Are you or have you ever been the "other woman"?

[Alice's Mom]

When my jerk of an ex broke up with me after 4 years and we were living together for 3 of those years, he said that he was going back to his ex that he had never "officially" broken up with and he felt he was cheating on her the whole time, even though both had moved on since each other and he was single when I met him. Idiot!

He had been secretly seeing her for a couple months, which in my mind makes her the other woman, but in his warped world I was. She dumped him just a few weeks after he left me Good riddance!

 

[disneychrista]

Does anyone else realize that this thread is more then a year old?

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Does anyone else realize that this thread is more then a year old?

Yup and a person with 1 post bumped it up to stir up trouble.

 

[disneychrista]

Yup and a person with 1 post bumped it up to stir up trouble.

More then likely an old/current memeber with a new/different name.

 

[Patty3]

Or maybe it is someone who just found out that they have been cheated on?

 

[Disney Doll]

I was being rather 'tongue in cheekish"
I'm talking about going on a date, not having a sexual relationaship.Many college freshman who go away to college had a boyfriend or girlfriend back home, then meet someone, go on a few dates and decide to break off the "high School romance". If that makes me "the other woman', so be it.

You know, I am not sure I'd put that type of thing into the same category as cheating in a marital or more adult committed relationship.

College freshamen are supposed to date a lot of people That's how you learn what you do & don't want in a partner.

Probably the mistake in that situation was that everyone went to college with a girlfriend/boyfriend from "back home"...IMHO, everyone should start college unencumbered by long distance relationships.

 

[Dan Murphy]

nobodys perfect and i know for a fact some of the peeps here have been the other woman.

Welcome to the DIS, again, Call.

 

[Living with the Land]

Okay, I'll admit it. I was the other woman. The guy wasn't leaving his partner of like 10 years at that point. I knew that and made a terrible decision. For me he made me feel important and glamorous and attractive. Then it was over. Now, I am dealing with the same thing. DH is cheating. We are trying to work things out but it is soo hard. I guess this is karma for me huh? If you have questions I'll post answers, it's not something I am proud of at all but it is one of those things that doesn't go away.

Holly

 

[Robindianne]

Sorry, goofed and posted twice.

 

[Robindianne]

Why is it "stirring up trouble"? It's interesting reading and I don't feel judgemental nor judged. For the most part, people have all been really honest with their opinions and not too harsh either way imho. I've enjoyed "hearing" from everyone. PS, I remember watching Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans! Too fun.

Yup and a person with 1 post bumped it up to stir up trouble.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Why is it "stirring up trouble"? It's interesting reading and I don't feel judgemental nor judged. For the most part, people have all been really honest with their opinions and not too harsh either way imho. I've enjoyed "hearing" from everyone.

First of all, this thread is almost a year old. Second, if you read what they posted they are clearly here to call someone(s) out. That's why I said they are here to stir up trouble.

PS, I remember watching Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans! Too fun.

Capt Kangaroo rocks! But my name was inspired by Flowers on the Wall (the song).

 

[Disney Doll]

OK, Calm Down...geesh.. IF you would of noticed, I reread what you said and edited my post Before you wrote this one...Or I was editing it while you were posting this one at the same time..

But again...you DON'T know Us so you can not Judge us, you can have your own opinion Yes, but there was ALOT of things my Hubby tried to do to fix their relationship even before I came along, BUT he could Only handle being ignored for so long..He is Human and he has feelings..

I sooooooooooooo knew this thread would turn ugly...it was a matter of time... sooooooooooo I am going to stop posting now...Have Fun..

I don't see as where anything anyone has said is particularly "ugly" toward you or your situation.

An observation was made that your MIL and you both think that your DH was blameless in the break-up of his first marriage, and that is seldom true. It is not unexpected that he and his family are going to completely blame the ex...that is a very "human" thing to do. But, there are two people in every marriage and three sides to every story...his, hers, and the truth. We know "his" side, we don't know "hers" and we certainly don't kow the "truth".

It may be true that you and DH are a much better match than exW and DH were. It may be true that he tried a lot to save his marriage and that exW wasn't cooperating or putting forth any effort. But it is also true, based on your story, that you were "in there" before DH was divorced, so probably the fact that he had someone "in the wings", even though you weren't necessarily cheating in the physical or even emotional sense of the word, may have made him less inclined to really throw heart and soul into saving the first marriage.

Not "ugly", not judgemental, not even saying that his first marriage should have been saved...not saying anything other than realistic observations about your description of your situation. Many folks find it easier and more appealing to leave a bad situation if there is someone waiting in the wings.

 

[Stacerita]

There have been a few times over the years that I unknowingly was the "other woman". Not something I was happy about, and something that I ended as soon as I found out his idea of being single was really more like almost single. Ive learned to ask a lot more questions and listen harder. The clues that someone is involved with someone else are usually there.

I once dated a guy who I did not know was married with 3 kids till I met his wife by chance one day. It wasn't pretty either. While I was standing there, he told her that he was leaving her for me. Kicker was, I didn't want him. Come on, if he was gonna cheat on his wife and kids, why would I want someone like that?

There was only one guy I dated who I knew was married before hand. He was in a contract marriage. His "wife" and him were both allowed to date as long as it didn't interfere with the plan. It was too strange and complicated for me. So that didn't last too long.

 

[aprilgail2]

There have been a few times over the years that I unknowingly was the "other woman". Not something I was happy about, and something that I ended as soon as I found out .

Uggg...I had one of those too....after about 3 dates I started getting some bad vibes, did some digging and found out he was married and that was the end of that!
I see it all the time at work though...guys that had the perfect little marraige and family, really nice wives that say "my husband would never do that" are cheating left and right with people at work, people that come to work to meet them for what little time they can at lunch etc....guys that would say "hey call my house on Saturday for overtime for middle shift this way I can get out of the house and hang with my girlfriend"....I never did it for them but the guys would do it for each other....makes me ill when I see what goes on...these guys married 25 years and cheating.....and I have no love for the women they are cheating with either!!