Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

[etoiles]

Hi All,

Not too long ago in April we had our first baby. I have had a rough time going back to work and both Dh and I have been really feeling overwhelmed with everything that comes with working and being parents. I have been considering becoming a stay at home mom and DH has gotten a raise recently which would allow this to be possible. Now that we have both agreed that this is what we can do though I am having a rough time with the thought of quitting my job. I am a teacher and it is not easy to get a teaching job and it is at a school that I enjoy. It is a scary thought to quit and not be able to go back and have a job immediately. However, I think it would be best for all of us if I stayed at home and when I am home with DS I enjoy it immensely.

How did any of you decide to become a stay at home mom? Was it tough turning in your resignation letter or how did you decide to make the transition?

I do have a small business that I can and plan to work on part time at home if I stay at home.

 

[aaarcher86]

I work from home, but didn't initially. I just really wanted to be the one who was home with my kids.

I will say that if you enjoy your job so much I would really take a step back and look at the whole picture. While its tough now, in a few years your baby will be in school and you'll be home. You have a job that allows you to be home with your kids in the summer and on breaks.

Just make sure it's not something that you'll wish you would have pushed through for a little while to get what is IMO the best of both worlds. I'm now transitioning into the teaching field as well with that being one of the perks (not the main, or only reason). It's only been a few months and being a working parent takes some getting used to.

If you guys have gone through the finances and really feel its best, go for it! I'd finish up the school year just to make sure and toss some extra money in the savings.

 

[kirstenb1]

When we were thinking about this, we set aside my salary for a year to make sure we could afford the change. Now since both kids are school age, I substitute teach.

I do know in our rural county, teaching jobs can be hard to come by. Most of our teachers live 20-30 miles away and commute. Only you know how easy it would be to re-enter the workforce if need be.

 

[MrsDrewsky]

Congratulations on your little one! I also had my first baby in April and became a stay at home mom. There is a possibility that DS may be our only child, and I didn't want to miss any of his milestones.

I had to leave my job in January due to edema and pre-e, which made leaving my job easy due to not having a choice. I love being a stay at home mom and don't have any regrets, but sometimes I get a weird feeling like I should be going into work. I don't know how to describe it.

I am mindful of eventually returning to the workforce and am keeping my resume up to date. I am taking a class, doing some freelance work, and I plan to start volunteer tutoring again. Maybe you can continue to volunteer with your school?

For me it was important to continue to contribute financially. I started cloth diapering, meal planning, and learning how to DIY things around the house. I added it up and I had saved our family close to $8k by doing all these things.

I do have DS enrolled in MDO once a week which allows me to catch up on things around the house and my freelance work. DS loves the ladies at MDO and sometimes I think he likes a little break from me.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I've been a SAHM for 6 years. My situation was different, though, I just worked in retail as my "real job" and sang on the side (mostly for free at that time). DH and I always knew I would stay home once we started having kids. Later we decided to homeschool as well, so I do not foresee entering the traditional workforce any time in the near future! But, my "career" choice, singing, allows me to stay home and still sing, I have lessons, rehearsals, and performances on evenings and weekends, and I teach lessons in the evenings. Although I did wait until my kids were no longer babies to jump back in and I'm about to have to take another break.

I don't know anyone who has regretted staying home with their kids. I don't have any advice as far as career, but on the money side, like anything else, if its important to you, you will make it happen. DH makes enough for us to not have to worry about much but there are still things we have had to give up. However I know families getting by with more kids on less money than we have.

 

[jodifla]

I wouldn't give up a good teaching job. As a PP said, it's the perfect job when you have children.

I have friends who have been trying to land teaching jobs for 6 years in our area.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I loved my job and was actually offered a promotion after I had DD, but I decided to become a stay at home mom instead. I have never regretted it, not once.

 

[bdcp]

I quit work in 1983 to stay home with oldest DS. I never regretted it. I tell everyone it was my favorite "job" ever. I went back to work part-time in 1997 when our boys were 12 and 14 and when youngest DS graduated from HS I went to almost full-time (32 hours per week). Now, I came back as a secretary and now am a type of admin, but not secretarial. I make as much as most of the teachers I know too. I volunteered at church and our kids school, keeping my admin skills up and learning computers since they didn't exist in 1983 workplace. I have multiple friends who took time off from teaching to raise their kids and they all went back to work when their kids were about middle school age. All were able to find teaching jobs.

You have to decide what's best for your family, but don't do it just for the money aspect. You'll be surprised when you realize due to lower tax bracket, not commuting, having more time to shop sales, etc. that you won't miss your salary as much as you think you will.

 

[HM]

Those initial weeks of leaving your child in the care of others is tough. It does get easier. If you love your job and where you work, think really hard about this.

My SIL was a math teacher and took off seven years before trying to go back to work. She had a really hard time finding a job. The one she found did not give her credit for her past work and she started again at the bottom of the pay scale (even with a masters) and no guarantee of returning the next year. Luckily, they liked her work and offered her a permanent position this year, but the pay will still not be where it should be.

And make sure you can cover your insurance.

You likely won't miss any milestones (if you're worried about that). I was there for my son's first steps and DH heard his first words. For whatever reason, kids seems to wait until their parents are around for these things.

Good luck deciding.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Those initial weeks of leaving your child in the care of others is tough. It does get easier. If you love your job and where you work, think really hard about this.

My SIL was a math teacher and took off seven years before trying to go back to work. She had a really hard time finding a job. The one she found did not give her credit for her past work and she started again at the bottom of the pay scale (even with a masters) and no guarantee of returning the next year. Luckily, they liked her work and offered her a permanent position this year, but the pay will still not be where it should be.

And make sure you can cover your insurance.

You likely won't miss any milestones (if you're worried about that). I was there for my son's first steps and DH heard his first words. For whatever reason, kids seems to wait until their parents are around for these things.

Good luck deciding.

Although even if you are a SAHM you might miss things! My DD's first steps were in the church nursery, during Wednesday night Bible study.

 

[mhsjax]

Although even if you are a SAHM you might miss things! My DD's first steps were in the church nursery, during Wednesday night Bible study.

I was actually at the other end of my house. My DD and her older brother were watching tv, I was folding clothes and that little stinker walked in to my bedroom. My son said she had been walking around the living room for a while. I had been trying to get her to walk but she just wouldn't do it, then that stinker waited until I left the room. She still has that little stubborn streak in her. lol

 

[Christine]

Those initial weeks of leaving your child in the care of others is tough. It does get easier. If you love your job and where you work, think really hard about this.

My SIL was a math teacher and took off seven years before trying to go back to work. She had a really hard time finding a job. The one she found did not give her credit for her past work and she started again at the bottom of the pay scale (even with a masters) and no guarantee of returning the next year. Luckily, they liked her work and offered her a permanent position this year, but the pay will still not be where it should be.

And make sure you can cover your insurance.

You likely won't miss any milestones (if you're worried about that). I was there for my son's first steps and DH heard his first words. For whatever reason, kids seems to wait until their parents are around for these things.

Good luck deciding.

I think these are good points. I know the OP only really wanted to talk to people who made the choice to be SAHMs, but I think you need to look at all sides.

For most mothers, the first few weeks/months after maternity leave are THE WORST. You are still on some hormonal roller coaster, you've got this tiny baby, and you have to get a whole new routine going. It's so easy to think that staying at home would be a relief. In many ways, it certainly is. I was definitely in this position myself. I chose to continue to work because with two kids, my expenses weren't getting any lower as time went on and my husband wasn't getting any richer!!! I got past that "hump" and things sorted themselves out and I'm glad I didn't make that decision when I wasn't really quite on an even keel yet.

My kids are now 18 and 22 and, to this day, I don't have any regrets. In fact, I'm really happy I stuck it out with my career. I would have never been able to get back in with a long break but I stayed and I'm doing quite well and I am able to pay-as-you-go with two kids in college. I think my kids love me too!!

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything--just merely pointing out the long-term ramications of staying at home. One is often the retirement hit you might take, and two is the long-term savings hit for later down the road.

I think most mothers have no regrets about either choice they make. We might have all those small doubts. I do work with women who did come back into the workforce after their kids were older and we do talk and they wouldn't trade that time; however, they do have a lot of financial issues that they are trying to recover from. I also work with several working mothers, one in particular that has worked and had five children, and she's very happy with her choices and her kids are happy too.

I just think it something you need to give a lot of thought to while you're not tired or hormonal!

 

[firecracker725]

I wouldn't give up a good teaching job. As a PP said, it's the perfect job when you have children.

I have friends who have been trying to land teaching jobs for 6 years in our area.

I quit my teaching job after my second child was born. No regrets. My job at home is much more important to me.

 

[luvavacation]

When my husband and I married 25 years ago, we both hoped that one of us would be able to stay home with the kdis, when they eventually arrived. We both came from homes with SAHMs, and saw many benefits for the children. However, at the time of our marriage we were both young and starting out in our jobs, and the thought of having enough money for one of us to stay home seemed unattainable.

Well, you know what they say about "best laid plans"? Two years after we married, we had our first child! My husband is in a blue collar job, and made more than I did with his overtime, plus for me to keep working and pay for daycare, we would have been in the negative. Knowing that, at least in the field my husband was in, his income would increase through the years, I stopped working and stayed home.

It was an adjustment at first! We struggled financially for years, but I look back now, 23 years after my firstborn, with both children at University, and I say with my whole heart that I do not regret a moment of being home. I am so grateful that I was able to be with my children, and I became the mom that their friends would all come to when school would let out early or there was a snow day, or whatever, and the parents could not leave work, and I did not mind. I would not change a moment. I do not feel any job would have ever given me the deep satisfaction that being a SAHM gave me.

That was me, that may not be you. I will say, my friends with children that kept working through the years, they have a job now that keeps them busy while the children leave for college. They have no need to start anew in the workforce. It is hard to be my age and try to find a career, after years of just little part-time jobs that were just for extra Christmas money, not career-worthy. My friends that kept working are at an advantage now. However, for me, starting at the bottom in any field is still worth it, because I was able to be with my children as they grew. I missed nothing important. I was able to be a Room Mom and volunteered many hours at school. Having a full-time job, I would have missed out on so many things.

If starting at the bottom in a sucky retail job is what I get for staying home, I am fine with that. You will have to decide for yourself if you will be fine with that, too! Will you be fulfilled being a SAHM while your friends that keep working move up in their careers? Every choice has sacrifices, what are you willing to sacrifice? No one choice is best for all people, but for me, I have no regrets. Good luck!

 

[mom2rtk]

Which will you regret more when you are 50? Or 60? Or on your deathbed? You could regret the loss of retirement income and benefits. Or you could regret missing important fleeting moments with your children. You will likely regret something. You are the only one who can say which you will regret more.

I honestly never thought I'd want to be a stay at home mom. But after years of infertility, it just tore me up inside to then turn that precious, long-awaited bundle over to someone else. It was about more than missing the "firsts" though. It was more about feeling like life was just speeding along as a working mother. I just needed it to slow down so I could cherish the moments, be they first moments...... or seconds......or thirds.

I'm at an age now where my siblings are retiring. And some of my contemporaries are starting to talk about retiring. And I can't. Do I wish I could retire soon? Sure. But do I regret the road I took? Nope. I took the path of least regret. For me.

 

[wiigirl]

I quit my job for a while...but since my youngest has been going to school I got a job I can telecommute to. Really happy with working part-time, but would rather be stay at home than work full time.

 

[Erin1700]

Did you school just start and now you want to just walk out?

 

[Peanut Giggleface]

I returned to work after my daughter was born and worked for close to a year until my daughter got sick at daycare. She contracted three different diseases at the same time which landed her in the hospital. This happened on Christmas eve. Christmas morning we woke up to see my daughter laying in bed with IV drip tubes in her arms. We realized then there's no amount of money worth seeing our daughter sick. I returned to work after the christmas break and immediately turned in my resignation. My husband had accepted a new job with a considerable pay increase a couple of months prior to this happening, so staying at home was feasible. I'm not saying this to scare you, it just turned out to be our wake up call about what was most important to us. I've enjoyed being with our kids and it has been the best years of my life. No regrets!!!

 

[Scornelius]

I wouldn't give up a good teaching job. As a PP said, it's the perfect job when you have children.

I have friends who have been trying to land teaching jobs for 6 years in our area.

If you have the money to support yourselves on one income, I don't understand sticking with a job because it gives you time with your kids over actually being with your kids. Once you pay for daycare, ($300-400/w for newborns in my neighbourhood) how much are you actually making? In a teaching job, I can't imagine it being enough to justify all the disruption.

You likely won't miss any milestones (if you're worried about that). I was there for my son's first steps and DH heard his first words. For whatever reason, kids seems to wait until their parents are around for these things.

Good luck deciding.

This made me laugh. As a former daycare worker, I say with kindness that you probably do miss 90% of the milestones, we just have the heart to hand over your precious baby at the end of the day and say "ooooh, I think little Susie is going to walk/talk/roll over/whatever any second now!!!", when they've been doing it all day.

OP, I think you'd find there are many more people who regret not being able to stay home, than regret staying home. You have so many years to work, even if it means climbing the ladder again. Your baby is only a baby once. Good luck with everything!

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I stopped teaching after my second was born. I sat in my classroom and cried and cried. Another teacher told me to look at my baby, look at my two year old, and realize I was doing the right thing.

I still miss it every single August. I know I did the right thing staying home with what was eventually three kids, but now that they are in school, I would love to be there too. Last year, I had the perfect job. I was a first grade assistant. So, I was on my kids' time schedule. After school I started my second job of running my kids around to all of their activities. This year the district cut assistants. So, I am back to volunteering in the classrooms and library. This year I have added the high school which is actually very fun! But, I so miss my lunches with teachers!!

I have 7 years of experience. That doesn't help if I want to get a real teaching job.

I don't regret at all staying home with my kids. People make the assumption that teaching is the best profession for family life. It's not. We work long hours and have to do continuing ed while school is out. I was lucky that the two years I taught with one child my DH could help out if he was sick. But, there were a few times I was in my classroom at 5:30 am making sub plans. I also was one to worry about my school kids as much as my own kids so that didn't help my sleeping at night!

I will say the first month I went back after my oldest was born was hard. It gets easier! I've rambled and haven't helped, but there is just no completely right or wrong answer. Good luck!