Baby Problem

[MistressMerryweather]

The other day mama was gone for three hours, baby was in crib for maybe an hour and half of that, and every half hour or so I would get her out for a few minutes and try to calm her down.

UNbelievable. Absolutely, unbelievable. I think this is abusive and if you know you cannot handle the baby crying, you should be responsible enough to tell the mother, "no".
Just wow. A 7 mos old baby is tiny and still thinks he/she is apart of their mother. If this mother is aware of what you are doing and is fine with it. I can't even comment. Totally horrible. Just yuck.

 

[cheerful chickadee]

this makes me very sad for that baby. A half hour to an upset baby is like an eternity. If you're unable to deal with the crying/agitation then you need to tell the mother that you cannot watch the baby anymore. She will have to get her alone time at night when baby is sleeping or during nap times. You can be available during those times just in case baby gets up and needs something. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the mother does not know the full extent to this situation and how long the baby is alone in the crib, crying. As a mom, that would break my heart.

If the situation stands as is, then I urge you to inform mom of how long baby is in the crib like this. If you will still be watching this baby then mom needs to get a pack and play, indoor play yard or some other kind of safe area for baby to be while still having view of you and you having full view of her. Here she has mom leaving and then being left in a crib for what seems like forever, very upset and alone. Also maybe associating the crib with negative times. I'd only put her in the crib if I was feeling super frustrated and needed a breather to calm down and in that situation only for 10 minutes, tops.

 

[Mkrop]

that is an awful long time for a little one to be crying in the crib...yikes


I would tell mom she needs to limit her errands to times when the baby is asleep or take her with her. I get the dentist, doctor or hair appt but anything else baby needs to go too until this passes. Trips to Target can be done at night or she brings baby with her etc.

But if you are going to watch her I like the idea of the book with her voice, or maybe a video of mom doing stuff around the house, like washing dishes, vacumming, folding clothes...maybe baby will think mom is there if she in on the TV or and Ipad screen etc.

 

[goofinoff]

The other day mama was gone for three hours, baby was in crib for maybe an hour and half of that, and every half hour or so I would get her out for a few minutes and try to calm her down.

An hour and a half??? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude but that's horrible!!! If you can't handle this situation, for that baby's sake, please tell the mother you can't babysit any longer. I feel like this is going to have long term effects on that baby. She is eventually going to think that her crib is a bad place and bed time is going to be a huge struggle. When my kids were little, timeout was NEVER in their bedroom. I wanted to be sure that their bedroom was always perceived as a calm and "safe" place for them. My ex sister in law always used the kids bedroom as timeout and had the hardest time at bedtime.

You HAVE to stop doing this. You HAVE to talk to the mom and figure something out. You BOTH are not doing this child any favors. And to be fair, this should really be the moms problem to figure out, not yours. You just need to tell her that you can't handle this any longer.

 

[RadioNate]

Clearly I'm hung up on the wrong thing here, but do you actually call this woman "Mama" in person, too?

It took me pages until I figured out that the baby wasn't the OP's sibling.

I'm kinda hung up on the using "mama" as a proper noun consistently especially when it isn't your mother thing too.

But letting a baby scream in it's crib for an hour and a half is SO not ok.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

UNbelievable. Absolutely, unbelievable. I think this is abusive and if you know you cannot handle the baby crying, you should be responsible enough to tell the mother, "no".
Just wow. A 7 mos old baby is tiny and still thinks he/she is apart of their mother. If this mother is aware of what you are doing and is fine with it. I can't even comment. Totally horrible. Just yuck.

Abusive? Really? I honestly had no idea that putting a baby in her crib was such a horrible thing. I got it. I won't do it anymore, and mama and I will figure something out.

I love that baby more than anything, and I only want what's best for her.

It took me pages until I figured out that the baby wasn't the OP's sibling.

I'm kinda hung up on the using "mama" as a proper noun consistently especially when it isn't your mother thing too.

But letting a baby scream in it's crib for an hour and a half is SO not ok.

Just to clarify, I'm not ignoring her for an hour and a half straight. I would constantly check in on her to make sure she was just crying for mama and not crying for real, (there is a difference between her cries.)

 

[GagesMama]

Emotional abuse is still abuse. That baby doesn't understand what is going on. In her eyes, her mom just left her never to return again, and she was left with a woman who doesn't comfort her, just abandons her in a time of need. I would be livid and heartbroken if I found out my baby was in this position day in and day out.

Have you tried taking her outside? I once babysat a little girl that had severe separation anxiety as well. Being out in the fresh air really calmed her.

 

[kidshop]

Abusive? Really? I honestly had no idea that putting a baby in her crib was such a horrible thing. I got it. I won't do it anymore, and mama and I will figure something out.

I love that baby more than anything, and I only want what's best for her.

Just to clarify, I'm not ignoring her for an hour and a half straight. I would constantly check in on her to make sure she was just crying for mama and not crying for real, (there is a difference between her cries.)

If you were crying and upset, would you want you want to be left alone for an hour and a half? While someone peeked occasionally and still left you there?

I this point she may be crying b/c she knows when her mom isn't there she is left alone to cry forever with no relief.

Poor baby.

 

[mhfrau]

I'm having a really hard time believing this is even a real situation, because I just don't think it is possible for "mama" to be so completely oblivious that her 7 month old child will cry consistently for hours when she leaves, and that the OP, who lives in the same house, would think it was ok to put a baby in a crib for hours because they were crying. What kind of mother would leave her child in this situation, and what kind of "babysitter" would continue to care for a little baby that obviously shouldn't be left? This sounds like some bad Lifetime movie with an unfortunate ending!

 

[SeaShelley]

Abusive? Really? I honestly had no idea that putting a baby in her crib was such a horrible thing. I got it. I won't do it anymore, and mama and I will figure something out.

I love that baby more than anything, and I only want what's best for her.

Just to clarify, I'm not ignoring her for an hour and a half straight. I would constantly check in on her to make sure she was just crying for mama and not crying for real, (there is a difference between her cries.)

Every half hour - as you previously posted - is not constantly checking in. My heart breaks for this little baby....

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Every half hour - as you previously posted - is not constantly checking in. My heart breaks for this little baby....

Exactly. That's like watching an entire tv program and THEN checking.

The baby probably associates her mother leaving with essentially being left alone...Except for being checked on occasionally.

I know it's frustrating OP, I have twins...LORD KNOWS I know how listening to a baby(babies) cry for extended periods of time can be, but you need to make it a more nurturing environment for her! Even if you are just in eye shot of her when she is crying(fake crying or not) it HAS to be more comforting to her.

I wish you all luck in the situation.

 

[pigletgirl]

Oh man...

I really have nothing to add, but give that baby girl hugs and cuddles....

 

[allegoricduck]

This is neglect. Even Ferberizing, which is used at night, has the parents checking in every few (like 2-5) minutes.

Too bad--the mother doesn't get alone time. I have a seven month old. Sometimes I would like to even go to the bathroom by myself, but I don't unless my husband is home or the baby is asleep.

Even if the baby is crying, you need to hold her. Babies cry for a reason, and wanting comfort is perfectly valid.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Every half hour - as you previously posted - is not constantly checking in. My heart breaks for this little baby....

I would get her out and try to play every half hour, I would look in on her much more than that.

 

[JoBird]

OP-
Does this mother care about her child? Is she a fit mother?

I only ask because if she was, there is no way she would leave her baby, knowing the child cries hysterically when she is gone. NO way at all would her "errands" (Whatever the heck those could be)-- take precedence over her child's mental well being. NONE.

If she doesn't know that the child is hysterical when she leaves, then that's another story all together.

I'm just questioning the Mother's attachment to this baby, because once I realized how upset my son was without me, we became one. My motto for a good couple of years was "Where I go, the kid goes".

When you are a mother, your child's needs - emotionally, physically-- come before yours and if you are a decent one, there's no way in heck that your heart doesn't absolutely break upon hearing your child was crying for you when you were away. You might even cry yourself. You certainly wouldn't keep putting the child thru the trauma.

 

[cabanafrau]

I would get her out and try to play every half hour, I would look in on her much more than that.

I apologize in advance for being OT, but I've held out as long as I can -- why do you post all the books in your signature? I've never seen that done before.

To be clear, I'm not into the whole signature thing to begin with, but I'm used to the trips/resorts/cruises/ships thing by now. I just can't let the books go without asking & I apologize if that seems rude.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I apologize in advance for being OT, but I've held out as long as I can -- why do you post all the books in your signature? I've never seen that done before.

To be clear, I'm not into the whole signature thing to begin with, but I'm used to the trips/resorts/cruises/ships thing by now. I just can't let the books go without asking & I apologize if that seems rude.

Some of us do it to keep track of what we've read for the DIS reading challenge.

 

[JanaDee]

I would get her out and try to play every half hour, I would look in on her much more than that.

You need to get her and keep her out of the crib.

The only time she should be in there is when she is napping/sleeping.

The mother needs to take the baby with her.

 

[cabanafrau]

Some of us do it to keep track of what we've read for the DIS reading challenge.

Thanks. Was unaware of the DIS reading challenge.

Sorry to interrupt the conversation.

 

[Wendy31]

OP - Just out of curiosity, how old are you? If that's being too nosy, you don't have to answer! However, is this your first time being around a baby?

I agree w/ others that leaving a 7 month old baby alone & crying for an hour & 1/2 is just not good at all - for her emotional development, her sense of security, etc.

That said, like others have also said, there are worse things you could do than leaving a baby alone in his/her crib - if you're leaving the baby in her crib for your sanity & to avoid reacting to the baby's cries in frustration and anger, then, yes, you need to leave the baby in the crib.

However, if that's the case, then you need to discuss the situation w/ the baby's mother & tell her that you taking care of the baby for extended periods of time (like over an hour) is not going to work.

As a mother, I would not want my baby left alone in her crib crying, & my heart hurts for this baby.

Anyway, if you're honestly looking for ideas to help the baby not cry & to learn better ways in which to stop the crying...

Redirect! You said the baby will be playing & then come over to you, pull up, & start crying. Try to stop the crying before it starts. When you see she's getting fussy, pick her up for a moment & cuddle her to reassure her & then redirect to a fun new activity - something that she doesn't do all the time, so it has a level of "newness" for her.

Is she sitting up on her own yet? Put some water in a shallow plastic bin w/ some toys & let her sit in front of the bin & have some water play - DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE W/ THE WATER!

Babies love to empty boxes. Give her a box of tissues & let her pull the tissues out. Put several small items (but NOT small enough to be choking hazards) in a box & let her empty the box. Don't make all the items toys - put some regular household items in the box - spatula, plastic cup, remote control, keys, brightly colored things, etc. The more "new-to-her" items, the more fun!

Give her some pots & pans & spoons from the kitchen.

At 7 months old, is she eating small finger foods yet? At the first sign of fussiness, give her a small bowl of Cheerios. There used to be a baby in our church nursery who was very fussy & would cry a lot for his mother, & I swear we'd keep him occupied for the entire hour just by feeding him little bits of Cheerios.

Put her in a small stroller & stroll her around the house.

Put some shaving cream or some other squishy kind of material in a gallon-size Ziplock bag - make sure it's closed & then let her squish it w/ her fingers.

If she's crying, try carrying her around to all the windows & letting her look outside.

Baby Einstein videos are also great. Also, while she's playing, have some background music playing to help maintain a calm environment - a kids' CD or classical music.

And, remember, at this age, babies don't really play by themselves and/or occupy themselves for very long - at least mine never did! And a baby's attention span is short too. So you can't expect the baby to play quietly by herself the entire time her mother is gone. You're going to have help her get started playing w/ an activity or watching a DVD or whatever & then be ready to redirect her to something else when she's done playing or starts to get fussy.