At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[marmalade]

I have not read the responses so this might be redundant, but I don't consider a 19 year old (20 at the time of the trip) college student an adult. I would never take my 3 younger children and leave my oldest at home, unless they truly didn't want to go.

I hope you decide to include your oldest, because I would be heartbroken if my family ever did that to me. I now have my 21yr old niece living with us and I would never even think to book a trip without including her as long as she lived here.

ETA: just read your update, I think that is a great plan that works for everyone.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

We are thinking once you are 100% moved out of the house, we don't pay for your vacations.

But I am expecting my oldest to not be able to go on any vacations when he is in college unless his break happens to fall at a time when we are going someplace.
We are also expecting him to get a summer job this year so that may mean he can't travel in the summer if he can't get time off.

So we have no idea when he will be able to travel for the full family vacation again but he's an adult so he needs to figure it out himself and let us know.

 

[tzolkin]

This topic has been discussed a bit in our house since our oldest is a junior in HS. Fortunately we are all super rational and have the same thoughts on the matter, so I don't think there will be any hard feelings or disappointment.

We have been trying to do a few little trips together and DD picked another Disney trip this summer as her "must do". We are looking at it as our "last family vacation". I will still want to include her in other trips if possible, but she has said herself that she plans to be doing her own thing and will hopefully have internships, study abroad, and other trips going on. Also, her school breaks will not often align with our two younger children's. If she had a different personality, perhaps this would be harsh, but she is truly the kind of person who will not be affected.

So, if we can coordinate travel with her in the future, that's wonderful, but we are all aware that it may not be possible.

All that said, we likely won't be doing any vacations because our budget is too tight to be able to afford travel and paying for college.


I do have a friend who is in her mid 30s, married, and expecting a baby and her parents still plan and pay for a "family vacation" every year (in addition to visits for holidays). DH and I grew up poor and had never gone on a single vacation growing up, so it's kind of crazy to us that these adults with incomes over $150k still expect a vacation from their parents every year. And it would be absolutely unacceptable if one "child" was not included.

 

[DopeyDame]

This topic has been discussed a bit in our house since our oldest is a junior in HS. Fortunately we are all super rational and have the same thoughts on the matter, so I don't think there will be any hard feelings or disappointment.

We have been trying to do a few little trips together and DD picked another Disney trip this summer as her "must do". We are looking at it as our "last family vacation". I will still want to include her in other trips if possible, but she has said herself that she plans to be doing her own thing and will hopefully have internships, study abroad, and other trips going on. Also, her school breaks will not often align with our two younger children's. If she had a different personality, perhaps this would be harsh, but she is truly the kind of person who will not be affected.

So, if we can coordinate travel with her in the future, that's wonderful, but we are all aware that it may not be possible.

All that said, we likely won't be doing any vacations because our budget is too tight to be able to afford travel and paying for college.


I do have a friend who is in her mid 30s, married, and expecting a baby and her parents still plan and pay for a "family vacation" every year (in addition to visits for holidays). DH and I grew up poor and had never gone on a single vacation growing up, so it's kind of crazy to us that these adults with incomes over $150k still expect a vacation from their parents every year. And it would be absolutely unacceptable if one "child" was not included.

This line made me laugh.
The summer after I graduated from high school, we took a "last family vacation"
Fast forward 4 years, and my parents, sisters, and I took a "last family vacation" the summer after one sister graduated high school
Fast forward 2 more years, another high school graduation, another "last family vacation"
Repeat the same three "last family vacations" upon college graduations

Fast forward to last week... 12 of us - two grandparents, six parents, and four grandkids - just went to Disney World. This time my mom was smart enough not to call it our "last family vacation"

I hope you and your kids have many many more wonderful family vacations together, even after DD graduates and starts her own life.

 

[tzolkin]

DopeyDame- yes, the "last family vacation" is sort of a running joke. (Letting DD make most decisions since it is her "last") I'm actually already planning other trips for next year (but they will likely be 4-5 days, not our usual two weeks)

I am hoping that DD will be willing and able to be part of many more family vacations to come, but I'm trying to set myself up for being pleasantly surprised if/when she can rather than disappointed if/when she cannot.

 

[lauradis]

I have to disagree. The adult in question is currently living at home. It has apparently never been discussed that at Age X you will be left out of family vacations, or have to fend for yourself.

I can't imagine doing what the OP wants to do, and not having a talk about it with the child before. Seems cruel to me. And pretty heartless. At least have a chat about it, and maybe they can fly down to meet you for part of the trip. But I would expect the parent to fund it, if this whole subject hasn't been discussed before hand.

Op talk to him!!! If you expect him to act like an Adult then treat him like one.

The above was my original advise to op.

I do believe there comes a time when adult(children) should separate from their parents. Make all their own decisions and choices. That magic time is August after they graduate high school. No I wouldn't exclude him from family vacations, but I would make the order of time of vacation importance to my husband, my self, our minor children that are still perm living in home, then him. The org post said he was leaving home to go away to college or at least in college at the time.

Well before 18 I except adult children to understand they can't always get what they want. That adult responsibility (aka college) sometimes don't allow doing what we want.

OP if he did want to go and you really wanted him there. I would find a way to make it work for your time frame, like pp said fly him in for couple of days, downgrade nicer places to stay to afford for him to go, or save more.
Making vacation plans for an Adult means talking to them.

 

[bethy]

I'm sure every parent would love to be able to bring their adult children on vacation all expenses paid for them. But thats not always feasible. My parents are not well off, and I would almost feel bad going on a vacation and having them pay for everything when my husband and I have well paying full time jobs and are fully capable of contributing.

Just a different perspective. Its not always about what you want to do, but what you CAN do.

This exactly. DH and I are in our 40's and seem to be the only people we know who take our parents on vacation versus the other way around. At a minimum we always would pay our own way when travelling with them. In addition, we take them to dinner, bring food when we dine at their house etc. Not everyone's parents are well established, but where we live at least it feels like most are.

With middle aged kids still vacationing for free and getting all sort of $$ from their parents I have to wonder if they will be able to do the same for *their* kids someday? Maybe so?! I guess it could be a case of old money and passing down a legacy.

 

[maxaroni]

I don't often post as I'm a thread killer

At any rate, I find this thread to be pretty interesting in what others think. For myself, my parents took me on my last family vacation once I graduated HS, before college. My mom said that it was their time and my vacations would most likely be with my friends, experiences, etc. I never was hurt, felt neglected, or unloved. We are all only children, therefore, thinking may be different
My parents took 3 week vacations and started traveling to Hawaii for the 3 weeks. It turned into them being world travelers until my mom got sick and they could no longer travel. My time was much more limited as I had my own obligations be it school, or my job. I started out with 2 weeks vacation and started my own traveling with friends. I got married and we set off on our own journey. Perhaps if we were a family to have a beach house or a place in the mountains, we'd have gone together with my parents, who knows. However, my parents did their traveling and we did ours.

We took our DS on his last family vacation after he graduated HS, before college. He will be graduating college this year, also has been working. He does not feel left out, hurt or unloved. We still have great family time and do things together. However, DH and I have our vacations, just the 2 of us. Again, an only child situation. Many of DS' friends do not go on vacation with their families, even when younger siblings go, as they have their own responsibilities and their time off they prefer to start doing their own things with their friends. Would they turn down a family vacation? I am sure not. However, most of his friends have their own things going on at this point...be it school, internships, or interests.

Many of our friends are beginning their "empty nest" years, not necessarily full time yet as they have college age kids but the "kids" are not home much and they are beginning the next phase of their life.

I don't think that there is any right or wrong ways, just different dynamics, different thoughts.

 

[disykat]

For those of us with only one, or kids close together this isn't a huge issue like it is for many who have more kids or kids further apart. My kids are only 2 1/2 years apart so they'll both be invited if one is.

My kids are both in college right now. In general they are invited on all trips to see family and not invited on other trips. A big family trip for fun - like one we're taking this summer that includes them - isn't something that has really happened anyway in the last few years because of college expenses. They understand this is a one time thing and sort of a last big hurrah. DH and I also understand that they may not WANT to vacation with mom and dad much longer.

Other than that, we've already established a routine of family anniversary trips every 10 years to WDW. We hope to continue that for the rest of our lives as sort of a way to remember our honeymoon and history of our family. We'll treat. In general, as hard as it is to consider this part of our lives "over," since they are 22 and 20 now. DH and I are looking forward to traveling together.

I took one trip with my parents as a single young adult. I'm pretty sure my siblings were probably extended an invitation when I decided to go. They were visiting extended family in Florida with a side trip to WDW. I paid my own airfare to meet them there and bought the WDW tickets for the three of us, they paid for my food when we ate together at sit down restaurants and lodging (I stayed in their room, so only a small fee) that wasn't covered by family we visited. They rented the same car they would have rented without me. We didn't do an exact tally, but I felt we traveled as "equals" not as parents taking child. I could see doing something like that with one of our children occasionally.

 

[abaldacci]

My son is getting robbed I suppose because I told him(17) and his Sister(26) that they had just taken the last vacation with us. Both were more concerned with phones and texting than what we were doing so I will not waste my money. My husband and I will just go on some fabulous vacations and spend that money on us. It's nice to think about really Where will we go next????

 

[tzolkin]

For those of us with only one, or kids close together this isn't a huge issue like it is for many who have more kids or kids further apart.

I think this may be a key difference.

People tend to think in terms of their particular family. Sure, if your kids are close in age (HS senior & college freshman for instance) you may be more inclined to feel that no one should be left out.

Our family consists of an older teen (heading to college) and two elementary aged children. Sure, it will be great if the oldest can vacation with us. But, if her life is too busy to coordinate with our schedules due to internships, travel with friends, and other activities, I really don't think it's fair that her younger siblings could not vacation anymore because it's "mean" to exclude the oldest. If we refuse to travel unless we are all together, it's possible that we don't go anywhere for the next 15 years or even indefinitely.

 

[Distinkt]

Everyone has their own ideas on what is fair, but I would never want to hurt any of my children's feelings by excluding them. Since this is your oldest child you are probably still preoccupied with the events and happenings of the younger children, but I expect there will come a time, when all are out of the nest, that you will wish you could have them all together for a family vacation. My advice, as a parent of 3 adult children, is to take your son, and enjoy every last moment of your family time. It becomes so much harder to get together as family when they are out on their own with jobs and other responsibilities.

You never know what might be around the corner, and you probably wouldn't want to regret excluding him for the price of a ticket, etc.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

With middle aged kids still vacationing for free and getting all sort of $$ from their parents I have to wonder if they will be able to do the same for *their* kids someday? Maybe so?! I guess it could be a case of old money and passing down a legacy.

I'm sure there's some of that. My parents have paid for a couple of trips for me since reaching true adulthood, and I know their parents did the same for them - again, not frequently, but on a couple of occasions. We might do it more frequently, but my parents tastes have changed as they've aged. My little family still enjoys the kinds of vacations *I* took as a child with my parents, where Mom & Dad are more concerned nowadays about proximity to the golf course I do hope we can squeeze in another trip or two while their health is still good - be it on their dime, mine, or some split of some sort

 

[AnOtHeRdIsNeYfReAk]

Personally, I will take mine until they are able to fully support themselves. Then they'll be taking me!!

 

[Mazel]

We just had this conversation. I have 3 kids, 1 is recently married and 1 is in the Military which leaves our youngest at home. At Christmas time we mentioned we wanted to take a vacation to Disney. We haven't been to WDW in over 4 years and DL in over 2.

Surprisingly my 2 older and SIL all said they wanted to go. So if my Military kid can get leave we will pay for him 100% and fly him to meet us. My married one we're deciding how much to pay of their trip. They live 6 hours from us and will have to meet us there. My husband said they can pay airfare and we got the rest. I said they can pay air and room and we got the rest.

So I guess we're really no help.

 

[minniecarousel]

We love going to Disney with our married sons & their wives. Since we have DVC, the room is on us, but they have to pay the rest. We might spring for some of the food. We have also just gotten rooms for them when they want to solo a trip.

 

[JSTARNELLA]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

 

[mom2rtk]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

I don't find that to be unreasonable at all. I'm sorry she's mad. Sometimes growing up and paying your way just isn't fun.

If not 23, then what 25? 28? 30?

 

[kirstenb1]

Tough question JSTARNELLA. My oldest is only 17, so I don't have experience with this. DH and I have treated our parents to vacations over the years, and vice versa. I know when I was 23, I was married, and dh and I were planning our own vacations. We bought DVC when we were 26, and that's when we started including our parents, and siblings, every third year or so. I don't know what kind of salary your dd makes, but maybe $1000 is a lot of money to her right now? At her age, she could be a big help with the younger siblings.

 

[aprilgail]

Here is my situation. I have 3 girls. At our time of travel ages will be 23, 11 and 6. 23 year old is not in college and works full time as a patient care tech (with full benefits). She does not live at home. We offered to upgrade to a room that would accomodate all of us (3 adults and 2 kids in a standard hotel room with 1 bathroom seems unreasonable) if she would contribute $1000. (this $1000 would cover her airfare, food, hotel and park tickets for a 7 night/6 day WDW trip). We had to upgrade and spend quite a lot more than we were planning to spend so we could all go and be comfortable. She text me today and said she isn't going to be able to go and I know she is mad at me for not footing the entire trip. Am I unreasonable....really, please tell me if I am??

If I was paying for the younger ones I would pay for the older one too- I can't imagine not taking my daughter on a family vacation just because she is older than the others!