Are my friends being tacky or am I being cheap?

[Lucky4me]

I have some friends whose husbands turn 40 this spring. (5) They are getting together and throwing a combined surprise party for them. They're going to have a catered pig roast and invite 150 people.

I think this may be a bit much of an undertaking, but they were so excited about it I didn't want to be the wet blanket. The problem is, they want me to help them plan it and maybe even split the cost. They've called me to discuss the plans, what I thought, if I think it's too expensive, etc. They're having a get together on Saturday to firm up the plans. Three of them called to make sure I was coming.

I have no problem helping out, but I don't think I should have to pitch in financially. My husband turned 40 two years ago and this party would not be for him, and he already knows about it. I'm not sure exactly what they think I should pay for, but knowing them they'll try and split the cost 6 ways. This would be several hundred dollars.

I'm going to tell them on Saturday that I want to help, I'll bring something to the party, and of course bring gifts, but that's it. I don't think it's fair to ask me to split equally when it's not my husbands birthday.

Would they be tacky to ask, and would I be cheap to say no??

 

[nativetxn]

I think your plan is perfect. Offer to help them plan the party and bring birthday gifts but there is no reason for you to help pay for their husband's party.

 

[Mom2Em]

I do not think you are being cheap... How much did they contribute to your DH's party?
I would politely word it... "My opinion is really not important, YOU are the hostesses." or something to the point of, "I will help with what ever you need... I can bring decorations, etc, but financially, my opinion is not really important. You guys are throwing this shindig."

 

[EROS]

DEFINITELY, it would be TACKY of them to ask . You're a guest, not one of the hostesses .

 

[Krisu]

Don't see why you should be asked to contribute

 

[LuvTigger]

Ditto the above...I don't see why you would have to chip in if your husband isn't one of the persons the party is for. Your plan sounds perfect.

 

[Serena]

Your friends are being tacky.

 

[caitycaity]

i agree. you contributing financially doesn't even make sense.

 

[zurgswife]

Definately would make it clear on Saturday that you will not be contributing to the party (money) because it wouldn't be a party for your husband's birthday.......but you'll be there to help with the plans if they would like....

 

[ripleysmom]

Yeah what they said!!

 

[Bunchkin]

Simply put, the party is NOT for your DH or yourself. If they ask for financial assistance in this endevor I would ask staight out why they think you should pay for a party that has nothing to do with you or your DH, other than being a guest and a friend.

I'm sure they didn't help financially with your DH's party, other than being a guest/friend.

Being a 'friend' doesn't mean being relied on for $$ when one's lofty ideas for a party extend beyond thier own budget. Or is this thier ideal definition of 'friend'??

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Having just thrown DH a surprise Birthday party, I am stunned at your question! I asked a bunch of people to help plan it with regards to ideas, and info, but never would I dream of asking them to PAY for it! Why in the world do they think you should pay for it? Did they help pay for your DH's? If they did, then I can understand, but if they didn't they are just being tacky and not thinking!

 

[disykat]

I'm curious if they actually asked you to chip in or whether you just see it coming. I think it would be awfully nervy of them. I could understand if they're inviting you to a planning meeting because you're all friends and they don't want you to feel left out. Could that be it - ???

 

[Lucky4me]

disykat, I hope you're right but I'm not sure. I won't be the one to mention it because I don't want to offend them if they were never considering it. If they ask or say something that makes me believe they want money, I'll have to say no.

Guess I'll see what happens on Saturday.

Thanks everyone!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Tell them to pay you, Sue.

 

[Doctor P]

If they are worried about cost they should do one of two things--have a pot luck OR if they had something at a restaurant I don't think it would be totally inappropriate to have people pay for their own meal if that were to be arranged. You know..."come share our celebration--we'll provide the cake and a champagne toast."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by Lucky4me

Would they be tacky to ask, and would I be cheap to say no??

My gut feeling tells me that they won't ask. Maybe you are a great planner or they don't want you out of the loop as far as friends goes. If that is so then those are some great friends.

If they do it would be beyond tacky and downright ignorant. Do what Dan suggested.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

Originally posted by EROS
DEFINITELY, it would be TACKY of them to ask . You're a guest, not one of the hostesses .

Eros said it all and I agree with him 100%

 

[Big Disney Fan]

Originally posted by Gail T AGAIN
Eros said it all and I agree with him 100%

And me!

 

[TigH]

They shouldn't ask you for a penny if your husband is not part of the celebration. Have fun planning!