Are men always wrong?

[mtblujeans]

BTW - My MIL fixed the hood on my wife's car. Took her about 30 seconds this morning.

Glad to see all this was so necessary.

Oh, I am so sorry!

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that it sounds like she has issues but she has to WANT to change before any change will happen. If she continue to resist seeking help what can the OP do? Just putting up with this behavior seems pointless.

 

[mudnuri]

sounds to me like its time for you to move on.

This is literally bull crap. Nobody should treat anyone else that way, especially if your suppose to "love" them. Sounds to me like your wife is looking for a doormat, and you've laid yourself down nicely for her.

Brandy

 

[mtblujeans]

....And I'd be willing to guess she has no idea that she's doing it and certainly won't admit it, which is why she didn't like the therapist after 2 sessions.

This is the only part of your opinion I disagree with....I think she knows exactly what she is doing and how much it hurts!

What if you tell her you won't go on like this (not "can't" but "won't") and you both must participate in counseling or you will have to consider a more drastic option!?

If you were to just walk away on her, you would leave her to raise a son like that....I wouldn't be able to live with that, quite frankly.

 

[macraven]

Anyone know anything about divorce?

Does the guy ALWAYS pay alimony? Is there ever such a thing as a split, severed ties alltogether?

a question right up my alley.......
i have had a couple of husbands and know about divorce.

depending on the state you live in determines a lot of things.
minnesota favors the female, yes, you can get money without children depending on length of time married and if the wife needs to be retrained in order to enter the work force again. but that's not your situation, your wife does work and can continue to work.

the mental anguish is miserable when a couple can't function together.

i vote for cut the strings and bail ship.

with the situation you are in and facing, it will only wear you down mentally and emotionally..........
save yourself

 

[nowellsl]

Did you offer to try and fix it when she got home last night?

BTW - My MIL fixed the hood on my wife's car. Took her about 30 seconds this morning.

Glad to see all this was so necessary.

 

[boomhauer]

Did you offer to try and fix it when she got home last night?

I was sound asleep when she got home last night. I worked 5:30AM to 5:30PM yesterday. She didn't get home until 9:30PM. Besides - Last night, I wasn't willing to do anything after her utter refusal to apologize to me.

She sent me an email this morning apologizing for her behavior, so I feel a bit better. However, I am still going to have a LONG conversation with her about this happening again, what can be done to avoid it, and the consequences if it does. This has been a eral wake up call to reality for me.

 

[RadioNate]

This is the only part of your opinion I disagree with....I think she knows exactly what she is doing and how much it hurts!

What if you tell her you won't go on like this (not "can't" but "won't") and you both must participate in counseling or you will have to consider a more drastic option!?

If you were to just walk away on her, you would leave her to raise a son like that....I wouldn't be able to live with that, quite frankly.

I think she knows it hurts him and that she is being unreasonable. I'm not sure she knows WHY she acts this way. And if confronted, I would ben on major denials.

I think Wishing on A Star has made some great observations. I do see immaturity and ways that a somewhat minor situation became huge.

I also don't think that you should stay in a miserable marriage with someone who won't get help.

In my situation I was incabable of getting help on my own. I just could not do it. I'm still not 100% sure why. I guess I didn't want to think anything was wrong with me and I was terrified of someone telling me there was even though I knew my behavior wasn't normal. It did pretty much take an ultimatium for me. It took my DH making an appointment and bringing me there. There was no "I'd like you to do this" it was, "we are in this together and something has to change so we're going." In the beging I couldn't be trusted to go alone. He would pick me up and take me. If I was expected to leave work and get to an appointment on my own I wouldn't go. I absolutely acted like a spoiled brat. In my mind being a brat and acting that way was better than being seen as the scared hurt person I was.

Until I was in a good, stable, loving relationship I never realized how much my past experiences affected me and the way I delt with others.

Moving 2000 miles away from my mother also helped!

You need to decide what you want to do. I don't think anyone would blame you if you wanted out. Like I said in my 1st post. I don't know why or how my DH stayed. I'm glad he did though. We have a pretty solid marriage and we are both happy.

It takes work. Like I mentioned I still sometimes freak out but we have tools to deal with that. He also still does things to reassure me. For example this morning before leaving the house he told me that he had an 830 am breakfast meeting and they had someone from another market visiting from 1130-3 so he would be unavailable to take calls. While you maybe thinking 'why should I clear my schedule with her?' that's not really the case. He's letting me know that I don't need to freak out if I call him and he doesn't answer and doesn't call me back right away.

We also have a phone process for emergency calls v. calls about things that can wait.

On a final note, like mtblujeans I am worried about her son. I have a 4 year old and it's been a rough transition. I've talked before about my PPD struggles. Luckly I knew to get help. If she flies off the handle with you, she does it to him. You may not see it, but it happens. That scares me. I can't honestly sit her and say it's never happened to me. It's terrifing and horrible. Once was enough for me to call that day for help.

I feel like there is hope for your wife and your marriage but you both have to be willing to work hard for it. Unfortunatly in the beginning you'll have to take the lead. You just need to decide if you want to.

 

[mtblujeans]

I was sound asleep when she got home last night. I worked 5:30AM to 5:30PM yesterday. She didn't get home until 9:30PM. Besides - Last night, I wasn't willing to do anything after her utter refusal to apologize to me.

She sent me an email this morning apologizing for her behavior, so I feel a bit better. However, I am still going to have a LONG conversation with her about this happening again, what can be done to avoid it, and the consequences if it does. This has been a eral wake up call to reality for me.

Good for you! I think that is a good decision for your situation!

 

[mtblujeans]

....I feel like there is hope for your wife and your marriage but you both have to be willing to work hard for it. Unfortunatly in the beginning you'll have to take the lead. You just need to decide if you want to.

What a good post....!!

 

[Maleficent13]

boomhauer, just reading your posts makes me exhausted. I continue to give you much and wish you continued good luck.

 

[Skywalker]

Just want to say you have my sincere sympathy in this situation. Your wife sounds exactly - exactly! - like a friend I used to work with, right down to the way she treats her mother as well. She married a really nice guy and even though she was my friend, I felt very sorry for him and I watched her treat him like crap.

Well, he gave it a good try and he lasted 4 years - and not one person blamed him when he finally left her.

Last I heard, he had met some truly nice girl and has started a wonderful family. She, is now making some other guy miserable.

I hope you can work it out but you know what, sometimes it is better to cut your losses and be grateful you realized early and not after many years and many children.

 

[smallblock72]

this troubles me, when women yell it's OK if it's not a personal attack, when men yell it's abusive behaviour and a woman should leave...

Well said!!

 

[becky7953]

I just read bits and pieces of this post.... how sad. I agree you need to try to work it out, but also consider your happiness.

I know my DH and I fight over the silliest things sometimes (not yelling and screaming).

Good Luck!

 

[smallblock72]

No, no, no--it is NOT a man-woman thing. Please stop thinking that way. We (women) are not all petulant brats.

That statement is debatable!

 

[mtblujeans]

That statement is debatable!

Amazingly, this thread has not become a debate yet....everybody has been very nice about accepting each other's opinions!

 

[SamRoc]

boomhauer, I have a poem for you that my mother in law gave me about 20 years ago when her and my father in law were not speaking.

Womens faults are many
Men have only two
Everything they say,
and everything they do!

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Out of curiousity, is this behavior new or could you see traces of it even before the marriage?

 

[macraven]

i think they will make up


but my vote still is......out the door.

 

[mtblujeans]

I vote for counseling, but if she absolutely refuses....then out the door AND down the road!