Baby to Daycare?

[RachelEllen]

Ok, help settle an argument between hubby and me.

I work 80% time. For my job, that is 12 weekdays a month. Our daughter is in daycare 3 days a week and I spend the other 2 with her.

My husband works full time. The dynamic is, on weekends and evenings, I have the "default" babycare person. That is, he will go out for drinks after work (occasionally) or go jogging on the weekends, or go to his son's baseball games in the evening without clearing it with me. If I want to do something, I make sure to check that he is free to take care of the baby. He will often sit and read the paper on Sunday morning and I will make sure the baby isn't killing herself. If I want to take a shower, I check with him.

I am /completely, totally ok/ with all of the above. I just want to set the context.

Now, baby is in daycare 3 days a week. That means we have paid for 1-2 days/month when I am not working. I take the baby to daycare from late morning to after nap on those days. I usually spend about half the time getting stuff done around the house and two to three hours chilling out.

DH has been giving me a hard time (in a nice, but real way) about "dumping the baby"

So moms (or dads).....ok to drop off toddler once in a while for a mom only day?

 

[Tink1073]

Perfectly fine!!! You need some time to yourself too! When I was working and my son was in daycare, I would occasionally get out of work early and still pick him up at the normal time so I could get some time to myself..Enjoy!!

 

[disny_luvr]

I don't know if I'd call it "dumping the baby", but yes, I do think it is okay to take the baby to the sitter 1-2 days/month if you aren't working. In fact, I do the same thing over the summer. I am a school teacher and my boys go to an in-home daycare three days a week. My mom keeps them the other two days. During the summer they still go to the in-home daycare one day/week. I do this because a.) my sitter requires this of me to keep my spot for the following year, b.) the boys love it; it gives them one day a week that they can play with their little friends and c.) it gives me time to get stuff done around the house. The day they aren't with me I do most of the week's chores so that in the evenings and during the weekends I can spend my time doing other fun things with the family.

 

[Magic Mom]

So moms (or dads).....ok to drop off toddler once in a while for a mom only day?

Yes.

 

[MM27]

I don't have kids myself, but some of the people that I work with do that when we have a day off of school but the daycare is open. Enjoy the day, you deserve it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Of course!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am a SAHM. I used to work full time but stopped when my kids were born. I do have many friends that do work various hours and at varying intensity and think the stress of working out of the home and raising a family shouldn't be underestimated. For most of my working friends housework becomes oppressive and prevents them from actually enjoying their families when they do get to be home. I do not at all think it is indulgent of you to take advantage of a few hours during the day to get done everything you need to do because those few hours wouldn't be quality time anyway. You have limited time to do this stuff, why drag the baby along? Besides, if you do get all your tasks done during those few hours your weekends can be spent blissfully ignoring your chores and enjoying your DH and child. I know I make sure I do EVERYTHING during the week so I can power off Friday night until Monday morning. Our evenings and weekends are strictly family time and it works for us

 

[golfgal]

I see nothing wrong doing that one or two days/month. It is good for everyone involved. Now, the "SAHM's" I know that brought their child to daycare EVERY day, that is different.

 

[hentob]

My husband works full time. The dynamic is, on weekends and evenings, I have the "default" babycare person. That is, he will go out for drinks after work (occasionally) or go jogging on the weekends, or go to his son's baseball games in the evening without clearing it with me. If I want to do something, I make sure to check that he is free to take care of the baby. He will often sit and read the paper on Sunday morning and I will make sure the baby isn't killing herself. If I want to take a shower, I check with him.

I am /completely, totally ok/ with all of the above.

Really? You are ok that your husband just gets to do what he wants, when he wants and you have to clear a shower with him

And then he says that you are "dumping the baby" when you take her to daycare

No offense, but your husband seems like he is very selfish. I couldn't live like that. I would resent him so much.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Oh goodness. I'm a SAHM and I'm totally an advocate of "me" time. If that's how you get your "me" time, then by all means do it!

 

[tasha99]

Nothing wrong with what you are doing. In fact, instead of doing housework, I think at least one of those days per month you should go shopping/get your nails or hair done/ get a massage/ go out to lunch with friends. If those are too expensive, get a used paperback novel, make yourself a drink and sit outside in the sunshine and read. You work and take care a of a baby--you totally deserve some time for yourself.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Absolutely!!!

I am bothered by the "asking if its OK to shower" comment. I would never be OK with that. I'll shower whenever I da** well want to and he WILL watch the baby.

 

[Ceila]

Really? You are ok that your husband just gets to do what he wants, when he wants and you have to clear a shower with him

And then he says that you are "dumping the baby" when you take her to daycare

No offense, but your husband seems like he is very selfish. I couldn't live like that. I would resent him so much.

ITA. I can't imagine living in that kind of situation. My husband and I are partners, and we treat each other as equals.

 

[MichelleVW]

Every now and then no, there is nothing wrong with it. But I work in the infant room at a daycare and we have babies that are there all day long if their parents are at work or not...it's pretty sad really.

I know people need "me time" but we have babies that are in daycare from 6:30-6:30, then go home and go to bed. Then they wonder why the babies sometimes seem to like us more..

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm a SAHM, but when I had my twins, they were in daycare 2 mornings a week, so I could grocery shop, clean, etc. Good for you! DH doesn't do the things your DH does, either. We're 50/50 on the weekends.

 

[mtemm]

I'm confused. nowhere am I reading that her husband requires her to clear it with him regarding the shower, just that she says she does do that.

 

[minkydog]

Absolutely it's okay to take the baby to daycare a few days a month just so you can get some things done. I'm guessing that you also have the role of chief chef and housekeeper too, just judging by your husband's role with the baby. And every mother deserves a little time for herself, even if all you do is make curtains, get your hair cut, or paint your toenails. And she sure as heck shouldn't be asking for time to shower! You've got to speak up!

A lot of mom's take advantage of Mother's Morning Out programs, drop-off programs for infants & toddlers designed to occupy them while their moms do other things. If Dad is so worried about putting the baby in extra daycare 1-2 days a month, perhaps he should think about taking those days off himself?

When we had our first baby my DH was a bit like yours. The baby was all mine. I worked night shift, so he sometimes had to take full care of the baby. He would get very tired of it and sometimes let the baby cry for awhile so that I would *have* to get up and deal with it. He even made comments about being the babysitter on Saturdays and I set him straight--he was NOT the babysitter, he was the FATHER. And as such he was imminently qualified to take care of his own child. It took a few months to train him, but eventually I was able to stand up for myself and get my needs met. By continuing to do everything you are training your husband to NOT take care of the baby, to NOT take care of you and your needs.

I say, put the dates on the calendar. If he doesn't like it, then tell him you are changing your plans to Saturday. Don't ask him to do it. Just tell him. And if he doesn't like it, tell him the alternative is getting a sitter because YOU NEED SOME TIME. Everybody does. SAHMs take time for themselves and working moms need it too. Every mom works! Dads need to step up and take care of the baby THEY CREATED!

Off my soap box now...for the record, my DH has turned out to be a great dad who recognises that I need time for myself. It is imperative for my mental health. A few episodes of burnout and deep depression made him realize that unless I made time for myself that he was going to lose me eventually.

 

[Binnie]

I do it every week. I don't work on Fridays, but DD goes to school. We pay for Full-time, so I take advantage of it. Now that DH is working away from home, it's even more necessary than it was before.

When DD was little, I worked FT and I felt guilty if I wasn't with her whenever I was off, but now not so much. She's 4 and has to be accustomed to being in school all week, regardless of what I do.

That said, DH and I do a crummy job of splitting responsibilities--even when he is here, so no advice there....

 

[golfgal]

Every now and then no, there is nothing wrong with it. But I work in the infant room at a daycare and we have babies that are there all day long if their parents are at work or not...it's pretty sad really.

I know people need "me time" but we have babies that are in daycare from 6:30-6:30, then go home and go to bed. Then they wonder why the babies sometimes seem to like us more..

That is just so sad. Some people just should not have kids. DH worked with a woman like this several years ago. One morning she was taking her DD to daycare. She put her in the stroller to take her into the daycare center so she wouldn't mess up her work outfit (she did this every day) and was flipping the stroller handle. It got stuck on something so she pushed extra hard-that something was her DD ARM. She broke the baby's arm. She took her to the dr, they put the arm in the cast and she dropped her back at the daycare center and went to work

 

[princess pooh]

I think it's great! Your daughter probably loves being with other kids and playing with new toys. My toddler goes to daycare whether I'm working or not, and he's absolutely thriving there. I think it's probably a good thing for both you and your daughter.