Ball caps & cell phones

[smitch425]

I wanna knock those caps off those heads, seriously, it's SO rude!!!
I don't get what makes grown men think it's ok. The boys, I'm willing to forgive because no one is teaching common courtesy these days. The other day, I was on vacation and in a nice restaurant. 12 men in this restaurant had on ball caps. 9 of them were over 50. My son even commented on it and he better NEVER dare to wear a hat in a restaurant until I'm dead and buried. I lump this into going barechested and painted to a winter football game-stupid.
I keep my phone on vibrate and if I HAVE to talk during dinner, I get up and leave to have the conversation-which is very rare. I only keep it available IF my son is expected to call. He usually texts so no conversation is necesseary.

Could you explain WHY you think it is rude? Not being snarky AT ALL. Just trying to understand why you find a hat on a stranger's head to be offensive. What am I missing? What don't I know about hats that other people seem to know?

 

[davmill]

I totally dislike a phone ringing or listening to someone's conversation when i am in any place public. It is rude and obnoxious. In regard to ball caps, not welcome in any decent restaurant. Go to Mickey D's or someplace similar if you want to be like that.

 

[Talking Hands]

I am one who will leave my phone on the table with the sound and vibrate off. Being a person with a hearing loss I am very visual and see anything that flashes up on the screen. I normally put it away if at church once the service gets on the way. Before that I will have it out in case on of our deaf members or their family needs to contact me. That way I can relay any information needed to the hearing church staff, go make a phone call to assure a family member their deaf family arrived safely, etc. Once the service starts though that phone is in my bag. Even the nursery staff knows that if my grandson needs something to pull my husband out of service and not me because I probably can't leave. At school it is normally on the desk in case the office or my husband texts me. (husband also works at the school)
As to hats being left on. I really don't notice them.

 

[ols386]

I don't have a problem with baseball caps at casual restaurants. At a nicer restaurant, the cap should be removed.

I never have my phone out at the table. It's usually in my purse.

 

[Jennasis]

I'm so gonna go out and get one of those ridiculous "fascinator" hats that are so big with the royals over in the UK. Those hideous things are somehow considered okay.

 

[dispor]

Could you explain WHY you think it is rude? Not being snarky AT ALL. Just trying to understand why you find a hat on a stranger's head to be offensive. What am I missing? What don't I know about hats that other people seem to know?

I have to admit, I don't get the "hats are rude" thinking, either. I never notice if people are wearing hats or not. And I definitely have never counted the number of people I see wearing them - LOL! I guess I view it more as a fashion trend. I'm sure there was a time that no man would ever be seen in a t-shirt at a restaurant, but somewhere along the line, that became acceptable. I guess I view hats the same way. Really the only place I consider them a no-no is church (for the guys), during the national anthem, or at a formal gathering. (I don't consider most restaurants a "formal" affair.)

I am appalled at the man who approached a pp's husband in a restaurant. That made me sick! I hope the pp's husband had a smart come-back to the guy. Whether the man thought it was rude or not, it is NOT acceptable to approach someone in a restaurant to tell them how much their appearance bothers you. I'm sure he did it at the end of his meal so that he could scurry out. Jerk.

 

[badblackpug]

Again, back to acceptable social etiquette. I have always been taught, and all the etiquette "experts" say that wearing hats indoors is socially unacceptable. Everyone I know knows of this "rule" even my 11 year old son. They don't wear hats indoors and definitely never at the table, even at McDonalds.

 

[luvmy3]

I wanna knock those caps off those heads, seriously, it's SO rude!!!
I don't get what makes grown men think it's ok. The boys, I'm willing to forgive because no one is teaching common courtesy these days. The other day, I was on vacation and in a nice restaurant. 12 men in this restaurant had on ball caps. 9 of them were over 50. My son even commented on it and he better NEVER dare to wear a hat in a restaurant until I'm dead and buried. I lump this into going barechested and painted to a winter football game-stupid.
I keep my phone on vibrate and if I HAVE to talk during dinner, I get up and leave to have the conversation-which is very rare. I only keep it available IF my son is expected to call. He usually texts so no conversation is necesseary.

Wow you really take notice of who wears hats at a restaurant. I notice them but I usually think things like OMG I can't believe he actually likes the Red Sox

 

[Alsobrook]

Bear Bryant, legendary Alabama football coach, usually wore a houndstooth hat. Once, Alabama played a football game in the Superdome, and Bryant arrived, sans hat. He was asked why he didn't have his hat on, and his reply was, " My momma told me that a gentleman never wears a hat indoors."

Gentlemen don't wear hats indoors, including ball caps.

And ladies and gentlemen do not use dining tables as storage places for their phones, purses, wallets, hats, or anything else.

Put your phone in your purse or pocket. If you absolutely must take a call, you excuse yourself from the table and leave the dining area entirely.

 

[mhsjax]

Wow you really take notice of who wears hats at a restaurant. I notice them but I usually think things like OMG I can't believe he actually likes the Red Sox

Those of us that were raised that it is unacceptable to wear a hat at dinner do notice these things. Now, it was equally rude if not more rude of the person to yell at another man wearing a hat inside, as another pp stated.

FWIW, I don't allow my boys or DH to even wear one at home at the dinner table. They remove it, or they don't eat. But I would never make it my business if anyone else is wearing it, but I will silently think that their mom didn't raise them with manners.

 

[LisaR]

Those of us that were raised that it is unacceptable to wear a hat at dinner do notice these things. Now, it was equally rude if not more rude of the person to yell at another man wearing a hat inside, as another pp stated.

FWIW, I don't allow my boys or DH to even wear one at home at the dinner table. They remove it, or they don't eat. But I would never make it my business if anyone else is wearing it, but I will silently think that their mom didn't raise them with manners.

I can't imagine ever telling my DH what he is allowed to wear anywhere much less at our own dinner table.

 

[luvmy3]

Those of us that were raised that it is unacceptable to wear a hat at dinner do notice these things. Now, it was equally rude if not more rude of the person to yell at another man wearing a hat inside, as another pp stated.

FWIW, I don't allow my boys or DH to even wear one at home at the dinner table. They remove it, or they don't eat. But I would never make it my business if anyone else is wearing it, but I will silently think that their mom didn't raise them with manners.

Well I did say I noticed them however I can say that what other people choose to do with their hats during dinner doesn't effect me at all. I do notice that more and more men/boys wear their hats at dinner but since they aren't my kids, why would I care enough to count the number of them and group them by their age.
And you can see by my post quoted below that I was raised to believe hats at the dinner table are unacceptable too

I don't necessarily find it rude, I mean if you want to do it, feel free its not going to effect my meal in any way. I was just raised that it was proper to remove your hat when sitting down to eat, just like I was raised to say please and thank you. I have raised my kids the same, so while its not rude for them to wear their caps at the table, I consider it poor manners. (And that goes for anywhere we we are sitting except the ball park ).

 

[mhsjax]

I can't imagine ever telling my DH what he is allowed to wear anywhere much less at our own dinner table.

Well trust me I do. When it comes to manners, he knows that I am the enforcer. He also knows that it is wrong, and usually he just forgets and thanks me for reminding him. I don't want my boys learning from his mistakes, he will also correct me if I am wrong in other areas. It works both ways. I am a real stickler for manners, what others do is their business, but i won't put up with it in my house with my family.

 

[mhsjax]

Well I did say I noticed them however I can say that what other people choose to do with their hats during dinner doesn't effect me at all. I do notice that more and more men/boys wear their hats at dinner but since they aren't my kids, why would I care enough to count the number of them and group them by their age.
And you can see by my post quoted below that I was raised to believe hats at the dinner table are unacceptable too

I agree, I don't count them and determine age, I just notice.

 

[FireDancer]

I think a lot of the etiquette stuff is a bit odd and I don't really care if anyone adheres to them. I don't care if you wear a hat indoors, don't care if you print labels for invitations or thank you notes instead of hand write the address on the envelope, don't care if you use the right fork for your first course, and don't care if you use a white wine glass for red wine. So many of these rules are hold overs from when we were way too much of a busy body society trying to tell other people what to do (and in many cases we still are). Of course I do try to be polite and hold doors, say please and thank you, and stuff like that.

I do find it rude, however, to answer the phone at the dinner table. If it is an emergency excuse yourself and talk in the lobby or outside. I also don't talk on the phone when I am checking out in line or ordering coffee or food. I think it is rude to the person you are with or the person who is helping you but not because of some etiquette guide that was most likely written at a time when black people had their own drinking fountains and women "belonged in the kitchen".

 

[DeaverTex]

I'm from the South, a true cowboy always takes his hat off at the table. If not his momma, granmomma, or wife will knock his socks off, as well as said hat on his head. I can't stand seeing a man wear a hat to eat, it isn't allowed at my table.

...snip...

RE: the bolded

Bless you, dear lady. I'm from the South myself. Texas, in particular. We didn't quite invent cowboys, but they did do the beta testing here. I'll admit that I don't know any working cowboys, but I do know a couple of rodeo and drugstore cowboys who insist that a true cowboy never takes his hat off except in the shower and in church. Of course, they never met my wife. She's not very big at all, but a cast iron skillet WILL remove a hat.

 

[kathie859]

When someone places a phone on the dining table, they better be on the list for an organ. If you're the nervous type re: leaving children or may have a business call, place the phone in your pocket on vibrate. As your dining companion, I'd appreciate your attention during the meal. It's ok for a youngster to be occupied with a game on a phone while waiting for dinner--but not teens or adults. That's just rude.

The hat thing may be "old fashioned" but it's a commonly held point of good manners that there are no hats while dining. Just like any commonly held rule of etiquette, feel free to break it but don't get your nose out of place when someone notices the faux pas.

Manners and etiquette are 2 things that separate us from the apes.

 

[LisaR]

When someone places a phone on the dining table, they better be on the list for an organ. If you're the nervous type re: leaving children or may have a business call, place the phone in your pocket on vibrate. As your dining companion, I'd appreciate your attention during the meal. It's ok for a youngster to be occupied with a game on a phone while waiting for dinner--but not teens or adults. That's just rude.

The hat thing may be "old fashioned" but it's a commonly held point of good manners that there are no hats while dining. Just like any commonly held rule of etiquette, feel free to break it but don't get your nose out of place when someone notices the faux pas.

Manners and etiquette are 2 things that separate us from the apes.

Who determines what manners and etiquette are? We may all agree on saying please and thank you but what about wearing hats or wearing white after Labor Day? Do we default to Emily Post?

 

[Shyvioletisme]

the cell phone thing would only be bothersome if one were constantly on it(and only if they were at my table with me). Needing to take a call or two? NO big deal. If it's someone else at another table? I don't care. Someone talking on a phone is only bothersome during a movie when I'd need to be able to hear dialogue. I've never had an experience where someone on a cell phone ruined my meal.
The hat thing? Well I don't even notice if anyone else around us is wearing a hat. I don't care whether they take it off or keep it on either. My DH doesn't wear ball caps, but does wear beanies everywhere. The only place he takes it off is at home. Frankly I don't care. I've never heard a good reason for him to not to wear it inside/at the table, so he does.

 

[TacoBaco]

My intention of the thread was just to get others opinions... I don't know why I notice these things but I do... I think "manners" as a whole is something that is widely lacking within our society. And I'm by no means trying to say, I'm perfect and I do everything right, because I'm sure I don't... but I seem to notice some things;

when people don't push in their chairs
when men wear ball caps in restaurants
when people answer their cell phone in a restaurant
when people push themselves onto an elevator, before the others have had a chance to get off.

And I tried to choose my words carefully,,, I knew rude, and or offensive wasn't really the word I was looking for, because looking at a ball cap, certainly does NOT ruin my meal, or make me have any less of a good time, but I was raised, that it's just one of things that men shouldn't do. What I think is more shocking is the age of the men, when I see 40, 50, and 60 years olds,,, wearing a ball cap at dinner, I really feel like they should know better, and should set a better example for the youth of today...

As for me keeping my phone on the table, as I said, the ringer is off, or very low, and I won't answer the call at the table... but I am a mom, I do have a teenage daughter, and I typically keep the phone handy in case I get a "mom", "mom", "mom", "it's an emergency" text. I guess IMO keeping it on the corner of the table, with the sound off, is less rude than in my purse with the sound on...