Are you or have you ever been the "other woman"?

[Muffin]

Are you guys happy togethor? Do you fight at all? Do either of you feel resentful because of the past?

I don't want to monopolize this thread, but I am just curious.

minnie,
We are very happy together. We have our disagreements, but nothing like what I had with my first husband. The only thing I resent about my past is that I wasted so many years with my ex.

 

[auntpolly]

I wanted to thank everyone for the frank (and calm!) talk before I headed out. See? We women can talk about anything without getting into a big argument! I think it's when men get involved that things go haywire; am I right????

 

[chadfromdallas]

One thing that separates us from animals is our ability to reason on an emotional level.

This is arguable.

 

[Lisa F]

See...now I knew Someone was going to say that...
oh and by the way ... That is NOT true at all...

My ex hubby's family blamed their son for our break up because of his nasty, ugliness when he drank..They were behind me and never once stuck up for their son... so you are wrong..

Also... If you knew my Mother In Law, you would know that she speaks the truth... She will tell you to your face she doesn't like you..

Grandparents, Sister and Parents as well as friends and coworkers before they knew we were together had all been commenting on how happy he was, that a weight seems to be off his shoulders..Then they found out later that I was part of that...

I'm not wrong, I said it would be rare. The only situation I can see it in is if the child has a serious problem, like drug or alcohol abuse or is beating their spouse and the parents are not too blind to see that. But since you are not saying that she had a serious drug or alcohol problem or that she was beating your husband, I guess I find it hard to believe that the breakup of a marriage could be ALL her fault. It sounds like whatever you have going works for you, and that's great, but I still find it hard to believe that your husband was the perfect husband and had absolutely no responsibility in the breakup of his marriage, even if his mother believes that to be true as well.

 

[poohandwendy]

If it is so clear cut then why are so many people divorced, two and sometimes three times?

Don't get me wrong, it's not clear cut at all...IMO we are faithful because of emotional and practical needs, we are also unfaithful for the same reasons. We still end up pairing up and attempting a monogamous lifestyle. I was only responding to chads saying that scientists are surprised that we are AS faithful as we are.

i guess I would liken it to eating habits. We know that eating healthy foods in moderation will produce a longer, healthier life. Does that stop us from showing a gross lack of self control sometimes? No. Do we continue to try to aim for healthy? Yes, especially when we suffer the consequences of poor eating habits. (just a random and horribly unscientific comparison, not to be used as proof of anything)

We are emotional beings with a selfish nature that gets us in trouble, IMHO.

 

[poohandwendy]

This is arguable.

touche

 

[pfishgirl]

I'm not wrong, I said it would be rare. The only situation I can see it in is if the child has a serious problem, like drug or alcohol abuse or is beating their spouse and the parents are not too blind to see that. But since you are not saying that she had a serious drug or alcohol problem or that she was beating your husband, I guess I find it hard to believe that the breakup of a marriage could be ALL her fault. It sounds like whatever you have going works for you, and that's great, but I still find it hard to believe that your husband was the perfect husband and had absolutely no responsibility in the breakup of his marriage, even if his mother believes that to be true as well.

OK, Calm Down...geesh.. IF you would of noticed, I reread what you said and edited my post Before you wrote this one...Or I was editing it while you were posting this one at the same time..

But again...you DON'T know Us so you can not Judge us, you can have your own opinion Yes, but there was ALOT of things my Hubby tried to do to fix their relationship even before I came along, BUT he could Only handle being ignored for so long..He is Human and he has feelings..

I sooooooooooooo knew this thread would turn ugly...it was a matter of time... sooooooooooo I am going to stop posting now...Have Fun..

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I was the other woman this past summer. Met the guy at a coffee shop. He seemed perfect. Things were going great but then his lies all started piling up. When I realized I was the "other woman" I got out of that situation really quickly. I felt horrible. And naive. I kept thinking "shouldn't I have known sooner?" But I think sometimes we want to believe that a person is every bit as wonderful as they seem even if they aren't. I definately had some blinders on. But once the truth came out I immediately ended the relationship. Because not only did he have a SO, he was engaged to her. I felt really cheap and low about myself. Now, I am VERY careful about who I date.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Well here goes:

Yes, I was the "other woman" for a full month. I was a senior college and it probably about 3 months after I had been date raped. I never had full on sex with the guy because I was too scared too. The guy was 34 and having his mid life crisis a bit early. One morning I woke up sick because I knew, KNEW what I was doing was wrong. It's pretty bad when you call yourself (something that rhymes with bore). He called later in the day wanting to meet up and I told him to go _____ himself that I realized what I was doing was wrong. I felt awful for anything that elapsed after that with his family but I don't think that she knows he plays or played around on her. To this day when I think about that time it makes me literally sick to my stomach. Go ahead and get the club out for some bashing. I'm prepared.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

Well here goes:

Yes, I was the "other woman" for a full month. I was a senior college and it probably about 3 months after I had been date raped. I never had full on sex with the guy because I was too scared too. The guy was 34 and having his mid life crisis a bit early. One morning I woke up sick because I knew, KNEW what I was doing was wrong. It's pretty bad when you call yourself (something that rhymes with bore). He called later in the day wanting to meet up and I told him to go _____ himself that I realized what I was doing was wrong. I felt awful for anything that elapsed after that with his family but I don't think that she knows he plays or played around on her. To this day when I think about that time it makes me literally sick to my stomach. Go ahead and get the club out for some bashing. I'm prepared.

I would never bash you We all make mistakes. I sure have. I know that feeling. I still feel sick when I think about what happened in my situation.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Well here goes:

Yes, I was the "other woman" for a full month. I was a senior college and it probably about 3 months after I had been date raped. I never had full on sex with the guy because I was too scared too. The guy was 34 and having his mid life crisis a bit early. One morning I woke up sick because I knew, KNEW what I was doing was wrong. It's pretty bad when you call yourself (something that rhymes with bore). He called later in the day wanting to meet up and I told him to go _____ himself that I realized what I was doing was wrong. I felt awful for anything that elapsed after that with his family but I don't think that she knows he plays or played around on her. To this day when I think about that time it makes me literally sick to my stomach. Go ahead and get the club out for some bashing. I'm prepared.

Tina,
I would never bash you, or any of the other people on here. It sounds like you have been through so much!

I have read a lot of the other responses, and doesn't it seem like all of us "other women" have had really different types of sagas. None of them seem like the same thing like all of the books claim. It doesn't all seem sordid, and negative like so many people would like to believe.

 

[Lisa F]

OK, Calm Down...geesh.. IF you would of noticed, I reread what you said and edited my post Before you wrote this one...Or I was editing it while you were posting this one at the same time..

But again...you DON'T know Us so you can not Judge us, you can have your own opinion Yes, but there was ALOT of things my Hubby tried to do to fix their relationship even before I came along, BUT he could Only handle being ignored for so long..He is Human and he has feelings..

I sooooooooooooo knew this thread would turn ugly...it was a matter of time... sooooooooooo I am going to stop posting now...Have Fun..

I think you're the one who needs to calm down. If you'll notice I said
It sounds like whatever you have going works for you, and that's great. I'm not judging you or your relationship with your husband. I don't know the first thing about it. I'm just saying that it is my firm belief that there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. I am also saying that I firmly believe that it takes two people to make or break a relationship (with the exception of drug/alcohol abuse or physical/emotional abuse). I don't know, I know DH had relationships before ours and the fact that he realizes he made some mistakes and learned from them makes me love him MORE, not LESS than if I believed him to have been perfect and always blameless.

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't consider it "being the other woman" if one he isn't married. It isn't an affair to me if you aren't married. I call it "making sure" LOL. I was never the other woman but I had a few times of "making sure" before I married.

It is interesting in reading this thread how many of the other women (esp. the younger ones) see what a mistake it was in thier own lives and have real regrets about it.

It is always sad to see a marriage break up even it is for the best in the long run. If there are children, they are always hurt. I've seen a lot & heard a lot of stories about affairs in the last 21 years as a hairdresser.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I have read a lot of the other esponses, and doesn't it seem like all of us "other women" have had really different types of sagas. None of them seem like the same thing like all of the books claim. It doesn't all seem sordid, and negative like so many people would like to believe.

Mistakes are a part of life. It doesn't make us bad. It just makes us human.

 

[s&k'smom]

chadfromdallas I think this is the correct quote by Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias "The difference between us and animals is our ability to accesorize" or something life that. Would I cheat no as my sister was cheated on and it hurt her tremendously.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thank you minnie, I really appreciate it. It has been 5 1/2 years and I still feel awful when I think about the stupid mistake I made that summer. Before I could ever be with my dh I had to tell him the whole truth so I knew that if it cam back to bite me on the butt it was my karma.

 

[Lisa F]

Thank you minnie, I really appreciate it. It has been 5 1/2 years and I still feel awful when I think about the stupid mistake I made that summer. Before I could ever be with my dh I had to tell him the whole truth so I knew that if it cam back to bite me on the butt it was my karma.

Sounds like you don't need anyone else to beat you up. You're doing a pretty good job yourself.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm just saying that it is my firm belief that there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. I am also saying that I firmly believe that it takes two people to make or break a relationship (with the exception of drug/alcohol abuse or physical/emotional abuse).

I agree wholeheartedly. That is why I asked pfishgirl the question to begin with. I, personally, would have a hard time trusting someone who thought the entire thing was to be blamed on their spouse and didn't see their own personal role in the dynamics of a failed marriage.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Thank you minnie, I really appreciate it. It has been 5 1/2 years and I still feel awful when I think about the stupid mistake I made that summer. Before I could ever be with my dh I had to tell him the whole truth so I knew that if it cam back to bite me on the butt it was my karma.

You're very welcome!

 

[noseybuddy]

Yes, I was the other woman. We worked at the same place. We started out as friends. I was attrated to him but at the time he was engaged to be married. So I kinda kept my distance. Well a couple months went by, he got married, but he kept pursuing me. I finally broke down and gave in. It lasted for 2 years until I ended it finally. This experience changed me forever. Any questions?