Be a spectator not a commentator

[skater]

But the child's parents were probably in the stands, what if they heard you? My child was one of those kids who were not very good, I knew it but he enjoyed the game. At least until the other kids let him know in no uncertain terms that he wasn't good.

You had to be there. I promise I'm extremely sensitive to others' feelings - we certainly weren't laughing out loud. Cracking up is a relative term in my house . The goalie she was being mean about is actually a great little goalie. I really don't know how to explain it any way that will make sense. We were only amused because we thought she was so awful, it was funny. We didn't laugh so that anyone would think we were siding with her - it was a look at each other/silent laugh kind of thing. Sometimes you've just got to roll your eyes and react with humor at the antics of others.

I am absolutely positive that there is not one person there who knew we were laughing at an old lady being mean.

 

[teller80]

You had to be there. I promise I'm extremely sensitive to others' feelings - we certainly weren't laughing out loud. Cracking up is a relative term in my house . The goalie she was being mean about is actually a great little goalie. I really don't know how to explain it any way that will make sense. We were only amused because we thought she was so awful, it was funny. We didn't laugh so that anyone would think we were siding with her - it was a look at each other/silent laugh kind of thing. Sometimes you've just got to roll your eyes and react with humor at the antics of others.

I am absolutely positive that there is not one person there who knew we were laughing at an old lady being mean.

OH, you were laughing at the grandma, not the goalie! Where is the emoticon to smack myself upside the head. Duh. That makes a lot more sense!!! So sorry, now I totally understand, and yes, I know exactly what you mean: laughing at the person who is making a total fool of themselves.

Nevermind me, go about your business.

 

[skater]

OH, you were laughing at the grandma, not the goalie! Where is the emoticon to smack myself upside the head. Duh. That makes a lot more sense!!! So sorry, now I totally understand, and yes, I know exactly what you mean: laughing at the person who is making a total fool of themselves.

Nevermind me, go about your business.

Whew! No problem! Its easy to misunderstand a post.


That Grandma did need to be "talked to." I kept hoping her daughter would do it, but she was too busy being gleeful that her son's team was killing ours .

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Well DD may end up being the problem not me .


She's practicing with the neighborhood kids and I hear one kid, "Hustle! Come on!"

I heard DD yell, "I AM hustling! YOU hustle! You're just standing there!" Lol!

*Before I get jumped on I must say that I have complete confidence in DD to be respectful to an adult. If she ever talked to a real coach like that it would be the last time

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think its horrible too, and we certainly wouldn't have been amused if a child had heard this. It was just one of those weird moments when something was so awful that we got silly over it. If one child had been able to hear her, I would have been the first to confront her and her daughter.

No siblings in the stands?

 

[skater]

No siblings in the stands?

If post #21 doesn't explain it, I really don't know what else to say. Nobody knew we were laughing at the mean Grandma. Not even my son's older brother who was sitting right next to my husband. And really, if someone did know we were laughing at her, I think they may have joined in.

 

[LilyWDW]

Funny, there was an "obnoxious" grandmother at my 11 year old's son yesterday . My son's team was getting outplayed by a much better team - I think the score was 5-0 and she was making fun of the players . Our goalie dropped the ball, and she said "Hah! That goalie has butter fingers!" DH and I were cracking up, but it would have been awful if the kids had heard her.

See, when I used to play soccer, parents acted differently. Or, at least ours did. We were playing a team that were less skilled then we were (our team ended up winning the championship). We had taken a very early and commanding lead. Our parents were not only happy for us, but were also cheering on and supporting the girls on the other team. More so then their coaches were. The coaches tried to force the girls to leave the field and the girls did not want to. Our parents supported the girls!

If post #21 doesn't explain it, I really don't know what else to say. Nobody knew we were laughing at the mean Grandma. Not even my son's older brother who was sitting right next to my husband. And really, if someone did know we were laughing at her, I think they may have joined in.

I can understand the want to laugh at how the grandma was acting. I wouldn't be shocked if I wouldn't want to. Mostly because I often laugh at times when I just can't believe what I am seeing or hearing or if I am shocked at something.

 

[npmommie]

I yell and cheer at ds's soccer games. but nothing negative, I cheer the boys on......like "great job" , when the ball comes to my ds I do admit, I yell "kick it hard" he is new to soccer , this is his second season playing so he is not as skilled as some of the others who have been playing for years. he is in u12. so there are some very skilled players. so I do tend to yell things like "go for the ball" ( he is a "polite" player) and " stay with the ball" ...I have no idea if he can hear me, I don't think he can, because his sister yells really really loud and he says he doesnt hear her.
I never considered it sideline coaching, but maybe it looks that way, acccck! I hope not because it isnt my intention.
I just like to cheer them on, I even say things when the other team does a really good move.

I am so used to gymnastics competitions where you are basically pretty quiet til the clapping at the end.

 

[manning]

One of the downsides of organized sports. I remember as a kid when we played pickup baseball. At the spur of a moment we decide to play, pick sides and play. We didn't care if we won or lost. We just enjoyed playing. And the next day we would do it again.

 

[PizzieDuster]

Just don't EVER do what I did once at my son's freshman football game.

Watching him (defensive back) from the end zone... he intercepted the football and started running down the field for a touch down and I got so excited I ran down the middle of the field with my arms up to the 20 yard line before I realized what an idiot I was and ran to the sidelines.

That story ALWAYS come up My kids never let me forget it. The parents always teased me for it. I was SOOO embarrassed. On the film of the game you can just see me starting to run down the MIDDLE of the field with my arms up!

I'm used to sneak a peek at the newspaper during daughter's soccer games. I don't understand soccer at all and was always so tired from the previous Friday night football game. I do like to parent watch though. Never seen one run on the field though I do appreciate and thank her coach after every game.

 

[skater]

Just don't EVER do what I did once at my son's freshman football game.

Watching him (defensive back) from the end zone... he intercepted the football and started running down the field for a touch down and I got so excited I ran down the middle of the field with my arms up to the 20 yard line before I realized what an idiot I was and ran to the sidelines.

That story ALWAYS come up My kids never let me forget it. The parents always teased me for it. I was SOOO embarrassed. On the film of the game you can just see me starting to run down the MIDDLE of the field with my arms up!

I'm used to sneak a peek at the newspaper during daughter's soccer games. I don't understand soccer at all and was always so tired from the previous Friday night football game. I do like to parent watch though. Never seen one run on the field though I do appreciate and thank her coach after every game.

That is a great story!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Lmao what a sight you must of been.

 

[IntoTheLight]

For 7 years I've coached youth lacrosse. After 4 years in my town I had to quit and start coaching in another town, the parents were THAT awful. I have girls 6-13 on a few different teams and you wouldn't believe what would come out of the mouths of the 1st graders parents. It was like they were playing college level sports.

After years of being called everything under the sun, being threatened etc I quit. I went a few towns over in a more rural area and coaching for a younger program. The difference was HUGE. I love the parents and kids and feel like I've shaped it into a more positive experience.

We play my town and it's worse than before because now the parents have a vendetta against me for leaving. For 3 years now my current team (where only positivity is allowed) has won every game, and I KNOW it's because those girls feel good about being on the field. I had to call the cops twice last season on the parents.

My kids can't even play any sport in my town because I've been blacklisted for leaving.

 

[PizzieDuster]

For 7 years I've coached youth lacrosse. After 4 years in my town I had to quit and start coaching in another town, the parents were THAT awful. I have girls 6-13 on a few different teams and you wouldn't believe what would come out of the mouths of the 1st graders parents. It was like they were playing college level sports.

After years of being called everything under the sun, being threatened etc I quit. I went a few towns over in a more rural area and coaching for a younger program. The difference was HUGE. I love the parents and kids and feel like I've shaped it into a more positive experience.

We play my town and it's worse than before because now the parents have a vendetta against me for leaving. For 3 years now my current team (where only positivity is allowed) has won every game, and I KNOW it's because those girls feel good about being on the field. I had to call the cops twice last season on the parents.

My kids can't even play any sport in my town because I've been blacklisted for leaving.

THAT'S CRAZY! But don't give up coaching.

I'm a coach's daughter. I've been in the stands at his high school softball game and had to listen to a man yell at my dad, say awful stuff, it was so bad, I went off and cried. (I had just had a baby too, probably didn't help much

Anyways, my dad was so upset I was crying he later sent an email to the dad. I later got a letter from that man's wife. It said she apologized for her husband. He was drunk and has a drinking problem. I'll never forget that hand written letter. Felt so sorry for the girl. Never went to another game though

My father has written two books about coaching. (He coached youth baseball and pop warner and high school football.) I told him if he writes a book about his coaching softball experiences I won't read it. Those parents were brutal! Especially in high school. All in competition for scholarships. I remember one time having dinner at this house when a parent called and the ensuing shouting match and my father calling my brother and then the police because that parent threatened to come over my father's house.

On the other hand, he has coached over a thousand kids and his Facebook page is full of those kids giving him updates on their kids and their coaching experiences with their kids and all their memories. They all still call him "Coach".

And on the other other hand, my mother has always hated his coaching. Because of the single moms flirting with him. Drove her (and me later as I grew up) crazy. In high school some moms will go to the coach to 'help' their son...in all areas. I've seen it myself. That's why I always just say "thank you Coach" after every game and leave.

{Sorry OP for going off topic, bad habit for me }

 

[erincon23]

DS17, NOT an athlete, played soccer for a year as 7 or 8 year old. This was seriously the Bad News Bears of soccer - more dandelion-pickers than players. The coach tried to keep them interested in the game, but he was really good about not pushing -decided that having the kids there every week and making sure they were having fun was more important. They didn't win ONE game, and I think they had maybe 3 goals the entire season.

To keep the kids feeling good about the game, all of the parents agreed that we would not only stay positive about our kids, but we would cheer for a kid on EITHER team that had a goal or a good play (of course, our kids got it a little louder...). I loved it! Our kids all felt like it didn't matter that they lost - they saw their parents supporting kids playing, they got a little treat and lots of high fives, and nobody ever felt bad because they didn't play so well.

The next year, he played on a different team (the previous year's team didn't have enough kids come back) just for the fall season - that coach was more focused on playing well and having the kids actually learn how to play - not complaining about that, at that age, they really should be doing that - but it wasn't for my kid. There were a couple of parents on that team who were sideline coaches, and their kids became very aggressive, yelled at the kids who didn't do so well, and the game became no fun.

OP, I applaud you trying to keep your parents in line. Sure, there are teams for serious players, but most of these are teams to get kids active, learn some good team behavior, and HAVE FUN. Give them one chance, and that's it! Good luck!

 

[aprilchem]

We don't allow our kids to play team sports because of the reasons mentioned in this thread - our oldest DS got up to U8 soccer and that's when DH said NO MORE. Too many crazy parents, too many crazy coaches (there was one who would literally SCREAM at the kids during the soccer games, and some of these kids were 6!).

Now they all three do swimming, where they're really only competing against their personal fastest time, and mountain biking, which is not on a team (they participate in races, though).

 

[declansdad]

Speaking as a "reformed" sports parent...

The coach has to watch 6, 8, or 11 players on the field in addition to coaching the kids on the bench. The parent is generally focused on their child.

The parent truly believes they are "helping".

Pre-season or pre-game speeches by the coach won't do any good. Parents will either think "they're not talking about ME" or just get caught up in the game.

My suggestion is if you are having problems with individual parents (I'm guessing it's probably 1-2, not everyone's parents), pull them aside immediately after the game and calmly inform them you know they're trying to help, but it's much better for the team if they leave the coaching to you. Of course, they're encouraged to be encouraging... "good hustle" or "keep your heads up", that kind of stuff. But you don't want them telling the kids exactly what to do. If a second conversation is needed, let them know their attitude could affect their childs playing time/position (and stick to it).

Even though I'm "reformed", I can still get caught up in the moment. My DS(9) took an elbow to the face during a game yesterday and went down crying. Play stopped and the opposing coach was acting like his player did nothing wrong. "What do you want him to do?" he asked loud enough to be plainly heard across the field. "Keep his elbows out of players faces" was my equally loud response. A "cool it" from our coach as he walked out to check on DS was enough to remind me of the side of the field I was on.

Not always true. I have seen it work from both sides of the bench, as both a parent and as a parent. I have also found that a lot of parents who don't act this way can ostracize that parent and they quickly realize that what they are doing isn't acceptable.

Of course the way the coach acts during the game also help set the tone.

 

[declansdad]

Funny, there was an "obnoxious" grandmother at my 11 year old's son yesterday . My son's team was getting outplayed by a much better team - I think the score was 5-0 and she was making fun of the players . Our goalie dropped the ball, and she said "Hah! That goalie has butter fingers!" DH and I were cracking up, but it would have been awful if the kids had heard her.

Really you were laughing at comments about kids?

 

[declansdad]

You had to be there. I promise I'm extremely sensitive to others' feelings - we certainly weren't laughing out loud. Cracking up is a relative term in my house . The goalie she was being mean about is actually a great little goalie. I really don't know how to explain it any way that will make sense. We were only amused because we thought she was so awful, it was funny. We didn't laugh so that anyone would think we were siding with her - it was a look at each other/silent laugh kind of thing. Sometimes you've just got to roll your eyes and react with humor at the antics of others.

I am absolutely positive that there is not one person there who knew we were laughing at an old lady being mean.

If you were laughing when she made the comments how do you think other people would take your laughing?

 

[skater]

If you were laughing when she made the comments how do you think other people would take your laughing?

Sheesh. If you've read all my posts, and you still don't get it, nothing I can say will clear it up. If you've never rolled your eyes and laughed at someone making a fool of themselves, nothing I can say will clear it up. And if you really think that people who know me would think I was doing anything cruel, then nothing I can say will clear it up. You don't know me, and you weren't there, so I guess I can understand how you might not get it, but still. Sheesh. I'm sorry I ever posted that I chuckled at someone else making an *** out of themselves.

As a side note, I am personally a fairly "dignified" spectator. I've been through too many games with a talented athlete who plays at a high level, and a more recreational player in what should be low key games. I used to pace the sidelines a lot, but I don't even do that anymore. Its just a game, and anyone who would hurt a child with yelling, nasty comments is really just a fool. None of those games mean anything once they're over anyway.