At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[scoutie]

I'm 41, and my parents and DH's parents still take us on vacation. They travel plenty alone, but every other year, they take the whole family (kids and grandkids) somewhere. Last year, we went to Jamaica.

 

[Becc1]

We are planning for the week before Thanksgiving, coming home on that Monday, I would never leave any of my children alone on a holiday.

Same question to you as I have for the OP...... what is it that you expect your son to do for Thanksgiving?

That said though, I would not leave him over Thanksgiving.

As I've previously stated, we are not leaving him over Thanksgiving. We will be back before he's even done school that week.

 

[NewRVLady]

For the record, I would never tell him that I couldn't afford to take him, if he really wants to go and can take the time from classes than I will spend the extra money and gladly bring him.

is this Hs or College?
At that age for either one -my kids would NOT miss school at all

we still did beach vaca with them in college......and now take trips with grown one who lives 1500 miles away when we visit him & family

 

[morgan98]

I can't imagine missing 7 days of college (or even high school)! Dd18 knows that there might be vacations she's excluded from, simply because of her school schedule, and she's fine with it. She certainly would not be okay with missing more than a week of school - who does that?

Agree with this completely. Even if the child may still be a "dependent", once they are away at school they are living their own life with their own schedule and responsibilities. I mean, what if he wants to go on a spring break trip with his friends, is that not allowed because the other kids can't go?

Plus, once in college nearing the end of a semester, I would think he would have too much going on with classes and assignments.

My brother and I are 8 years apart. I never held a grudge or throught twice about the fact he went on family vacations while I didn't. That even includes summer trips when I was home from school, but had a great paying job that I couldn't miss two weeks of to take a family vacation.

 

[NewRVLady]

I can't possibly believe he would be able to miss 7+ days of college. It is virtually impossible.

I agree! esp in NOVEMBER...finals at the Universities around here are 2nd week of Dec

 

[LJSquishy]

I think you should take him. Cherish the time that he does want to spend with you! I would probably be hurt if I were his age and my parents said I couldn't come but the rest of the kids could. If it were a trip just for you and your spouse, that's different...but once some of the kids are involved, I really think it needs to be all of the kids or none.

I'm 30 years old and my parents still invite me on most of their trips. We all get along incredibly well. Sometimes I go with them without my husband, sometimes we both go with them, and other times we opt out. They generally still pay for our portion of lodging if we all go somewhere, and even many of our meals. We certainly don't expect them to do that, but it's what they choose to do. The "trips" we take together are usually 3-4 nights at a beach house or oceanfront condo so nothing really expensive like WDW.

We are all going to WDW together in October but each of us is paying our own way. We're even staying at different resorts. It's been a trip we've been trying to plan for around 5 years but usually one of us backs out for one reason or another...so this time we're really going!

 

[Deb in IA]

For our children, school is their job. We had no choice with our oldest as his college major highly recommends that the students not work at all and they definitely cannot work more than 10 hours a week. Not much money you can save up with only 10 hours a week.

But even if they didn't have those restrictions at school, I had children because I wanted them. That didn't end at 18. If I am planning on a vacation, my kids are invited and it is on my dime. Now, they do offer to help out on their own, but I would never invoice my own kids for a family vacation.

I agree. We continue to schedule our vacations around their college/work schedules so that they can come with us.

We pay for everything.

We are a family, not a business arrangement.

 

[Becc1]

So here's a monkey wrench that I'll throw in there to everyone that's saying it's all or nothing, my DS 13 has special needs, he will be with my DH and myself his whole life. Since he will be always vacationing with us, do we always invite our other children and their spouses and children to come? And since we will be paying for our special needs DS, does that mean we will be paying for everyone else's too?

 

[lovin'fl]

Same question to you as I have for the OP...... what is it that you expect your son to do for Thanksgiving?

I would be heartbroken to tell my son we wouldn't be here for him to come home to on Thanksgiving. That first year away is hard for some kids. I was terribly homesick by Thanksgiving that year. I can't even imagine having my family somewhere else.

Well since my DS had to be at our house this Thanksgiving when I hosted my family and he complained the whole time and said my food was not good and that he would have had better at his GF's, I told him he could go to Thanksgiving at his GF's next time...so he already has plans. He will be living at home, working and going to community college. He will be busy all week.

 

[Wendy31]

So here's a monkey wrench that I'll throw in there to everyone that's saying it's all or nothing, my DS 13 has special needs, he will be with my DH and myself his whole life. Since he will be always vacationing with us, do we always invite our other children and their spouses and children to come? And since we will be paying for our special needs DS, does that mean we will be paying for everyone else's too?

I think every family is different.

As evidenced in this thread, many parents continue to pay for their children (& their children's families) vacations for many years & long after the children have "left home" - from the entire vacation to parts of the vacation. Different things work for different families & different family dynamics.

But, no, I don't think you necessarily need to pay for your adult children's (& their future spouses' & future children's) vacations even though you'll continue to pay for your special needs child after he reaches adulthood. And I don't think your children would expect you to.

However, at this particular time, I think your 19 (almost 20) year old son is still part of your immediate family unit.

Even though he is living away at college, he probably still considers your home to be his home, his primary residence. He's not "on his own" yet & hasn't established his home & his life yet away from you & your DH & his siblings.

You are planning a family vacation & are taking your other children. I'd have a very hard time not inviting him.

That said, I'm not sure how a college student could miss that many days, so, if I were set on going during a time when he was in school & couldn't change my schedule for a better time for him, I'd give him the option of flying down & joining us for a couple of days.

Bottom line, I'd want him to still feel included w/ his family.

I would look at it differently if he were 30 years old & still living in your basement.

Like I said earlier, I want to enjoy family vacations & the time together w/ all 3 of our children for as long as I can.

 

[Mkrop]

I cannot fathom telling my 20 y/o college student (who does NOT live at home) that we couldn't afford to take him on our family vacation. We plan our trips around everyones schedule, including his. Maybe when he gets married we can revisit it, but I want him with us for as long as I can get him.

Thank you to those of you who suggested him flying separately and just joining us for a few days. Not sure why I had not thought of that! I think the main reason that he would want to go is for Universal, we haven't been since HP has been there and I know he wants to do that. I could plan for us to go there when he's there so he won't miss out

I would do something like this, fly them down for part of the trip if this was the ONLY time we could go.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think every family is different.

As evidenced in this thread, many parents continue to pay for their children (& their children's families) vacations for many years & long after the children have "left home" - from the entire vacation to parts of the vacation. Different things work for different families & different family dynamics.

But, no, I don't think you necessarily need to pay for your adult children's (& their future spouses' & future children's) vacations even though you'll continue to pay for your special needs child after he reaches adulthood. And I don't think your children would expect you to.

However, at this particular time, I think your 19 (almost 20) year old son is still part of your immediate family unit.

Even though he is living away at college, he probably still considers your home to be his home, his primary residence. He's not "on his own" yet & hasn't established his home & his life yet away from you & your DH & his siblings.

You are planning a family vacation & are taking your other children. I'd have a very hard time not inviting him.

That said, I'm not sure how a college student could miss that many days, so, if I were set on going during a time when he was in school & couldn't change my schedule for a better time for him, I'd give him the option of flying down & joining us for a couple of days.

Bottom line, I'd want him to still feel included w/ his family.

I would look at it differently if he were 30 years old & still living in your basement.

Like I said earlier, I want to enjoy family vacations & the time together w/ all 3 of our children for as long as I can.

I agree.
Every family is different. Sure it's nice if you're 40 years old and Mom and Dad pays for you, your spouse and kids to vacation but not everyone can or wants to do that.

 

[goofy!]

So here's a monkey wrench that I'll throw in there to everyone that's saying it's all or nothing, my DS 13 has special needs, he will be with my DH and myself his whole life. Since he will be always vacationing with us, do we always invite our other children and their spouses and children to come? And since we will be paying for our special needs DS, does that mean we will be paying for everyone else's too?

I have a 27 year old daughter with Down syndrome.

She always vacations with us. And yes, I plan on always inviting my other children (and their spouses and children as time goes on) on our family vacations and if they choose to go, I will always pay for them.

If I pay for one child on a family vacation, I pay for all.

 

[Saimaeve]

My daughter is still young. But I'm not sure. If it's a family focused vacation, we'd take her without a doubt. If it was like a honeymoon/ vow renewal celebration, we'd probably go alone.

But until she is out on her own and well established, if she wanted to go, I'd take her. If say she's 25 and living on her own, I might ask that she pay a portion of her own way. But for the most part we're extremely close and I hope it never comes down to her thinking she's not welcome.

 

[mom2rtk]

Well since my DS had to be at our house this Thanksgiving when I hosted my family and he complained the whole time and said my food was not good and that he would have had better at his GF's, I told him he could go to Thanksgiving at his GF's next time...so he already has plans. He will be living at home, working and going to community college. He will be busy all week.

Ouch. Fair enough under the circumstances.

 

[NMAmy]

DD is 24 and I almost always offer her and her husband to come along at our expense. We love to vacation with them and they seem to love to come along.

Last year we did a WDW/Universal trip and then we went to visit them in the UK. And we're just now planning a trip with our entire extended family (my sister, her adult kids, and grandkids) to Lake Michigan for July and another visit to the UK next year.

As long as they want to come along and I can afford it, we'll bring them with us and pay for the trip. My SIL's father takes all his kids, their SO's, and grandkids on a ski trip to Austria each spring, too, so they get some nice trips from both sides of the family.

 

[maddiel]

I have a DD14 and a DD21 ( who goes to university/works at a co-op placement year round and who has continued to live at home except for last summer)

I think it's a transitional thing. If we were planning a big vacation I would try to include my older daughter, but I also recognize that that is getting more difficult to do because her schedule is different from ours and that she is starting to vacation on her own.

Two years ago we took a Spring trip to Florida that included DD21. We timed the trip based primarily on her schedule and it meant we had to take her younger sister out of school for a week. On the other hand, I had a conference in Niagara Falls last July that the rest of us built a vacation around and we didn't take her because we couldn't work the dates without conflicting with her summer class schedule - but we talked about it and she was okay with it, plus she went on a trip to PEI with her friends later in the summer.

I think we'll probably continue to try to include her for the next few years. I do think there is a special value of both my daughters having the opportunity to spend time together as the younger one approaches adulthood - I moved out to go to university when my brother was only 10 and I think it made it more difficult tor us to develop an adult relationship later (although we have done so.)

Of course, DD21 is now thinking about going to France next year after she graduates, so maybe going to visit her will be our vacation!

M.

 

[carrie1626]

My DH and I are discussing a November trip to WDW, we have 4 children, ages at the time of trip will be 20, 13, 11 and 9. We have decided to go in November because we really want to see all of the Christmas decorations and this is the first time my DH will be able to get away from work at that time of year. DS 19 will be in school, DH and I kinda assumed that he would not be going with us this year. My DS asked me the other day if we were taking a trip this year and I told him that we were thinking November, I think he assumes that he will be going. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we weren't planning on him going because we figured he'd have school. Also by him not going we will be saving a lot, in airfare, tickets and food. I hate to sound cheap and say we aren't bringing him because of the cost but realistically, it does come into play. We are all going to the Outer Banks this summer so it's not like he will never vacation with us again. DH and I both were talking about it and said that our parents went on vacations all of the time when we were in college but we didn't have younger siblings going with them so it's a little different. So my question is, do we suck it up, allow him to miss school and go with us or do we figure a way to nicely tell him that we weren't planning on him going? I hate to make him left out of the loop so my mom guilt is kicking in overdrive

In my heart of hearts, this is where I'm coming from:
If your son wants to spend time at WDW with you and his siblings, I would TAKE HIM!!!!. Then when you return, have a sit-down and discuss future plans where now that he is an "adult"things will change.

 

[pryncess527]

I'm 35 and I don't think my mother has ever taken my baby sister on vacation without inviting me.

 

[maleficent32]

My DH and I are discussing a November trip to WDW, we have 4 children, ages at the time of trip will be 20, 13, 11 and 9. We have decided to go in November because we really want to see all of the Christmas decorations and this is the first time my DH will be able to get away from work at that time of year. DS 19 will be in school, DH and I kinda assumed that he would not be going with us this year. My DS asked me the other day if we were taking a trip this year and I told him that we were thinking November, I think he assumes that he will be going. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we weren't planning on him going because we figured he'd have school. Also by him not going we will be saving a lot, in airfare, tickets and food. I hate to sound cheap and say we aren't bringing him because of the cost but realistically, it does come into play. We are all going to the Outer Banks this summer so it's not like he will never vacation with us again. DH and I both were talking about it and said that our parents went on vacations all of the time when we were in college but we didn't have younger siblings going with them so it's a little different. So my question is, do we suck it up, allow him to miss school and go with us or do we figure a way to nicely tell him that we weren't planning on him going? I hate to make him left out of the loop so my mom guilt is kicking in overdrive

Did you ask him if he would be willing to miss classes to go? If he is, and you can afford it then I think you should take him.