Baby Name Question

[smitch425]

I won't make any issues about it. I'm a nice lady. I don't get the impression that this name is a first choice. It's just one in a list of several. I
thought it was settled, based on our conversation, but she brought it up to my sister again yesterday. Actually, I thought it was more than settled because my brother even said "yeah, that's too close. It would be weird." Im surprised that it's not off her list based on our conversation where both she and my brother agreed that it would be weird.

Hopefully, SIL has a boy and it's moot.

If she's still talking about it, then it must be high on the list (if there is a list). I would still tell her that she has your blessing. It's the nice thing to do, and by the time the baby comes, she may have changed her mind.

ETA: Have you asked your daughter what she thinks? Would her opinion help you with yours?

 

[3Gsandme]

She doesn't have my blessing and I'm not a liar. I am willing to admit that it's my issue and that they can do what they like and I shouldn't read offense or intent into it, but I'd still rather dd not have to share her name with her first cousin for several reasons.

 

[smitch425]

She doesn't have my blessing and I'm not a liar. I am willing to admit that it's my issue and that they can do what they like and I shouldn't read offense or intent into it, but I'd still rather dd not have to share her name with her first cousin for several reasons.

Then just tell her exactly that. Though, I can't think of any reasons that would be justification enough to make me not name my child what I want. Lol

 

[morgan98]

I am in agreement with you, OP. I think that it is already your daughter's name and having a first cousin with the same name is a little much, especially if you spend a lot of time together and/or your family is not that large to begin with.

I have a similar story. In my case, I am named Christine. My mother would have preferred to name me Caroline (after my grandmother that I admired so much) but my father actually sort of overruled her and I am named Christine. My aunt and uncle, would have preferred to name my first cousin Christine (so they say) but instead ended up naming my first cousin Caroline. Never did my mother and her sister think to name the only two grand daughters on that side of the family the same thing. Quite frankly, I wish I had been the Caroline as I would really have liked to have shared my name with my grandmother.

 

[gwynne]

She doesn't have my blessing and I'm not a liar. I am willing to admit that it's my issue and that they can do what they like and I shouldn't read offense or intent into it, but I'd still rather dd not have to share her name with her first cousin for several reasons.

As posted above, you could tell her that. Just remember there are folks that sort enjoy of being "innocently" annoying/stirring the pot. The more you make it clear it's annoying may make her more firm in her choice.

 

[sksjasams]

OP, you have given her your opinion and so has your sister. I would let it go at that. I wouldn't bring it up again. You will be the bigger person by letting her do what she wants. If she does use your DD's name, it will reflect poorly on her, and her DD is the one who will end up with a different nickname.

 

[quandrea]

OP, you have given her your opinion and so has your sister. I would let it go at that. I wouldn't bring it up again. You will be the bigger person by letting her do what she wants. If she does use your DD's name, it will reflect poorly on her, and her DD is the one who will end up with a different nickname.

This is so true. My daughter's name is Evelyn. My brother and sil named their daughter Eve. I didn't think much of it but literally everyone who hears my niece's name voices a "What were they thinking?" comment. It is no reflection on me but clearly everyone thinks they should have picked a,different name. I truly don't care one way or the other.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I think the best way to handle it may be by "irritation". At the next gathering that you are at say ( in front of SIL) "did you know SIL is thinking of naming her baby after our daughter (insert name here)?" I am willing to bet, after a few times of that, she will change the name fairly quickly. lol

 

[grandmateri]

Op, I think you are in the wrong here. She not giving her daughter the same name. she name her the nickname. If you love your daughter name so much you should have call her that and not the nickname. This is one of my pet peeve, name your children one thing and calling them something else. sorry I know a lot of people will not like this answer .

 

[smitch425]

OP, you have given her your opinion and so has your sister. I would let it go at that. I wouldn't bring it up again. You will be the bigger person by letting her do what she wants. If she does use your DD's name, it will reflect poorly on her, and her DD is the one who will end up with a different nickname.

I don't consider "allowing" a grown woman choose the name of her own child being "the bigger person".

I'll ask again, OP, have you asked your daughter what she thinks?

 

[3Gsandme]

Op, I think you are in the wrong here. She not giving her daughter the same name. she name her the nickname. If you love your daughter name so much you should have call her that and not the nickname. This is one of my pet peeve, name your children one thing and calling them something else. sorry I know a lot of people will not like this answer .

We do call her by her given name. We love it and get a lot of compliments on it. We do call her by the diminutive form of her name, as well, and all of my extended family calls her by the diminutive primarily. In fact, I can't really think of anyone but DH and I that regularly call her by her given name. We didn't intend on her being called by the diminutive, but it's kind of what stuck. My SIL and brother both call her by the diminutive as well n

 

[smitch425]

Op, I think you are in the wrong here. She not giving her daughter the same name. she name her the nickname. If you love your daughter name so much you should have call her that and not the nickname. This is one of my pet peeve, name your children one thing and calling them something else. sorry I know a lot of people will not like this answer .

I agree with the thinking that the OP is in the wrong, but my son (Samuel) has about 20 random nicknames I will call him at any given time. He responds to all of them. I don't know why I do it, but I do. Examples... Sam, Sammy, Petie, Monkey, and my favorite and most frequently used is Schmoop. Lol

 

[3Gsandme]

I don't consider "allowing" a grown woman choose the name of her own child being "the bigger person".

I'll ask again, OP, have you asked your daught what she thinks?

She's five and has ASD. I can ask her but I don't know that her answer should have any bearing. If I ask her if she doesn't want to share her name and she says no does that trump my SIL using it? It probably shouldnt.

 

[LBIJim]

I think the best way to handle it may be by "irritation". At the next gathering that you are at say ( in front of SIL) "did you know SIL is thinking of naming her baby after our daughter (insert name here)?" I am willing to bet, after a few times of that, she will change the name fairly quickly. lol

That would just result in making the OP look worse than the SIL.

I don't think OP has mentioned how her brother, SIL's husband, feels about this. Unless he's "hands off" like her father and is willing to let his wife be the bad guy.

 

[smitch425]

She's five and has ASD. I can ask her but I don't know that her answer should have any bearing. If I ask her if she doesn't want to share her name and she says no does that trump my SIL using it? It probably shouldnt.

No, it shouldn't, but if she thinks it would be amazing, it might help ease your mind, and if not, and your SIL knew how she felt, it might make your SIL feel differently. It is, after all, her name that would be taken, so to speak.

 

[smitch425]

That would just result in making the OP look worse than the SIL.

I don't think OP has mentioned how her brother, SIL's husband, feels about this. Unless he's "hands off" like her father and is willing to let his wife be the bad guy.

He agreed with OP that it would be weird, though apparently not enough that the name has been taken off the table. Lol

 

[tina.tina]

We do call her by her given name. We love it and get a lot of compliments on it. We do call her by the diminutive form of her name, as well, and all of my extended family calls her by the diminutive primarily. In fact, I can't really think of anyone but DH and I that regularly call her by her given name. We didn't intend on her being called by the diminutive, but it's kind of what stuck. My SIL and brother both call her by the diminutive as well n

Sometimes, no matter what, your kids' nicknames are not under your control. Your SIL will probably learn that.

Years ago, I worked at a small grocery store with someone whose name was very close to mine. When we were paged, we never knew who they were paging. We were both supervisors, though, so we didn't work together much. It was annoying to both of us. I can't imagine how irritating that would be within the family.

 

[gwynne]

She's five and has ASD. I can ask her but I don't know that her answer should have any bearing. If I ask her if she doesn't want to share her name and she says no does that trump my SIL using it? It probably shouldnt.

I absolutely wouldn't ask any child about this issue. It's out of their control, and it's out of the parent's control as well. The best thing is to have a no big deal attitude if it happens.

 

[smitch425]

I absolutely wouldn't ask any child about this issue. It's out of their control, and it's out of the parent's control as well. The best thing is to have a no big deal attitude if it happens.

It doesn't have to be an interrogation. Lol! In our family, we talk about baby names with all of the kids. It's fun and normal to us.

 

[gwynne]

It doesn't have to be an interrogation. Lol! In our family, we talk about baby names with all of the kids. It's fun and normal to us.

Of course it's cute and fun to talk about baby names in general.
This situation is specific and sensitive, at least at this point to the OP. It's not the same as a casual discussion.