Birthday Gift Etiquette?

[tlgoblue]

Sorry if I am unclear in what I am about to ask, but I am still trying to pick myself up off the floor!

A few days ago, DS13 asks if he can go to a birthday party sleepover. I ask all the questions, and I know the family fairly well. OK.

Friday, he tells me he wants to get this child a game for his Game Cube or some other type. I said I would consider getting a gift card to EB or Toys r Us or something like that. I was criticized for the fact that the recipient would have to actually put some of his own money toward the game if I did that, and most of the games for this particular platform run $40-$50!

This is just a casual friend mind you. I don't spend that kind of $$ on my nieces or nephews!

Today DS comes home from school and slaps $10 on the table. "That's from ... He woluld rather just have the game than a gift card, and if this helps, feel freee to use it." (OMG! I think I just fainted again!)

Now, I have heard of many different ways to suggest gift ideas. I have even been invited to birthday parties that actually had a gift registry attatched to the invitation. I have never heard of this!

I expressed my disbelief to DS, who went on to tell me that the birthday boy has asked all the invitees for specific items so he won't get any doulbles and have to return anything! That way nobady would feel bad if he had to return anything (HOW THOUGHTFUL!) He told me that he told the birthday boy what I was willing to spend (We had never really discussed price!) and that is why he was willing to chip in!

So, am I out of touch, or are $50 gifts expected these days from school mates? Is this type of prearranged gift giving a part of our new world order?

What I would like to do is give him a $10 gift card, and keep his $10!

I think $20 is a fair amount to spend on a casual friend. I think DS should give his pal back his $$ and if he wants to be a big spender, he can tap his savings account for the difference. What say you?

Tracy

 

[Sandy V.]

Boy, this kid has some nerve. . . what a spoiled brat!!

Stick to your guns, and spend the amount that YOU feel comfortable with. If it were me, I'd send the money back to school with your son and have him hand it back to the boy. (I'd also like to say a few things to the boy about the rudeness of demanding just the right, expensive gift, but that's just me!). I would also have a talk with your son about the incident and the values that your family holds to be important, i.e., the value of the THOUGHTFULNESS of a gift, not its price tag, because I would really be having second thoughts about if I wanted him to even ATTEND this party at all.

$40 to $50 dollars is WAY out of line for birthday gifts for people who are not your relatives or very close friends!!

Good luck with this one.

 

[tar heel]

No way would I spend that kind of $. At age 13, I'd probably go with $15 gift certificate to something like FYE. That will cover the cost of a cd -- if he wants more than that, he'll have to cough up some additional.

 

[mickeyfan1]

Just give him the $10.00 back in an envelope.

Do you think the birthday boy's parents have any input into this? What a lot of nerve. Maybe you should spend the money on an book of good manners for him!

 

[Kimberle]

That is terrible rude.

A gift is a gift, you don't ask. I wonder if his parents know what this child is doing.

I think a $10-20 gift card is a wonderful gift. If it's not enough, he can combine 2-3 card to get 1 game.

With an attitude like that, I'd probably buy him some clothes. I'm one that nearly always gets a gift receipt, too, but this time I sure wouldn't.

Since you know the family, could you call his Mother?

 

[hercamore]

Uh, I'm speechless!

I think the idea of buying him clothes is a good one, LOL.

herc.

 

[peg2001]

Originally posted by Kimberle
, I'd probably buy him some clothes.

Underwear!! Buy him underwear and socks!

Unless it would break DS's heart, I'd just have him skip the party and no gift. I hope you take the time to sit down and explain to DS how wrong this boy's behavior is and why. You don't want him thinking this is ok.

We have set a $10 birthday gift limit on casual friends. Goodness, we rarely spend $40-50 on our own children's birthday gifts.

Best of luck.
Peggy

 

[mommytotwo]

That was very rude of the boy. If your son knows what games the birthday boy already has, maybe you can get a new but cheaper game off of ebay or half.com. I would spend around $15.00-$20.00 depending on the type of gift, and where they have the party.

 

[Grog]

what a spoiled brat!!

That was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read this.

 

[binny]

UGH the nerve of some people!!!


socks work for me!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Wow. How rude!

If I were you, I'd send him a box of Kleenex wrapped up with a note stating that he shouldn't be so snotty.

 

[TINKTWINS]

One of my DS's will be 13 in April, I can tell you right now he WOULD NOT BE GOING TO THAT PARTY. My kid would be steamed at me but to bad. Fifty bucks DO YOU KNOW WHAT FIFTY BUCKS WILL BUY ME IN DISNEY!! I am not spending fifty bucks on some kid, no way, no one spends 50 bucks on me for goodness sake! Come on.

 

[msdznyduck]

I agree, that was really rude of him to even suggest it, let alone give you $10 toward his own gift!! If it is just a sleepover at someone's house, my kids usually give a $15 gift card from Blockbuster, with one of those microwave popcorn buckets, and a candy bar or two in it. For a party that the parents have actually spent money on going somewhere.......we put $20. We figure if they want the kids there at the party, it shouldn't matter what the gift is. And that is usually just a movie/sleepover party.
In this case, I probably would talk with my son about whether he really wanted to go or not, and if he insisted on going, I would go with our usual gift, and not be pressured into buying something that I couldn't afford to spend.
The nerve of some people........I wonder if his parents knew what he was up to, if so, I don't think I would encourage this friendship.
Elaine

 

[RitaZ.]

Well, this is a first for me ... Wow! How rude! If you know the parents, I would call them and explain that you are confused , as their son sent $10 for you to spend toward buying his gift. It's possible that the parents may not know anything about this and if that's the case, they should know.

Good luck!

 

[tw1nsmom]

I think I would call his parents. There is a strong possibility that they don't know about this incident or the assigning of gifts to be bought. I wouldn't allow my child to go and I would tell the parents why. If they do know what their son is doing, then shame on them.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I would talk to the mom and dad to make they know that this is going on. Then, I would buy a modest gift (probably from Wal*Mart) I would resist the urge to give a package of Hanes Classics (though I LOVE this suggestion), but would likely buy a T-shirt with a design on front. There are usually characters and teams my DS likes in the Men's Dept for about $10, sometimes less.

 

[Sandy V.]

tlgoblue, will you please let us know how this turns out? I am very curious to know if your son's "friend" came up with this harebrained idea on his own, or if his parents had a hand in it (I would suspect not, but nothing surprises me!). Thanks!

 

[DISshopkeeper]

$20.00 is MORE than enough to spend on a friend's birthday!!

 

[doxdogy]

How rude of this kid. I would definitely talk to the parents and see if they know what is going on with his party. If my DD had tried anything like that at 13, lets just say it wouldn't be pretty.

 

[letfuller]

unbelievable. I would not have my DD go to the party if that were our situation. It is unnerving to think one could be so presumptuous. $10-15 would be appropriate for a gift.

Good luck!!

Linda