Black-tie requested…wedding apparel issues. 2nd update -post 137

[clh2]

So, DH and I are invited to a wedding in August. could potentially be a hot…hot…hot day. Attire is black tie requested.

The church is 2 hours away from our house, wedding at 1 pm, reception starts at 5, formal dinner after that. Reception venue is about an hour from the church. We are staying after the reception, about a mile away.

I do not want to be in a floor length dress all darn day. I would love to just skip the wedding; except our DD is a bridesmaid, and she wants us there primarily to keep our Son-in-law company.

so, my question is…can I wear something else to the church, that is nice, but not floor length?

That time of year, it can easily be 90-95, which just is miserable.

The only good news is; I can wear my “mother of the bride dress” again, and I really liked it. (And, I’ve already discussed this with the Bride’s mom, it is ok, and does not conflict with her attire.). DH can get by with a dark suit, if we had to purchase attire, we simply would not go.

 

[HopperFan]

So, DH and I are invited to a wedding in August. could potentially be a hot…hot…hot day. Attire is black tie requested.

The church is 2 hours away from our house, wedding at 1 pm, reception starts at 5, formal dinner after that. Reception venue is about an hour from the church. We are staying after the reception, about a mile away.

I do not want to be in a floor length dress all darn day. I would love to just skip the wedding; except our DD is a bridesmaid, and she wants us there primarily to keep our Son-in-law company.

so, my question is…can I wear something else to the church, that is nice, but not floor length?

That time of year, it can easily be 90-95, which just is miserable.

The only good news is; I can wear my “mother of the bride dress” again, and I really liked it. (And, I’ve already discussed this with the Bride’s mom, it is ok, and does not conflict with her attire.). DH can get by with a dark suit, if we had to purchase attire, we simply would not go.

MY OPINION - daytime weddings are not formal. 1 pm especially is not a formal time frame. The ceremony should be at earliest 5 pm to require formal wear. I would not be wearing a gown to the wedding at 1 pm. I think you could find a comfortable cool pretty short dress to wear to ceremony where at best you'll be sitting most the time, not in pictures.

Since you look like you'll have a couple hours break before the reception, I'd go to the hotel, freshen up and change into your formal party attire. It could be one reason for the large gap in time between is so folks can formal up for the reception. I mean what are folks supposed to do with the couple hour gap?

 

[HeatherC]

Of course you can! That is a very long gap of time between the wedding and reception. Besides, everyone is looking at the bride. No one will care. And if they do…tough tootsies.

 

[clh2]

Thank you HeatherC and HopperFan. I agree 100% with the “formal up at the hotel” comments!

I will most likely check with the bride’s mom…I would hate to do something and become “that guest” that disregarded the invitation. Unfortunately, attire questions were supposed to be in the FAQ section of the website, but the bride/groom haven’t put any additional info there yet.

 

[prairie_girl]

I can’t imagine having to wear a suit in that heat, never mind a formal gown.

My brother is getting married and dress is cocktail casual. We asked for clarification (because what the heck does that mean) and they said wear anything but jeans lol

 

[NotUrsula]

Dress codes are for the reception, not the ceremony (except insofar as one must respect the modesty code of a particular house of worship.)

For the ceremony, a dressy street length outfit should be perfectly fine, and you can change afterward.

 

[HopperFan]

Thank you HeatherC and HopperFan. I agree 100% with the “formal up at the hotel” comments!

I will most likely check with the bride’s mom…I would hate to do something and become “that guest” that disregarded the invitation. Unfortunately, attire questions were supposed to be in the FAQ section of the website, but the bride/groom haven’t put any additional info there yet.

I honestly don't think you will be that guest. As I typed my first response I was imaging showing up in a formal gown while everyone else around me was in a short cocktail style dress. Having recently spent 11 hours in my MOB formal gown ....................................... I would never want guests to have to do that. I would be the ask forgiveness later guest, I honestly think if you are "fancy" the length won't matter.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

A black tie attire request for a 1pm wedding is honestly laughable. Wear something nice to the wedding - please tell me the ceremony is inside! Save the gown for the reception.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Dress codes are for the reception, not the ceremony (except insofar as one must respect the modesty code of a particular house of worship.)

For the ceremony, a dressy street length outfit should be perfectly fine, and you can change afterward.

Really? That's interesting and I never knew that. Thanks for sharing!

OP - I vote for going more casual at the ceremony and then fancy-ing it up for the evening. Have fun!!

 

[kymom99]

Thankfully I don’t get invited to black tie events.

 

[DLgal]

Two outfits. One for the ceremony (whatever you'd typically wear to a church service if it's in a church). Formal gown for reception, BUT there is no rule that a formal dress needs to be floor length. I am short and floor length dresses make me look stupid, so I often wear a just below knee length formal gown when needed (Marine Corps Balls). It's an option.

 

[georgina]

Thankfully I don’t get invited to black tie events.

Yeah, our family weddings tend to be outside somewhere under a tree. Our Dd got married in a church, but 8 or her 9 married cousins did it outdoors!

 

[clh2]

Two outfits. One for the ceremony (whatever you'd typically wear to a church service if it's in a church). Formal gown for reception, BUT there is no rule that a formal dress needs to be floor length. I am short and floor length dresses make me look stupid, so I often wear a just below knee length formal gown when needed (Marine Corps Balls). It's an option.

The bride made a point of stating “floor length” dresses at her shower last weekend. (Someone asked and she suggested Rent-the-Runway if you don’t have one.). I’m just glad I have something long. I’m not fond of the neckline without the jacket on…but if it is warm, my jacket will be off, heck…I won’t need to look at pictures!

 

[disneychrista]

Excuse my ignorance but isn't a wedding reception really just a party? Why do you need to be in a floor length formal gown to eat, drink & dance?

 

[_19disnA]

Is the bride always this presumptuous in her expectations? I think she has looked at one too many bride's fashion magazines. Wear whatever good clothes you want to the church and then change at the hotel into your reception attire. For those who weren't at the shower, how would they know that 'floor length' dresses are expected? Even if the wedding invite said 'black tie requested' (or something similar), there is quite a bit that would fit into that category.

It isn't like some 'bouncer' is going to be at the entrance to the reception refusing to let you in if your attire isn't deemed 'formal' enough.

 

[HopperFan]

Two outfits. One for the ceremony (whatever you'd typically wear to a church service if it's in a church). Formal gown for reception, BUT there is no rule that a formal dress needs to be floor length. I am short and floor length dresses make me look stupid, so I often wear a just below knee length formal gown when needed (Marine Corps Balls). It's an option.

When DD got married the bridesmaids were doing same fabric/color but they each could pick a style that looked good on them. One of her friends is VERY short and she chose a below the knee length. She looked just as formal as the rest.

 

[DLgal]

The bride made a point of stating “floor length” dresses at her shower last weekend. (Someone asked and she suggested Rent-the-Runway if you don’t have one.). I’m just glad I have something long. I’m not fond of the neckline without the jacket on…but if it is warm, my jacket will be off, heck…I won’t need to look at pictures!

Wow.

That's a bit...much.

 

[HopperFan]

Wow.

That's a bit...much.

Yeah I was thinking Bridezilla after the extra shower info. REALLY? You are telling guests to rent a gown. Has anyone looked at even the rental rates?

RTR and most rentals are membership sites so ... yeah.

DD rented a few dresses for weddings and I was shocked what she paid. This was years ago and I don't think there are many services left that don't require membership.

Honestly if I were told to "rent a formal gown" AS A GUEST, my RSVP would be no thanks.

 

[kymom99]

Yeah I was thinking Bridezilla after the extra shower info. REALLY? You are telling guests to rent a gown. Has anyone looked at even the rental rates?

RTR and most rentals are membership sites so ... yeah.

DD rented a few dresses for weddings and I was shocked what she paid. This was years ago and I don't think there are many services left that don't require membership.

Honestly if I were told to rent a formal gown AS A GUEST, my RSVP would be no thanks.

Same here

 

[mjkacmom]

Excuse my ignorance but isn't a wedding reception really just a party? Why do you need to be in a floor length formal gown to eat, drink & dance?

There are all kinds of wedding receptions, including black tie (which I’m not a fan of). Around here, all men wear at least a suit to weddings.