ASD/ODD or just a boy being a boy?

[inkedupmomma]

Hi all! I figured the Dis has helped me out a million times in other ways, why not come here to discuss my son and his possible ASD.

Heres the background info, at his 3 year old well check the doctor was checking him and asked if I had any concerns. I explained to her , that at times (most times) he is very hard to handle, and would she have any suggestions on time outs or whatever to help him chill out a bit. He can be a bit violent, just down right disobedient, more so than other children I have been around. Also, I have worked with children for over 12 years now and have met few children like him. The doctor started asking me a bunch of questions, about his sleep pattern, colors, behaviors, etc... Finally, I asked if she was concerned, because I could tell by all the odd questions, this was no longer a normal check up. She expressed that she is concerned about him and thinks he may have something called oppositional defiant disorder. I have tried not to read too much on it, as i do not want to suddenly see things that weren't there, or exaggerate them more than what they are. After all, kids do, do some off the wall things at times.

Skip ahead 3 months and we went to the local intermediate unit for an evaluation. At the end of the process the woman expressed that he scored a 98 out of 100 and she does not think he has anything wrong with him. BUT, she thinks he should be in school, and if he is not progressing in 2 months, then go back to her

In all honesty, I don't know what to think! Some days I think he is just extra spirited to keep me on my toes ( you know, your child will be you but 10 fold) and other days I think somethings just not right. I said from day one (joking of course) that he was wired just a little bit different. All I know is, I do not want to be one of those parents that is denial, and says oh no hes fine, hes just a boy...

I'd also like to mention that he makes full eye contact, is usually great in social situations (although gets grabby, pushy, meanish once comfy with his surroundings), he can carry on conversations with anybody and everybody, dresses himself, does all things such as bathroom, eating, brushing teeth solo ( as much as any 3 year old that is), and can be the sweeeeeeetest most loving child in the world.

BUT, with all that comes other not so great behaviors, he is purposely annoying (although, who isn't at times ), lately and I have noticed in teh past that he will be talking to himself (or someone imaginary i guess?) that one kinda freaks me out more than anything, gets angry VERY easily, annoyed very easily, will hurt someone badly and not think twice about it, extremely stubborn, etc....


My biggest worry is that he will be that kid with a bad rep as he gets older. I don't want him to be angry, I want him to be happy. I know it is in there! I myself am iagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I worry that my issues are being passed through to my child ( Not that I have symptoms in front of him), just the whole genetic aspect of it.

I am positive that I am leaving stuff out, and that this sounds more like rambling than anything else. I apologize, I just feel frazzled, and do not want to start reading different things on the internet and getting myself in a frenzy, but I also do not want to ignore what could possibly be something more than just a "boy being a boy".

Any advice, thoughts, questions, insight would be greatly appreciated!!

 

[bookwormde]

There are certainly neurotypical children who are strong willed from an early age, particularly if they are exceptionally intelligent. As for ODD as a primary diagnosis at the age of 3 no competent clinician would give that.

As for ASD if he has some of the contributing genetics it sounds like for now he is what is known as a “self adapter”. Your limited description so far it typical of that. It is really hard to judge the level of innate social skills in these children at this age, it is only when they get in larger and more complex social situations (typically at the age of 5-6) that this becomes evident.

I would suggest the first thing to do is to get a copy of “The complete Guide to Aspergers” c/2007 by Tony Attwood, which is available on Amazon for about $25. This will give you a basic understanding of characteristics you are seeing in your child and their basis. It my also hit home for yourself since incompetent clinicians often diagnose adults with Autism/Aspergers characteristics with borderline personality disorders.

Whether it is just a few characteristics in the sensory, social or executive function groups or an accumulation, which creates a clinical diagnostic level it, is important to educate yourself.

The good news is that are often some great gifts that come along with the challenges of having AS characteristics so with the proper accommodations and support an AS child can make contributions to society well beyond that of typical children.

Do some reading (there are lots of threads and parents with a lot of experience with ASD issues on this board so read back and feel free to ask questions).

bookwormde

 

[inkedupmomma]

thank you! I appreciate you taking the time out to reply!

 

[Tiggerish]

First, for you. Second, trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone and you are in the trenches with him every day.

 

[inkedupmomma]

First, for you. Second, trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone and you are in the trenches with him every day.

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it! The thing is, some days I swear satan is in him, but he does so much so "normal" ( I hate that word) that it's almost too hard to believe that there is an issue. Most say at the very least he is ADD or ADHD.

I'm just sick of people thinking or there's that bad kid.. he's ONLY 3 for goodness sake People are so quick to judge if a child isn't perfect

 

[bookwormde]

Try "typical" in place of "normal" it is more clinically accurate and has less negative connotations.

What most parents of children with neurological variations (even completely benign and beneficial ones) will tell you is that it is not helpful to worry about what other people think, as they do not have the knowledge and understanding to comment intelligently.


bookwormde

 

[Libbyt]

Inkedupmomma, I'm looking at a situation similar to yours - only I'm looking back at it, as my son is now 16. Our daughter (3 years older) had developmental and speech issues, so I was probably hypervigilant in "observing" this strange new male species! Where our dd's speech was initially non-existant and came very slowly over the years, his was like turning on a faucet full force. Where she struggled for long months to walk, he took off running and never looked back. He was different in absolutely every aspect. For several months, I was convinced he had Tourettes because he had developed a bizarre language of alarming noises and body movements to match. He played differently, thought differently. As he got into school, we began to realize that he was just a child who was very curious and his mind (and body) were in constant motion. I remember days where I'd be at my wits end and would to say to my husband - YOU must take this over for awhile!!! Fast forward a few years and he's evolved into a very laid back - sometimes I like to think SLOTH - thoughtful, wickedly funny, and intelligent kid. He has a unique outlook on life and solves problems in unique ways. I'm betting the same will be true with your son, but as another poster said, trust your instincts. If you have lingering concerns, ask for an evaluation - it never hurts and at the minimum will give you new insights on your child. I think the most important thing is probably to maintain a communicative, close relationship with him (if you can keep up!) so you will observe changes or any issues that develop. Above all, enjoy your son! He sounds like a very unique individual who will always a blessing in your life!

Edit: Came back to add one more thing.....I am a facilitator for parenting/positive discipline classes, and I feel strongly that these are a good idea for all parents, particularly parents of strong willed children. If you feel competent and confident in parenting, you are going to experience a stronger relationship with your son and have fewer clashes as the years progress. Check your local resource center to see what's available - I can promise you (from experience) it will feel like a positive step forward!

 

[ireland_nicole]

it's hard to give specific advice from just a small post, but I would say that it doesn't ring big ASD bells for me; certainly strong willed, potentially ADHD, food intolorances or other stuff, but not necessarily ASD.

I would recommend that you start keeping a detailed journal including what was eaten during the day, unusual behaviors and any known triggers, etc. Doing this really helped us find out our DS had significant food intolorances. Yes, he still has ADHD, and possibly PDD-NOS, but he's a lot better since we eliminated things like artifical dyes from his diet; just a whole different kid, especially in the aggression side of things.

And just because your kid has some frustrations at 3, doesn't mean that's going to translate through adulthood; you may find improvement as he learns stronger communication skills and adaptive coping skills.

While I wouldn't tell you to ignore worrying behavior, I would encourage you to take it one day at a time and try not to worry Too much; enjoy your child, try to learn what his triggers are and learn to avoid them, etc. A lot of the behavior you're describing is very typical of ODD. That's not a bad thing; there are a lot of techniques you can learn that will really help him, and start him off on a better course. Just don't give up.

 

[inkedupmomma]

Try "typical" in place of "normal" it is more clinically accurate and has less negative connotations.
Yes, i suppose that does sound better..but kinda not really? lol
What most parents of children with neurological variations (even completely benign and beneficial ones) will tell you is that it is not helpful to worry about what other people think, as they do not have the knowledge and understanding to comment intelligently.


bookwormde

Noramlly I am the queen of not giving a hoot what ANYONE thinks or says..but when it is your child, and you know this child will be going to school wit these kids, you want him to have a positive look, kwim?

Inkedupmomma, I'm looking at a situation similar to yours - only I'm looking back at it, as my son is now 16. Our daughter (3 years older) had developmental and speech issues, so I was probably hypervigilant in "observing" this strange new male species! Where our dd's speech was initially non-existant and came very slowly over the years, his was like turning on a faucet full force. Where she struggled for long months to walk, he took off running and never looked back. He was different in absolutely every aspect. For several months, I was convinced he had Tourettes because he had developed a bizarre language of alarming noises and body movements to match. He played differently, thought differently. As he got into school, we began to realize that he was just a child who was very curious and his mind (and body) were in constant motion. I remember days where I'd be at my wits end and would to say to my husband - YOU must take this over for awhile!!! Fast forward a few years and he's evolved into a very laid back - sometimes I like to think SLOTH - thoughtful, wickedly funny, and intelligent kid. He has a unique outlook on life and solves problems in unique ways. I'm betting the same will be true with your son, but as another poster said, trust your instincts. If you have lingering concerns, ask for an evaluation - it never hurts and at the minimum will give you new insights on your child. I think the most important thing is probably to maintain a communicative, close relationship with him (if you can keep up!) so you will observe changes or any issues that develop. Above all, enjoy your son! He sounds like a very unique individual who will always a blessing in your life!
Unique IS the word! Many people say he is just ridiculously intelligent and advanced, and that is what it is (by many, I mean friends). All my Frineds who are special ed instructors or IEP's DO NOT think in any way he has anything wrong with him. So maybe it is nothing...but once that word was dropped by the doc, I can't seem to shake that something might be wrong ;/ At the same time, i oculd not imagine him any different. he was given to me this way for a reason, whether it turns out aok or not! I firmly believe that!
Edit: Came back to add one more thing.....I am a facilitator for parenting/positive discipline classes, and I feel strongly that these are a good idea for all parents, particularly parents of strong willed children. If you feel competent and confident in parenting, you are going to experience a stronger relationship with your son and have fewer clashes as the years progress. Check your local resource center to see what's available - I can promise you (from experience) it will feel like a positive step forward!

Thank you for the suggestion!

it's hard to give specific advice from just a small post, but I would say that it doesn't ring big ASD bells for me; certainly strong willed, potentially ADHD, food intolorances or other stuff, but not necessarily ASD.
Sorry, it was kind of an omg moment I was having.. not sure what I should have written, just wrote what was in my mind. There are so many things that I suppose I should have written lol. I'm new to this though!

I would recommend that you start keeping a detailed journal including what was eaten during the day, unusual behaviors and any known triggers, etc. Doing this really helped us find out our DS had significant food intolorances. Yes, he still has ADHD, and possibly PDD-NOS, but he's a lot better since we eliminated things like artifical dyes from his diet; just a whole different kid, especially in the aggression side of things.
y aknow, I DO see a difference when I eliminate certain foods from his diet. Like you said, the red dye juices are one of the things. Haven't really seen what else affects him yet though! He is allergic to eggs and also peanut butter/nuts as well.
And just because your kid has some frustrations at 3, doesn't mean that's going to translate through adulthood; you may find improvement as he learns stronger communication skills and adaptive coping skills.
I certainly hope so I just want him to be happy!

While I wouldn't tell you to ignore worrying behavior, I would encourage you to take it one day at a time and try not to worry Too much; enjoy your child, try to learn what his triggers are and learn to avoid them, etc. A lot of the behavior you're describing is very typical of ODD. That's not a bad thing; there are a lot of techniques you can learn that will really help him, and start him off on a better course. Just don't give up.

Thank you! Reading about ODD can get VERY overwhelming! It just sounds like a hopeless diagnosis and that he will be this angry hyper no good kid. and he isn't, hes got the biggest heart and funniest personality underneath it all! I do not have it as bad as some parents that are dealing with ASD, and I hope no one thinks I am a looney toon for even being worried, but I didn't know where else to turn. I really appreciate all the support and advice!

 

[flying_babyb]

inkedupmomma your tink ticker tells me our going to disney around same time as me

 

[inkedupmomma]

inkedupmomma your tink ticker tells me our going to disney around same time as me

Just booked a bounce back! come on over to my PTR... the link for this past September's TR will be up soon!