Birthday Etiquette Question

[Megkel]

This honestly is a situational issue for me.

If it's someone I know well, friends with the mom or the dads are friends I would assume it's a family invite. I wouldn't think just one kid was invited or even just the kid.

If my child brought home an invite from school I would assume the invite was just for her.

My children never attended day care so maybe it's different than I think, however if I didn't know the family and my child was invited to a 1 year old's party I would politely decline. I think until school starts parties are a family/close friend thing.

 

[java]

I would not invite the day care kids.
Or

Just invite the day care kids.

Blending worlds gets complicated.

As an aside I never got that brought older kids to parties(I'm talking 5 and up) If I had room when they RSVP'd I would invite the older sibling stay.

 

[pooh136]

I mostly agree with the above. HOWEVER. This is for a first birthday party, and to me, that's a family and friends kind of thing, not a 'kid's friends' kind of party, so it's a bit different. If I'm your friend and you are having a party for your one year old, and you invite me, my hubby, my one year old and my three year old, I wouldn't expect to pay for the three year old since it's a family invitation. It's just different than a kid party. A one year old birthday is an 'everyone' party, not for the kids friends. Personally, I would pay for everyone that was invited.

These are exactly my thoughts too

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

The problem with this stance and young children is that the child cannot attend the party alone, a parent must stay with them. Kids 5 and up (and some younger) can be dropped off at a party when it starts and picked up a few hours later when it's over. So what would you have single parents or parents with spouses who are working during the party.....

Yes, a parent can stay at a young child's party; that goes without staying. If you can't find someone to watch your other children who were not invited, then don't attend. A one year old, either the birthday child or the invitee, won't care!

 

[mjkacmom]

These are exactly my thoughts too

Me too. Every first birthday party I've ever attended is for family and friends, not for friends of the birthday child. I've been to a million birthday parties, most of them out of the home, and hosted many, many myself. I've never had parents brings uninvited children, or if they brought them, they paid for them (when the venue was open to the public).

However, this seems to be a mish-mosh of family and friends, and birthday child's "friends." This makes it more awkward. Most people I know stick with family and friends for the first few years, and then move on to kid-centered parties, where the kids are the ones invited, not the parents.

If it were my party, I'd stick to family and friends, and pay for everyone.

 

[pinoke]

Personally, I'm not a fan of "first parties are usually…."
Its your baby and you should do what you want. Do you want older kids there? If so, imo they need to be included on every level. If not, say so. Something like " to keep it special and not overwhelming for the little ones, please make other arrangements for siblings" Or " since this is a special day for the babies, we would like to limit the children to those under age whatever."
That being said, is the place open to the public? Are you renting a space?

 

[Lisa71]

I think one child and a parent for all kids but additional kids should not be paid for or offered unless they are friends with the child as well. I do not expect people to pay for both of my kids just because one was invited. That can add up quickly as they may have a lot of siblings. We arrange for someone to be home with the other child. I disagree with the package deal. My son is delayed so I come to all his parties but I do not bring his sister. If she is invited I just bring her unless instructed otherwise. Just my opinion but my daughter has a friend who is one of 6...so that would be pricey. With a one year old one parent per child should be expected but I do not feel you need to pay for siblings. I make exceptions quietly (single parent, military, etc)..just my opinion. I do not feel you should have to pay for everyone.!i I would just invite the child and count on a parent.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think you are going to have a mess. Sorry, but that's what I see. One year old babies do not have "friends". They are in day care together, and play beside each other, but not "friends". Unless it is a small home day care where you know the other families, I would not invite daycare at all. The other children are going to be children of your friends. Reality is that the 9 year old in the family may enjoy and like your toddler better than the three year old. You are inviting some whole families, so there will be older kids as well.

Have you visited the bounce place before? How secluded is the toddler area? Remember, ones are very little and some are not even walking. Many places do not enforce the under 3 rule for these areas.

I understand not having it at home but is there another place you could have it where your numbers do not have to be so tight? A church or community building? You could then rent a bounce house and invite whomever you want.

I really get picking and limiting for school age parties, but every first Bday party I have ever been too have been a family friend/family party where everyone comes and celebrates that wonderful first year. I should be a time of celebration for the parents to relax and enjoy...not be stressed out over!

 

[SEA333]

I don't think the question is so much "do I have the right to invite whichever kids I want to" - of course the OP has the right to invite anyone she wants, and yes, only invitees should attend. Siblings who are not invited should NOT attend no matter what the age.

The problem here is that she is really asking "Will my family and friends be offended that I put a note in each invitation that calls out which kids I will pay for and which ones I won't." This is an issue BECAUSE the baby is one year old and doesn't really have friends yet who are not part of a larger family that are likely also considered "friends" of the mother.

So, my thoughts based on what I would do/think:

1. If my child attends daycare with the child in a room specifically for ONE year olds, and none of my other children are in that room , I would feel fine inviting just the one year old. Often with smaller daycares, however, there is a baby/toddler room that can range in age from newborn to 2 1/2 year old, which makes it very feasable that a one year old and a 2 1/2 year old sibling will be in the same room, I would feel obligated to invite both children, but not any older siblings - SO LONG AS this was a daycare/friends ONLY party and I was not really friends with the family outside of daycare. I would not put a note in the invite calling out which kids I would pay for. It seems that it would be understood based on the nature of the relationship.

2. If it is a home daycare and all ages are together and someone has a 1 year old, 3 year old and 5 year old in the daycare with my 1 year old plus maybe even a 9 year old sibling as well, I would invite the whole family. To not invite everyone would be the same to me as a school age kid bringing invites to school and handing them out to a select few and not everyone (which, by the way, is against the rules in every school my kids have attended!). Again, no note neccessary.

3. Family should be invited as a family unit and all kids in the family should be paid for by the host. under no circumstance should a note be put in the invite, nor should any family member be expected to pay for their older kids (which I am assuming would be your neices/nephews?).

4. Non-daycare family friends should be invited as a family unit and all kids in the family should be paid for no matter the age. Again note in the invite.

Like I said in my earlier post, if I received a note in an invite saying that only one of my kids would be paid for, I would decline the invite not because I would want to bring an uninvited sibling, but because I would find the note itself rude.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I don't think the question is so much "do I have the right to invite whichever kids I want to" - of course the OP has the right to invite anyone she wants, and yes, only invitees should attend. Siblings who are not invited should NOT attend no matter what the age.

The problem here is that she is really asking "Will my family and friends be offended that I put a note in each invitation that calls out which kids I will pay for and which ones I won't." This is an issue BECAUSE the baby is one year old and doesn't really have friends yet who are not part of a larger family that are likely also considered "friends" of the mother.

So, my thoughts based on what I would do/think:

1. If my child attends daycare with the child in a room specifically for ONE year olds, and none of my other children are in that room , I would feel fine inviting just the one year old. Often with smaller daycares, however, there is a baby/toddler room that can range in age from newborn to 2 1/2 year old, which makes it very feasable that a one year old and a 2 1/2 year old sibling will be in the same room, I would feel obligated to invite both children, but not any older siblings - SO LONG AS this was a daycare/friends ONLY party and I was not really friends with the family outside of daycare. I would not put a note in the invite calling out which kids I would pay for. It seems that it would be understood based on the nature of the relationship.

2. If it is a home daycare and all ages are together and someone has a 1 year old, 3 year old and 5 year old in the daycare with my 1 year old plus maybe even a 9 year old sibling as well, I would invite the whole family. To not invite everyone would be the same to me as a school age kid bringing invites to school and handing them out to a select few and not everyone (which, by the way, is against the rules in every school my kids have attended!). Again, no note neccessary.

3. Family should be invited as a family unit and all kids in the family should be paid for by the host. under no circumstance should a note be put in the invite, nor should any family member be expected to pay for their older kids (which I am assuming would be your neices/nephews?).

4. Non-daycare family friends should be invited as a family unit and all kids in the family should be paid for no matter the age. Again note in the invite.

Like I said in my earlier post, if I received a note in an invite saying that only one of my kids would be paid for, I would decline the invite not because I would want to bring an uninvited sibling, but because I would find the note itself rude.

Agree!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[cel_disney]

If invitees were kind/smart enough to follow the logical idea that only those that the invite was addressed to are welcome to come, this would not be as big of an issue...but while many in this thread would not think of having others attend, in real life that's not the case....

Just last month at a friends 7th birthday, 6 extra children ended up showing up, most not offering to pay, expecting pizza and cake, and disappointed when only the invited family member got the goodie bag. It was a mess!

So - given that not everyone has the level of etiquette referenced here, a note is the new norm as an alternative to that party day insanity!

In this case - you should skip the daycare kids to get the list under control but in the future - don't expect everyone to have the Manners that DiS members do! And include the note!

 

[Lisa71]

Discussed with a friend who reminded me at her 10 year olds laser tag party a non-invited sibling was brought and the parents had not asked, then the other parent (divorced) was an hour late picking them up. Sigh.

 

[kirstenb1]

I think you are going to have a mess. Sorry, but that's what I see. One year old babies do not have "friends". They are in day care together, and play beside each other, but not "friends". Unless it is a small home day care where you know the other families, I would not invite daycare at all. The other children are going to be children of your friends. Reality is that the 9 year old in the family may enjoy and like your toddler better than the three year old. You are inviting some whole families, so there will be older kids as well.

Have you visited the bounce place before? How secluded is the toddler area? Remember, ones are very little and some are not even walking. Many places do not enforce the under 3 rule for these areas.

I understand not having it at home but is there another place you could have it where your numbers do not have to be so tight? A church or community building? You could then rent a bounce house and invite whomever you want.

I really get picking and limiting for school age parties, but every first Bday party I have ever been too have been a family friend/family party where everyone comes and celebrates that wonderful first year. I should be a time of celebration for the parents to relax and enjoy...not be stressed out over!

Totally agree!! I've have more CEC, skating, movie, laser tag parties, gymnastics for my kids than I can count. But for the first and second birthdays, I always invited the grandparents to our home and any other family who lived close by, and that was it!! I wanted it to be special for the birthday children and grandparents, and I can guarantee you, my parents and in-laws wouldn't be excited about any kids' venue.