Behavior Challenge Thread

[bookwormde]

Hi everyone,

DS is doing OK althogh as usual the school waas ill prepared.

C&G's Mama,

Your DD is smart and kind and strong in her own way so she just needs to appreciate that about herself and how special she is. I am sure academically she will blow past her piers with home schooling. DS sounds a lot like my DS where the behavior of other students is one of the biggest frustrations. He will be soon coming to that age where his intellectual capabilities will start to be appreciated by his peers.

GraceluvsWDW,

Grace is always going to be frustrated and there will be the associated anger. She is an amazing mind trapped in a world that she does not understand and that does not understand her. Focus on her gifts and special areas of interest as much as possible. Allow her to be open and honest about her anger so she can "get it out" and begin to figure out how to intellectually rationalize her situation. Self awareness is the best therapy for her situation. Open, honest and frequent discussion of her gifts and challenges and her place in the world is important. She is an amazing gift to the world, but she will never be "typical" so she needs to understand that that is not the goal.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hi everyone,

DS is doing OK althogh as usual the school waas ill prepared.

C&G's Mama,

Your DD is smart and kind and strong in her own way so she just needs to appreciate that about herself and how special she is. I am sure academically she will blow past her piers with home schooling. DS sounds a lot like my DS where the behavior of other students is one of the biggest frustrations. He will be soon coming to that age where his intellectual capabilities will start to be appreciated by his peers.

Bookewormde,

Wouldn't it be nice if the school was prepared, if that happened I think we'd be in schock and not know what to do.

As for DD, you're right. It's hard for her as she is smart but things come slowly to her and home schooling will give her that extra needed time to process stuff. Her talents definitely lie in her compassion and empathy. She is very tuned in for her age and always has been. We tell her that but it's hard for her sometimes as she sees her brother excelling academically and her friends excelling at sports and stuff. There don't seem to be awards and trophies for the compassion. She is an awesome kid. Little kids flock to her, it's funny. She's always been the kid that the teacher would report her sticking up for the underdog.

The SibShops is based on an international program and the one she goes to is run by UNYFEAT (Upstate New York Families for Effective Autism Treatment) It is for kids ages 8 to 12 with siblings on the sprectrum. It is facilitated by a couple of adult leaders and then there are "helpers" that are over 12 and also have siblings on the sprectrum. She loves it. The program uses games and team building techniques. They are able to use a local YMCA camp that has a big building they can play in and a ropes course they have gotten clearance to use for a session. Last session they spent their last time bowling and a pizza party. It gets kids together that "get it". She has friends that just don't understand her brother and don't understand her feelings around it. The SibShops give her a place to have fun, stick up for her brother and vent her frustrations with her brother all at the same time with other kids that are doing the same thing.


It's a journey and we enjoy every minute of it but it's nice to come here with other parents that face some of the same bumps.

Also I go to the monthly board meetings for our school and we have decided to have DD write a letter as to why she agreed to be homeschooled this year (we did get her buy in) in hopes that maybe the adults will listen and change what they can to help all the kids.

 

[3Princesses04]

I know this is a thread that has talked a lot about autism spectrum. But I was wondering if anyone has any tips for my 5 year old DD who has sensory integration issues such that when over-stimulated she insists on spending her life upside down. At home she does gymnastics 12 hours per week to help her cope (among other OT). I'm a little worried about handstands on concrete. I see ER visits in our future unless I can brush her every 90 minutes on the dot...

My 4 year old has SPD and would also live upside down 24/7 if she could. Ask if she could do headstands on the carpet against the wall instead of concrete. My dd also eats upside down. She can't sit at the dining room table without hanging off the chair upside down. Does your daughter go to OT? We go every other week and it has helped a lot. Have you looked into a weighted vest? That might keep her calm so she isn't on the go all day.

I know how hard it can be trying to get all of their stimulation in that they crave without bouncing off the walls (literally). My DD is also ADHD (unmedicated) and it is tough! Sometimes I think I am the one who needs medicated to just deal with her!

 

[Mickeyhead12]

What a horrible day!!! DD met the new psychiatrist yesterday and we have abilify to try starting tonight. The psych said she thinks she's on the spectrum (aspergers?) and has overwhelming, debilitating anxiety. This morning she went and volunteered at a doggie day care. Then she texted me at work and then called to say she wanted me to take her to her volunteer thing at a farm. I couldn't and she just escalated- yelling and crying. Then she finally (40 min later?) calmed down and agreed to go with my mom. Then she refused to leave the farm to go to her tutoring at the library. She eventually went but sat in the car. Then, after she put the seat back in the car, she tried to sit up, her foot slipped on her umbrella and she hit her head on the windshield AND IT CRACKED! She came into the library crying and upset that she damaged my mom's car. It was horrible! She said she just bumped it, didn't hit it hard, and she doesn't even have a mark or lump!

She calmed down and ended up using the computer with her tutor but what an awful day!

She's supposed to start her medicine tonight but she doesn't want to- she's afraid her body won't like it and she'll feel sick. It's a liquid flavored like orange creme so hopefully I can talk her into it without too much fuss and she'll like the flavor. Her sensory stuff is really elevated right now so who knows.

We really need things to calm down. It's been crazy lately and we're all exhausted. Hopefully the new meds will take the edge off.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Mickeyhead12]

She refused to take the medicine. I don't know what else to do. We can't continue to live like this. I'm going to email the psychiatrist tomorrow and see what she suggests. This has just been a long horrible day capping off a long horrible month.

 

[bookwormde]

There are rough days, the trick is to learn from them.

Did you read the full label for Abilify, if memory serves me correctly, when it is prescribed for ASD, social skills are also supposed to be prescribed also as part of the label, so ask you psych.

 

[lovethattink]

Mickeyhead12, I hope things get worked out for you and her soon.


My son has been doing great. We have seen huge improvements in a year. Now the biggest challenge is his memory. Seizures seem to be doing a number on that. Most meltdowns are memory related. Usually where he doesn't remember where he put something. Last night it was a key to open a special lock. Even though the lock came with 2 keys and he had one of the 2. Missing that other one, ruined his whole night.

I am proud that he verbalized how he felt. He said he couldn't calm down, but he knew he'd remember better where he put it if he calmed down. He said he felt so sad and angry and couldn't think about anything other than it was gone.

We put on a movie to side track him. After an hour of whaling and mourning over this key. He calmed down and found it right away. He had burried it in a lego creation he had built.

I put the key on the BIGGEST key chain I could find in the house. Put the other key on another key chain. I had him show me and tell me where he put each key.

 

[Mickeyhead12]

There are rough days, the trick is to learn from them.

Did you read the full label for Abilify, if memory serves me correctly, when it is prescribed for ASD, social skills are also supposed to be prescribed also as part of the label, so ask you psych.

Do you mean that social skills are supposed to be taught or that it helps social skills? DD is supposed to be having a full psychological eval but is too anxious and defended right now. The med's main purpose right now is to lower her anxiety because her zoloft isn't working anymore. The psychiatrist said she has debilitating anxiety.

We're supposed to just keep talking about the positives of taking the medicine and try to convince her to take it. I don't know what else to do.

 

[bookwormde]

That socia skills are to be taught.

 

[Mickeyhead12]

Still no progress getting DD to take the new medicine although I brought it up several times this weekend. The Dr said to just keep talking it up because she needs to be on board for this. The nice thing about the weekend was no random anxiety attacks : ) for her anyway... I actually had one on my way out of the grocery store tonight. I think the stress of all of this is taking it's toll on me. There isn't any relief in sight if she won't try the medicine and I dont know any other way for things to improve.

 

[snow88]

My son is 5 years old and they just diagnosed him with ASD. He has social and behavioral problems. His speech is slightly delayed as well.

My question is if you all have any ideas beside the blanket to get him to calm down. He has melt downs which includes kicking, biting, hitting and sometimes even spitting. Sometimes he makes animal noises and sometimes even screams. It escalates quite quickly. If he's held, then he he's more upset. Sometimes, I distract him by turning on the t.v. but if he is really into it he will sometimes say "no" to everything.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Welcome snow 88. Unfortunately, I do not have any recommendations for you. The meltdowns are something we have to live with. You will find through trial and error what works to help calm (quiet place, etc) but the best thing is to find out what causes the meltdowns and try to avoid those triggers. Not always possible but you'll get better at it as you figure it out. My daughter doesn't like to be touched during a meltdown, but she is getting better about going to her room and calming.

 

[bookwormde]

As said it is very much trial and error, and what works one day may not work the next, especially depending on the depth of the melt down.

One thing that is often missed is just to not intervene and to monitor in as inobtrusive as way as possible. For many kids this lets them unwind quicker than anything else

bookwormde

 

[tadamsmar]

Try evidence-based parenting:

alankazin.com

kazdin's book will probably be best for teaching the parents since it has a DVD. But you can get some good pointers from the website.

Also the books:

Incredible Years
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

Researchers have spent decades studying what motivates children to behave and can now say exactly what discipline methods work and what don't.

 

[snow88]

As said it is very much trial and error, and what works one day may not work the next, especially depending on the depth of the melt down.

One thing that is often missed is just to not intervene and to monitor in as inobtrusive as way as possible. For many kids this lets them unwind quicker than anything else

bookwormde

I've been just letting him be sometimes so he can calm down and like you said sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

He has been so miserable lately. I guess it has been all of the changes with Christmas events, out of school, his college brother coming home, etc. It's been a tough Christmas.

 

[bookwormde]

He is at that age whrere his intalectual capabilites are becoming advanced and his social capabilites are lagging so that creates a lot of frustration.

The more he understands his gifts and challenges the easier it will be for him, not knowing and understning is very difficult

 

[momimouse27]

Hi everyone. I'm new here, and right now I'm feeling very thankful for finding this place. I haven't had time to read the entire thread, but I've read enough to see that you guys' stuff sound so close to what I'm going through.

I have a 9 yr old son with Aspbergers. He is in a public school third grade classroom. He was doing transition, but got pulled for behavior issues. In school, I've found this is code for "we can't get him to act just like the regular kids". He had tantrums but they are significantly less than they used to be. Sometimes once a week, sometimes every other week. But when he has them, he kicks, hits, scratches and rarely he sometimes curses.

My biggest stress comes from worrying about what's going on at school everyday. What will I hear about when he comes home? I see many times, that he's trying so hard, but sometimes he can do it and sometimes not.

There are many times he holds it together while at school, and just falls apart when he gets home. I think he is pretty hard on himself, too, and hates when he can't behave.

I'm seriously considering homeschooling him next year. I have homeschooled both my other girls-one who is in college now. Anyway, it's nice to be here and maybe have a little support.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hi and Welcome.

My son will be 9 next month, has Aspergers and is in 3rd grade. For the most part he doesn't have behavior issues at school but he definitely holds it all in until he gets home.

The school needs to work with you and with him, period. Is there an autism support group in your area to engage ideas and frustrations with other parents? Too often from talking to other parents and reading things on here just like your story the school is either ill-equipped to deal with our kids or just doesn't want to deal.

My son had a horrible year in 2nd grade and is having a great year this year. Part of that is we finally got a good ally in the district and this year's teacher is more understanding. Last year's teacher took it as a power struggle with our son.

We were going to home school him for 3rd grade until this woman from the autism team came, observed him for 2 days and really "got it". We are now homeschooling our NT 6th grader and talk about adding DS for 5th grade. He likes school this year and has a couple of buddies so we don't want to take that away from him. but as he gets older we don't feel he'll get the academics he needs at this school.

We've met other Home Schooling families with kids on the spectrum. Schools have become so cookie cutter that even with a classified kid if they don't fit the mold then the kid is spoiled, mom is doing something wrong etc. It's maddening and you have to decide how much you want to fight and is it worth it.

Keep us posted.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I have an 8 year old (will be 9 in June) daughter with Asperger's. She is in third grade. She is in a private school after much difficulty in public.

Third grade has had it's share of difficulties. My daughter does quite well academically, but struggles with social anxiety. She also does well at school (is shy and quiet) but comes home and is irritable with a short fuse. They started doing timed math tests (30 problems in 60 seconds) and this caused absolute havoc in our home. I couldn't figure out why she was melting down everyday and refusing to go to school in the mornings. It took a lot of sleuthing to figure it out. I explained to the math teacher the difficulty with timed tests (processing issues, anticipatory anxiety) but they insisted and told my dd "it's a tough world, get used to it now". We are suffering through it.

Unfortunately, even a private school can be closed minded and "one size fits all". That just seems to be the world we live in. I am very open with my dd, and we talk about strategies for her when things get rough. Unfortunately, there are things that simply cause blowback on the home front.

I guess I am thankful my dd holds it together at school. Sometimes it feels like things are my fault (that I am not doing enough such as homeschooling, etc), but when we have a breakthrough I know I am teaching her how to work through things and these will be life lessons.

We did find after much trial and error one med that has helped us. It is called Vistaril and it is an antihistamine. When she has a really bad meltdown I will give her one and it calms her down. This has been much needed as her meltdowns were becoming violent and I didn't want to go to a sedative and she had bad reactions to other meds. The vistaril doesn't change her personality or sedate her, it merely brings her out of the hysteria. I don't know why they don't offer these safer alternatives more often.

Anyway, welcome! Glad you brought this thread back to life!

 

[C&G'sMama]

I have an 8 year old (will be 9 in June) daughter with Asperger's. She is in third grade. She is in a private school after much difficulty in public.

Third grade has had it's share of difficulties. My daughter does quite well academically, but struggles with social anxiety. She also does well at school (is shy and quiet) but comes home and is irritable with a short fuse. They started doing timed math tests (30 problems in 60 seconds) and this caused absolute havoc in our home. I couldn't figure out why she was melting down everyday and refusing to go to school in the mornings. It took a lot of sleuthing to figure it out. I explained to the math teacher the difficulty with timed tests (processing issues, anticipatory anxiety) but they insisted and told my dd "it's a tough world, get used to it now". We are suffering through it.

Unfortunately, even a private school can be closed minded and "one size fits all". That just seems to be the world we live in. I am very open with my dd, and we talk about strategies for her when things get rough. Unfortunately, there are things that simply cause blowback on the home front.

I guess I am thankful my dd holds it together at school. Sometimes it feels like things are my fault (that I am not doing enough such as homeschooling, etc), but when we have a breakthrough I know I am teaching her how to work through things and these will be life lessons.

We did find after much trial and error one med that has helped us. It is called Vistaril and it is an antihistamine. When she has a really bad meltdown I will give her one and it calms her down. This has been much needed as her meltdowns were becoming violent and I didn't want to go to a sedative and she had bad reactions to other meds. The vistaril doesn't change her personality or sedate her, it merely brings her out of the hysteria. I don't know why they don't offer these safer alternatives more often.

Anyway, welcome! Glad you brought this thread back to life!

"It's a tough world, get used to it now"?

Ugh. Last year we got a lot of he's being manipulative. We are well aware that our children need to function in the real world and we are doing our best to get them there. And while we do live in a world of deadlines, we usually get more than 60 seconds to meet them. Once again, do you need me to fly down on my broom? because I will!

DS doesn't get full grades in all of his subjects because he doesn't always hand his homework in. I'm okay with that because he needs to learn strategies for not losing things and get them from point A to point B. But again we're working with him in on it.

Have the teacher to do 30 math problems in 60 seconds with problems suitable for her level, let see how she handles it.