birthday dinner etiquette question

[AustinTink]

I agree with the posters who suggested wording it as "I am taking him out to dinner for his birthday, let me know if you would like to join us." Anything else would imply that you were hosting and paying for a party.

Bring a cake and you will be all set.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

But in this case, the problem wasn't that you had to pay for your own food -- the problem was that you didn't know that going in and then when you got there, you had limited choices. If the host had told you that up front, you would have been able to choose whether or not to attend.

I have no issue with paying my own way at a celebration dinner as long as I know I'm doing that. It's surprising people with the cost that's wrong, IMO.

Well, the first problem was that we had to pay for our own food, period. As this was not clearly implied on the invitation. We could afford to do so, I was just ticked that it wasn't implied on the invitation.

The second problem was being limited to just expensive entree choices.

Soo...two problems on that one!

 

[4HppyCamprs]

when celebrating an event like a birthday, I as the host, would pay the bill. I would not expect guests to pay for their own meal.

My friends/family have done the same as well.

I agree. The Host should pay for the guests unless it is explicitly stated before the party. If it is stated then the guest could decide just to decline if the venue is not in their budget.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Well I've never been to anything like that where my meal was paid for, so I'd go in expecting to pay my own way. Our group (family as well) has always paid our own way and I would just say we're getting together for DH's birthday at xx restaurant on whatever night.

 

[Nennie]

If I received an invite from the wife of the birthday boy to go to a restaurant for a bday dinner, I would assume that the wife
(host) was footing the bill. I would also bring a nice birthday gift.

If it's a friends situation...where the person who asked me to come was a mutual friend (in this case an "organizer" instead of a "host") asked in a way like "A few of us are taking Sue out for to dinner for her birthday" then I would expect to pay my own way, and also chip in extra for the birthday girl. In that case, I might also bring a small gift or card, but would assume that the "gift" was all of us taking that person out to eat.

Since you are the wife, I think you automatically assume the role of the host, and should foot the bill! Have fun!!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

If you had the party at home, you'd be (the only one) paying for the food.
If you had the party in a rented room, you'd be (again the only one) paying for the food.
So if you're having the party in a restaurant, you should be the one paying for the food.

 

[Poohforyou]

If I were hosting a birthday party I would expect to pay for everyone. It isn't any different than if you invited people to your home for the party.

I personally hate situations where the bill is divided equally because I always get the shaft. I don't eat very much and I'm not a big drinker so I always end up paying way more than what my food/drink and tip would be.

 

[ronandannette]

If I was in your position, I'd do one of the following:

1) Just invite the #of people who can comfortably fit in your apt and throw your own party.

2) Invite the people to an inexpensive restaurant (maybe a pizza place) where you can afford to pay for everyone's food.

3) Have a small BBQ at a local park.

4) Tell the 10 people that you are taking your DH out for his birthday and XYZ restaurant and that you'd love for them to join you, but make it clear that everyone pays their own way.

Hope your DH has a great birthday!!!

It think you would have the most satisfactory outcome with Scenario 2 above. Find a place that's within your budget and plan to host there. (It's easiest to do with pizza or chinese; things that are served family style.) You can even look over the menu ahead of time and pre-order. You could word the invitation something like "dinner's on me, drinks are on you", and if any of your friends insist on chipping in, that's a bonus. BTW, if budget is an issue, you should be able to treat 10 people to pizza or similar for about the same amount as putting on a party at home.l

 

[Liberty Belle]

So how would you word it if you wanted to make that clear - that they were paying for themselves - can't really just say, "Bring your wallet!" at the bottom of the invite, lol.

I do like the BBQ idea and would love to have it at my place but seriously, we don't even have a dining room table and just have a loveseat with about 10sq ft of floor space in the living room, it is TINY.

I think if you invite people to celebrate someone's birthday at a restaurant/pub, you should pay for their food and drinks. If you cannot or don't want to, I guess, I think you should just call people and ask them if they want to join you. I wouldn't sent out an invitation and not pay for the guests food.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

so I want to have a birthday dinner for DH but our apartment is way too small (700 square feet!). It will something simple, low-key and fun, just 10ish people. I'm looking into renting a small room if it is available but if not we're having it at a restaurant, someplace like applebees, chilis, etc. My question is this: When you're invited to someones birthday dinner at a restaurant, do you expect to pay for yourself? This is my first time hosting a party at a place like this and I don't know the etiquette. Obviously if we're hosting it at the rented place we'll be providing all the food, drinks, etc but it's looking like it will be at the restaurant. So, what's the proper etiquette here? Thanks!

It depends. When It's just an office type deal where someone says by word of mouth or email, Hey, it's Bob's birthday Thursday. let's take him out to lunch (or dinner) then I'm expecting to pay my own way and a portion of Bob's. But if it's someone like Bob's wife having a party for him and neighbors and co-workers are invited, then I expect that the person having the party for him would pay. Sounds to me like your situation is the latter. Hope that helps.

 

[sam_gordon]

If I was invited to anything at a restaurant (Applebee's, Chile's, TGI Friday's, whatever), I'd assume I'm responsible for my own meal and drinks unless stated otherwise on the invitation.

 

[aprilgail2]

when celebrating an event like a birthday, I as the host, would pay the bill. I would not expect guests to pay for their own meal.

My friends/family have done the same as well.

Exactly- I have NEVER been to a party given anyplace, home, party room, restaurant etc that the guest was EVER expected to go into their own pocket for anything- I would be shocked if I ever was invited to a party and expected to pay- the person hosting the party pays--that is why they are the HOST!

If you had the party at home, you'd be (the only one) paying for the food.
If you had the party in a rented room, you'd be (again the only one) paying for the food.
So if you're having the party in a restaurant, you should be the one paying for the food.

 

[Liberty Belle]

DS was invited to a birthday party at a "fun park" (laser tag, roller rink, mini golf, etc) once. When I called the mom to RSVP she told me, "Since we're in a group, it only costs them $10 each to get in, and snacks and drinks aren't too bad, so he should only need to bring about $20." I had already accepted the invitation and I probably still would have let DS go, but wow - that was a shocker.

 

[richmond282]

If I was invited to anything at a restaurant (Applebee's, Chile's, TGI Friday's, whatever), I'd assume I'm responsible for my own meal and drinks unless stated otherwise on the invitation.

I would too. If I was invited to dinner at a restaurant like Applebee's where I can order off the menu, I would assume I was paying for my own meal. If I was invited to a catered dinner or had a "selective" menu, I would assume the host was paying.
It sounds like what people "assume" depends on where you live and how you were raised.

 

[aprilgail2]

DS was invited to a birthday party at a "fun park" (laser tag, roller rink, mini golf, etc) once. When I called the mom to RSVP she told me, "Since we're in a group, it only costs them $10 each to get in, and snacks and drinks aren't too bad, so he should only need to bring about $20." I had already accepted the invitation and I probably still would have let DS go, but wow - that was a shocker.

Sorry but that is REALLY tacky to invite someone to celebrate with you and expect them to lay out any money!

 

[LongLiveDisney]

DS was invited to a birthday party at a "fun park" (laser tag, roller rink, mini golf, etc) once. When I called the mom to RSVP she told me, "Since we're in a group, it only costs them $10 each to get in, and snacks and drinks aren't too bad, so he should only need to bring about $20." I had already accepted the invitation and I probably still would have let DS go, but wow - that was a shocker.

How tasteless!

I've always thought that the person throwing the party should pay for everything.

 

[Bob NC]

Exactly- I have NEVER been to a party given anyplace, home, party room, restaurant etc that the guest was EVER expected to go into their own pocket for anything- I would be shocked if I ever was invited to a party and expected to pay- the person hosting the party pays--that is why they are the HOST!

Sorry but that is REALLY tacky to invite someone to celebrate with you and expect them to lay out any money!

Got it.

 

[Bluestars]

If the wording was "You are invited to celebrate dh's birthday with us at xyz restaurant" I would assume that you were hosting and party and would be paying. If that is what you want to do, then invite the number that you can pay for. I would figure out what you would spend on renting the hall and food, look at the menu of the place you are going and figure out how many you could pay for, then invite that number. Figure a little high per person to allow for tax, tip, unexpected.

If that isn't what you are going to do, follow a pp's advice and say "I am treating dh to a meal at xyz restaurant for his birthday. If anyone wants to meet us there, paying your own way of course, that would be great." When you are there, you could order two or three appetizers to share.

Yes, I think it should be worded clearly. If I am invited to a party, I don't expect to pay. Not that I mind paying, but if you throw a party for someone, whether it's at a restaurant, house, or rented hall, I think people assume they don't need to contribute to the cost of the event.

I like what ksjayhawks said about wording it clearly so that people will know they have to pay for their own food. Personally, if I invited people to a party for my husband, I would pay for everyone.

 

[sam_gordon]

Here's a question... what constitutes a "party"? To me, a get together at a restaurant where you just put tables together isn't a party (regardless of WHY you're getting together) and I would expect to pay for my meal/drinks.

But a get together at a house, park, or private room of a business IS a "party" and I would be expecting the host to provide meals (at least snacks/appetizers) and non-alcoholic drinks.

Could this be the difference in definitions?

 

[LuLuO]

We went to a birthday party for a family member at a restaurant. The invitation said something like "two soft drinks and appetizers provided from 5pm-6pm." So you could put something like that on the invite.

I think if you are not going to pay for anything then forego the formal invitation and as previous posters have stated call or text and tell the friends that you are taking DH out for dinner and ask them if they'd like to come along.