WOW Patricia! Just WOW!! Your post was AMAZING! It brought tears to my eyes and gave me goose bumps!
I may have mentioned before that my 16 year old nephew has aspergers. I have a very special bond with my sisters kids, it's more like they're my other 3 kids. Not my nieces and nephew. My nephew was born in a time that my BIL was still in the US Coast Guard and was gone a lot. My sister spent a lot of that time at my parents house and I was still in high school at the time. So, I've always been very close to him, as well as his sisters.
We knew he was different from other kids very early on and that only became more apparent as he got older.
As he got older a few things became very apparent. He always took thing that were said very seriously and literally. He never understood a joke or saracism.
As a general rule language is taken at face value...jokes can be hard because they are nuanced and not literal -some things that we take as funny...if you interpret them literally sound quite scary..."I have so much to do I'm falling apart..." if you take that literally...
btw-there is a book of idioms out-written specifically for people with AS-kind of like a dictionary...I had a speech teacher recommend a book called Parts last year...it's all about this boy hearing stuff like "laughing my head off" etc...Rabbit loved it...so much...that now he kind of collect idioms-he thinks they are a riot...
He would obsess over 1 toy or group of toys.
(Ah yes...the special interest appears...the up side of that is sometimes it can turn into a career option ie. weather...meteorolgist..computerers...programmer, photos-photographer, etc... He didn't under certain social cues, including personal space, and in response to the nervousness that was caused by that he would either giggle or cry. Usually cry. Of course at that point no one knew what the problem really was a it appeared that he was crying for no reason. Not something a 9 year old boy should do in school and not expect to be made fun of. (Anyway would cry if they didn't get what was going on around them...
Of course he was upset-he was trying to figure out what was going on around him and having a tough time...if someone plopped me down in China with no Chinese or lessons in the culture and people were just yelling at me in Chinese like that was going to help...I'd be crying too...
When he was given the aspergers diagnosis, probably 8 years ago now, my sister and her family lived in Maine and had no computer so I became my sisters researcher. I poured over the internet, countless pages later I had learned quite a bit and mailed my sister a huge manila envelop FULL of info.
(how awesome for your sister to have such a supportive sibling...)
Since that diagnosis we seen his life take the twists and turns that most kids go through. But in a very different way.
When he was diagnosed my sister, BIL and school pychologist decided it was best not to tell him. They didn't want him using a label as an excuse. I really think it was the best thing for him at the time. He does know now but it doesn't appear that having a label has effected him in anyway.
We're struggling with that right now-Rabbit hasn't heard us use the term Asperger's although-we've talked about how he's really great at some things...and other things are much harder...he told me in the car last year that he thought "his brain worked different" than some of the other kids...so he sees it...I'm torn on giving him the label...if I do it it would be so he can learn to start to self advocate and understand what he needs...he also has a lot of gifts too...
We've watched him grow into such a wonderful, smart young man it makes me beam with pride.
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He's grown to understand most social cues. Although he forgets from time to time especially when he thinks something is funny.
You can learn to become socially adroit...it's just not first nature to you...kind of like the difference again with having Chinese as your first language or one you learned...the latter you still have to think in your head and translate-it isn't automatic...
He found a niche in High School in the drama department and is a superb actor! He even wrote a short play about the trials and tribulations of his life that was performed at his school in this past spring. Unfortunately I didn't get to see it but my parents did. My mom can't talk about it without crying. My mom also relayed that my dad sat there and cried. I've seen my dad cry twice in my life, once when my grandmother died and once when his best friend commited suicide. You know he had to moved to have cried.
He has such an amazing sense of self confidence and self worth it's amazing. All teenagers should have that!!
He sounds like a really amazing young man..
...there are actually supposed to be more people in creative fields like acting then people realize (Dan Ackroyd always comes up...Daryl Hannah, Tim Burton to name a few who have actually admitted to it-there is plenty of speculation of many others..,)..acting can be a great outlet for kids with AS if they want to because in addition to getting to be creative...it also teaches them to take another person's perspective on a situation..What a superb moment for your family...
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Most kids with AS are amongst the kindest, most sensitive people youll ever meet...they have a very egalitarian view of people-hold no prejudice, can't compehend cruelty...
I am so happy to hear that your nephew is in a good place feeling good about himself...he should...
I know my sister used to get overwhelmed, especially in situations where other people just didn't understand. But thats changed a lot as he's gotten older and learned most of the inherent skills that were missing.
Your story just really touched my heart knowing that my nephew was in a very similar situation!
Thanks so much for sharing...there is comfort in numbers and knowing that you aren't the only one...
Seeing those pictures was like watching a great and epic battle just like you described!! Absolutely amazing!!! WOW!!
I also have to note 2 things! 1 being that I love that you got him with his feet off the ground!!! LOVE THAT PICTURE!! 2 being, remember you talked about kids greedy little hearts with the toys. Well DS2 just about freaked out because he saw Hatters shoes!! He has red Chuck Taylor All-Stars and thought that the boy in the picture somehow got his shoes!!! I had got get his and show them to him so he would stop yelling "My shoes, my shoes!!"
I love that photo too...in fact...I want to do something special with it -still deciding...Oh no your poor son...I hope he knows his are safe...