"Bad Teacher" barks up the wrong tree!!!

[Liberty Belle]

I would agree with this. I've taught a lot of kids and can't think of a single child I was "out to get". A little projecting onto the kid perhaps? I always say it's not the behavior of the kids that will drive me out of teaching. It will be the behavior of the parents that drive me away from teaching.

That's good to hear and I would expect most teachers would feel this way, but I've had it happen once in my experience, too. I've also had my kid bullied by two of the staff members in the school. He's at a new school now and is thriving.

And I don't use the word "bullying" lightly.

 

[Missy1961]

Based on everything you have said, I think you need to consider home schooling your child. You seem to think they all have it in for your child.

I think that's a really good idea.

 

[Lillabelle0]

One should never intentionally shame or embarrass anyone. The natural consequence is a bad grade and possibly bad report card. Embarrassment does harm and never needs to be a form of punishment. I know I wouldn't want to wear a scarlet letter for every bad choice I have made. I ESP don't want a sign for failures due to my inability. Punishment for inability does the opposite and causes irrevocable damage. JMO. I applause you OP for your advocacy of your child.

 

[OceanAnnie]

One should never intentionally shame or embarrass anyone. The natural consequence is a bad grade and possibly bad report card. Embarrassment does harm and never needs to be a form of punishment. I know I wouldn't want to wear a scarlet letter for every bad choice I have made. I ESP don't want a sign for failures due to my inability. Punishment for inability does the opposite and causes irrevocable damage. JMO. I applause you OP for your advocacy of your child.

The thing that struck me was it went beyond putting the failing paper on the desk. The boy asked her not to and told her he would be embarrassed if she did. That took some guts for the boy to tell the teacher that, IMO. But she did it anyway! As an adult, you can theorize why she did it knowing the boy would be embarrassed. It's debatable as to what reason could be "right". We'll never know. But to a kid, her actions sent one message. She didn't care. That's a shame.

His speaking up should have been a flag to the teacher that he cared about his grade. It was a missed opportunity for her to find out what went wrong with this assignment/paper and have a discussion.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

*whoosh*

Yeah, that was the sound of my point going right over your head.

You sure it wasn't the vacuum from a cranial absence, and air rushing in to fill it?

 

[Schmeck]

One should never intentionally shame or embarrass anyone. The natural consequence is a bad grade and possibly bad report card. Embarrassment does harm and never needs to be a form of punishment. I know I wouldn't want to wear a scarlet letter for every bad choice I have made. I ESP don't want a sign for failures due to my inability. Punishment for inability does the opposite and causes irrevocable damage. JMO. I applause you OP for your advocacy of your child.

There are natural consequences for good grades and good report cards too. So no one is to ever get any input, right? If you only give good input, then you get fragile snowflakes that can't handle real life. "Punishment for inability" - snort, that's a good one. I'd rather have people around me that can handle failure and their own weaknesses than *****-foot through life worried that someone's "inability" can't handle something and they experience "irrevocable damage".

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

That's what you got from that post?

why yes, yes it is.

this comes from YEARS of hearing comments and snide remarks from people that have little or no knowledge of the events.

usually, when asked, they tell me that they once saw a movie.

so far, none of the "enlightened" commentators that condemn the veterans from that war have ever served a day in uniform.

and yes, it does matter. I am tired of all the comments from jerks that don't have a clue.

 

[JanaDee]

why yes, yes it is.

this comes from YEARS of hearing comments and snide remarks from people that have little or no knowledge of the events.

usually, when asked, they tell me that they once saw a movie.

so far, none of the "enlightened" commentators that condemn the veterans from that war have ever served a day in uniform.

and yes, it does matter. I am tired of all the comments from jerks that don't have a clue.

I will make this as clear as I can for you ~ the fact a person is a veteran has absolutely NO bearing on what kind of man they are. NONE. Being a veteran doesn't automatically make you a "real man".

What you read into my post about the Vietnam War is your projection, not mine. I said nothing about the war.

 

[cjbcam]

To be honest I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I also do not care about what the teachers at the school think. I have a great relationship with many of the teachers at that school, as a matter of fact my first DS is an honor student, a huge role model in the class. EVERY teacher LOVES him. I am very involved, they know what kind of parents we are. I'm sure none of them are thinking ill of me except the "friends" of the 5th grade Teacher. If they do have a different opinion of me c'est la vie. We are done with that school in 7 months anyway.

Having just skimmed some of the replies to your post I understand how you feel being attacked by everyone on here. I personally think some teachers are horrible my DD third grade teacher was horrible. Our school does not have percents or A, B etc. they have 1,2,3, or 4 (it makes no sense I hate it but anyways) she would come home with 40 pages of typed info to study for a test she got 4 wrong on a forty question test. She was given a 2 with a she doesn't listen in class written on the top. I wrote on test for teacher to call me thinking my kid wasn't listening in class (having already given my kid crap) she does and she stated I wrote that on everybody that got a twos test. She told me my daughter wasnt talking to others or being disruptive. I calmly told her that's not a generic comment and asked how many people got a two or lower. Over half the class so I told her maybe she isn't teaching the info in a way kids understand and that 4 wrong out of 40 is not bad. My DD continually received 2 on all her tests and never got more than 5 wrong on 40 question tests. My second oldest is in her class now and has had 1 to 4 wrong on all her tests and always gets a 4. I really do think some teachers just don't click with some kids. She has been the only teacher I have ever had a problem with and it wasn't just me. So I agree sometimes teachers shouldn't just blindly be defended by people. On the other hand there are so many parents that that think their kids can do no wrong that defending the teacher automatically is now the norm.

 

[lauradis]

That kind of what I was getting at. The kid might just know mom's buzz words and what to say to get her going.

That is not the meaning I was referring too, but kids hear phases and repeat sometimes knowing the meaning sometimes not.

 

[AC7179]

Whether or not you think this Mom is taking her offense to the extreme, it's really very common knowledge that grades should be confidential. That's certainly a best practice in education.

Think about a job review, your college transcript, or your bank account information (because, really, that's kind of a measure as to how "well" we are doing). Would you want that displayed publically? Why is that okay to do to kids?

I'm a teacher and while I would definitely be concerned about why this child failed, I wouldn't be happy with making him display it either.

 

[lukenick1]

I am actually finding my thread very disturbing to say the least. Accusing us of lying, making me out to be the bad guy and my son to be the criminal. It's pretty pathetic. My ds is in no way perfect. I always take what he tells me with a grain of salt. I know other kids in the class so I always call on them to confirm what ds is telling me. I am lucky to have those resources. He may not be the perfect student but he doesn't deserve to be "humiliated" MY WORDS not his. It shocks me that 75% of you disagree with me, and lash out at my son, myself, and the Principal. If we are not our own child's advocate, who will be?

Here's another one for ya......

In 3rd grade ds was coming home and telling me that his male teacher would grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight it would cut his circulation off. He told me in October....I shrugged it off thinking he is probably exaggerating and there were no marks or bruises. He told me the same thing in November, I shrugged it off again. When he told me again in December, I decided it's time to investigate. I called other parents of kids who had this teacher in the past, and asked kids in the class presently. All said yes but their child never told them at the time, only when they were asked about it. What did I do??? I emailed the teacher and politely asked him to find another means of discipline that doesn't involve physical touch. His response...."Never did I grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight, and I am CC ing the Principal in this email response". I never had any intentions on involving the Principal, HE got her involved. Did I remove my son from the class...NO because he never came home complaining that teacher grabbed his arm again after that. I should start a poll on how many of you think I made this one up .

What I am getting at here is that NO I DO NOT CODDLE MY SON. With that said, I will not let him be humiliated when he has no self confidence to begin with and struggles with anxiety. I will repeat myself for the umpteenth time here....I am not upset that she displayed his project and I don't think he should have special treatment, I am upset that she displayed the GRADE when he specifically asked her NOT to because he was "embarrassed". It's OPEN HOUSE and not appropriate. I am upset that when he was sick she refused him going to the nurse. He came home after school that day with a fever of 102.5 and was diagnosed with strep throat. I was upset because she gave his group a reading book to keep in the class. My son left his book on his desk at the end of the day. It disappeared over night and she harassed him saying he needs to buy her a new book. I'm sorry, if the book is on school property and never leaves the classroom, we are NOT responsible for the book. Stop scaring the kid saying he better buy a new one. Yes I confirmed that she did that with 3 other kids in the class and yes I kept it to myself instead of confronting her about it. These examples of her behavior was setting the bar for what the year was going to be like with her and I wasn't going to have it. How does that make me such a bad guy because I had him removed from her class and things are much better and happier? To answer a question, he is stuck with his 5th grade teacher for the whole day, we do not switch classes in this school.

 

[phorsenuf]

I am actually finding my thread very disturbing to say the least. Accusing us of lying, making me out to be the bad guy and my son to be the criminal. It's pretty pathetic. My ds is in no way perfect. I always take what he tells me with a grain of salt. I know other kids in the class so I always call on them to confirm what ds is telling me. I am lucky to have those resources. He may not be the perfect student but he doesn't deserve to be "humiliated" MY WORDS not his. It shocks me that 75% of you disagree with me, and lash out at my son, myself, and the Principal. If we are not our own child's advocate, who will be?

Here's another one for ya......

In 3rd grade ds was coming home and telling me that his male teacher would grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight it would cut his circulation off. He told me in October....I shrugged it off thinking he is probably exaggerating and there were no marks or bruises. He told me the same thing in November, I shrugged it off again. When he told me again in December, I decided it's time to investigate. I called other parents of kids who had this teacher in the past, and asked kids in the class presently. All said yes but their child never told them at the time, only when they were asked about it. What did I do??? I emailed the teacher and politely asked him to find another means of discipline that doesn't involve physical touch. His response...."Never did I grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight, and I am CC ing the Principal in this email response". I never had any intentions on involving the Principal, HE got her involved. Did I remove my son from the class...NO because he never came home complaining that teacher grabbed his arm again after that. I should start a poll on how many of you think I made this one up .

What I am getting at here is that NO I DO NOT CODDLE MY SON. With that said, I will not let him be humiliated when he has no self confidence to begin with and struggles with anxiety. I will repeat myself for the umpteenth time here....I am not upset that she displayed his project and I don't think he should have special treatment, I am upset that she displayed the GRADE when he specifically asked her NOT to because he was "embarrassed". It's OPEN HOUSE and not appropriate. I am upset that when he was sick she refused him going to the nurse. He came home after school that day with a fever of 102.5 and was diagnosed with strep throat. I was upset because she gave his group a reading book to keep in the class. My son left his book on his desk at the end of the day. It disappeared over night and she harassed him saying he needs to buy her a new book. I'm sorry, if the book is on school property and never leaves the classroom, we are NOT responsible for the book. Stop scaring the kid saying he better buy a new one. Yes I confirmed that she did that with 3 other kids in the class and yes I kept it to myself instead of confronting her about it. These examples of her behavior was setting the bar for what the year was going to be like with her and I wasn't going to have it. How does that make me such a bad guy because I had him removed from her class and things are much better and happier? To answer a question, he is stuck with his 5th grade teacher for the whole day, we do not switch classes in this school.

The more you post the more a pattern emerges. I think I would agree with the others that perhaps you should think about home schooling, then when something happens you have nobody to blame but yourself. It could be very eye-opening.

 

[sam_gordon]

I am actually finding my thread very disturbing to say the least. Accusing us of lying, making me out to be the bad guy and my son to be the criminal. It's pretty pathetic. My ds is in no way perfect. I always take what he tells me with a grain of salt. I know other kids in the class so I always call on them to confirm what ds is telling me. I am lucky to have those resources. He may not be the perfect student but he doesn't deserve to be "humiliated" MY WORDS not his. It shocks me that 75% of you disagree with me, and lash out at my son, myself, and the Principal. If we are not our own child's advocate, who will be?

Here's another one for ya......

In 3rd grade ds was coming home and telling me that his male teacher would grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight it would cut his circulation off. He told me in October....I shrugged it off thinking he is probably exaggerating and there were no marks or bruises. He told me the same thing in November, I shrugged it off again. When he told me again in December, I decided it's time to investigate. I called other parents of kids who had this teacher in the past, and asked kids in the class presently. All said yes but their child never told them at the time, only when they were asked about it. What did I do??? I emailed the teacher and politely asked him to find another means of discipline that doesn't involve physical touch. His response...."Never did I grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight, and I am CC ing the Principal in this email response". I never had any intentions on involving the Principal, HE got her involved. Did I remove my son from the class...NO because he never came home complaining that teacher grabbed his arm again after that. I should start a poll on how many of you think I made this one up .

What I am getting at here is that NO I DO NOT CODDLE MY SON. With that said, I will not let him be humiliated when he has no self confidence to begin with and struggles with anxiety. I will repeat myself for the umpteenth time here....I am not upset that she displayed his project and I don't think he should have special treatment, I am upset that she displayed the GRADE when he specifically asked her NOT to because he was "embarrassed". It's OPEN HOUSE and not appropriate. I am upset that when he was sick she refused him going to the nurse. He came home after school that day with a fever of 102.5 and was diagnosed with strep throat. I was upset because she gave his group a reading book to keep in the class. My son left his book on his desk at the end of the day. It disappeared over night and she harassed him saying he needs to buy her a new book. I'm sorry, if the book is on school property and never leaves the classroom, we are NOT responsible for the book. Stop scaring the kid saying he better buy a new one. Yes I confirmed that she did that with 3 other kids in the class and yes I kept it to myself instead of confronting her about it. These examples of her behavior was setting the bar for what the year was going to be like with her and I wasn't going to have it. How does that make me such a bad guy because I had him removed from her class and things are much better and happier? To answer a question, he is stuck with his 5th grade teacher for the whole day, we do not switch classes in this school.

I don't think anyone is denying parents need to advocate for their kids. However, I think the way YOU presented your "advocation" is what rubbed people the wrong way. Then, when people called you on it, you keep coming back with more facts to help support your cause.

What I don't understand is for the third grade incident you mention in this post, you email the teacher about a concern. But according to the OP, you don't discuss the situation (in person or via email) with the teacher, but go right to the principal. Now you're posting examples of the "other things" of which the open house was the 'last straw'. Had you talked to the teacher about any of these other concerns?

As far as the book being "lost", my first question to my child would be "Did you put the book where it was supposed to be?" I'm assuming the book is supposed to be in a desk, a locker, a certain shelf, etc. If he didn't put it away where it belongs, then YES, he is responsible for it. Under your definition above, as long as it was in the classroom, that's ok. I disagree, as apparently does the teacher.

 

[kellyg403]

I am actually finding my thread very disturbing to say the least. Accusing us of lying, making me out to be the bad guy and my son to be the criminal. It's pretty pathetic. My ds is in no way perfect. I always take what he tells me with a grain of salt. I know other kids in the class so I always call on them to confirm what ds is telling me. I am lucky to have those resources. He may not be the perfect student but he doesn't deserve to be "humiliated" MY WORDS not his. It shocks me that 75% of you disagree with me, and lash out at my son, myself, and the Principal. If we are not our own child's advocate, who will be?

Here's another one for ya......

In 3rd grade ds was coming home and telling me that his male teacher would grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight it would cut his circulation off. He told me in October....I shrugged it off thinking he is probably exaggerating and there were no marks or bruises. He told me the same thing in November, I shrugged it off again. When he told me again in December, I decided it's time to investigate. I called other parents of kids who had this teacher in the past, and asked kids in the class presently. All said yes but their child never told them at the time, only when they were asked about it. What did I do??? I emailed the teacher and politely asked him to find another means of discipline that doesn't involve physical touch. His response...."Never did I grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight, and I am CC ing the Principal in this email response". I never had any intentions on involving the Principal, HE got her involved. Did I remove my son from the class...NO because he never came home complaining that teacher grabbed his arm again after that. I should start a poll on how many of you think I made this one up .

What I am getting at here is that NO I DO NOT CODDLE MY SON. With that said, I will not let him be humiliated when he has no self confidence to begin with and struggles with anxiety. I will repeat myself for the umpteenth time here....I am not upset that she displayed his project and I don't think he should have special treatment, I am upset that she displayed the GRADE when he specifically asked her NOT to because he was "embarrassed". It's OPEN HOUSE and not appropriate. I am upset that when he was sick she refused him going to the nurse. He came home after school that day with a fever of 102.5 and was diagnosed with strep throat. I was upset because she gave his group a reading book to keep in the class. My son left his book on his desk at the end of the day. It disappeared over night and she harassed him saying he needs to buy her a new book. I'm sorry, if the book is on school property and never leaves the classroom, we are NOT responsible for the book. Stop scaring the kid saying he better buy a new one. Yes I confirmed that she did that with 3 other kids in the class and yes I kept it to myself instead of confronting her about it. These examples of her behavior was setting the bar for what the year was going to be like with her and I wasn't going to have it. How does that make me such a bad guy because I had him removed from her class and things are much better and happier? To answer a question, he is stuck with his 5th grade teacher for the whole day, we do not switch classes in this school.

OP, whether or not you 'coddle' your son is entirely your business. You posted initially about an issue that you resolved. Basically you made it out to be "I am mom, hear me roar'. Most agree with you that the grade issue was totally out of line, that the humiliation your ds felt should not have happened, but the reaction and ultimate switching of classes was probably an overreaction.

So far, you have brought more information regarding teachers your son has dealt with. The PE teacher? You asked children. Here is another possible take on this situation. PE teachers teach games and exercise. For example in volleyball, there are places to stand and different positions. My PE teacher would sometimes (especially for the younger ones) take them by the arm and put them in the appropriate position and explain their position in the game. It was not mean spirited. This teacher may have done that and I honestly would have cc'd the principal too as a CYA. You basically accused him of disciplining his students with physical force. On the voices of children without observing the class and seeing it for yourself.

It just seems like you take a lot of information from children and hold it in and then just blow up. And by your own admission, don't say much to the teacher until you have enough. I don't understand why there is not more communication between you and the teacher, the adult. As opposed to getting verification from 'kids'. They are kids too. Depending on how the question is posed, the answer could be radically different than the actual circumstances. We have all had moments where our children have told others things that have happened in our homes, that when told to us we shake our head and tell the story with the details.

I would not take anything personally that you have on here. Your child and your parenting are yours. Just many trying to point out, there are avenues you could pursue that would be different and that your son has difficulty with a lot of teachers. That is a red flag for someone. You, the school or your son. I mean that seriously. I don't think anyone is accusing you of lying. Just a lack of detail from the adults in question seems to be missing.

Kelly

 

[wvjules]

Are you sure your son has a deathly peanut allergy? How can he be in a classroom full of peanut butter and not have any issues with it? If it is that severe wouldn't he have needed medical assistance with all that peanut residue around?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Not helping yourself OP with the repeated stories of harassment and even physical actions taken against students. If all of that really is an issue then I would be seriously considering a new school and taking up all of these issues with the district.

 

[smitch425]

OP, whether or not you 'coddle' your son is entirely your business. You posted initially about an issue that you resolved. Basically you made it out to be "I am mom, hear me roar'. Most agree with you that the grade issue was totally out of line, that the humiliation your ds felt should not have happened, but the reaction and ultimate switching of classes was probably an overreaction.

So far, you have brought more information regarding teachers your son has dealt with. The PE teacher? You asked children. Here is another possible take on this situation. PE teachers teach games and exercise. For example in volleyball, there are places to stand and different positions. My PE teacher would sometimes (especially for the younger ones) take them by the arm and put them in the appropriate position and explain their position in the game. It was not mean spirited. This teacher may have done that and I honestly would have cc'd the principal too as a CYA. You basically accused him of disciplining his students with physical force. On the voices of children without observing the class and seeing it for yourself.

It just seems like you take a lot of information from children and hold it in and then just blow up. And by your own admission, don't say much to the teacher until you have enough. I don't understand why there is not more communication between you and the teacher, the adult. As opposed to getting verification from 'kids'. They are kids too. Depending on how the question is posed, the answer could be radically different than the actual circumstances. We have all had moments where our children have told others things that have happened in our homes, that when told to us we shake our head and tell the story with the details.

I would not take anything personally that you have on here. Your child and your parenting are yours. Just many trying to point out, there are avenues you could pursue that would be different and that your son has difficulty with a lot of teachers. That is a red flag for someone. You, the school or your son. I mean that seriously. I don't think anyone is accusing you of lying. Just a lack of detail from the adults in question seems to be missing.

Kelly

Excellent post, and I agree. Too much relying on a child's word and not enough adult communication. Everyone wants to back their child up. It's our instinct as parents. However, given the history of this particular child, there is a strong possibility that not everything that he says is true. Best to work out the issues with all adults involved and with the child present so that everyone's story can be heard and discussed at the same time.

 

[declansdad]

I am actually finding my thread very disturbing to say the least. Accusing us of lying, making me out to be the bad guy and my son to be the criminal. It's pretty pathetic. My ds is in no way perfect. I always take what he tells me with a grain of salt. I know other kids in the class so I always call on them to confirm what ds is telling me. I am lucky to have those resources. He may not be the perfect student but he doesn't deserve to be "humiliated" MY WORDS not his. It shocks me that 75% of you disagree with me, and lash out at my son, myself, and the Principal. If we are not our own child's advocate, who will be?

Here's another one for ya......

In 3rd grade ds was coming home and telling me that his male teacher would grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight it would cut his circulation off. He told me in October....I shrugged it off thinking he is probably exaggerating and there were no marks or bruises. He told me the same thing in November, I shrugged it off again. When he told me again in December, I decided it's time to investigate. I called other parents of kids who had this teacher in the past, and asked kids in the class presently. All said yes but their child never told them at the time, only when they were asked about it. What did I do??? I emailed the teacher and politely asked him to find another means of discipline that doesn't involve physical touch. His response...."Never did I grab him by the arm and squeeze it so tight, and I am CC ing the Principal in this email response". I never had any intentions on involving the Principal, HE got her involved. Did I remove my son from the class...NO because he never came home complaining that teacher grabbed his arm again after that. I should start a poll on how many of you think I made this one up .

What I am getting at here is that NO I DO NOT CODDLE MY SON. With that said, I will not let him be humiliated when he has no self confidence to begin with and struggles with anxiety. I will repeat myself for the umpteenth time here....I am not upset that she displayed his project and I don't think he should have special treatment, I am upset that she displayed the GRADE when he specifically asked her NOT to because he was "embarrassed". It's OPEN HOUSE and not appropriate. I am upset that when he was sick she refused him going to the nurse. He came home after school that day with a fever of 102.5 and was diagnosed with strep throat. I was upset because she gave his group a reading book to keep in the class. My son left his book on his desk at the end of the day. It disappeared over night and she harassed him saying he needs to buy her a new book. I'm sorry, if the book is on school property and never leaves the classroom, we are NOT responsible for the book. Stop scaring the kid saying he better buy a new one. Yes I confirmed that she did that with 3 other kids in the class and yes I kept it to myself instead of confronting her about it. These examples of her behavior was setting the bar for what the year was going to be like with her and I wasn't going to have it. How does that make me such a bad guy because I had him removed from her class and things are much better and happier? To answer a question, he is stuck with his 5th grade teacher for the whole day, we do not switch classes in this school.

1. Homeschool
2. Have your schools investigated. It seems to have the worst teachers in the world.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

[*]Homeschool [*]Have your schools investigated. It seems to have the worst teachers in the world.

Right???

Child's embarrassed a grade is made public, mom freaks... A teacher PHYSICALLY grabs the child and mom sends an email.

Mmmmmmmmkay.