Melora
Disney Dreaming
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2003
- Messages
- 2,556
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how
you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite
flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,
I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
(Of course . . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton
JUST A FEW MORE FOR THE ROAD........
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out
the beast in me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a
mouse?"
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed says....
"HEBREWS"
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how
you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite
flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that
he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,
I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she.
(Of course . . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton
JUST A FEW MORE FOR THE ROAD........
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out
the beast in me."
"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a
mouse?"
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed says....
"HEBREWS"
