Bless me Father for I have sinned....(long confessional)

[PRINCESS VIJA]

OK, I hope people are not offended by my thread title, but I feel I need a confessional (I am not even Catholic!)


I have been out of control for the last 2 weeks. I again did great for 1 week, and then for the next 2 I managed to gain it all back. I can't believe I do this. ANY thoughts on this???? HELP!!!!! I have lost a grand total of .8 # What frustrations. I feel ashamed, and angry and deflated.

I have a Disney trip coming up and I want to loose wt so I am not "miserable" in the world. I better get moving because I have a lot to loose, and time is ticking away.

I also want to get healthy for my kids, DH AND for me! I want to be around for them later in life, and I want to be able to enjoy it. I have had health issues already related to heavy wt, you think that would have scared me, but not enough apparently.

I feel like I let down people when I do this destructive behavior. I feel unworthy at times for peoples support, because I have let them down in the past.

I am tired of feeling like this. Big, lazy, uncomfortable, aches and pains, unhealthy, unhappy. I do feel overwhelmed by everything in my life. How much wt I need to loose, how cluttered it is here, how behind in my projects I am, how much my kids don't speak latvian (major guilt there), my not so good $ management, lack of organization, etc!

I do feel better and motivated when on task and "on", why do I let it slip? ANd not even a little, we are talking MAJOR binging.

I have decided to make a big Mickey poster, and on it put the number of weeks until our trip. Each week I plan on making baby steps toward my goal. This weeks goals are #1 no more eating after 8:00 pm. and Journal everything, even if I am WAY over on points, be accountable to each and every morsel that goes into my mouth.

I also want to be more spiritual in my life. I feel that is missing. I have bought a devotional book, and also a spiritual guide to wt. loss. It is comforting, and I look forward to creating a better relatinship with God. I work weekends, so I am not able to go to church. Our church is small and only has service on Sundays.

I also went to the library and picked up some books on tape that are motivational. I really like these and plan to listen to them in the car.

I want to emmerse myself in the positive and try and learn the most that I can in regards to motivation, spiritual health, and then soon I will continue reading more on healthy choices.

Any other suggestions, or insights?

I am off to go for a walk, it is beautiful right now, and I want to go enjoy it.


Thanks for listening and letting me whine. I have thought about posting this for a while, but I have been unable to. I feel released somewhat and I am feeling a little bit focussed. I will go enjoy my walk, pray a little for guidance and Thank God that you are all in my life!

 

[kamgen]

First and foremost, try not to be so hard on yourself. I know that's a tough one when you KNOW you did bad....but this is a journey and you cannot go backwards, only forward....one step at a time.
And the one person you need to worry about it yourself....the people around you want you to be happy and healthy, but you need to want it yourself and it sounds like you do. So don't let this set you back.....
My motto is "Day by Day, Pound by Pound"...........look at each day as a new beginning....and if you make a mistake one day, remember that you can start over each day.
In terms of spiritual growth, that is a personal thing and by no means do I want to push anything on anyone. But since you are asking, I will say that you need to feel blessed that you are alive, blessed to have family and friends, etc. And treat your body as it should be, it is a blessing, it works hard for you and will be there for you. Sounds strange, but it's how I feel. I feel like I need to be positive about myself, whether I am fat, thin, short or tall.....love myself and the beauty of what is within. It is hard, but I always think about how good I feel to be alive and how great it will feel to reach goal....be proud of myself...

The books and tapes sound like a great way to get started. You might want to try listening to uplifting music and surround yourself with beautiful things living things, family, friends, flowers, animals, etc....
Just some thoughts.

Don't be so hard on yourself and remember you are NOT alone. We ALL have bad days, weeks, and even bad months! Get up each day with a smile and take a deep breath. You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!

PM me if you ever want to chat!

Sorry for rambling........hope it helped!
Kamy

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

First off - HANG IN THERE!! We've all been down that road before. I personally have lost and gained weight so many times and each time I lose it and feel success I vow never to slip but something happens!! I too felt overwhelmed, tired, and angry at myself for not turning things around.

Then about 6 weeks ago I had really had enough. My house was a mess, I had gained weight (5 lbs.) since the New year, and I was just plain annoyed. So what I did is get those colored 3x5 index cards and I made a list of small goals for the week. Little things that seemed so simple but I never found the time to do. I think my first goals were to 1. Do pilates tape 5 times, 2. Go 7 days without a bagel (i was addicted), 3. send thank you notes, 4. read a chapter in a book, 5. clean out underneath bathroom sinks. It was enough to keep me challenged but not so over the top that I wouldn't be able to do it and by the end of the week I felt so good that I made more goals and I've been doing it ever since. The next week I strived to drink less diet soda, another week I upped my water, etc. The point being by making small changes 1 week at a time I've worked into better eating and exercise habits without feeling deprived and I have lost weight. But introducing small changes is easier to accomplish and maintain rather than doing it all at once - whatever works for you will be what you will be able to live with for a long time.

I also started allowing myself treats for achieving a week's goals. One week I didn't finish 1 thing so no treat but I was dang well motivated to succeed the following week. This has had the added bonus of keeping my spending under control b/c now I have to earn what I want.

I have great faith that you can accomplish anything you want to! Keep up your wonderful spirit!

 

[PartyofSix]

The first thing that jumps out at me is when you list the people you want to do your loss for your LAST? I think you do need to do some soul searching and when your done I hope the word ME comes first on your list. You have to do this for you then everyone else is taken care of. You have to make time and list the reasons YOU want this. Second of all I can safely almost wager that your not journaling your food. If you were you would see your bad habits happening to you immediatley so you could correct that problem of eat bad foods day after day and still expecting a loss. I feel your pain most of us have been there and back several times. You have to committ to yourself this is truely what you want and make a plan to do it. It's not as difficult once you put your mind at peace with what you want to accomplish and just make it happen meal by meal snack by snack you can do it. Were all here for you and want to help you in your journey. I'm happy for you that your doing what you can to get your motivational journey on track too. I wish the the best and look forward to seeing a clippee on you soon.

 

[dizneegirl]

It won't do any good to be hard on yourself.

It won't do any good to reward yourself for good behavior.

It won't do any good to try and force yourself to stay on track.

Honestly, the ONLY way you're going to be able to stick to a plan, the ONLY way you're going to lose weight, and the ONLY way you're going to be able to not cheat, is to be ready and just do it.

When you're ready, you'll just know it. You won't have to fight to eat the right things. You won't have to feel cheated for not getting to eat Twinkies, or ice cream, or chips, or whatever your trigger food is. You won't even consider your trigger foods as appetizing any more. You won't even think of them.

And honestly, until you're at that point... you're not going to succeed.

But some day, you'll just know. You'll know that "this is it", and it won't be a struggle any more.

Good luck.

 

[wovenwonder]

{{{{BIG HUGS VIJA!}}}}}


I have a couple suggestions. First -- you always seem to make ALOT of goals at once and they are often long term goals. You are setting yourself up for failure because it is obvious that this is NOT working for you! Try focussing on just ONE DAY at a time. Don't look beyond that ONE DAY! So for tomorrow --- write down 5 things that you ARE GOING TO ACCOMPLISH and then do those five things with no exception! They could even be little tiny goals like flossing your teeth. Just so you can make a goal and accomplish it and feel succesful at it. Then tomorrow night make your 5 goals for the next day -- and so on. Try to focus on short term (very short term) one day at a time goals for now and see how that works for you.

Second --- I am really wondering if WW is the plan for you. If you are stuck on WW and not willing to try something else then try to make of list of the lowest point foods and see what you can do to get the most bang for your buck. You seem to need 'volume' and that is what concerns me. To get the volume that you are seeking with your plan you need to go with the most food you can eat for the less amount of points. There are so many different plans out there --- LOTS just on the WISH board alone. You may want to consider trying something else. I thought the 90/10 plan that I read about last evening sounded interesting -- maybe check in to that. Ofcourse -- YOU know how much better I feel low carbing. There is not any limit to the amount of food I am allowed to eat. But it is amazing how I don't want those large volumes any more - and I actually crave the good food! Research the boards -- and see if there is something else out there that might work better for you.

Good luck Sweetie! Email me over the weekend and let me know how you are doing before you head north!

 

[nativetxn]

Awww, PrincessV, you sound pretty overwhelmed and sad today.

You've already gotten some great advice. I want to add some {{{HUGS}}} and to tell you that I would be willing to bet that every one of us, here on WISH, have been through this very same thing at some time during our lives. I know I've been through it.

I know you have a special WISH buddy in Jody and I know how motivational and helpful she can be. Need another buddy? I'm always here if you need to talk.

Don't beat yourself up over the past. You can't change it, so don't do that to yourself. Just concern yourself with right now.

I think you have the motivation to do this already, or you wouldn't have posted this confession. You have the strength within yourself to do this, you really do.

Now, stand up straight, take a deep breath and smile, beautiful! You have already taken the first steps on a healthy path. If you look back you will find all of your WISH buddies are right behind you. We believe in you! Believe in <b>yourself!</b>

Katholyn

 

[TCKK]

Pricess Vija:

I agree with the others. Just take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. I know you can do it.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Thanks guys, I am actually in tears right now reading your wonderful posts. They are not sad tears, but happy tears. I feel the love and concern and support and encouragement through each and everyone of your posts and PM's. I love you guys, thanks for being there when I needed you.

I love your suggestions, and I am going to print this out for myself and hold tight to it, they are some wonderful ideas, and I will put them to use!

 

[TigH]

Wish I could add to this great advice! Just want to send you some hugs and support! You seem like a very passionate person who does EVERYTHING with lots of vim and vigor! (I hope that's spelled right! ha ha!) Maybe slowing down and trying this baby step thing with the goals is going to take some time to get used to, but you can do it!

GOOD LUCK!

 

[blanq]

Princess Vija,

I am new to WISH, and have lots of weight to lose so am no expert (that's for sure), but I can so relate to your post and want to offer my support too. It's like we KNOW what needs to be done, and we REALLY WANT it, but at times it just is not enough to keep us on track anyway. I hate that when that happens. This time around, I have decided that I just can't look too far out. I am taking it one day at a time. I wake up and I say I am going to do this right today, this minute. I can't think about tomorrow. I can't think about the total pounds. A little at a time, today only...no sorry-for-me-I-blew-it yesterdays or woe-is-me-I-have-a-gazillion-pounds-to-lose tomorrows. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and begin again. We are all here along side of you, pulling for you and plugging along side of you, and we WILL get there Sending prayers and pixie dust your way.

Linda

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

Princess Vija

You know you said a lot that I can relate to so you are certainly not alone. I am also inspired by all the replies to your post and will find them useful.

I had even considered removing my WISH Member tag off my signature because I did not feel worthy I have gone the wrong way. I have been on that gain road still.

Dizneegirl--you are so right!

Thanks everyone! I have been renewed.

 

[karebear1]

Isn't this board full of wonderful, caring people? We are all so lucky!

My sweet daughter gave this to me when she left to go to college. I was very depressed to see my baby girl and best friend leave home, so, knowing how much I love WDW, shef ound this little book. When I am sad or depressed, I read this and it makes me feel better, because I know someone cared enough about me to search for it. It's a little book with Mickey and friends in it- and it's called

HANG IN THERE

Hey you- with the frown!
Say you're down in the dumps?
And the road you've been on
Has been nothing but bumps?

Hold the line- it's not fatal.
I've been right where you stand.
I know just how to help-
So I'll lend you a hand.

First thing is.....remember
You're not all alone.
You've got friends to lean on.
We're as close as the phone (Or in the case the computer- but, that doesn't rhyme! )

We've all been through times
When the plans didn't pan out,
When the deck was stacked wrong,
And we battled self doubt.

It's the way of the world;
It's the cycle of life.
There are glorious highs
And moments of strife.

When you're down, you're not out!
Don't discount your desire.
Push off from the bottom-
Next time you'll go higher.

And if during this life
You fall down now and then,
Don't take it too hard,
You'll stand tall once again.

It's okay- shake it off
And get back on your feet.
Show the rest of the team
You're not easily beat.

That's the way that you are-
You're too good to get down.
Next time, you'll connect.
And you'll take it downtown!

For now, shift your focus,
If your life's in a slump,
Put your mind somewhere else
'Til you're over the hump.

Take a walk. Fill your lungs.
Fresh air's a sure cure. (See- you've already started!!! )
Clear your head and you'll
notice solutions occur.

Fate is fickle, it's true.
But your friends will attest....
Even things that start bad
Can turn out for the best.

Make tough times a lesson-
You'll endure and improve.
And next time you're tested,
You'll make all the right moves.


Here's the thing- don't fall off
When the world's spinning fast,
Just relax and stay steady
As you have in the past.

Keep your shirt, set your jaw,
And wait out the hard times.
If it helps, hum a tune......
Or make up silly rhymes.

Bright days are ahead,
Just wait and you'll see.
Have faith in yourself,
And repeat after me...

"I'm alright! It's okay.
I'm still sailing this ship!
The sea's a bit rough
But I'm tightening my grip."


PrincessVia- how can you go wrong taking advice from Mickey and the your WISH friends. Hang in there- things will look better again!

 

[glo]

Princess....I have nothing to add that everyone else has not stated. I do want to tell you that you have what you need deep onside you. You will find that determination, and will power because you want to loose weight and you have a purpose to do so, and I do not mean the trip, but your helath and family.


I have faith in you...I know it is deep inside you. You can find it, just go looking.


I once weighed 205 pounds, and I am only 5 ft tall. I could not walk up 10 steps without panting. I could not run and to be honest buying clothes was close to impossible. I teach and the kids made comments, and when my DH would get really mad, he would bring up the weight. I felt everyone judged me on how I looked. One person helped me see that I could be different, and that is all it took.


I know you can put your mind to it. The road is going to be bumpy and difficult, but we will all be here along the way. If you need a boost YELL!!! I will come running...

hugs and hang in there

 

[KathyTX]

Oh, Vija, sweetie!!!!

There's really nothing new I can add, except my support for you.

All I can say is that you seem so overwhelmed right now. I think you're a "caretaker" kind of personality, right? You feel tremendous responsibility for those you love, and want to take care of them and make everything right for them always. You're giving all your love and energy, and they're incredibly lucky to have you!!! Maybe the only thing you forgot was that somebody needs to take care of Vija.

Really, it's okay if the house is messy. It's okay if the kids have a bowl of cereal for dinner, or if you haven't taught them Latvian. It's okay if you want to sleep in on Saturdays sometimes. It's okay if you have a list of projects you haven't completed (or even started!) It's okay if you want to lock yourself in your room with a glass of wine and a good book for an hour or so.

You set your goals for yourself so high that Superwoman herself would feel overwhelmed.

The comments about starting with only small daily goals make a lot of sense. Be a little nicer to Vija, and try not to punish her for not being superhuman. She's a really nice lady and loving mother, and I think you'd like her!

 

[Debbie]

(((((HUGS))))) Princess V. I can't add any words of wisdom, but know that we are all rooting for you. Take care!



Somebody changed my art! NUTS

 

[lmhall2000]

Focus on all the GREAT things you do for your children, family & friends. Find out what makes you happy- one of my happy times is spending some park time with the kids- we all play and swing and I have to be active- it's a great way to pass the time without food. I also want my children to have great eating habits- our snacks are always veggies and fruits. I had told my son to make sure I don't eat any french fries this month (he's 7- and likes the fact he's my physical trainer- he makes me race him all the time- ugh!!) and they all had Backyard burger at the table (I had my slim-fast) and I REALLY wanted a fry! My son looked at me and said- "Mom, you can have just one fry a month." I almost cracked up and relished that one fry he "let" me have.
But as I ate it and looked at my very healthy three young-uns (they get take out once a month- so they are generally very healthy) I realized that the french fry didn't taste that great, and I only ate half of it. Food is such a small itty bitty part of us and really does not provide the pleasure we think it does when we look around us and see our children, our family, flowers growing, weather changing etc. Put it into perspective and I can honestly say my discipline has been strenghthened through my faith- I turn to God daily for encouragement and He always comes through.
I think it's a great idea to have a short-goal chart- and once you notice the pounds going off it's much easier to stick to something. I have to do something like Slim-Fast because it limits my selections- my downfall is in getting proper portions and having two meals already cut out for me means I only have one meal I could possibly overdue- but actually I'm not as hungry- and I have the energy to do 6am walks daily now. I only plan to do it for April then try eating smaller meals- but if I catch myself not losing I'll jump back on. I've been on the weight yo-yo awhile in 9th grade I weighed- 110lb. 10th grade 210lb first year college 120lb, when I was married I weighed 135lb(much healthier for me I'm 5'8. After two years of marriage I gained 15 pounds- then became pregnant went up to 210- lost to 190 before I got pregnant 2 years later gained up to 236, got pregnant 10 weeks after the birth of this one- gained 30 pounds to 258! She's now 3 almost 4 and I weighed 236 April 1, 232 April 8 and I am only going down- when I lose the weight I say GOODBYE to that number- I WILL never see it again. Tell yourself that and if you really get a craving or want to eat out- order whatever you want- just eat half of what's on your plate- it's so hard to do but the first couple of times you're able to do it you feel so encouraged!! I'll be praying for you and know that through God you can move mountains- you certainly can lose pounds!
Tara

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

You guys have been so wonderful and encouraging. I am humbled by all the love and care you have all shown me. I think KathyTX is right, I need to take care of Vija! So many things each of you has said has really helped. Each reply has a pearl of wisdom that made me think to myself... I have a lot of work to do, and not just the physical actions to loose the weight, but I am referring to the inner workings of myself, I need to get down to the nitty gritty, but I have to say I am intrigued, and nervously excited about it!

Thank you!!!

these flowers are all for you guys, you have given me so much, now I send you smiles and good cheer!

 

[anniet]

Hey PrincessV-

We've all been there! What wonderful advice everyone has given and in that respect there isn't much more I can add.

I do want to tell you though, that I can relate to the clutter thing and that popped right out of your post at me. When my place is cluttered I feel like my life is out of control and too overwhelmed to even begin picking the place up, so I eat something instead.

Then a friend told me about this great website, www.flylady.net

It teaches you to declutter (and even really clean out!) your place WITHOUT being so overwhelmed. It promotes doing things in babysteps, and really that's what will get us to change any behavior that we want to...we need to take babysteps!

I know when I follow it, I feel better, my energy changes, and it even makes me feel like I am more in control of my eating habits, because I'm less overwhelmed. I hope you check it out and I hope it helps you. I know it took some of the pressure off of me.

I hope your feeling better.


p.s. if it does interest you, DON'T buy the book...I hear all the info you need is on the site.

 

[KathyTX]

Annie, I took a look at the flylady site you posted. What a great site, and so much fun!!! I also have a real clutter problem, complete with the overwhelmed-so-I-might-as-well-give-up attitude.

Thanks for sharing that, I think it will help me!