Ball caps & cell phones

[cabanafrau]

Who determines what manners and etiquette are? We may all agree on saying please and thank you but what about wearing hats or wearing white after Labor Day? Do we default to Emily Post?

It seems like whenever there is a discussion of manners and etiquette everyone gets fixated on "the rules", completely forgetting that the whole purpose is wanting to treat people courteously and make them feel comfortable.

IMO it's the height of irony to mount a pedestal in the name of etiquette, proclaiming yourself disgusted by someone buttering an entire roll. I can understand how I would make someone disgusted or uncomfortable if I were picking my teeth, drumming my fingernails on the table or talking with my mouth full or such. Cannot understand how buttering my entire roll would make anyone uncomfortable, so IMO they are the one out of the bounds of good social graces.

 

[IUTBAM]

I really don't understand the fixation that it is "bad manners" to wear a hat indoors (obviously not at a formal event, or church, or a really nice restaurant). It's very arbitrary...WHO SAYS it's good manners to remove a hat?? Some person many, many years ago? That's ridiculous. Then again, my family doesn't live our lives by the rules of Emily Post. We do however respect others, offer help to those who need it, give up our seats to the elderly, open doors for other people, speak respectfully to others, and generally subscribe to living lives that promote doing good for others, and treating others with kindness and respect. Wearing a hat indoors has ZERO bearing on that. And are there really people who count how many people they see wearing hats indoors and get up in arms about it? Wow. They must have a lot of free time on their hands.

My 51 year old DH is a professional guy, and the only place he doesn't wear a ball cap(other than those places mentioned above) is when he's in the shower, asleep, or at his job. The minute he walks out of his office, the hat goes on. I have no idea why it's so important to him, but it's what he does, and it's not my place to change it, because it's not hurting ANYONE. It could be that it's because he is self-conscious about his receding hairline...I don't know. It doesn't bother me at all, and I'd certainly never insist he remove it at the table. And Lord help any stranger who would say anything to him, or attempt to knock it off his head. Oh my...it would not be good.

As for cell phones...the only problem I have with them is when someone thinks that taking a non-emergency call, or playing games or checking Facebook or their email when they are socializing in person with someone is more important than the person they are socializing with. To me, that is RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL behavior, and shows that person clearly has no manners, or consideration for others. But a hat on the head? No way...not even a blip on the radar.

 

[Planogirl]

So what is more rude? Is is worse to wear your hat indoors or to hassle a person for wearing their hat indoors? I believe that both are against etiquette rules.

 

[badblackpug]

So what is more rude? Is is worse to wear your hat indoors or to hassle a person for wearing their hat indoors? I believe that both are against etiquette rules.

Both are equally as rude.

I would never point out a faux pas to a stranger, however, I cannot fathom that so many people did not know that it is unacceptable to wear hats indoors. I, honestly, don't know a single male who doesn't realize this etiquette "rule."

 

[PeterPan09]

The only place I really notice men wearing hats is in church, it doesn't affect me,but I know it isn't proper.

I am so over the cell phones. There is an extremely SMALL percentage of people who cannot go for an hour without having that phone in their hand. For the majority of the population, a quick check when the phone vibrates should satisfy. If the call is important, there is no reason why anyone can't excuse themselves and respond. The entire restaurant/theatre does not need to know that the babysitter said Johnny threw up or that "someone needs to find out what idiot crashed the server". (actual conversations overheard)

The little rectangle rules us and we are addicted.

 

[billdob62]

Hats are crass in an inside environment where the decor is a little upscale. Fast food joints...no problem. Cell phone rudeness is everywhere and getting worse. Sometimes when I have to hear someone's conversation, I start asking them questions and giving advice according to the conversation. Sometimes they tell me to quit being rude...I just laugh.

 

[KimR]

P.S. I forgot to mention that the age range of the men wearing hats, seems to fluctuate from young boys to grandpa... I counted the other night, and just from where I was sitting I could see 8 guys wearing ball caps, at a TS steakhouse..

Just out of curiosity, was it Outback? DH and I always joke about the number of men wearing ball caps at Outback (and yes, we count, too). I think it's very tacky and it just screams 'redneck' to me.

 

[TacoBaco]

Just out of curiosity, was it Outback? DH and I always joke about the number of men wearing ball caps at Outback (and yes, we count, too). I think it's very tacky and it just screams 'redneck' to me.

LOL, no actually we were at the Texas Roadhouse.... Love that place

 

[Ed J]

Outback is fast food.

 

[sam_gordon]

Outback is fast food.

Depends on your definition of "fast" O guess.

 

[beaucoup]

Dining out. Not dinning out. Mistake I see only on the DIS.

As for answering the questions, I just think manners have gone to hell in a hand basket in general. Even I corrected spelling and that is probably rude too.

 

[smitch425]

LOL, no actually we were at the Texas Roadhouse.... Love that place

All of this came about in a Texas Raodhouse?

Sorry, for laughing, but Texas Roadhouse originated in our hometown in Southern Indiana. That restaurant's entrance is in the Greentree Mall, and I guarantee you there are people in there wearing hats all of the time. As a matter of fact, the owner spoke at our college (indoors in the auditorium) and he was wearing a pair of shorts, loud Hawaiian print shirt, flip flops and a baseball cap!

 

[rluey29]

I think there are more things that are rude when eating than worrying about what is on someones head. How about belching, putting feet on table, laughing hysterically out loud in a quiet restaurant. These I experienced tonight while eating dinner and it was a group of mostly women, not just one person.

 

[kamik86]

For the hat to me it depends on the resteraunt. There are some around here that are more bars then food places (the beer list is longer then the food list) those kind of places are fine.

If its a real nice place I'll leave my phone alone.

I will take it out and play in more casual places. Especially if DH goes to the bathroom and Im there alone just to give me something to look at without staring at other people. Sometimes in more casual places we will play together on it (friendly's and chili's type places)...

ball caps I probably wouldn't even notice.

 

[Arielle22]

My 18 year old DD recently told me when out wi friends they put their phones in a pile on the table. If someone looks at their phone they pay for everyone's meal.

Hats and caps on don't bother me but the continual use of a phone for non emergency reasons does.

 

[ChrisFL]

Both are equally as rude.

I would never point out a faux pas to a stranger, however, I cannot fathom that so many people did not know that it is unacceptable to wear hats indoors. I, honestly, don't know a single male who doesn't realize this etiquette "rule."

I'm 33 years old, lived in Florida my whole life and until I read this, I never heard of such a "rule"

Who makes this stuff up anyway? and who determines who to enforce it? It seems silly.

If I wear a baseball cap (rarely these days), I won't take it off, because my hair will look HORRIBLE when it take it off. Seriously, it looks terrible, so I've never removed my hat at a table, then again, I don't usually eat at fine dining places either.

As for the phone on the table question....I think its a bit more complex now that everyone has smartphones and they're being used for so much more than "phones". If I put mine on the table, its not because I'm expecting a call, but I do want to keep up to date on certain things that are important to me.

 

[cornflake]

The phone thing is rude (and I don't get why it's on the table if you wouldn't answer it either - it's on the table in case something more interesting comes along. Most people who say they wouldn't answer it will then say 'well, unless it's....' which means you'll dump your dining companion for someone more important, just not anyone, imo.) unless the table is waiting for a lost person to show up.

Aside from that, leave it off and untouched unless you're a dr. on call, in which case, vibrate is your pal.

As for the hats indoors and worse, at the table, that's plain rude and I too don't really believe there's anyone like 10 or older doesn't know that.

You don't see it here much though, baseball caps aren't really a thing. I mean some people wear them, some people wear newsboy caps or fedoras too but none are a thing that anything close to a majority has.

I actually thought about this thread yesterday as I passed a couple of very crowded restaurants and saw not a single man in a hat of any kind seated at a table - couple of women though.

Sports bars you do see team caps on people of both sexes in attendance much more; in the restaurant part some take them off, at the bar, not so much.

 

[sam_gordon]

As for the hats indoors and worse, at the table, that's plain rude and I too don't really believe there's anyone like 10 or older doesn't know that.

So who determines whether something is "rude" or not? Is it society? If so, this thread is a prime example that declaring hats indoors "rude" is not a unanimous decision.

If it's just one or two people deciding what's rude, then I say claiming what "everyone knows" is rude.

 

[Ceila]

When someone places a phone on the dining table, they better be on the list for an organ. If you're the nervous type re: leaving children or may have a business call, place the phone in your pocket on vibrate. As your dining companion, I'd appreciate your attention during the meal. It's ok for a youngster to be occupied with a game on a phone while waiting for dinner--but not teens or adults. That's just rude.

Well, I don't always have a pocket, and I won't hear my phone vibrate if it's in my purse. So, it may well be on the table. Luckily, my friends aren't so uptight and don't mind. In fact, they are just as guilty of making sure their kids can reach them as I am.

As for electronic gams at the table, we generally discourage that, although we relax our rules based on circumstances.

 

[cornflake]

So who determines whether something is "rude" or not? Is it society? If so, this thread is a prime example that declaring hats indoors "rude" is not a unanimous decision.

If it's just one or two people deciding what's rude, then I say claiming what "everyone knows" is rude.

That's been a basic rule of etiquette for at least a couple hundred years. It's not like someone just made it up last week. Try to enter a courtroom with a hat on, the bailiff will tell you to remove it. It's based on respecting the other people in attendance. Same as shaking hands, not sitting until your guest takes a seat, etc., etc. These aren't like, obscure little things.