Back me up on this...

[china mom]

I have been miserable at work and have fantasized about quitting. Our financial advisor said that both my husband and I could quit working at any time but the thought of that is scary. We both have pensions and 401 accounts. He currently earns twice what I do but I carry the health insurance and it is a very good policy.

So, instead of quitting, I accepted a new position with the same county but a different department. We have been talking about this for quite a while now and we both realized that there may be a pay reduction. It turns out that after negotiations, I have accepted the new position for $5k less than what I am making now (with a $1,000 raise coming in in January)

When I told my husband, the first thing he did was grill me on whether or not we can afford the pay cut. Dude, we would do fine if I took a 100% pay cut. $5k is nothing. Isn't my sanity worth a few less dollars? Seriously, I have been about half a second away from telling my supervisor to "you know what" off so many times in the past year. I am so excited about this new opportunity. Please agree with me that he needs to stop raining on my parade.

PS, it works out to $192 a paycheck less (before taxes). I can save that by skipping one Amazon order

 

[kymom99]

I assume he knew you were unhappy before you made the change. I’m sure he will come around.

 

[Southernmiss]

I back you up!

Can you put your budget on paper so he can see it?

Peace of mind and health is worth much more than $5,000 per year.

Enjoy your new position without guilt!

 

[china mom]

oh yes, he knew. The whole family knew. I had to censor myself when I realized I was complaining too much. I am really excited about the switch.

I am also enjoying a little Karma headed the way of my soon to be ex department. I am the last one in the county certified to teach a class that individuals in several departments need every two years. My current bosses were being real jerks about making it clear that I am only to teach my department this class and screw everyone else who needs it. Bwaaa ha ha. I cannot wait until they ask me to come back to teach their people. I will nicely tell them that they can either ask my boss if they can borrow me (he is aware of their edict) or they can send those who need it to another class 90 minutes away.

 

[china mom]

I back you up!

Can you put your budget on paper so he can see it?

Peace of mind and health is worth much more than $5,000 per year.

Enjoy your new position without guilt!

That's what is so funny, we are well beyond having a budget. We were putting money away well before he got a $20K raise last year. Budget, smudget. Thank you for the back up. I should point out all the money he is saving with me not needing to go to therapy.

 

[jo-jo]

Tell your husband to make up the difference , he can eat PJ & J for lunch every day or pay for therapy sessions . His choice.

oops looks like I type too slow. LOL

 

[Praying Colonel]

Both DW and I worked jobs at one point that made each of us miserable. We learned not being miserable is more important than money (very broadly speaking!).

I read an article recently that talked about how to think of marriage as a team sport and focusing on "we" instead of "me" when it comes to disagreements:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1590734225195634694

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

but the thought of that is scary.

I'm guessing this is mostly where he's coming from. Thinking hypothetical but now it's real. The pay-cut is nothing in the grand scheme and certainly nowhere near not working at all.

He'll get to that point where he can accept it's not as bad as he's thinking (especially if he sees you settle into the new position and hopefully with a ton less stress) but before it was just talks and now some action has followed. Give him time but remind him you're excited about this new position and maybe be easy on the Amazon orders..just for a few months

 

[barkley]

I have been miserable at work and have fantasized about quitting. Our financial advisor said that both my husband and I could quit working at any time but the thought of that is scary. We both have pensions and 401 accounts. He currently earns twice what I do but I carry the health insurance and it is a very good policy.

So, instead of quitting, I accepted a new position with the same county but a different department. We have been talking about this for quite a while now and we both realized that there may be a pay reduction. It turns out that after negotiations, I have accepted the new position for $5k less than what I am making now (with a $1,000 raise coming in in January)

When I told my husband, the first thing he did was grill me on whether or not we can afford the pay cut. Dude, we would do fine if I took a 100% pay cut. $5k is nothing. Isn't my sanity worth a few less dollars? Seriously, I have been about half a second away from telling my supervisor to "you know what" off so many times in the past year. I am so excited about this new opportunity. Please agree with me that he needs to stop raining on my parade.

PS, it works out to $192 a paycheck less (before taxes). I can save that by skipping one Amazon order

i will back you a million percent on this. i'm a retired former county employee. i had to retire in my 40's disabled b/c i didn't listen to my gut that my job was stressing me out to dangerous levels. when i didn't listen to my gut my body decided to no longer give me a voice in the matter (literally-i had the first of 3 migraine triggered strokes which resulted in aphasia). your health is priceless.


p.s. absent the stress i knew plenty of people who worked for counties that put in their time and then demoted into other positions the last handful of years in their career. their pensions were based on their highest earning years and so it made little to no difference retirement wise and if they could afford it they were able to enjoy a much more enjoyable work environment.

here's your parade absent the rain

 

[CdnCarrie]

$192 per paycheque would mean a lot to many people!
Honestly this comes across very braggy.
We don’t know your finances. If you can afford a pay cut then go for it.

Some people don’t have that choice.

 

[fly girl]

Woo Hoo! Celebrate this change. Don’t let him rain on your parade.


$5k isn’t a deal breaker because you can retire! Was he aware of this position change? Maybe it was the shock of not knowing you accepted a new position? Who knows … but no doubt he will hop on board and gladly say so long to that piddly amount when he sees you happy.

 

[fly girl]

$192 per paycheque would mean a lot to lots of people!
Honestly this comes across very braggy.
We don’t know your finances. If you can afford a pay cut then go for it.

Some people don’t have that choice.

YMMV, but I honestly don’t think it was meant in a bragging way. I read the post that she was more of the shock that her spouse mentioned the finances versus her happiness.

Yes, many people cannot afford that pay cut, but she has put herself in a position in which she could retire today if need be. So the $5K pay cut for her was something that she could afford to do.

 

[leebee]

He knew you were stressed and ready to quit, and that you can afford it, but did he know that the new position was being offered and you were seriously considering taking it? Did your accepting the new position come as a surprise to him? If so, maybe that's what he is reacting to and it just came out wrong, him asking if you can afford it.

I back you 100%. I have a job that is killing me; it's not a hard job but it requires long hours of grading at home, evenings and weekends, in addition to the 40hrs "in person" every week. I am tired, I can fully retire on 11/26, but my mortgage and HELOC disagree with that, so, hi-ho, hi-ho! DH is always saying I should look for something less stressful, something with better hours, or just retire, but I don't feel financially secure enough to do that. Crap... cuz this job is slowly killing me... so I hear ya!!

 

[DLgal]

$192 per paycheque would mean a lot to many people!
Honestly this comes across very braggy.
We don’t know your finances. If you can afford a pay cut then go for it.

Some people don’t have that choice.

It doesn't matter what it means to anyone else. It isn't an issue for them, financially.

Her husband sounds like a controlling, greedy person. People like that like to make everything an issue, even when there is no reason to.

OP, enjoy your new position.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

YMMV, but I honestly don’t think it was meant in a bragging way. I read the post that she was more of the shock that her spouse mentioned the finances versus her happiness.

Yes, many people cannot afford that pay cut, but she has put herself in a position in which she could retire today if need be. So the $5K pay cut for her was something that she could afford to do.

Agreed plus if this was a conversation about finances I suspect people might have answered slightly differently, of course still giving understanding towards stress of the job but then there would be stress of the finances that added into it. In the OP's case that financial stress isn't there.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think the OP has already retired from one job and career, then gone back to school to obtain a degree, and is now working another job. She’s earned the right to know what she wants and doesn’t want, and whether she can afford it, so I support it.

It sounds to me like her DH was just surprised with a change of plans. He’ll come around. They sound like a hard-working couple. Life is too short to stay in a miserable job if there are other options.

 

[tvguy]

Your financial adviser looked over your situation and said you both could quit and be okay. If you would be okay with zero income, I can't see a circumstance where making only a $192 less would be an issue.
But it can be unnerving for sure. We jumped last year when we retired, our financial advisor showed us how we could make a go it. No pensions, no Social Security for another year living on $3,000 a month drawn from savings. Is it tight? Yup. But 16 months in it is working, and it is great NOT working. And our Social Security will be equal to what we were bringing home working, and we can stop taking savings withdrawals.

 

[mjkacmom]

My daughter was just recruited by another accounting firm. She likes her current job/company, they offer flexibility, both jobs are mostly work at home. She asked for $18,000 more than she makes, was offered $5000 plus a $1000 bonus in 6 months, she turned it down, for that amount it wasn’t worth the gamble, she’s young. My husband is friends with a former co-worker who retired, he’s come back to the company making half of his previous salary (different position) to get health insurance again. That’s our only worry for the future (we are a 1 income family and definitely on track for my husband to retire in 10 years, according to our FA we’d be okay if he lost his job now, but healthcare is a real worry).

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I 100% agree with you... your sanity is far more valuable than the money!

 

[shh]

Do NOT underestimate what job stress can do to your health - and the devastating financial repercussions of that. If your husband thinks $192/paycheck is a lot to lose, he will really be in pain if you're hit with outrageously priced specialty meds, treatment plans and therapies costing many thousands of dollars (that even the best healthcare plans may not cover 100%) triggered by unhealthy internal stress. They call it a "silent killer" for a reason.

Many chronic, expensive, life-limiting inflammatory/immune-system-related diseases result from or are worsened by job stress.