Baby Rules

[In a hurry]

This is totally understandable. You are saying that he needed special care. I agree, he probably is a little more special in a different way. My father in law made me feel that my kids were just so replacable. Actually, it would be harder in some ways of anything happened to one of my children (God forbit). I wouldn't be able to look at any of them without remembering who was missing. what I am trying to say is, all kids are precious regardless of what was done to get them.

I'm sorry he made you feel bad, and thanks for understanding what I was trying to say.

 

[Teejay32]

This is so true-thing have changed so much since my oldest and youngest have been born, not to mention the sleeping (we went through all three positions, by the last two I picked one they like the best). It is really a different world and my youngest is five. I know they have a slew of new baby things since she was a baby. By my fifth, I knew what I needed and it included a laundry basket to put her in so I could move it from room to room (no matching crib set for her, her socks didn't even match!).

I love this thread.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

All you controlling parents need to get a grip and be thankful that your children have someone in this world besides you who loves and adores them.


And for what it is worth - I do not think that it matters how the child came to you, they are no more precious than any other child is to most any other parent. If you think that because you "tried" harder than some that your child is MORE precious, you are doing your child a huge disservice and just plain annoying everyone else around you.

Wow -

First part: I don't agree with this at all. I am VERY grateful for my two Grandmas.I LOVE them dearly.

As FIRST TIME PARENTS are just trying to do the best we can (as the OP said the mom apologized to the Grandma and explained herself). If I decide I do not want my own daughter to have cereal in a bottle because of MY reasons then that is it. End of story. Hurt feelings or not. This does not make me ungrateful. This makes me concerned for my kids own well being. This is how I am learning motherhood! Good grief it's hard enough!

I'm getting really exhausted with having to watch out for other peoples feelings all the time! What about the new Mom's feelings? We are a mess of emotion! Helllllooooo- labor anyone? The "4th trimester"????
Where's the understanding? The sistahood?!!! Just let it go and have a good laugh at us OK?


Seond Part: I see no where in OP's post where it says that they thought their kid was more special. Why did some posters on here assume that? Because they used fertility drugs??? I tried for ten years to get pregnant. I feel overprotective because she is my first kid. That's all. Yeah - I'm nutty-by number 2 I'll be back to confirm it I'm sure

mamacatnv: sorry if I went off but my hormones are in high gear tonight!

 

[arminnie]

Also, the man next door made me feel as if his daughter was more important than any of my six. His feeling was, I had a lot so if anything happened to one of them (or two, or three) then it was really no big deal! On the other hand, if their only child was hurt, it would be so much worse.

That is just HORRIBLE!!!

 

[LuvMickey36]

I have been known to vent a few things to the IL's & parents a few times about my child when he is in their care.

I have to constantly remind my dad that cook & serve pudding w/microwave popcorn is not breakfast. Even if you cooked it with milk.

My MIL just tends to give way to many snacks/sweets @ her house. Everytime he asks she gives him cookies, candy, gummy snacks, etc. Last week I finally had to ask her to lay off. He had 3 gummy snacks, 3 suckers, & I have no idea how many marshmallows in a span of 90min.
I just asked nicely to try to give him more healthy cheese, fruit/veggies first then 1 thing of crap.

I do want to mention that my ds has a lot of food allergies & she doesn't always read the labels on all the stuff she gives. That is also a concern.

I think I am pretty nice about it. I always offer to bring him things to eat if it will make it easier on them.

 

[HelenePA]

Last time my dad baby sat (which isn't that long ago.. its still hard to believe he's gone for 8 wks now) he made the kids grilled cheese for breakfast...

 

[noodleknitter]

Last time my dad baby sat (which isn't that long ago.. its still hard to believe he's gone for 8 wks now) he made the kids grilled cheese for breakfast...

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Last time my dad baby sat (which isn't that long ago.. its still hard to believe he's gone for 8 wks now) he made the kids grilled cheese for breakfast...

I'm sorry for your loss too

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Wow -

First part: I don't agree with this at all. I am VERY grateful for my two Grandmas.I LOVE them dearly.

As FIRST TIME PARENTS are just trying to do the best we can (as the OP said the mom apologized to the Grandma and explained herself). If I decide I do not want my own daughter to have cereal in a bottle because of MY reasons then that is it. End of story. Hurt feelings or not. This does not make me ungrateful. This makes me concerned for my kids own well being. This is how I am learning motherhood! Good grief it's hard enough!

I'm getting really exhausted with having to watch out for other peoples feelings all the time! What about the new Mom's feelings? We are a mess of emotion! Helllllooooo- labor anyone? The "4th trimester"????
Where's the understanding? The sistahood?!!! Just let it go and have a good laugh at us OK?

Seond Part: I see no where in OP's post where it says that they thought their kid was more special. Why did some posters on here assume that? Because they used fertility drugs??? I tried for ten years to get pregnant. I feel overprotective because she is my first kid. That's all. Yeah - I'm nutty-by number 2 I'll be back to confirm it I'm sure

mamacatnv: sorry if I went off but my hormones are in high gear tonight!

I bolded because I agree 100%!!!! I do not have to explain anything to anyone. If this is how I want it done then do it that way! I am the parent. You don't have to like it. You raised your own kids these are mine. Trust me- I've done the research- even if you don't agree I am making very informed decisions.

As for eating junk at grandma's house- well I don't make a big deal about it because hey- it's grandma's house! As long as it is not food that will make them sick (allergies) and they are not so stuffed from junk that they get sick then I don't care. Have at it.

The whole fertility thing vs. non fertility I think was because in the OP the couple said that they tried very hard for a very long time to have a baby so the baby was very special to them. Almost sounding that those of us who came upon our children without any help didn't feel the same way about our kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Last time my dad baby sat (which isn't that long ago.. its still hard to believe he's gone for 8 wks now) he made the kids grilled cheese for breakfast...

 

[3jsmommy]

I have 3 young boys, but I KNOW one day I'l be that grandma that cringes when I hear a grandbaby crying & someone tells me not to pick them up!

I always try to remember, especially when listening to my MIL, that one day all of my "rules" (what I know in my heart is the right way to take care of a baby) will probably be all wrong to one of my DIL's & that will not be fun!

That said, my mom is babysitting for 2 days next week, if I tried to tell her any rules she would She raised 7 kids & I actually respect her opinion over any parenting book on the planet. Besides, I never heard of a gummyworm overdose which is the only the thing they could be in danger of with her!

 

[3jsmommy]

Last time my dad baby sat (which isn't that long ago.. its still hard to believe he's gone for 8 wks now) he made the kids grilled cheese for breakfast...

He sounds like he was my kind of grandpa!

 

[NMAmy]

Wow -

First part: I don't agree with this at all. I am VERY grateful for my two Grandmas.I LOVE them dearly.

As FIRST TIME PARENTS are just trying to do the best we can (as the OP said the mom apologized to the Grandma and explained herself). If I decide I do not want my own daughter to have cereal in a bottle because of MY reasons then that is it. End of story. Hurt feelings or not. This does not make me ungrateful. This makes me concerned for my kids own well being. This is how I am learning motherhood! Good grief it's hard enough!

I'm getting really exhausted with having to watch out for other peoples feelings all the time! What about the new Mom's feelings? We are a mess of emotion! Helllllooooo- labor anyone? The "4th trimester"????
Where's the understanding? The sistahood?!!! Just let it go and have a good laugh at us OK?

I think what we, as moms who have been through life with a new baby, are trying to tell new moms is to just relax and enjoy. Babies are pretty hardy and they've been surviving through their mom's mistakes for centuries. And no matter how hard you try or what the experts say you should do, you won't be perfect and you can't control every aspect of your child's life. It's easier to just accept that up front. Cereal in a bottle is not the end of the world and compared with other things you'll go through raising a child, it's really minor.

I know that as the mom of a kid who is almost grown now, I wish that I had paid attention when my mom told me this stuff and instead of worrying so much, I had just enjoyed my time with dd more and I was actually a really relaxed mom even though dd is an only child.

It seems like it will last forever but it doesn't. I'm not trying to be mean--just passing on some advice that I wish I'd taken when I was in your place.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Whew - eee! I can't believe how fired up I was last night! Sorry! I feel better today. The DIS is really therapeutic!

I agree with you all. Listen, I am forever indebted to my grandmas, I was injured during birth, and both really came through for me so I really appreciate them. Actually I'm even taking my MIL & FIL on vaca with us to thank them.

And I think that's why I am stressing out and why this thread struck a big ole cord with me. My MIL is EXTREMLY sensitive, and if you even look at her crossed eyed fuggetabout it! So I don't want to be arguing about what to feed baby, sleeping, pacifiers in honey, crying, etc. She's usually pretty good, but sometimes it's so fustrating!

Food is a major issue in my DH's family. He comes from a very large Italian family. Apparently how round you are indicates how much someone loves you . So everthing is "just give her cereal in a bottle". Why? My kid was 9lbs at birth and currently 6-9 mos clothes is very tight and she's
just a hair shy of 6mos! I think she's "well loved" enough! Nothing against Italians either! I love his family! I consider myself Italian by injection!

I agree with just enjoying her- I hope I am.

I really think it's a "control" issue. Control freak that I am!

Thanks for those that understood!

 

[dogluva]

I bolded because I agree 100%!!!! I do not have to explain anything to anyone. If this is how I want it done then do it that way! I am the parent. You don't have to like it. You raised your own kids these are mine. Trust me- I've done the research- even if you don't agree I am making very informed decisions.

As for eating junk at grandma's house- well I don't make a big deal about it because hey- it's grandma's house! As long as it is not food that will make them sick (allergies) and they are not so stuffed from junk that they get sick then I don't care. Have at it.

The whole fertility thing vs. non fertility I think was because in the OP the couple said that they tried very hard for a very long time to have a baby so the baby was very special to them. Almost sounding that those of us who came upon our children without any help didn't feel the same way about our kids.

Thank you for clarifying this. Regardless of how you came about your child (for me it could have been in my sleep), they are all special. The original post made it out to seem that because the babies were concieved after many procedures and years, they were more precious and required better care (that is the way I interpreted it anyway, I could be wrong). As oppossed to those babies concieved from a one night thing. It just made me think of my FIL who made his girlfriend's grandaughter out to more special because she was harder to concieve. I also have six and they have one. It is like they need to take better care of her, I have others for back up.

Sorry, it is just so offending and really insulting to my children.

 

[dogluva]

I have 3 young boys, but I KNOW one day I'l be that grandma that cringes when I hear a grandbaby crying & someone tells me not to pick them up!

I always try to remember, especially when listening to my MIL, that one day all of my "rules" (what I know in my heart is the right way to take care of a baby) will probably be all wrong to one of my DIL's & that will not be fun!

That said, my mom is babysitting for 2 days next week, if I tried to tell her any rules she would She raised 7 kids & I actually respect her opinion over any parenting book on the planet. Besides, I never heard of a gummyworm overdose which is the only the thing they could be in danger of with her!

That is how I feel when my friends give me advice. The ones with two children, younger than my youngest. I have six, three teens (one turning twenty actually). I think I have figured out things by now.

My mother has been babysitting for me for almost twenty years. They are all alive to talk about it. She would just about die if I gave her any rules. Yes, some days the kids come home without their shoes and god awful junk from the dollar store, but who cares? They had more fun than if I took them to WDW and memories of the fun days. My mother is not getting any younger. The best time of her life have been with her grandchildren. I would never put a damper on this by telling her what she can and can't do.

I had my son in college. I didn't even know how to hold a baby. The happiest times for me during those early days was when she drove up to watch him so I could go to class (over an hour each way). I was so relieved. I counted the hours to she could tell me if I was doing things right or not. After all she raised us in the days with no carseats and when kids roamed the streets til the street lights came on. We all survived and I know any child in her care would too.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think Grandparents are such an asset to a childs life. To discount their experience because you know better or are better informed or have done the research is borderline insulting IMO.

Things change over the years. That well earned researched knowledge will be found to be harmful in 15 years, just wait.
We fed DS (18) cereal starting at 4 months, he survived and thrived. We were instructed to keep DD (9) who came along 10 years later breast milk exclusive (no cereal) until she was a year. BFF was instructed to give her DS (3) cereal starting at 6 months. Somewhere in all of this the Grandparents had an opinion, looking at the changes over 18 years I wonder why. Honestly, no one was wrong, it was just the trend of the time.

Relax, Grandkids are the reward for raising children. Don't treat Grandparents like they are idiots. If you don't agree with their "style", so what, unless it is immediately harmful let it go. Get over yourself, honestly Grandparents have more experience and do know more. Making them feel inferior or incompetent because for some reason you cannot manage to bite your tongue over a difference in styles is sad.