Baby at Bridal Shower

[Beth76]

Originally posted by totalia

The point is that... why should it be wrong to bring the child at all? Why should someone be so adamant that a child is not welcome that they would risk a friendship over it? Why in the world would anyone ever be so selfish as to insist that a mother put THEM before her own flesh and blood?

The point is that the hostess of this particular bridal shower did not want children in her home. She did not have children of her own and there would have been nothing for this child to do. She does have that right, as does the guest of honor. And it's not like the OP wanted the mother to miss an important soccer game or somthing. It was a few hours at a shower. I hardly consider that putting herself before the "flesh and blood".

And I'm going to reinstate my earlier question that has not been answered: Would you bring your 10 year old son to an elegant bridal shower?

 

[totalia]

hentob

Actually, I do find all those things cute. They don't bother me.

aprilgail2

I agree with you. I won't attend any party that is so selfish and stuck up that they can't allow children to be part of it.

Beth76

Yes, if I had a 10 year old son, I'd bring him. Though he's not likely to want to be there and will probably tell me so I will send him to whatever friends house he wants to go to instead. 10 is awfully old to be bringing to a shower.

But we aren't talking about 10 years old are we? We are talking about an 18 month old baby girl. That's something different.

Last night, I spent some time talking to my fiance about this issue. He was shocked that it would even be considered not to invite children. I even asked him what he would have thought if I had refused his nieces (who are 8 and 6 years old respectively) to our wedding. He told me he would be very very upset. I don't blame him. I would be too. It's just not done. I didn't even know until I got on the internet that people would even consider something so unbelievably rude.

 

[tonyswife]

I guess I just don't get what is "rude" about not inviting kids to ANY kind of party. Not every single venue needs to include children. I have been to all kinds of showers and parties and weddings, some with kids, some with out kids. None of them seemed any worse or better for it, just different. The host decides what kind of party they want, the guests can choose to attend or not. I don't think it's rude to not attend a function because you would rather spend time with your kids, for whatever reason. I do think it's rude to insist that a person accomodate your children or else attempt to guilt them into thinking they've done something wrong.

My neighbor is having a reception, wine and hor dourves, to celebrate the opening of her home studio, she is a make up artist. I won't be bringing my two year old OR my 3 month old. I am looking forward to dressing up and enjoying adult conversation without my kids for a few hours. I am a SAHM, I spend 99.9% of my time with my kids, I do not feel guilty about leaving them with DH or with MIL to go out for a few hours.

I also do not fault parents who do not wish to do this, whether it's because they are breastfeeding and their baby will not take a bottle, or because they work full time and don't want to spend their down time away from their kids...or whatever reason.

I don't get the controversy. I don't think that people who don't want every event to include children hate kids. Bizarre, what a strange "problem"

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by totalia

But we aren't talking about 10 years old are we? We are talking about an 18 month old baby girl. That's something different.

No, it's not different. Not at all. Why do you feel that a small child should automatically be invited to an ADULT party? Would you bring your grandmother to a child's party at Chuck E. Cheese?

There could be liability issues. What if the hostess has a pool and is planning on having the shower outside on the patio. I most certainly would not want a toddler walking around my pool.

I have no problem with people who invite children to their parties. I'm not saying that children should NEVER be allowed at showers because that is ridiculous. Whoever is throwing the party has the right to decide who is invited and who is not invited. Where did the "automatic baby invite" come from anyway. Whoever's name is on the invitation is invited. Whoever's name is NOT, is NOT INVITED.

 

[hentob]

Sorry, but obnoxious behavior is not cute. Screaming "Yucky" is cute!?! This was by a five year old! Very rude. Not cute.

Running to be in pictures? One in particular was with the bride and her mother and future mother-in-law, grandmother and future grandmother-in-law. An heirloom picture. Cute? Well that was what the mother of the child barging into the picture thought too. But it wasn't cute. Far from it. Ask the photographer if he thought it was cute. Ask the bride to be if this was cute.

A child ripping into presents? Cards pulled off of presents? The bride having to ask "Who is this one from?" Cute. Nope. But the Mommy of the child would have agreed with you! She thought it was adorable! How sweet!


I guess we have a different view of what is cute. In my book, poor manners are not cute. Starting right from bringing an uninvited guest. Others may disagree.

Hentob

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

It's only recently that this seems to have popped up where the child is treated more as a nuisance than as a beloved member of society. No wonder children act up. They are treated like they have a communicable disease that kills on contact.

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

A child is not a convenience/inconvenience, they are part of life.

I find it shocking some of the things I have been reading.

I find it shocking that so many think their children are wanted by so many others. You might love your child but we don't have to. I have 3 kids spanning a wide age range. If they are not invited somewhere with us I have two choices. Find someone to watch them or not go. I would never think the hostess was being rude for not wanting kids there. I would be the rude classless one for trying to bring my children where they were not invited.

 

[Pongo69]

Originally posted by totalia
No one said you HAD to bring the child. If you want to leave the child at home, then leave it. That's not the same thing as being told your child isn't welcome by the hostess.

Thanks Pooh Girl 71. I'm glad to know that someone else has these kinds of parties where children are quite normal and accepted.

Don't take this as an attack, but I really don't understand why you can't understand people not wanting children at a shower/party ect....
I don't see a problem with anything the op stated, but I do think it's rude to take it upon yourself to bring a child to someone's home without asking. Imho the BM made the right choice to stay at home with her child. (especially in this situation)

Btw, I'm a mother who love my children more than anything, but if you think sometimes I don't want time to myself away from dh and dd15 and ds11 think again. Everyone need time to be alone. It doesn't make me or anyone else a bad mother, and it sure as heck doesn't make you a bad host or hostess for not wanting children to attend a function given in their "HOME". THEIR HOME--THEIR RULES---If the parent can't find a sitter than it best they stay home.

OTOH, if your the type of person who think the world revolves around you and your children than thats something you have to deal with. I guaranty you not everyone will think it's cute to bring a child to an event when that child is not included on the invitations.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Originally posted by skiwee1
I find it shocking that so many think their children are wanted by so many others. You might love your child but we don't have to.

I totally agree with this statement. I have many friends who don't like children, or choose not to have them. I don't shove my children down their throat. They know when I'm invited to one of their functions, I try to find a sitter, if I can't, I just tell them I can't come. Sometimes, they'll say, bring the kids, sometimes not. I respect that. It is their call. I also can't believe a toddler would still not take a cup or bottle. What if there was an emergency and the mom couldn't BF, then what? I love my alone time away from my kids and DH. Its my time to think and enjoy being me, not a mom and wife.

 

[SnoWhite]

I'm amazed this hasn't died out yet. Obviously there are some pretty strong feelings about this. I really didn't mean for it to turn into such an "issue".

As I've said before, I love kids. If it were me throwng a party, I would gladly invited my friend's children. (and the men for that matter) In fact, she could have brought her to my other shower. In this case it was not appropriate because the shower was not thrown by me, nor was it in my home. The hostess did NOT want children, therefore I felt that it would be best that the child NOT come. (in respect to the person hosting the shower)
In reality it was kind of stuffy, but it was also beautiful, and a wonderful way to see family friends that I hadn't seen in a while. She went to a lot of work to make it nice, and I feel that I did the right thing respecting her decision not to have children there by telling my bridesmaid not to bring her. I feel it's more of a respect issue for the person going to all the work. Not an issue of whether or not I wanted kids around!
And ....for those of you that seem to think I didn't invite kids to my wedding, there is nothing further from the truth. In fact, we have several little kids at our wedding (at least 10), including a 2 month old baby. (I am NOT the child hating, evil with that some of you seem to think I am)

I don't think that there is necessarily a "right" or "wrong" answer to this, in this situation I felt that I did what was best. In another situation it may have been different. I still absoultely stand by my decision though and feel bad that some people seem to think that my respect for the person throwing the shower for me was the WRONG decision to make.

I will not post to my own thread anymore because I don't feel that this is even a discussion about what was originally posted anymore, and I really honestly didn't want to get into a debate about whether or not I am a child hating, bridezilla who is a "spoiled brat".
I think that sometimes people jump to conclusions...remember the people on the other end have feelings ok? Don't assume you know everything about me because of one decision I made. And for those of you that have defended me, thank you. And thank you to those that have children and understand what I did. I hope to have kids of my own very soon, that is actually our plan in the next year or so. If I need to stay home because someone doesn't want kids, or get babysitter for 2 hours, I will do that. But that again, is just my opinion.

Lisa

 

[tiggersmom2]

Originally posted by SnoWhite
I'm amazed this hasn't died out yet. Obviously there are some pretty strong feelings about this. I really didn't mean for it to turn into such an "issue".

As I've said before, I love kids. If it were me throwng a party, I would gladly invited my friend's children. (and the men for that matter) In fact, she could have brought her to my other shower. In this case it was not appropriate because the shower was not thrown by me, nor was it in my home. The hostess did NOT want children, therefore I felt that it would be best that the child NOT come. (in respect to the person hosting the shower)
In reality it was kind of stuffy, but it was also beautiful, and a wonderful way to see family friends that I hadn't seen in a while. She went to a lot of work to make it nice, and I feel that I did the right thing respecting her decision not to have children there by telling my bridesmaid not to bring her. I feel it's more of a respect issue for the person going to all the work. Not an issue of whether or not I wanted kids around!
And ....for those of you that seem to think I didn't invite kids to my wedding, there is nothing further from the truth. In fact, we have several little kids at our wedding (at least 10), including a 2 month old baby. (I am NOT the child hating, evil with that some of you seem to think I am)

I don't think that there is necessarily a "right" or "wrong" answer to this, in this situation I felt that I did what was best. In another situation it may have been different. I still absoultely stand by my decision though and feel bad that some people seem to think that my respect for the person throwing the shower for me was the WRONG decision to make.

I will not post to my own thread anymore because I don't feel that this is even a discussion about what was originally posted anymore, and I really honestly didn't want to get into a debate about whether or not I am a child hating, bridezilla who is a "spoiled brat".
I think that sometimes people jump to conclusions...remember the people on the other end have feelings ok? Don't assume you know everything about me because of one decision I made. And for those of you that have defended me, thank you. And thank you to those that have children and understand what I did. I hope to have kids of my own very soon, that is actually our plan in the next year or so. If I need to stay home because someone doesn't want kids, or get babysitter for 2 hours, I will do that. But that again, is just my opinion.

Lisa

Lisa,

I sure hope you don't feel bad! I don't think anyone meant to attack you - some people are just crazy for their kids and can't see not being with them. That being said, I am glad you posted. I certainly love my "me" time without the kids and will leap at it! Everyone is different. Just look at this thread as a fun discussion on the DIS. I for one am glad you posted, it was an interesting thread.