Awkward situation - need advice

[Jenn]

Ok - so I don't really know my next door neighbors that well. They seem nice, they are a married couple with 3 young kids. They are very religious and a bit pushy about it, but nice none-the-less.

So, today I open my mail and there is a note from my neighbor along with an invitation to a Christmas Tea at her church. She says in the note that she feels bad that our neighbors don't really know one another and would love to get to know me better. And she says, "please come to this tea with me". It sounds like she is inviting several neighbors.

Okay - I know I have to go - it would be totally rude not to go. But, when the pushy religious stuff starts, what do I say?

A little background - we belonged to this particular church about 11 years ago and were married there. We are spiritual people, but not religious people. We didn't agree with the opinions of this church and constant requests for money and stopped attending.

Five years later we moved in next door to these neighbors and they not only knew we used to attend, they set out to get us back as members. They are very active in recruiting and I just have no patience for that.

They have couples nights every so often - which sounded like fun - I figured we would get to meet couples our ages with similar aged kids, etc. Well, they sit around and discuss certain passages of the bible. Not what we expected (not that there's anything wrong with that - just not our cup of tea). I thought it was a social thing.

Anyway - advice appreciated. Thanks

 

[wvjules]

Okay - I know I have to go - it would be totally rude not to go.

Why?

If you don't like the practices of the church then don't go. Maybe you could tell her that you can't attend and invite her to your house for tea anothe time instead.

 

[Jenn]

Well - I feel like she is trying to reach out and become friends and it would be really mean to decline.

 

[nativetxn]

If I was displeased with the activities of a church, I would not feel obligated to attend any function.

Why do you feel that you must attend? If she wants the neighbors to get to know each other better, perhaps you could plan a neighborhood function?

 

[antnee]

why go??? I agree. You could also ask if this is a religious function or social gathering. And if it is religous just explain you rather not because of your religious beliefs.

I have been to church twice myself in the last 10 years

 

[newmousecateer]

I don't think you have any obligation to go whatsoever. An invitation is simply that, an invitation. You have a right to accept or refuse. I agree with others here, that you could tell her you would prefer not to attend gatherings at the church, but that you wouldn't mind getting together for tea in either one of your homes.

 

[gemmie214]

I do not think it would be rude for you to decline.
IMHO a getting to know the neighbors tea should probably be between the neighbors not the neighbors and someone's church.

 

[Krisu]

Maybe you could ask what will take place at the Tea and whether or not it is a Bible study Tea. If it is, just be honest and tell her you're not interested.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I would also decline the invitation.

 

[Pam]

I personally would not go - and I would have no guilt whatsoever in declining the invitation.

If she wants to get to know her neighbors better, she doesn't need a Church tea in order to do so.
Pam

 

[GEM]

I would decline the invitation very politely. I've had several friends invite me to things at their church, and I usually decline. If it was a non-religious event at her house or something, that would be different. I don't see why you would feel like you have to attend.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font face="Comic Sans MS"><font color=navy>I do not believe that you are obliged to go.

If you also would like to get to know your neighbors, why not decline, and suggest that you have some time of get-together in your own neighborhood, and invite other neighbors, too.

 

[Kermit]

I'd invite her over to your house or something like that instead. When I first started reading it, I thought that a ladies' tea would probably be fine since most of those kinds of events are more social than anything else. But if you've been to this church and know that that's not the case, then you shouldn't go if it would make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't go to a church if I knew I disagreed with their message or methods.

You could always take some cookies or something when you tell her you can't make it.

 

[aahmom1]

Okay - I know I have to go

Why?

Well - I feel like she is trying to reach out and become friends and it would be really mean to decline.

Actually it sounds like she's trying to reach out and get you to join her church. I think if she was just trying to reach out and get to know the neighbors she would invite you to her house, or out to lunch.

Don't feel like you have to go. A good way to find out if she really wants to be friendly or is just trying to get you involved in her church would be for you to explain to her that you are busy that day but would love to go out to lunch with her another day. If she wants to get to know you, she'll go to lunch. If she's just trying to get you involved in her church she say she can't, but invite you to another church event.

 

[Blondie]

I'd decline the offer.

It sounds like she it trying to get you to come back to her church and if that is not what you want, then definitely do yourself a favor and don't go!

 

[goofy4tink]

I've been in the same situation myself. Some people are very pushy when it comes to getting others to come to their church. I attend my own church every Sunday, am very active in our choir and other groups. But this one family is always inviting me to go to 'get-togethers' at their church. I politely decline, saying that I am very happy where I am. In your case, I would be tempted to say..'Been there, done that'. But I guess that would be rude!! I would also suggest getting together at my own home, with another couple, so as to make 'religious' talk a little more difficult. If they continue to evangelize then just go on with life and ignore them. Some people just don't get it, you practically have to hit them over the head. Good luck.

 

[Micca]

You are not obligated to go. If you would like to be friends with them, why not ask them over for some cookies or something? If you don't want to be friends, you could just thank her for the invitation.

 

[Boots]

I would not go if I did not feel comfortable there. If you really want to get to know her invite her to come over at a later date, but if you think you have nothing in common and didn't really want to persue it I would just let the matter drop. I just read Micca and we almost said the same thing!!

 

[faith]

It sounds like you have a kind heart, but you really shouldn't feel you have to attend the tea.
If you want to get to know this neighbor better just ask her over sometime for tea or coffee.

 

[CamColt]

I was just talking to one of my neighbors about this situation yesterday. She mentioned how when our neighbors moved in(before I lived there) they kept trying to get her to go to their church. She finally had to say, You are very nice people, and we are glad we are neighbors, but we are comfortable with our religion and really have no interest in looking into others.
Now when I moved in the wife did invite me to go to a church discussion group thing one. I politely declined by saying Im not really into that stuff and she hasnt bothered me with it since.
I think you can get out of it gracefully, but I do understand that you dont want to turn down an invitation when it seems shes trying to reach out.