Be a spectator not a commentator

[declansdad]

Sheesh. If you've read all my posts, and you still don't get it, nothing I can say will clear it up. If you've never rolled your eyes and laughed at someone making a fool of themselves, nothing I can say will clear it up. And if you really think that people who know me would think I was doing anything cruel, then nothing I can say will clear it up. You don't know me, and you weren't there, so I guess I can understand how you might not get it, but still. Sheesh. I'm sorry I ever posted that I chuckled at someone else making an *** out of themselves.

As a side note, I am personally a fairly "dignified" spectator. I've been through too many games with a talented athlete who plays at a high level, and a more recreational player in what should be low key games. I used to pace the sidelines a lot, but I don't even do that anymore. Its just a game, and anyone who would hurt a child with yelling, nasty comments is really just a fool. None of those games mean anything once they're over anyway.

You're right I don't know you but step outside the situation for a moment and look at it. Someone was making rude comments toward a child playing a game and you were laughing. If you were observing this, how would it look to you?

 

[skater]

You're right I don't know you but step outside the situation for a moment and look at it. Someone was making rude comments toward a child playing a game and you were laughing. If you were observing this, how would it look to you?

First of all, no one saw me. Like I've already said, even my son sitting with us didn't catch our private chuckle. Secondly, I can tell the difference between a laugh at someone for making a fool of themselves and someone laughing because they thought it was great. Again, you really had to be there.

 

[skater]

Actually, I'm sort of laughing now at the absurdity of me continuing to explain myself . Maybe I do have a weird sense of humor.

 

[robinb]

Have them read this article:

What Makes A Nightmare Sports Parent -- And What Makes A Great One
http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent

 

[SAHDad]

I try to keep at least some of my sidelines comments in a low enough voice that it won't be heard by anyone except another parent next to me. The ones that I want to be heard by the players are all along the line of "Good shot, X" or "Nice save, goalie!"

DS 9 is a goalie in both spring and fall soccer, and we got lucky with a coach who wants to teach the kids how to play, and good sportsmanship. We've stuck with him for that reason - he won't try to run up a huge lead, he makes sure that every kid gets to play, and most of the kids will rotate through multiple positions throughout the season, until they find one that they like.

Now, one of the other coaches tries to run up the score, and taught his kids a much more aggressive brand of soccer, but that's fortunately the exception locally, not the rule. Most of the parents are still pretty decent spectators.

 

[skater]

I try to keep at least some of my sidelines comments in a low enough voice that it won't be heard by anyone except another parent next to me. The ones that I want to be heard by the players are all along the line of "Good shot, X" or "Nice save, goalie!"

DS 9 is a goalie in both spring and fall soccer, and we got lucky with a coach who wants to teach the kids how to play, and good sportsmanship. We've stuck with him for that reason - he won't try to run up a huge lead, he makes sure that every kid gets to play, and most of the kids will rotate through multiple positions throughout the season, until they find one that they like.

Now, one of the other coaches tries to run up the score, and taught his kids a much more aggressive brand of soccer, but that's fortunately the exception locally, not the rule. Most of the parents are still pretty decent spectators.

Sounds like a great coach. I really like the philosophy of letting kids try different positions - at least up until sometime in the middle school years. My kids have been blessed with good coaches (except for one disastrous season).

 

[declansdad]

Actually, I'm sort of laughing now at the absurdity of me continuing to explain myself . Maybe I do have a weird sense of humor.

I doubt that you were laughing at the child, I am commenting on how it would have looked to anyone else.

 

[SAHDad]

Sounds like a great coach. I really like the philosophy of letting kids try different positions - at least up until sometime in the middle school years. My kids have been blessed with good coaches (except for one disastrous season).

Yeah, he's good. Sticking with him means I get volunteered for a couple of hours working concession, which strikes me as fair. For the most part, by the end of the season, most kids have found one position that they like, but each season he makes sure that anyone who wants to try a spot can.

Not many kids want to be goalie, but DS is pretty good at it (not tall enough yet, but good instincts for the most part), so he plays that position for most games.

 

[declansdad]

Yeah, he's good. Sticking with him means I get volunteered for a couple of hours working concession, which strikes me as fair. For the most part, by the end of the season, most kids have found one position that they like, but each season he makes sure that anyone who wants to try a spot can.

Not many kids want to be goalie, but DS is pretty good at it (not tall enough yet, but good instincts for the most part), so he plays that position for most games.

Sounds like a good coach. It is also good that he keeps having them play other positions at that age. Still to early to get pigeon-holed in to one position.

 

[skater]

I doubt that you were laughing at the child, I am commenting on how it would have looked to anyone else.

Probably not what you think, and they wouldn't have seen me anyway .

 

[skater]

Had a rough high school game last night. My son, is a striker on the varsity team and is having a serious goal slump. He's a talented player, but honestly, I would put him as a midfielder anyway - he's extremely fast and good with the ball. But that's where the coach has him, and there's nothing I can do about it. He's also a sophomore. Last night, after 3 missed shots, I had to sit there and listen to parents making rude comments about his lack of goals. He certainly wasn't the only player who missed shots and of course there were many other mistakes in the game. It was actually a train wreck kind of game.

IMO, the coach chose to start him, chose to put him on varsity, and chose to make him a striker. I understand the frustration of losing a game, but it was so hurtful to listen to it last night. I bit my tongue because I really don't want to fight with other parents that I have to be with for the next couple years - concessions, games, fundraisers, etc. But it was awful. I'm sitting there already feeling sorry for my "baby" who desperately wants to make goals. It was a very rough night.

 

[disykat]

Probably not what you think, and they wouldn't have seen me anyway .

Skater, I think most of us know exactly what you mean. Many times I've seen people reacting to other people's bad behavior with a bit of humor and never once have I seen it as endorsing their behavior. I'm sure everyone else was rolling their eyes right along with you!

 

[sam_gordon]

Had a rough high school game last night. My son, is a striker on the varsity team and is having a serious goal slump. He's a talented player, but honestly, I would put him as a midfielder anyway - he's extremely fast and good with the ball. But that's where the coach has him, and there's nothing I can do about it. He's also a sophomore. Last night, after 3 missed shots, I had to sit there and listen to parents making rude comments about his lack of goals. He certainly wasn't the only player who missed shots and of course there were many other mistakes in the game. It was actually a train wreck kind of game.

IMO, the coach chose to start him, chose to put him on varsity, and chose to make him a striker. I understand the frustration of losing a game, but it was so hurtful to listen to it last night. I bit my tongue because I really don't want to fight with other parents that I have to be with for the next couple years - concessions, games, fundraisers, etc. But it was awful. I'm sitting there already feeling sorry for my "baby" who desperately wants to make goals. It was a very rough night.

You did the right thing. I can only hope if I was in your situation that I would be able to hold my tongue. Kudos.

 

[skater]

Skater, I think most of us know exactly what you mean. Many times I've seen people reacting to other people's bad behavior with a bit of humor and never once have I seen it as endorsing their behavior. I'm sure everyone else was rolling their eyes right along with you!

Thank you, thank you .

 

[skater]

You did the right thing. I can only hope if I was in your situation that I would be able to hold my tongue. Kudos.

Thanks! I will admit that my husband said "one wrong word," and got a little bit of that anger . But we're better now.

 

[PizzieDuster]

Had a rough high school game last night. My son, is a striker on the varsity team and is having a serious goal slump. He's a talented player, but honestly, I would put him as a midfielder anyway - he's extremely fast and good with the ball. But that's where the coach has him, and there's nothing I can do about it. He's also a sophomore. Last night, after 3 missed shots, I had to sit there and listen to parents making rude comments about his lack of goals. He certainly wasn't the only player who missed shots and of course there were many other mistakes in the game. It was actually a train wreck kind of game.

IMO, the coach chose to start him, chose to put him on varsity, and chose to make him a striker. I understand the frustration of losing a game, but it was so hurtful to listen to it last night. I bit my tongue because I really don't want to fight with other parents that I have to be with for the next couple years - concessions, games, fundraisers, etc. But it was awful. I'm sitting there already feeling sorry for my "baby" who desperately wants to make goals. It was a very rough night.

I think you handled it maturely. Remember my post about working the snack bar with a mom who complained about how horrible my son was, not knowing he was my son. My son beat out her son for 3rd base. The rest of the season was uncomfortable, for her. I just smiled. I always wondered how she felt when she found out I was his mom. She never said a word to me again. And yes, you have to see them for a couple of years, unless the player quits, like her son did.

 

[skater]

I think you handled it maturely. Remember my post about working the snack bar with a mom who complained about how horrible my son was, not knowing he was my son. My son beat out her son for 3rd base. The rest of the season was uncomfortable, for her. I just smiled. I always wondered how she felt when she found out I was his mom. She never said a word to me again. And yes, you have to see them for a couple of years, unless the player quits, like her son did.

Its really hard to believe how people can be sometimes. I've had similar situations. I think sports can bring out the worst in parents. I've lost a few friends over soccer, but I figured they couldn't have been great friendships anyway . She made being around you awkward for herself.

 

[runsandjumps]

Despite all these comments I volunteered to be the coach for my sons team (7-9). I enjoy the game and hope I can be a great coach. We all have to start somewhere right?!

Ana

 

[skater]

Despite all these comments I volunteered to be the coach for my sons team (7-9). I enjoy the game and hope I can be a great coach. We all have to start somewhere right?!

Ana

Good for you! Its definitely not all bad (especially at younger ages), and I hope you have a wonderful season .

 

[PizzieDuster]

Despite all these comments I volunteered to be the coach for my sons team (7-9). I enjoy the game and hope I can be a great coach. We all have to start somewhere right?!

Ana

YESSS! And I, as a parent, thank you for volunteering your time!!!