Are you a good parent?

[Aidensmom]

I think I am a good parent most of the time, but I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes.

I judge some people's parenting DECISIONS sometimes, I think we all do, but I don't really judge someone as a person based on a decision they made, and I am not a big believer in that there is always a right way to do things, making everything else wrong. I think different things and different ways of parenting work for different kids.

 

[FayeW]

It depends which one of my children you talk to...my son thinks I am "the best Mom in the whole world". My daughter...not so much.

I probably shouldn't have had kids, but I did and all I can do now is try my best. I don't have high hopes for having a good relationship with my daughter as an adult. I hope that this "oil and water" thing we have going on will work itself out when she is grown up, but I am sorry to say that I think there is a lot more damage left to be done during the tumultuous teenage years ahead.

 

[esoumyekcim]

What does it mean to be a "good" parent? Seems that people are forever debating their choices in how they raise their kids, often judging others.

So are you a good parent? In what ways are you good and not so good?

Do you pass judgement on others based on their choices?

I try to be. I don't think I'm anywhere NEAR perfect, but that's alright. I'm doing the best I can with what I have available.

I do think that I let DS3 watch way too much TV,but I blame myself for that because I am a TV junkie. I love to watch Discovery, TLC and The History Channel, as well as Star Trek re-runs.

I try not to pass judgement on how others raise their kids. I don't think it's my place to judge how you raise your child, unless you put your DS/DD in obvious danger or do something really, really incredibly dumb.

 

[MAKmom]

I am a good parent. I do pass judgement on other about parenting in my mind. Everyone does. I have pet peeves like smoking in the car or bus stop with kids running around. Not showing up to pick your kid up from my house drives me up a wall.

I feed, cloth & shelter my children in a safe healthy environment. I nurture their body & minds. I take them for medical & dental care. I love them with every fiber of my being.

I'm not good when I loose my temper & yell.

 

[shirleyb]

I don't know if I'm a good parent or not. When my kids are raised, we'll see.

I've learned a lot about parenting over the years, mostly how much I don't know, or didn't know when I started out. It's amazing how much more I thought I knew before I had kids, and then again how much more I thought I knew before I had teenagers.

As far as judging others, I've been guilty of at least judging the outcome. Who hasn't been somewhere - a scout meeting, school function, etc, and seen an out of control or badly behaved child and wondered what on earth those parents are doing wrong? But the older I get, the more I realize that some kids are more difficult to parent than others, and that good behavior in my kids may not always mean that I'm a better parent than someone else. I don't know if I explained that clearly or not.

I think it's normal to think boy, so and so is too overprotective, or too lenient etc, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm juding them, just that I disagree with their parenting style. I'll be the first to tell you I think my SIL and BIL hover too much (and so will they!), however, they're on the way to raising two great kids, so I certainly can't fault what they've done. Their way and my way are different, but I don't think that makes either of us right or wrong.

Well, that was quite long winded, wasn't it?!?

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think I am a good parent. Yes, I make mistakes, but overall my kids are considerate, caring individuals who care about the world around them. They go to church, have good friends and make good decisions most of the time. I guess you could say I'm very proud of both of them.

Do I think this is all thanks to me? No. But even though at times I would have told you I was a terrible parent, it all seemed to work out in the end.

Do I judge others? No, not really. All families are different. I do cringe sometimes when I see kids bossing the parents around. I think to myself that the kid is searching for limits. But that is the teacher in me. I strongly believe that kids actually like limits in the long run (though they may fight them tooth and nail). It makes their lives more secure and actually makes them feel loved. But I wouldn't say I judge them. More like I wish I could help them, if that makes sense.

The only parents I really feel like I look down on are the ones like my next door neighbors. They have little hellions that they let run loose and do damage to other people's property and then they argue that it wasn't their little angels when you confront them. Or abusive people - I can't even call them parents because they're monsters.

 

[MushyMushy]

I try my best, and that's about all I can do. If you judge my parenting based on my kids' behaviors, then I look like a pretty rotten parent (although explain how one kid can turn out with the BEST behavior and one with the worst).

I think parenting was much easier for me when they were little. It was so much easier to lay down the law in a black and white way and be completely consistent with it. The older they get, the harder it gets. If the parenting is way too lax, they can go crazy and get in trouble. If the parenting is way too strict, they can go crazy and get in trouble.

It's hard to find a balance.

 

[JoyG]

I think I'm good enough.


I'm not really crunchy...but I'm a stickler about some things...like education.

 

[chris1gill]

I try to be the best parent I can be, sometimes I fall short, sometimes I rise to the occassion... the only people who could tell you if I was a good parent would be my children... my youngest would tell you so, but I don't know about the older one, he's getting older and has his own ideas now....

But I like to think I'm a good parent most of the time....

 

[kimmikayb]

My 4th child, now 7yo, has made me question more of my parenting choices than all 3 of my other kids put together. To say that he's been a challenge would be a big understatement.

Same with me!!! Do you think it's the 4th child??? Mine is 4 but already we're having such issues and some of it he did get from his father (swearing mostly) and it's like parenting up a mountain with a 50 pound pack on my back because I can't seem to get my DH to see that DS4 is mimicing him! But there are other things that just make me go....where did that come from??!!!!

 

[Goofyluver]

I am my son's best mother...and I'm his worst mother. And, I'm a single mommy...so I'm his only parent.

Good parent...hmmm...well, he's survived! Have I made bad choices? Probably pretty often! Do I regret things? Of course! But, I try my hardest.

My son knows he is loved. Every night I tuck him into bed and kiss him good-night and tell him I love him. I hug him all the time.

But, I ground him when he does bad things. I make him do his homework! And, last week, when he said he was bored, I made him clean the toilet.

I think it is really hard to be a single parent. I am the only disciplinarian. But, I also get all the "I love you's" and all of the hugs. I get to hold him when he cries. I get all of the snuggles. I get to feel all of the joy when he accomplishes something new that he is proud of.

Raising my son has been a struggle. He is disabled, and his whole life will be impacted. My son has taught me more than I could ever teach him. I always tell him that he was my gift from God. His name, Jon, means gift from above! He is my present. He is my everything. It is my job to teach him to "be" in this world. Sure, I've made mistakes...so do we all. But, I try my best and he seems to be a good kid. So, am I good parent? I'm the best that I can be!

 

[hildasmuriel]

I'd like to think that time will show that I was a good parent, but I'm sure I'm making loads of mistakes along the way.


I get a bit cross when people WON'T judge others behaviour which is seriously harmful to their children. Social workers who won't intervene when a child is regularly turning up at school underfed, smelly and dirty because "it's a lifestyle choice and we can't interfere" WHAT?! There was an extreme case here in the UK where a large family were neglected and left in filth so long that the baby died - it got an infection after it was left so long in a dirty nappy (diaper?) that it developed open sores. The social services had been involved with the family but didn't take the children into care as they thought they were a 'dirty but happy family'. Sometimes we NEED to judge others.

 

[Tybug]

Sometimes we NEED to judge others.

In extreme cases such as these... I agree, someone needs to step in. In normal everyday cases... no! And I feel that's where the problem is. SS is stretched too thin because the perfect parents are only seeing one thing that may happen(a swat on the bottom or a yelling parent) and making it their business to make that call...

Off my soapbox and on to the original question:

Am I a good parent? I do what I can the best way I can. Sure there are plenty of mistakes made along the way and yes my DD19 hated me from about the age of 10 where as the DS14 never gives me a hard time(ever!).

Has little to do with my parenting skills as much as the child's temperment.

I have picked up two things along the way that is helpful in getting through the days:

1 - Never say your child will never do something(did you hear what so and so's kid did??)! They have minds of their own and will surprise you at every turn. Doesn't make them bad kids or us bad parents... just a bad decision made on the childs part.

2 - never judge a person's parenting skills by a public temper tantrum. Until you've walked in their shoes you have no idea of the situation. Butt out!

 

[Stitchfans]

I guess I am a good parent. I suppose I could or should be a little more strict. As far as judging others. Once in a while I may when I see the child being a total brat and the parents ignoring it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Some days I am GREAT!
Some days I stink.

Overall my children's welfare is the most important thing to me. I think that is what makes a good parent.

As far as judgement....you bet. My brother is going thru a divorce and his 16yo stepson is on the verge of suicide, is treated poorly, etc...
The school had to call them in for a parent/teacher conference because they were scared for this kid's mental health.
They told them he needs help otherwise they were going to call Social Services.


Prior to this, they were still "sucky parents" and they probably will always be.

 

[mamacatnv]

I am confident in my parenting and yes, I know that Dh and I are good parents.

Do we judge others? Of course we do, we just don't vocalize it to anyone but ourselves unless harm is being done or our advice is solicited.

 

[LaraK]

So are you a good parent? In what ways are you good and not so good?

Do you pass judgement on others based on their choices?

nope...rotten parent. Just ask the parent PC police. I let my kids watch non-educational tv, don't always give them veggies with dinner and sometimes loose my temper around them.

My daughter says I'm a mean mommy because I refuse to buy Brats dolls or let her have a manicure (she's 4). I make her clean her room and say please and thank you.

My 2-year-old thinks I'm great and tries to physically touch me at every opportunity...but sometimes I need my space and push him away...rotten mom.

One time my DD walked into a door frame because she wasn't looking where she was going...I said "that was stupid, guess you will not do that again"...completly offended all the other mommies at the day care, so they don't speak to me anymore.

Of course, my kids have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and get trips to Disney World. They aren't beaten, verbally abused or degraded. They have hugs and kisses and words of love every day.

So I don't judge others, although I know they judge me. My kids are great kids. Some days the PC parenting police think I'm a rotten mom...I don't care. Some times my DD thinks I'm a mean mom. OK, that hurts a little, but I know it's because I love her. I'm the only parent they got, so I guess I'm ok.

 

[Goofyluver]

nope...rotten parent. Just ask the parent PC police. I let my kids watch non-educational tv, don't always give them veggies with dinner and sometimes loose my temper around them.

My daughter says I'm a mean mommy because I refuse to buy Brats dolls or let her have a manicure (she's 4). I make her clean her room and say please and thank you.

My 2-year-old thinks I'm great and tries to physically touch me at every opportunity...but sometimes I need my space and push him away...rotten mom.

One time my DD walked into a door frame because she wasn't looking where she was going...I said "that was stupid, guess you will not do that again"...completly offended all the other mommies at the day care, so they don't speak to me anymore.

Of course, my kids have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and get trips to Disney World. They aren't beaten, verbally abused or degraded. They have hugs and kisses and words of love every day.

So I don't judge others, although I know they judge me. My kids are great kids. Some days the PC parenting police think I'm a rotten mom...I don't care. Some times my DD thinks I'm a mean mom. OK, that hurts a little, but I know it's because I love her. I'm the only parent they got, so I guess I'm ok.

Yea, I dropped my son on his head when he was 8 days old. Does that make me a bad parent?

One more bad parent story: DS refused to get ready for soccer practice. I paid good money for soccer! He said he wasn't going? Well, he is pretty little. So, what did I do? I picked him up and his soccer clothes and threw him into the car naked. that's right...NAKED!!! Drove him all the way across town like that. Stopped at the fields and told him he had a minute to get dressed before I pushed him out of the car! Think he got dressed? You bet your bippy he did...fastest dress ever!

Ssssshhhh...don't call the social workers!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This is how it is with my DD7. When I ask her to clean her room or help in other ways, she is so difficult I know I need a new tecnique in this area. Also, does anyone have any good ideas on how to make kids be more appreciative or know how good they have it?

I think that being appreciate is a hard one...I think that a lot of it is not giving them everything that they want and having them work for stuff, but a lot of that appreciation isn't going to come until they are a lot older.

Hmm - according to a post last night if I infer that I am a good parent by the choices I make, then that could mean I'm inferring that people who parent differently than me are bad parents. So that must mean that anyone who thinks they make good parenting choices is being "judgemental" of other parents.

There's no winning on this one!

I think there's a big difference between people stating their opinions on a matter and saying that their way is the best and/or only way. Or even implying that (which I don't think most people were doing in that particular thread).

Same with me!!! Do you think it's the 4th child??? Mine is 4 but already we're having such issues and some of it he did get from his father (swearing mostly) and it's like parenting up a mountain with a 50 pound pack on my back because I can't seem to get my DH to see that DS4 is mimicing him! But there are other things that just make me go....where did that come from??!!!!

My sister's 4th child was a real handful, too. If Jake had of been my first child I would have had more, however, if he had of been my third child I would not have had a 4th (my third was the easiest of my children and I thought "just one more" ).

 

[isyne4u]

One more bad parent story: DS refused to get ready for soccer practice. I paid good money for soccer! He said he wasn't going? Well, he is pretty little. So, what did I do? I picked him up and his soccer clothes and threw him into the car naked.**snip** Stopped at the fields and told him he had a minute to get dressed before I pushed him out of the car! Think he got dressed? You bet your bippy he did...fastest dress ever!

Ssssshhhh...don't call the social workers!

I've put my son on the school bus with no shoes and jacket because he refused to get dressed...at least he knows now that i'm not going to put up with his garbage!!