C & G'smama,
That's great that you have the opportunity to homeschool your DD. More and more people seem to be homeschooling. I hope it works out well for you.
So great that your DS is loving school! Man, what I would give for that!
My dd is having some issues. I have finally broken down and made an appointment with a psychiatrist to help with DD's aggression. On Sat she was playing with a neighbor girl in her room (I was outside working in the yard) and I heard screaming (and strangely enough it wasn't my dd
) so I ran inside and DD was blocking the door, not letting the girl leave, pushing the girl each time she wanted to leave and the girl was very upset. My dd is also abusing our cat-I have tried to explain to her that the cat cannot say "STOP!" so she needs to be aware that if she hisses or scratches you-you need to stop squeezing or doing what you are doing. It's strange this is happening because we have always had a cat but all of a sudden I will find dd has tied up the cat or locked her in a box or some other mean thing. It's like she doesn't understand the cat doesn't like it-she thinks it's a game.
DD is in counseling with the same counselor she has had for over a year now and the counselor gives me feedback as much as she can. Unfortunately any kind of reasoning from the therapist or myself results in manic aggression that can last for days. In these times she just cannot settle down, cannot reason, and makes very bad choices. She speaks with a snarly angry voice and just repeatedly says "Just leave me alone!".
She won't listen if you infer or mention that perhaps if she changed her behavior she would have better outcome (ie kids would be nicer, kids would want to play, she would have privileges). It seems she just has so much anger bubbling inside. Like everything has just built up to be so insurmountable and she just gives up and is angry. I try to help her as much as possible but she refuses help because she won't admit she needs it-in her mind it is about everyone else having a problem, not her.
And I must admit so much of her difficulty stems from AS related issues-she feels she's being "funny" but comes across quite rude to a peer and also family. A girl at school asked dd "Why don't you talk to me? Do you hate me?" to which my dd replied "Signs point to yes" (which is a magic 8 ball answer-she likes the magic 8 ball) so the girl cried and was so upset and told everyone that dd said "she hates me, she's so mean".
There's a constant need to interpret-in this case to that girl and the parents that dd didn't mean that-she didn't understand the question, or she thought the question was too absurd to answer, or she didn't realize the seriousness of the question, etc. Any possible one of those-how would I know? And when I ask dd she states she "thought it was funny".
I watch a 4 year old for a friend sometimes and interacting with this little girl is so intriguing! The awareness that she has at 4 is so startling in contrast to my own dd, who is twice her age but not near as socially understanding. My dd will barracade herself in her room and I'll play with the 4 year old and she'll ask "why doesn't she like me?" or "Why is she so angry?" and I have to explain that it's not personal, that's it's not about her, that DD just has anger inside her sometimes and needs to be alone.
Sorry for this vent-one positive thing is that dd is separating in the mornings without clinging to me-the school she went to this summer worked on that specific behavior and did an amazing job in using positive reinforcement to stop the behavior (an amazing Sp Ed teacher spent great amount of time in coming up with a plan to do this). DD is still in a small private school which I hope will continue to be okay. I fear that she may become more than they are willing/able to handle and that NOT getting her a Sp Ed scenario will cause her to fail to make the progress she needs. This summer with a great Sp Ed teacher showed me the amazing progress that can be made with someone who "gets" dd's differences.
Unfortunately, we will probably be back to meds soon, clonidine and tenex being the two we are looking at. Both are for anxiety and aggression, I think the tenex also helps with tics which dd doesn't have really, just some wrist flicking and sniffling which I think are stims.
Anyway, I worry so much about her apparent anger and don't want her to be filled with so much rage-at being "different" or feeling like a failure when she cannot control herself. It's a fine line between expecting her to behave decently and realizing that she doesn't have all the tools to do so (which is very difficult when she barks at me or makes a derogatory comment towards me). I give her lots of leeway-allowing her some decompression but at times of her anger she seems to withdraw further and further and becomes more and more alienated and unwilling to adapt to the world. I wish I could find an adult/teenage aspie to mentor her and show her she is capable and has much to be confident about-it seems she sees everyone as "the others" and alienates herself more and more as people misunderstand her and judge her more and more.
Are there any truly happy Aspies out there? I wish I knew how to help her be happy. When I talk to her about it she states she doesn't want to be happy. Which just really breaks my heart.
"This one needs to sit up front, he's not a bad kid, but has tendencies for inappropriate behavior" "This one is a good student and overall a good kid but she talks a lot so she can't sit next to so and so" And on it went. 
