Because my 5 yr. old runs, climbs, jumps etc. - why does that make him a "hoodlum"?!?

[transparant]

I really hate venting about my family members - I guess it's a sense of loyalty to them...but right now I just have too!

I spent the day over my parents house for Easter. I rarely get invited over there because I think they think my family is to "large" and it stresses them out.

Well today started off great - we all went to church, and had a great time. By the time we got to my parents house...my kids wanted to change into play clothes. I don't blame them one bit.

Make a long story short...my son Luke is very energetic. I can promise you if you have a fence- he will climb it. If you have tree's - he will climb them. He's VERY adventuresome and will play with every ounce of energy and muscle that he has.

Well....just because he was doing all of this...my parents started telling him to "get used to a four by four cell" and calling him "the local hoodlum" to his face. I wouldn't have cared much if I knew they were kidding....but they were truly fed up with him. My sister's kids were there and they stayed in their Easter clothes and my mother started saying..."oh you are such a good boy...Luke - look, Conner can sit still"

I left there seriously upset...my older kids were even very upset with them and how they were saying these things in front of Luke.

I know I should confront them - but they can't handle it. They are always right...and they do NOT like for me to "argue" with them. So most of the time...I just let it roll of my back. I've had it out with them in the past...but nothing ever changes. The thing that upsets me the most is....I'm so proud of my parents. I couldn't be more proud of my father and all that he has accomplished...he of all people should except Luke for all that he is. He's a very ambicious child who sets VERY high goals for himself...even at the young age of 5! I just wish they were as proud of me/Luke as I have been of them. I just can't figure that one out

I know I got myself a great kid. I enjoy him AND his energy - It's ashame they can't enjoy him and except him also. It really make's me sad.

Sorry...but I really needed to get that one off my chest.

Heather

 

[Marseeya]

to Luke!

I'm sorry, but your parents were way out of line, especially if they were saying it loud enough for the kids to hear!

 

[MermaidsMom]

Wow, that's too bad they look at things that way. You are lucky to have such a healthy and happy child and family. Maybe you should gently tell your kids that their Grandma & pa have a few issues and to be patient with them. The one that is going to be messed up is the little guy who is being told that sitting still makes him a better boy than others. How sad for him when he finds out that was a lie.

 

[mylilnikita]

You just need to be loyal to your kids. I am so sorry you and the kids had to go through that. I guess that they would want your son to be like a Stepford child? That is really sad.

 

[MAKmom]

If you won't stick up for your own child who will? What do you mean they can't handle it? Call your Mother up & tell not to talk to your son like that again. Saying that to a child is abuse.

 

[Evil Queen]

Poor Luke.

I would say something to them.

 

[DWDreams]

That is horrible and I don't blame you one bit for being upset, not just by the fact of what was said, but also because of it being said in front of your children.

You should take a picture of each of you in your family, have each blown up into lifesize cardboard cutout figures and then drop them off at your parents with a note for them to use them for future holiday attendance as you're sure these versions will fit in much better with the rest of the family.

A joke but I hope it made you smile. You know you have great kids and they know you feel that way, so that's what counts.

 

[golfgal]

I have to say that even a 5 year old needs to learn appropriate behavior at appropriate times. If he is running, climbing and jumping all over the place at a family gathering I could see where your family would be upset. Could you have taken him outside to let off some energy without disrupting the rest of the family? We have one niece and while she is a cute kid, she is VERY mouthy and at 4 years old, it is a little tough to take. Her parents think she is "cute" because she is so "verbal", well one person's verbal is another's obnoxious.

I don't think they should be making comments like that but if your family doesn't like being around your 5 year old maybe his "energy" needs to be addressed. He can be as energetic at home as he likes but maybe you need to reign him in at family gatherings.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I understand...I hope you find the path that is right for you.

I moved away to gain peace.

 

[HaleyB]

That is really awful. Your son sounds like a normal boy, it is the one that sits still that I would worry about (and in my passive aggressive way I would have said as much). I think I would steer clear of family get togethers, and if they bother to ask you why, tell them. But don't let them ruin any more of your holidays.

I would like to say that I would have given them a piece of my mind, in your shoes, but the truth is I wouldn't have. I don't like to rock the boat. I know just how frustrated you feel.

Give Luke a big hug and tell him that we think he is wonderful here on the DIS.

Cause kids need to and and even or sometimes, and that is a good thing. I wish I had that kind of energy. Maybe they were just jealous.

 

[transparant]

I have to say that even a 5 year old needs to learn appropriate behavior at appropriate times. If he is running, climbing and jumping all over the place at a family gathering I could see where your family would be upset. Could you have taken him outside to let off some energy without disrupting the rest of the family? We have one niece and while she is a cute kid, she is VERY mouthy and at 4 years old, it is a little tough to take. Her parents think she is "cute" because she is so "verbal", well one person's verbal is another's obnoxious.

I don't think they should be making comments like that but if your family doesn't like being around your 5 year old maybe his "energy" needs to be addressed. He can be as energetic at home as he likes but maybe you need to reign him in at family gatherings.

He was outside. We were all outside. I would never allow that kind of behavior to go on inside. In fact I would never allow him to get out of control while playing outside. Nothing he was doing was inappropriate. Just normal 5 yr. old boy stuff (although he can climb a tree faster and higher than any 10 yr. old I know ). He is well behaved all the time - never mouthy, never rude. He ate his dinner perfectly wellbehaved. Thanks...but there is no need to "reign him in".

 

[transparant]

That is horrible and I don't blame you one bit for being upset, not just by the fact of what was said, but also because of it being said in front of your children.

You should take a picture of each of you in your family, have each blown up into lifesize cardboard cutout figures and then drop them off at your parents with a note for them to use them for future holiday attendance as you're sure these versions will fit in much better with the rest of the family.

A joke but I hope it made you smile. You know you have great kids and they know you feel that way, so that's what counts.

- Yes...you did make me smile! I kind of like that idea! LOL!

 

[transparant]

I would like to say that I would have given them a piece of my mind, in your shoes, but the truth is I wouldn't have. I don't like to rock the boat. I know just how frustrated you feel.

Yep...thats exactly how I feel. Don't want to rock the boat.

 

[golfgal]

He was outside. We were all outside. Nothing he was doing was inappropriate. Just normal 5 yr. old boy stuff. He is well behaved all the time - never mouthy, never rude. He ate his dinner perfectly wellbehaved. Thanks...but there is no need to "reign him in".

I am not trying to say that your son's behavior is wrong, I have two VERY active boys myself, what I was trying to say, poorly obviously, is that your family doesn't like how he is behaving, right or wrong, and if that is causing you not to be invited to family gatherings maybe it would be best if he could tone it down some while he is there. If you don't care about going to the family gatherings, then let him do as he pleases but if you want to go you may need to speak with him about not climbing the fence and trees for a few hours. His behavior is obviously ok for you but not everyone has the same tolerance level and therefore maybe he needs to tone it down for a couple hours IF you want to still go to the gatherings.

 

[Lanshark]

Definitely sounds like medication is needed.

Have Mom and Dad try prozac.

Not what you were thinking was it....

 

[transparant]

Definitely sounds like medication is needed.

Have Mom and Dad try prozac.

Not what you were thinking was it....

 

[transparant]

I am not trying to say that your son's behavior is wrong, I have two VERY active boys myself, what I was trying to say, poorly obviously, is that your family doesn't like how he is behaving, right or wrong, and if that is causing you not to be invited to family gatherings maybe it would be best if he could tone it down some while he is there. If you don't care about going to the family gatherings, then let him do as he pleases but if you want to go you may need to speak with him about not climbing the fence and trees for a few hours. His behavior is obviously ok for you but not everyone has the same tolerance level and therefore maybe he needs to tone it down for a couple hours IF you want to still go to the gatherings.

I see what you're saying. But there is so much more to this than what I can actually type.

My father actually made a comment to me today saying..."I don't know how you do it. All of your kids are so different". Well...thats just it. They are different. My mother kept looking at my 14 yr. old saying..."you never did these things when YOU were five". Well...thats why his name is Steven and Luke's name is Luke. They are different kids.

On the other hand...I find it incredibly irritating when my sister's kids whine and cry all day long. However I would never say anything and I love those kids like crazy...they are just different than mine.

I don't know...maybe I am taking this to personally. I just don't feel as though I need to stop him on a beautiful day from doing things that weren't interfering with anyone. If they weren't so darn controlling - and sat there and talked with me and my sisters & the rest of the family....they wouldn't have gotten so darned stressed out.

I guess the point I"m making is...they want me to raise my kids the way they want them raised....and I won't do that.

Sorry...I'm not going off on you - just more venting I guess. I really do see what you are saying.

 

[BC]

just the fact you say you are rarely "invited" over seems odd to me. I can't imagine having to wait to be "invited" to my parent's house no matter how large my family was. Both my parents are gone, but their door was always open to their children, no matter what issues we had. You say your son is just really active and if that is the case, there is a difference is being active and being disrespectful, uncontrollable and just totally misbehaving. Even so, that is their grandchild and they should love him enough to embrace him and if his "energy" bothers them, they should let him know to slow down in a loving way, not make smart comments that he can hear that will only reenforce his behavior.

 

[transparant]

just the fact you say you are rarely "invited" over seems odd to me. I can't imagine having to wait to be "invited" to my parent's house no matter how large my family was. Both my parents are gone, but their door was always open to their children, no matter what issues we hadYou say your son is just really active and if that is the case, there is a difference is being active and being disrespectful, uncontrollable and just totally misbehaving.

I find it odd that we aren't invited too. My sister with only 2 kids is invited to dinner every Tuesday night. My parents moved into that house about 4 yrs. ago and told me "we'll have all of you over for a big spaghetti dinner". I'm still waiting. My mom is definetely a "call and check if it's ok to come over" kind of a person. But the problem is...when I call - there's always an excuse as to why "right now isn't really a good time".


Trust me...my son is extremely respectful. I'm not just saying that because he's my kid either. I could and have shared stories about this child that make me so darn proud. I am 36 yr. old and I admire, & respect this little boy more than anything. He's my little Hero.

He just plays hard and with lots of imagination. He's one cool kid in my book.

 

[grlpwrd]

Well, there could certainly be more issues that what is on the surface.

I am a member of the boards at mothering.com and I have read many posts about how some families that practice attachment parenting, or have bigger families, or live the organic/bf'ing/co-sleeping lifestyle are not quite understood or accepted as MOR folks or by their own immediate families.

For us my MIL doesn't "get us" so my kids have learned not to be their natural selves around her. She grew up in a time of "kids shouldn't speak unless spoken to." They are more formal around her.

In your case, though, I wouldn't like the blatant, but insidious comments in front of your son. Has it always been like that for you all?

Family issues... ugh. lol



Oops..forgot to add... didn't a member or some members (?) have issues with your son dressing in camo clothing and wanting to be in the military? You just have to do right for your son ... I wish people would just live and let live.