Are men always wrong?

[jfulcer]

The longer I sit here with no apology from her, the more hopeless I feel.

You're going to be waiting a long time. The only way to (IMHO) deal with this is to talk calmly and explain your side. Be prepared for her not to agree with you about it, because her priorities were different than yours. You need to learn to manage expectations.

My wife is difficult at times. I got an earful yesterday am because I didn't put away the christmas boxes the way she wanted them put away. She wanted them up in the attic, I put the in a nice pile out of the way in the hallway because I couldn't get into the attic to do it without waking the kids up. So later that day when she emailed me she asked me why I didn't do what she wanted - again it was expectations. If she would have said at the start "put them in attic" I would have told her right then that I wasn't going to, but would later. Now that she understands that, she's ok (and will be more specific next time).

It was talking it out with her that solves it. Of course, I've been working at this for 10 years now and I've still not figured it out. Sometimes I'm just wrong no matter what...

 

[boomhauer]

I have not doctored this in any way. This is the email I just got from my wife:

Well I hope it doesn’t cost me an arm and a leg to get my car fixed again because then I really will have to return your christmas presents…. And don’t open those movies I left on the couch because I’ll probably have to return those as well to get my ******* car fixed again. At least a couple guys here were nice enough to see if they could fix it for me.

It's official. My life stinks.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I have not doctored this in any way. This is the email I just got from my wife:


It's official. My life stinks.

Holy crap, I am on your side dude, but do NOT post private emails your wife sends to you.

 

[Quackmore]

I have not doctored this in any way. This is the email I just got from my wife:

Well I hope it doesn’t cost me an arm and a leg to get my car fixed again because then I really will have to return your christmas presents…. And don’t open those movies I left on the couch because I’ll probably have to return those as well to get my ******* car fixed again. At least a couple guys here were nice enough to see if they could fix it for me.

It's official. My life stinks.

Men like us are just lucky to find good women who will put up with our worthless behinds.

Maybe Santa will bring me some brains and a smidgen of class...

 

[boomhauer]

Holy crap, I am on your side dude, but do NOT post private emails your wife sends to you.

To heck with it. That email crossed the line between having a bad day, and being a juvenile little girl in my opinion.

 

[Christine]

YIKES.

Now, boomhauer, I have to ask this (and have asked my boss too). WHY, do men marry women like this? Did you not know this about her before you married? I mean you must have seen this coming? Or did it just start after the "I do"? I'm really quite confused.

Also, I will say that as long as you act like a "doormat" about this and "take it" she will continue to display this behavior. She KNOWS it makes you feel awful. Sometimes going back up against a person will shut them right down. It could also end up in divorce because many people can't/won't change their ways.

 

[RickinNYC]

Maybe it's just because I'm still new at marriage (6 months), but all of this stuff really shocks the heck out of me.

I was on my way back to work from a meeting. My wife called me on my cellphone just to say hi. When I got back to work, I checked my voicemail, and my wife had called. She was yelling at me for not picking up the phone. Apparently, she had left me 2 voicemails after we talked, on my cellphone. I was in the car, and had my phone on vibrate, since I had been in a meeting. Her messages were her yelling at me "WHAT IF I WAS IN AN ACCIDENT?", followed up with some expletives. She was mad because she got her car inspected, and now she couldn't get her hood open. I call her back and apologize for not hearing my phone ring. I asked her "What exactly would you like me to do?" She wanted me to drive to her work (30 minutes away), leave my car with her, and take her car back to the station and have them fix it. When I told her I couldn't do this, she just hung the phone up on me.

Are all my friends right? Is this going to somehow be my fault and am I completely in the wrong no matter what?

Well, I do have one solution to this kind of problem that's worked well for me for quite some time now...

 

[jgmklmhem]

Run for you life!!!!!


Seriously! If you let her walk all over you she will ALWAYS walk all over you.
Find your backbone or else you are in for a life of misery.

I am not an expert by any means but I have to almost agree with Quackmore here. You already stated she treats her mother the same way meaning she has probably been this way her whole life...meaning it might not ever change. Having said that my wife are now 6 years in and our first year was a total wreck. Unexpected baby (she beat BC pills), abusive FIL who actually threatened me physically on more than one occasion and my wife sided with him at the time. We did come through it alive and happier and now FIL is no longer a part of our lives so you never know. I will say it was a great deal of work, but rewarding. Just as it seems in your case my wife's parents well to put it nicely really weren't and in some ways I had to help my wife along. Hope you come out of it all well whichever direction you take.

 

[boomhauer]

YIKES.

Now, boomhauer, I have to ask this (and have asked my boss too). WHY, do men marry women like this? Did you not know this about her before you married? I mean you must have seen this coming? Or did it just start after the "I do"? I'm really quite confused.

Also, I will say that as long as you act like a "doormat" about this and "take it" she will continue to display this behavior. She KNOWS it makes you feel awful. Sometimes going back up against a person will shut them right down. It could also end up in divorce because many people can't/won't change their ways.

She wasn't quite this bad before we got married. I always chalked it up to her being younger and less mature than me, and that she'd grow out of it.

I won't put up with her last email. Like I said - That's crossing the lines of being ticked off and being a complete jerk in my opinion.

 

[Ava83]

OMG I really am sorry, again.

are you going to respond to her?

 

[SwedishMeatball]

She wasn't quite this bad before we got married. I always chalked it up to her being younger and less mature than me, and that she'd grow out of it.

I won't put up with her last email. Like I said - That's crossing the lines of being ticked off and being a complete jerk in my opinion.

We'll see if you're still talking like this after the make up sex.

 

[shep]

That email was mean.. ....Would SHE like to be treated that way?
Maybe she was at one point.. ...
Hope everything turns out for ya...

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Ricky, noone has caught that yet....

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Boonhauer, I don't think she'd really take back your presents, she just wants to make you feel really bad for what happened. You should NOT feel bad though because it was in no way your fault.
BTW, I have went a month before without windshield washer fluid in my car, and it was fine.

 

[RickinNYC]

Ricky, noone has caught that yet....

Shhhhhhh.....





to the OP, just trying to add little brevity to what is clearly a sore topic at this point.

 

[boomhauer]

OMG I really am sorry, again.

are you going to respond to her?

Already did - Told her to take one of those guys to her company's Xmas party this weekend.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Well, I do have one solution to this kind of problem that's worked well for me for quite some time now...

 

[Quackmore]

Ricky, noone has caught that yet....

I caught it momof3

 

[Ava83]

Already did - Told her to take one of those guys to her company's Xmas party this weekend.

I am confident that will make it all better

Okay maybe It's just me that will find that funny.

 

[boomhauer]

I am confident that will make it all better

Okay maybe It's just me that will find that funny.

It won't. I guess I'm getting to that point of simply giving up and not caring anymore.