birthday dinner etiquette question

[MIGrandma]

OP here. Cupcakes after church it is. I *never* expected this thread to blow up like this. For the record, it was to be a casual, no gifts, come if you can kind of thing with out group who regularly goes out and pays their own way, but it is his birthday ("party?") so that's why I was asking. I'm sorry if I came off as tacky, poor, uneducated, or whatever else my question was considered. Obviously there is no standard here and apparently what some people consider totally normal would greatly offend others. I'll go "plan the party I can afford" and thanks everyone, for your advice!

Oh, OP please don't let a few uppity Disers ruin your plans. You don't even know these people! Don't let them get to you! If you clearly state on the invitations that people will be paying for their own meal and they still choose to come, it's because they wanted to share in the special day you planned. If someone thinks it's "tacky" then they won't come, it's their choice. But go on and have your party, and enjoy the day!!

 

[ManyMinnie]

If I invited people to my DH's birthday dinner, regardless of where it was being held I'd expect to pay for It.

Same here.

If I'm hosting, I will pay for it (regardless of location).

If I am invited to a birthday party (regardless of location) I expect the host (ie, the person that sent the invite) to pay.

 

[goofy4tink]

OP here. Cupcakes after church it is. I *never* expected this thread to blow up like this. For the record, it was to be a casual, no gifts, come if you can kind of thing with out group who regularly goes out and pays their own way, but it is his birthday ("party?") so that's why I was asking. I'm sorry if I came off as tacky, poor, uneducated, or whatever else my question was considered. Obviously there is no standard here and apparently what some people consider totally normal would greatly offend others. I'll go "plan the party I can afford" and thanks everyone, for your advice!

You don't come off as any of those things...tacky, poor uneducated. And for anyone to make you feel that way is just wrong...kind of makes them tacky imho.
But, I digress. Do I think that those that decide to have a party should foot the bill? Yes, but they shouldn't have to go into debt to do it!! There are many ways to have a party. You mention cupcakes after church. Well....does your church have a hall of some kind that you could use for a few hours? Then have some food brought in and eat there? That's what people do at my church. That might be a nice way to celebrate.
Or just call your friends. You say you all get together often, so I am going to assume you are close friends. And these friends would realize that you may not be able to foot the entire bill. You might phrase it as...'Hi Sue. I thought that maybe we could all go out on such and such a date and celebrate Bill's birthday. I can't afford to pay for everything but would like to offer appetizers and desserts. Everyone can order what they want to eat and then pay for it. You in??' and then make that call to the others. I'm sure that your up front honesty would be appreciated and most would be thrilled to participate.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

OP here. Cupcakes after church it is. I *never* expected this thread to blow up like this. For the record, it was to be a casual, no gifts, come if you can kind of thing with out group who regularly goes out and pays their own way, but it is his birthday ("party?") so that's why I was asking. I'm sorry if I came off as tacky, poor, uneducated, or whatever else my question was considered. Obviously there is no standard here and apparently what some people consider totally normal would greatly offend others. I'll go "plan the party I can afford" and thanks everyone, for your advice!

Sounds like a great plan! Hope your DH has a great birthday.

I think a lot of people used this thread (like me) to point out parties they were invited to in their own lives where they were unexpectedly stuck with a bill. You started this thread to ask advice and you got it. I don't think anyone was calling you tacky.