Baby Problem

[soccerdad72]

Nyquil always works

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Like others have mentioned, you absolutely must do what you need to do, like putting the baby in the crib for a little while, so that you can keep your cool. Putting the child in the crib to scream for her mommy will not ease the separation anxiety and in fact will probably make it worse, but you have to give yourself a chance to breathe. If it's a situation that's happening regularly and just won't stop, and the baby is spending hours crying in the crib and/or you're getting overwhelmed, you must put an end to it by telling Mom things just aren't working out and you can't watch the baby until the phase passes. Simple as that.

Separation anxiety is a normal and actually very healthy sign of good bonding between a parent and child. It's really not natural for babies to be handed off from one caretaker to another. Their natural survival instinct is to cry for the person who provides for their needs most regularly to ensure the greatest chance for continuing to get their needs met. They do learn to trust others over time. If you could try having the baby every day for a while for a little bit more time each day, maybe that would help.

I mean I live with them. When Mama takes a shower or needs a nap, we always play and everything is fine and dandy. The first hour or so when Mama is gone is always fine, it's just when she realizes that Mama isn't coming right back there's an issue.

And I've tried just getting her interested in other stuff when Mama isn't there, but she just crawls over to me, pulls herself up, and screams in my face.

 

[FlyingDumbo]

I just wanted to say that while putting her in her crib may not be ideal, it is absolutely the smartest, most caring thing you can do if you find yourself getting frustrated, angry etc. After hearing all the statements about how mean you are and furious others would be if it were their child, I just wanted to put that out there. I'm a counselor and I 100% believe that a good amount of child abuse that occurs with babies especially is due to the fact that ppl. don't know what to do or that ppl. don't think it's okay for a baby to cry and therefore become extremely overwhelmed and frustrated etc. Not saying that would happen to anyone here, but I think it's important to have that and know that putting a baby in a crib safely is a safe acceptable solution during those times.

Op, I'd talk to the parents and see what they think about the constant crying and see if you can try to deal with it a way that they prefer.

There is a pretty big difference between needing a short break, and doing this every time the mom goes out. Once up to 9 hours. This situation is not working. If this were my child, I would not be leaving them with this person, it's not a good fit.

Op are you a relative? A nanny? What is the relationship?

 

[disneyfav4ever]

There is a pretty big difference between needing a short break, and doing this every time the mom goes out. Once up to 9 hours. This situation is not working. If this were my child, I would not be leaving them with this person, it's not a good fit.

Op are you a relative? A nanny? What is the relationship?

We're roommates.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

There is a pretty big difference between needing a short break, and doing this every time the mom goes out. Once up to 9 hours. This situation is not working. If this were my child, I would not be leaving them with this person, it's not a good fit.

Op are you a relative? A nanny? What is the relationship?

And the time it was for nine hours she spent very little time in the crib. My boyfriend was here for a few hours that night, and he could tell you I tried everything I could.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

I mean I live with them. When Mama takes a shower or needs a nap, we always play and everything is fine and dandy. The first hour or so when Mama is gone is always fine, it's just when she realizes that Mama isn't coming right back there's an issue.

And I've tried just getting her interested in other stuff when Mama isn't there, but she just crawls over to me, pulls herself up, and screams in my face.

Hummm, that is a hard one. I assumed the baby just didn't know you very well yet. I understand the mom's need to get away for a little while now and then. Sometimes it's easier for babies to accept other caretakers outside the home rather than inside. Maybe, an outside the home sitter might work better temporarily. Or maybe not.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Hummm, that is a hard one. I assumed the baby just didn't know you very well yet. I understand the mom's need to get away for a little while now and then, but maybe she needs to find professional drop-in care at a daycare facility. When I was in childcare we found that some babies at that age did fine at our facility, even though their moms said they had a hard time with an in-home sitter. Sometimes it's easier for babies to accept other caretakers outside the home rather than inside.

The only problem with that is the financial aspect.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

The only problem with that is the financial aspect.

Yes, there is that.

You're a very sweet roommate! I hope things will work out soon for everyone.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I see two options:
1) The baby will get used to being left with someone other her mother eventually. That's really the only way TO get over separation anxiety.
2) Stop watching the baby.

 

[scoutie]

The baby probably associates her mother being gone with being put in the crib to scream by herself. I think she needs to be reassured.

I would start by having the mom leave for five minutes at a time, and then come back.

Then ten minutes at a time, and come back.

Then, 15 minutes...etc.

 

[Disneychix]

Can you try making a video of mom or having a recording of mom's voice. Maybe one of those books where mom can record the story?

Make leaving not a big deal,which is sounds like you already do. Maybe you and baby can have 'special' toys that only get played with when you watch her? Or find a tv show or something on the radio that she will keep interested in.

I agree that you should try the carrier that the mom uses. Something familiar that baby knows comfort her.

Does it come on at nap time? Or eating time? you said she's good for an hour or so ad then start with the crying.

 

[Hannathy]

The only problem with that is the financial aspect.

Then the Mother only leaves when she absolutely needs to!! Only DR's or Dentist type appointments.
Sorry but "fun" time or "breaks" are out till another time. Is it nice for the Mom or fun NOPE but that is something you give up if you have to when you have a kid. Many Many Moms have survived without taking me time when they don't have anyone to leave them with. And especially if she chose to have a child on her own .

Lettting a child scream for hours cause she is scared or upset so you can have me time is just mean and un called for IMO

 

[JoBird]

Some babies are just severely attached to their mamas. It's so sad because they can't understand where that person is and you can't make them understand that she will be back. They actually think they are a physical part of their mothers.

My son was one of these children. I couldn't leave him at all, with anyone, or anywhere.

If we were at home, as long as I was in his line of vision all was fine. If we were out, no one could hold him- he had to be on my hip. No where else would do. He was terrified I would leave him. We tried leaving him with people that he knew, for minutes at a time. Nope. Never worked.

So- he went everywhere with me. Grocery store, Drs office, dentist, gym… you name it, he was there.
The gym I belonged to had a nursery with a wall of windows so the kids could see out to the floor. He stood there and cried every day, arms outstretched, for an hour until I would finally give up and go pick him up.

For babies like him and possibly for the one you are keeping, there isn't anything that you can do to make them feel better. They just have a pure anxiety of not being with their mothers and only being with them will help. Making them be without their mother only makes it worse.

Your room mate might just have to deal with taking the baby with her everywhere. It can be done, even if it isn't ideal for her at the time being.

Good luck.

 

[Poohforyou]

First off, a 7 month old has no concept on time. Her mother (I beg of you to stop using "mama") being away for 10 minutes or 10 hours is all the same to a baby that young.

I'm guessing providing child care is part of your living arrangements. Those of us who are mother's all had days where nothing would make our babies happy but we just had to power through it. Take her for a walk, read to her, watch a video, give her a bath, etc. Leaving a baby to cry for hours isn't acceptable if it isn't your child. I don't think it's ever ok but that's a parent's right.

 

[brockash]

There is a pretty big difference between needing a short break, and doing this every time the mom goes out. Once up to 9 hours. This situation is not working. If this were my child, I would not be leaving them with this person, it's not a good fit.

Op are you a relative? A nanny? What is the relationship?

Maybe I misunderstood, but it certainly didn't sound like the OP stated that she left the child in the crib screaming for 9 hrs??? Obviously there's a difference between using the crib as the "babysitter" and using it as a safe place while the adult takes a break. Having said that, like I stated before for everyone's safety it's important for ppl. to understand that it is perfectly acceptable to put a crying baby in a crib while you take a break.

 

[kirstenb1]

I just wanted to say that while putting her in her crib may not be ideal, it is absolutely the smartest, most caring thing you can do if you find yourself getting frustrated, angry etc. After hearing all the statements about how mean you are and furious others would be if it were their child, I just wanted to put that out there. I'm a counselor and I 100% believe that a good amount of child abuse that occurs with babies especially is due to the fact that ppl. don't know what to do or that ppl. don't think it's okay for a baby to cry and therefore become extremely overwhelmed and frustrated etc. Not saying that would happen to anyone here, but I think it's important to have that and know that putting a baby in a crib safely is a safe acceptable solution during those times.

Op, I'd talk to the parents and see what they think about the constant crying and see if you can try to deal with it a way that they prefer.

I agree with every word you wrote. There is a balance to everything.

 

[elgerber]

Some babies are just severely attached to their mamas. It's so sad because they can't understand where that person is and you can't make them understand that she will be back. They actually think they are a physical part of their mothers.

My son was one of these children. I couldn't leave him at all, with anyone, or anywhere.

If we were at home, as long as I was in his line of vision all was fine. If we were out, no one could hold him- he had to be on my hip. No where else would do. He was terrified I would leave him. We tried leaving him with people that he knew, for minutes at a time. Nope. Never worked.

So- he went everywhere with me. Grocery store, Drs office, dentist, gym… you name it, he was there.
The gym I belonged to had a nursery with a wall of windows so the kids could see out to the floor. He stood there and cried every day, arms outstretched, for an hour until I would finally give up and go pick him up.

For babies like him and possibly for the one you are keeping, there isn't anything that you can do to make them feel better. They just have a pure anxiety of not being with their mothers and only being with them will help. Making them be without their mother only makes it worse.

Your room mate might just have to deal with taking the baby with her everywhere. It can be done, even if it isn't ideal for her at the time being.

Good luck.

This was me also. My dd wouldn't even stay with her father without screaming bloody murder. So unless I absolutely couldn't take her (daycare training seminars) she went everywhere I went. And I had to wear her, she wouldn't even ride in the stroller! It did not last forever, and as she got older it got much better, and she did so much better than her brother at preschool and Kindergarten. With some kids, there is just nothing you can do, it just takes time. I have to agree, personal time for mom, is just not something that she should be doing right now.

 

[crayon3448]

Mama knows I've resorted to putting her in the crib when the screaming gets insane.

Another sitter or daycare really isn't an option due to cost.

Errands with all three of us are easier, but it's not always time effective for either of us. I try and do the majority of the household errands, like grocery shopping, alone, but that's not always an option.

And her taking the baby with her is usually doable, but for instance, the last time they went to the dentist the baby started screaming her head off when mama had tons of stuff in her mouth, and all the dental assistants tried calming baby, but again, she just wanted mama.

And I know she chose to have the baby, and she's her responsibility, but the few hours she has to herself, which is usually only once or twice a week, she really appreciates.

There are many moms that don't get breaks from their kids during the day. My break comes after baby is in bed for the night. I would love to have one or two times a week where someone would watch my baby- the only time I am away from her is when she's watched in the church nursery (sitters are expensive!). I think you're a very good friend for watching the baby and I'm sure your friend appreciates it. But the reality of being a mother is that it's her responsibility to watch the baby and I don't think your friend should put you in a position where you're uncomfortable (and you are uncomfortable with the screaming, or else you wouldn't be looking for advice here).

 

[disneyfav4ever]

There are many moms that don't get breaks from their kids during the day. My break comes after baby is in bed for the night. I would love to have one or two times a week where someone would watch my baby- the only time I am away from her is when she's watched in the church nursery (sitters are expensive!). I think you're a very good friend for watching the baby and I'm sure your friend appreciates it. But the reality of being a mother is that it's her responsibility to watch the baby and I don't think your friend should put you in a position where you're uncomfortable (and you are uncomfortable with the screaming, or else you wouldn't be looking for advice here).

I'm not uncomfortable with it, it's just heartbreaking to listen to. And Mama's time to herself is used doing errands, not anything fun.

 

[crayon3448]

I'm not uncomfortable with it, it's just heartbreaking to listen to. And Mama's time to herself is used doing errands, not anything fun.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I have done errands without DD since she was born 16 months ago. If the screaming is that bad then 1. the baby should go, too 2. your friend should limit her time out to an hour 3. try to do the errands after the baby is in bed.