for a family trip? Or go to Vegas or New York or somewhere it's difficult to take kids to.

Well, as a child free solo adult traveller I definitely disagree about it only being for families but also why should they go for a holiday somewhere they'd like less - just as some sort of self punishment for wanting a break? That just seems crazy to me. If you are going to take an adults only holiday (and I'm sure you need and deserve) then you might as well make the best of it!

 

[wilma-bride]

As somebody who has travelled regularly to Disney without my kids, this is something I feel pretty strongly about. You definitely shouldn't feel guilty as it is just as important to foster your relationship with each other as adults as it is to spend quality family time together.

For DH and I, we love the freedom of being able to eat what we want, when we want, have a few drinks and relax without having to worry about one of us being 'responsible' for our DS. Being able to just wander around the parks without having to listen to the whining about how long the lines are, choosing to ride or not ride something depending on whether we feel like it, sleeping in if we want, getting up early if we want. I could go on and on about the advantages.

Essentially, there is no right or wrong answer and everybody will have different opinions but to say that it is 'horrible' to go without your kids, to me, is very narrow-minded. We love our trips to Disney with our kids but as you grow up and your kids get older, you realise that it is just as important to spend time together as a couple as it is to be a family and if you choose to spend that time together in a place that you love, who cares if the kids don't get to go this one time. Luckily, my kids are well-rounded enough to understand that they don't get to go on every trip that we take. They don't miss out or lose out and they don't feel abandoned or unloved.

I have seen too many couples whose kids grow up and leave home and leave behind parents who don't know how to be together, just the two of them. Go, enjoy yourselves, have fun and be a couple!

 

[torsie24]

Well, as a child free solo adult traveller I definitely disagree about it only being for families but also why should they go for a holiday somewhere they'd like less - just as some sort of self punishment for wanting a break? That just seems crazy to me. If you are going to take an adults only holiday (and I'm sure you need and deserve) then you might as well make the best of it!

Where did I say it's only for families??? I said "when you've got kids at home who know how awesome Disney is"

I've only ever been on adult only trips to Disney.

If OP is feeling guilty then she knows her kids are going to be disappointed that they're getting "left behind"

I personally (the only way I can comment) would not feel comfortable going to Disney and leaving children behind unless they were older and would rather not come.

If it was going to upset them I'd save Disney as a family trip and go somewhere different as a grown up trip. There's a lot of world out there and now I'm a parent I realise a lot of it is hard to get to with children in tow.

 

[Portugal1000]

My 14 year old son would be truly devastated if we went to Florida without him. I am not actually sure it would be the same without him anyway and I wonder if we will still go when he is too old to come with us. We have had one trip away without him but he was on a school trip. We went to Bruges for 4 days and it was fantastic. We wanted to go to New York but we always had this strict "we would not be seperated by an ocean" rule until he was at University. I have had to go to US on my own a couple of times with work for two weeks and I felt very uncomfortable about it even though I knew he was with his dad. However, if you know your children will be well cared for at home then I wouldn't feel too guilty.
I am going on the Queen Mary with my mum next year for 4 nights and my son not bothered atall but that's probably because he knows he wouldn't enjoy it. He has the opportunity to do a German exchange trip 1st week of July and I was so excited as I thought we could go to Rome while he is away but guess what he doesn't want to stay in a strangers house and my husband said he would be too nervous about it too so I am out numbered. I think he has a trip to Washington at some point so that will be when we go to New York as we will be close by. I know I sound over protective but I think everyone is different. There are people I work with who seem to resent taking there children on holiday and every year leave them while they go Island hopping or on a cruise. We also have the problem of not being able to leave him with anyone as both sets of parents not really the type who would want to come and stay at our house for a week. I have always been envious of friends who have real hands on grand parents. Thats what I am going to be like, well I say that now.

 

[Elise79]

Where did I say it's only for families??? I said "when you've got kids at home who know how awesome Disney is"

I've only ever been on adult only trips to Disney.

If OP is feeling guilty then she knows her kids are going to be disappointed that they're getting "left behind"

I personally (the only way I can comment) would not feel comfortable going to Disney and leaving children behind unless they were older and would rather not come.

If it was going to upset them I'd save Disney as a family trip and go somewhere different as a grown up trip. There's a lot of world out there and now I'm a parent I realise a lot of it is hard to get to with children in tow.

Torsie - I am 100% in agreement with you!

We have done child free couple trips prior to having DD now we do family trips to WDW. Our DD is 6 now and she always wants to know when the next trip is and where we are staying - she knows far more about WDW than most adults!

I will happily travel to WDW without her once she is older but for now WDW is our family holiday destination.

I also agree couple time is very important - we have just come back from a weekend cruise out of Southampton just the two of us. It was amazing and we did things we couldn't have done with DD there plus we got some quality time with us the two of us.

Personally, I could not go an leave my DD for 2 weeks while I went away on holiday. A long weekend or maybe up to a week would be the most I would do (for now at least).

 

[wayneg]

As Joh says "there is no right or wrong answer" we are all different.

For me personally its not something I would do.
Matt was at University before we went away for a week without him but we had no desire to go away and leave him at home, time off work was always family time. Even now he is 20 we won't cruise without him knowing how much he enjoys it.

So your question "Would you go without your kids?" I would reply no, my personal opinion is you commit to a family life when they are born.

Do I think you (or Joh, or anyone else) should go without children? then its entirely upto you, who is to say I am right with my opinion?

 

[Cyrano]

Torsie - I am 100% in agreement with you!

We have done child free couple trips prior to having DD now we do family trips to WDW. Our DD is 6 now and she always wants to know when the next trip is and where we are staying - she knows far more about WDW than most adults!

I will happily travel to WDW without her once she is older but for now WDW is our family holiday destination.

I also agree couple time is very important - we have just come back from a weekend cruise out of Southampton just the two of us. It was amazing and we did things we couldn't have done with DD there plus we got some quality time with us the two of us.

Personally, I could not go an leave my DD for 2 weeks while I went away on holiday. A long weekend or maybe up to a week would be the most I would do (for now at least).

I'm in the camp of not holidaying without the kids too.
They will be grown up all to soon, when there will be plenty of opportunities to go back to couple only holidays

 

[crabbie1]

Cindy It is your decision and people have strong opinions which sometimes come across as their way or no way. With what you have been through and the fact your hubby is in the forces you shld do what you feel is right for you two. I said never again after my DD now 12 2 years ago was a nightmare but guilt got the better of me so we are taking her in may with db daughter.
We are going away sunday to the lake district on sunday for 4 days for some alone time.we are also hvg an alone trip in december 15 for 8 nights to disney but DD is going to NY with her dad which she is more than happy withx

 

[iheartglaciers]

It's natural to feel guilty, but it's healthy to take an adults only vacation. You deserve it. While it's a long vacation, it seems like you're going overseas, so I see why you're taking a longer than usual trip.

Sure you could go on a non-Disney vacation, but if that's where you want to go, don't change the location just because it will ease some guilt. There are so many things you'll be able to enjoy differently going without kids.

However I may have a unique perspective since I've been to Disney in adult only trips many times pre-kids, so it's not a place I only associate with my family.

 

[scoobydooby]

You have to do what's right for you, none of us know what that is. I took just my daughter in May. DS and hubby went skiing which is what they wanted to do. Did we have a great time? Yes Did I miss my son every second of every day and feel a lot of guilt? Yes as well. It's a tough one, I appreciate your dilemma. What is right for your family may well be different to how other families decide things. Good luck with your decision.

 

[dixonsontour]

I don't think I could go without DD but there is no right or wrong decision.

I did nod along with your tweenager comments.

On our first full day both me and DH were napping and she point blank refused to.

Fortunately after 'words' she was beautifully behaved the rest of the week.

 

[luke]

Where did I say it's only for families??? I said "when you've got kids at home who know how awesome Disney is" I've only ever been on adult only trips to Disney. If OP is feeling guilty then she knows her kids are going to be disappointed that they're getting "left behind" I personally (the only way I can comment) would not feel comfortable going to Disney and leaving children behind unless they were older and would rather not come. If it was going to upset them I'd save Disney as a family trip and go somewhere different as a grown up trip. There's a lot of world out there and now I'm a parent I realise a lot of it is hard to get to with children in tow.

As others have said, I wholeheartedly agree with this.
Not that anyone should tell you what to do yourself, but this is the way I feel.
My mother in law's boyfriend asked if they could take our (2 year old) son on a Disney cruise and even then my answer was no. Selfish I know, but Disney is OUR family thing. I wouldn't want him going (at least at this age) without us any more than i would want to go without my son