Betrayal

[Jewel1310]

Maybe tomorrow you can get a safe deposit box or see if you can get them to a lawyer. As hard as it would be I would suggest that you set a time limit and say you are only going to look at them for that amount of time and then put them away. Looking at them is probably increasing the stress of the moment. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm so sorry. I have no advice, except to agree with those who've said to get to a doctor. (And stop looking at the pictures.)

He's an idiot. You will be okay - it will just take a while. You might not get over it, but you'll get past it and things will get better.

 

[3boymthr]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I feel blessed that this has not happened to me, but it did happen to my MIL and she let him stay and FIL kept cheating and cheating and cheating for 22 years when finally he left her to go to another country where sleeping with prostitutes was legal : - it turned her into a bitter resentful woman. Don't let that happen to you - kick him to the curb.

ETA - MIL did seem to find cutting up every photo him into confetti very therapeutic.

 

[momof1princess]

i am so, so sorry for what you're going through please take care of yourself. if it will make you feel better, go get checked at the office of another doctor he knows, and when you sign in, loudly announce "i'm here for STD testing because my sleazy bf/husband was having sex with hookers". hehehe, ok, that's evil, i know, but sometimes thinking about a little revenge lightens the mood. seriously, take care of yourself, get tested and make sure those photos are in a SAFE place! you'll likely need them! and don't be embarrassed, YOU didn't do anything wrong.

 

[Stevania]

I'm so sorry. You have to look inside yourself and know that you are better than this, then kick his sorry *** to the curb.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with an unfaithful husband. It is never easy, but you WILL get through it. There are plenty here who have been through it, and many more who are here with big cyber shoulders.

 

[Sparx]

please get yourself checked out.

don't throw away the pictures. i know you'll never forget what you've seen, but don't throw them away. take them to court.

you have nothing to be ashamed of. he cheated on you because HE is an awful person, not because you were a bad wife. YOU are the good spouse. you stayed faithful. never forget that. you were true to your marriage.

consider talking to a counselor. they won't judge you, or hurt your feelings, and they don't really KNOW you outside of their office, kwim? so you don't really have any need to be embarrassed about talking to them.

good luck.

 

[FireDancer]

While you can't control the actions of others you do have control over your reaction to what they do. I have been cheated on, but when it happens the relationship is over. I am not the kind of person that over reacts, but that is something that doesn't get a second chance. I can't say I feel upset about it or mad even, at least not after the first moment of initial shock. The emotion I feel most is disappointment.

I am an "it is what it is" kind of person. I learned this when my father decided his addiction to gambling, and the lying that went along with it, was more important than his family. Trying to change someone is useless unless they want to change. I didn't let his actions effect me emotionally, I realized (perhaps the hard way) that I would decided how to react. I decided I wasn't mad at him or angry at him, or that I hate him. I decided I was disappointed in his decision but accepted it as something I can't change. It makes life much easier to only concentrate on that which you can change.

I think that both negative and positive emotions and feelings are important in life. While we don't like the former, we really can't grow as people if we don't experience them and over come them. If you decide that you will grow because of the experience you will. If you decide it will criple you emotionally, it will. Perhaps my view seems overly simplistic, but I have the gift of being able to set aside emotional in favor of logic when the two are conflicting and find the logical solution is almost always the superior one. I have no idea who I inherited that from since my mom is the stereotypical Sicilian emotional woman, but it sure as heck makes life happier and easier, at least in my humble opinion.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

Can't get him checked out... he's not speaking to ME because I found out!!! What nerve! This guy's a DOCTOR!

Unfortunately, this happens quite often in the hospitals. Usually, male doctors and female nurses (or at least around here). My advice, sue him for infidelity, take half of what he owns, and move along. Most doctors I know are egotistical explicits that think they can do whatever they want. Hire yourself a PI if you have no proof, then hire a really good lawyer.

Betrayal is a horrible feeling and I wish you the best. It will take time but it will get easier over time. Good luck.

 

[phamton]

I'm assuming if you have pictures that you hired a private investigator or did your husband have his own pictures that you found?

 

[Octoberbride03]

I'm going to have the unpopular view here. If that was my husband, he would so have ex in front of it. This was an intentional affair, knowingly seeking this sort of thing out and potentially bringing something home to you.

I hope you can find peace and comfort in your world

I would only call that unpopular in the event that my husband would actually live through the beating. He wouldn't.

 

[FireDancer]

I would only call that unpopular in the event that my husband would actually live through the beating. He wouldn't.

I have to say I think a wife beating her husband for any reason is as bad as a husband beating his wife for any reason. Resorting to violence only makes you as low of a person as he is. No matter who cheated on me I would never resort to hitting them.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. I'm making myself sick looking at the pictures. I just can't believe it. These liasons were taking place 4-5:00 in the morning!!!

OMG pics?

Yeah i will definitely be including you in my prayers.

 

[hellokitty86]

I am so, so sorry.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I have to say I think a wife beating her husband for any reason is as bad as a husband beating his wife for any reason. Resorting to violence only makes you as low of a person as he is. No matter who cheated on me I would never resort to hitting them.

Then that would make you a better person than me. We really do love each other, and our arguments are settled in a very nonviolent manner. Really they are. Cheating with hookers though............ I'm pretty sure I'd break stuff over his head.

 

[FireDancer]

Then that would make you a better person than me. We really do love each other, and our arguments are settled in a very nonviolent manner. Really they are. Cheating with hookers though............ I'm pretty sure I'd break stuff over his head.

As long as you think it is equally acceptable for a husband to beat his wife because of infidelity I have no problem with it. I just don't like the general trend that when the woman beats her husband, even in a situation like this, it is justified while the husband beating the wife in the same situation it is not.

All I ask for is consistency, with that go ahead and beat away.

 

[Octoberbride03]

As long as you think it is equally acceptable for a husband to beat his wife because of infidelity I have no problem with it. I just don't like the general trend that when the woman beats her husband, even in a situation like this, it is justified while the husband beating the wife in the same situation it is not.

All I ask for is consistency, with that go ahead and beat away.

NP... the rule in our house goes whoever cheats first has a beatdown coming. Cross my heart. This was all laid out when were engaged cause of the whole Kobe Bryant thing, was happening. So we laid out our rules

Personally if I cheat, I also want my parents to come down and beat the snot out of me, cause I'd deserve it.

 

[FireDancer]

NP... the rule in our house goes whoever cheats first has a beatdown coming. Cross my heart. This was all laid out when were engaged cause of the whole Kobe Bryant thing, was happening. So we laid out our rules

Personally if I cheat, I also want my parents to come down and beat the snot out of me, cause I'd deserve it.

Fair enough.

 

[bumbershoot]

NP... the rule in our house goes whoever cheats first has a beatdown coming. Cross my heart. This was all laid out when were engaged cause of the whole Kobe Bryant thing, was happening. So we laid out our rules

Personally if I cheat, I also want my parents to come down and beat the snot out of me, cause I'd deserve it.

I love that you had that discussion. I mean, it's kind of sick, but also not.



OP I'm so sorry! Hiring people, YUCK.


FWIW I think the initial confusion was b/c you wrote BF/DH, and BF can mean boyfriend or, in the understanding here, Best Friend.

Are they pictures of the liaisons, or wedding pictures??? I can see either one making you sick right now, but I would urge you to put them away, call your best friend and make her come over to stay with you (or you go there, even if you have to sleep on a couch), and TRY to get some sleep.

 

[Caradana]

You have morals and values and feelings. He probably feels like garbage. Has he said anything to you about it yet?