baby overdue and DH not speaking to me (very long)

[Bella the Ball 360]

I thought you said you were married for 20 yrs and that you had two other pre -teen children. Obviously, he takes you for granted. If you have been with him 20 yrs then I am guessing that you are no spring chiken when it comes to childbirth(not that you are old eveyone is having kids at a later age). That in itself means that you should be treated with kid gloves. It does not get easier to deliver when you get older. I cannot believe he was so mean to you. I do not give a darn if he is having any other issues YOU should be his primary focus and not in a detrimental way. To not accompany you to the hospital or to cause you to have to make someone else take you or even to just threaten it at such a vulnerable time is unthinkable. This is really a hot topic for me. I went though a lot with my first child (at 31) and my husband and I get really angry. What he did to you is mental abuse. He needs help and/or a kick in the pants.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

My brother came to visit w/ his family and brought one of their own toys.... one of those heavy balls that play tunes. I'd swear it was a bowling ball for kids. Anyway, my DNiece tossed it onto my glass table and we heard a huge bang, although it didn't break. Several months later, my DS received one of those as a gift from my Aunt. He loved it of course as a baby. Then when he was 2 and I was pregnant and on my knees picking up toys, he threw the ball at the back of my head and nearly knocked me out. I never saw it coming. It wasn't intentional on his part... he was just playing ball. After I picked myself up off the floor, I took that darn thing and threw it out in the garbage and my DH agreed w/ me wholeheartedly. I probably should have saved it for the baby, but I had all the sense knocked out of me and made an executive decision. Since then, we have made a pact to throw away any thing dangerous to our children, or us for that matter. So we have been known to throw out faulty lamps, knives, toys, a broken cradle etc. You can't take any chances. So you did the right thing.

This is a really bad time to be on the outs w/ your husband. I wish he would realize that he needs to be supporting and loving at this time rather than volatile. And sometimes it's better to tell 70,000 strangers because we don't know your husband, but your best friend does. At least you didn't go on Oprah. I am sure he will realize that your health and the baby's health aren't worth a fight over those knives. Just hang in there, don't take it personally, and good luck w/ the birth. We'll be thinking of you and waiting for you to post us when he/she arrives.

 

[macraven]

knives can be replace, children can't


you did good.

 

[Amberle3]

True personal story time:

When my mother married my father, he seemed to be the nicest, sweetest person. He changed that right after they were married.

By the time I was born, he was aloof, hostile, mean and abusive. To us. To everyone outside the family (including his family for some reason) he was just the greatest guy. They didn't know about his drinking, or his unfaithfullness. They didn't see the bruises he had left, or heard the degrading belittle-ing remarks.

When I was old enough to know what divorce was, I started asking my mother when she was going to divorce him. When I was around 11 she finally really heard me, and life's been good ever since.

Those same people who thought he was the greatest guy, many of them would come up to my mother and say that they couldn't understand how SHE could do this to HIM. They couldn't see him for the person he really was, because they never saw that side of him.

I'm sharing this because as a child I remember being dragged to the liquor store on the way back from events so he could pick up HIS drinks. I remember going through time periods when he was upset with me because of something and wouldn't speak to me for days. I remember hearing my mother crying at night.

His behaviour is not just affecting you, but likely your children as well. Please heed the advice of everyone here and get yourself and your children to some kind of counselling. You can't make him go to counselling, but with any luck at all sooner or later he'll recognize the need to.

And above all, take care of yourself.

 

[ScarlettO]

Actually, I would have thrown the knives away after the neighbor's child was cut. Hope he cools down and is there for you when the baby is born.

 

[chell]

Originally posted by Amberle3
...By the time I was born, he was aloof, hostile, mean and abusive. To us. To everyone outside the family (including his family for some reason) he was just the greatest guy. They didn't know about his drinking, or his unfaithfullness. They didn't see the bruises he had left, or heard the degrading belittle-ing remarks.

...

Those same people who thought he was the greatest guy, many of them would come up to my mother and say that they couldn't understand how SHE could do this to HIM. They couldn't see him for the person he really was, because they never saw that side of him.

...

It is a shame that everyone else gets to see the "good" person and the ones who love them get the "bad". I know exactly what you are saying. Too bad there is not some magical pill to fix this problem.

 

[KristiKelly]

EZ

As I was reading your first post, one of my firends kept popping up in my head.

We were good friends with another couple, Lisa & Mark. I have known Mark since I was around 12. He was always the nicest, bubbliest guys, everybody liked him.

In June of 1999, we all went to a minor league baseball game together. Lisa was going to concessions & Mark wanted some nachos. (Keep in mind Mark had already been somewhat biligerent (sp?) all night, but...) When Lisa got back with the nachos, he said "why didn't you get a jalepenos on them?" Lisa replied "they were out." He said "you're lying to me & I'm going to prove it" & went to concession. She said "Oh, he's being an a** today" then took her son to the bathroom. Mark saw her & pushed her against the fence calling her a "sorry sack of sh*t", a"b--ch", etc. He just started going off on her, over jalepenos.

Well, come to find out, Mark was an alcoholic, but none of us ever knew this. He kept vodka in the freezer in the garage & drank more than anyone ever knew - even his wife.

At the time, they had a 7 year old & 6 month old baby. She was so afraid that night that she went to her parents. Next day, he remembered none of this. She ended up not going back home for several monthes, found out that he was also depressed, bi-polar, & alcoholic. Eventually she decided to try to "work it out" & would stay there with the kids a couple of nights a week. One night, he went "through the roof" and told her everything was all her fault, because of her he had to give up everything he LOVED, drinking & his boat. He really resented her for making him sell his boat when baby #2 was coming - even though he had not used in 1-1/2 years. Anyway, she said that she ended up in a Hampton Inn that night with a 7 year old & 8 month old in PJ's and no shoes on her feet because she left so quick & was so afraid that she didn't even have time to find her shoes.

Long story short, they are now divorced, he still blames her for everything, still drinks & does not get help for his other problems, does not pay child support, got into drugs, etc. I hope that this is not the case in your situation, but the irrational behavior reminds me so much of our friend Mark, whom we haven't seen in 5 years now.

Lisa is now remarried to a man that loves her dearly & loves her children. He even pays for them to go to private school.

I don't want to scare you or bring you down. I hope this is not the case in your situation, but the anger could possibly be triggered by alcohol & maybe stress of a new baby (Mark never wanted a 2nd child, he was a very self-centered person that didn't like to have to share his time with his first child & what you just described reminded me so much of the stories Lisa has told me about their marriage, she said she constantly felt like she was walking on eggshells. Good luck to you & your delivery, you sure don't need this kind of stuff this late in your pregnancy.

 

[christinou]

Your post really touched me, and I am so sorry for what is happening. You mentionned that your husband was taking a nap, am I the only one here thinking that you are pregnant and overdue, YOU are the one who should be napping not him....
Take care.

 

[bumcat]

It's not about the knives.
Here's what your husband sees: You threatened and then humiliated him in front of someone. He was hurt and lashed out.
Anger usually comes from being hurt. Not saying it's right behavior because it's not.
Just curious how he was treated when he was growing up. Was he threatened and then humiliated in front of others?
Alcohol or no alcohol it's not about the knives....
He needs to learn how to manage his anger.
BOTH of you could benefit from therapy. Been there, done that....