Are my feelings unreasonable?

[TinkerwithDis]

you need to grow a pair and tell them to knock it off.

Also I would honestly either spend less time with them....or tell them you wanna move out. No way i'd wanna continue to live there.


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[mickeyboat]

Almost this same thing happened to me in college, except that my roommate never asked, she just moved him in. After many arguments, I moved out half way through the school year. I lost my best friend and maid of honor. We did not speak for years.

I wish I had tried harder to work things out but I could not live like that anymore.

Good luck to you.

 

[lillygator]

do you happen to like g romantically?

 

[worm761]

Thanks everyone for the input. Glad I'm not the one being unreasonable.

I spent all of today in the library and when I got back earlier it was much more tolerable. I can tell that they're putting in a much more conscious effort to be respectable, which I appreciate. As I said, he's only been here for a month, so I have a feeling this just needs some time to work itself out. People have told them in the past that they can be really annoying, but B & G always just shrugged those people off. I think they're finally starting to understand it after I repeatedly have the same complaints. G keeps stressing how she doesn't want to lose our friendship over this, so who knows what'll happen. I'm hoping things get a little bit better after he starts working next week and won't be around all the time.

As for the rent/living situation, it's pretty complicated and not really something I want to go into here. I realize that it's my fault for agreeing to live with them, but as I said there's more background to the whole story that didn't really pertain to my original question. But, rest assured, if things don't get better in the next few weeks after talking more, I'll definitely be finding a way out all while maintaining civility. I will for sure be seeing G all the time next semester (we're members of the same organization), so I definitely don't want to let this get out of hand.

You aren't unreasonable. From all of your latter posts I can tell that you won't be breaking your lease and really don't want to leave. My suggestion is to tell them when they are doing it. It can be in a nice way. Like when you come in the room and they are making out, just tell them to get a room. Eventually they will get the hint. You said that they seem to be trying so maybe all they really need is some reminders when they get caught up in each other.

Another suggestion, just because you seem to miss your friend, one day while he is at work, ask her to go to the mall and window shop maybe grab a coffee or whatever. But show her that she can have her "we" and still be a "me" at the same time. Some young girls tend to forget that and wrap their entire identity into the "we" part. DH and I are a 'we' but I have always also been a 'me' and can go out with my girlfriends without him.

Most of all, good luck!

 

[TavieP]

Lease is good until next summer. His name isn't on the lease, but he's helping her pay her share (we pay individually per room). In order to break the lease, I have to pay $200 and keep paying my monthly rent until they place someone in that room. I can't afford that

This seems unfair to me, right here. Three people share an apartment, but you have to pay half and they each pay 1/4 rent because they share a bedroom?

I can see adjusting it a BIT because they don't each have their own bedroom, but bedrooms are not the whole apartment. You should all be paying equal shares of the rent.

Also, yeah, get out of there ASAP. Start looking for someone who might want to take over your lease.


Oh, one more thing: I don't believe FEELINGS can be reasonable or unreasonable - they just are, they exist. Now, how we ACT on them can be reasonable or unreasonable - but just having them? No.

 

[PirateSnowmen]

do you happen to like g romantically?

No, definitely not. I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I don't "swing that way," so to speak. And I'm not jealous either (since I'm sure someone will probably suggest that too).

I just don't like excessive PDA. I don't care who the PDA is between, whether it be someone I know or not. Would you not find it distracting if you were trying to hold a conversation with someone and their significant other came up behind them and started touching them inappropriately? Yes, that has happened and yes, I made it abundantly clear that it was NOT ok. They haven't done anything like that since.

I knew I was taking a risk by opening up and putting this on the DIS, but I needed to vent. I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about it for various reasons.

And just to be clear, I DO have other friends. It's summer and all of my other friends have gone home. Also, I HAVE been keeping as much distance as I can from B & G. G and I are taking a class together right now, so distancing myself has been hard because we have been working on a group project together for the past few weeks (there are other people in the group as well).

I will say though that things have gotten MUCH better since yesterday. As I said, it's a work in progress and I'll give it a little bit more time for them to change (but not TOO much time).

 

[ols386]

That would make me uncomfortable living in the same house with a couple that were constanting touching, making-out, etc, in front of me, or when I leave the room for a minute and walk back in to the make-out session, and being able to hear them through the wall.

You could ask the guy to not be there (since he's not on the lease), but then that would make the friend mad, probably.

Doesn't seem like the friend takes your feelings into consideration at all.

 

[lillygator]

No, definitely not. I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I don't "swing that way," so to speak. And I'm not jealous either (since I'm sure someone will probably suggest that too).

I just don't like excessive PDA. I don't care who the PDA is between, whether it be someone I know or not. Would you not find it distracting if you were trying to hold a conversation with someone and their significant other came up behind them and started touching them inappropriately? Yes, that has happened and yes, I made it abundantly clear that it was NOT ok. They haven't done anything like that since.

I knew I was taking a risk by opening up and putting this on the DIS, but I needed to vent. I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about it for various reasons.

And just to be clear, I DO have other friends. It's summer and all of my other friends have gone home. Also, I HAVE been keeping as much distance as I can from B & G. G and I are taking a class together right now, so distancing myself has been hard because we have been working on a group project together for the past few weeks (there are other people in the group as well).

I will say though that things have gotten MUCH better since yesterday. As I said, it's a work in progress and I'll give it a little bit more time for them to change (but not TOO much time).

sorry, from your post saying you probably wouldn't be friends with this guy if it weren't for g, I thought you were a guy too!

 

[sharbear]

Are you my D posting here? I know you aren't but my D had the same type of arrangement happening with her roommates. Thankfully, they both had their own place but they would spend most of their time during the week at my D place (much more convenient to their classes.

Lots of other things going on, like roommates would stay up all night and sleep all day. Really touchy feely no respect for the other roommate. D liked them, just the whole being together ALL the time and no other friends got a little old after a while.

I don't have much advice for you. D found that she just had to be out of the apartment most of the time. Spent it at the library and when she was home she hung out in her room if they were there. It stunk but I'm not sure what you can do with roommates who have no respect for you and your personal space. D found her own friends and she has her own boyfriend.

But if things don't improve and you find this intolerable I would tell her that having B as the 3rd roommate just isn't working for you and he needs to find his own place. You have to do what is right for you and not give in to her demands. I know she has her reasons for doing this (it sounds like she might have some severe financial problems) but for your sanity you can't give into this. It's very manipulative on her part even if she has reasons. She can break the lease if she wants. You don't have to and you don't have to put up with a 3rd probably illegal roommate. No matter how much you like her. She should respect YOUR feelings.

Anyways, D put up with this for 2 years. They go through it, it was better when my D had her own boyfriend but he never spent any time at D's place for numerous reasons. D now has her own apartment and it's heaven.