http://tvclubhouse.bomis.com/forum/messages/1087027/1500975.html?1088968973
\q{The houseguests have entered the bungalow, and, as always, it's my pleasure to introduce them to you.
First we have Adria from Alabama, a girl who says that exercise is her favorite way to pass the time. I'm not buying it. No one lives for an endorphin rush, no matter how good it is.
Next is Diane, another Southern belle, who loves hip hop and rap music. She has a puppy named Snoop Dogg. Not Snoopy, but Snoop Dogg, after the guy who has shizzle in his pizzle or something. Her favorite TV show is "Pimp My Ride." And I hear she has a twin. What do you bet it's Missy Elliott?
There's Drew from Ohio, whose motto is "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Uh, okay. I think what he's trying to say is, alive is better than dead. Remember that.
Contestant Holly, a blonde from L.A., was featured recently on Craig Kilborn's show. She has an infectious laugh, or, as most people would call it, a laugh worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. She'll get booted by the other HGs as soon as she opens her mouth to giggle, but unfortunately, she believes she's a reincarnated cat with nine lives. That means she'll just keep coming back.
Jase, an Illinois firefighter, will no doubt have hair issues. Take a look if you don't believe me.
Long-locked sullen Jennifer is the girl-next-door type. The girl next door to Dracula.
You've all heard about Karen already. You know, "stink pickle" and all that. I know I wanted some original catch phrases, but I guess I wasn't clear that I wouldn't accept one that denoted a rank aroma. Karen is an artist, who paints faces on sports memorabilia. After her exit from the house, look for her first project to be South Park's Mr. Hankey on a catcher's mitt.
On to Lori, a yoga instructor from Boston. Reading over her bio, I see that she loves "The Sopranos" and mafia movies. I predict we'll see some early season drama when someone breaks it to her that Vito Corleone just died.
Next is mortician Marvin, whose motto is "Live life with no regrets." In about three months, I predict that motto will change.
Then we have Michael, who "don't want nuttin' to git in the way of his drames." I'll try to stay out of the way, buckaroo. But keep that prized ten-gallon away from Karen in the middle of the night. You don't want to wake up to find a "stank packle" buried in the brim.
The only over-40 houseguest is Michigan's Mike, a huge supporter of President Bush. Rather than bring old "Survivor" contestants into the house this year, I suggest BB send in Michael Moore.
Scott from Pennsylvania is entering the compound with the philosophy, "No pain, no gain." It might be helpful to repeat this mantra often in preparation for the pain he will experience when he hears that his Playgirl pictorial has hit the internet and has us all shrieking, but not for the reason he thinks.
And last we have nurse Will, who has offered to walk naked (a little bit Richard Hatch) through a pit of snakes (a little bit "Big Brother 2") eating a raccoon's testicles (a little bit hillbilly gay gourmet).
So, it looks like a lively group, and I'm ready to write. Anyone have a pencil? Scott?
Hoppy trails, }