More interesting reading, I {kid} you not.. {kid} replacing an expletive! ;-)
Number 2 Gets A Whole New Meaning
The bathroom.
Considered by many, including myself, to be the last true refuge for privacy. (Even though every single member of my family from the tallest to the smallest on four legs tries to follow me in.)
That porcelain throne, coupled with a lock on the door means the rare peaceful, albeit productive, sliver of time in our busy lives. Add a book, magazine, or hell, even the back of a shampoo bottle to the mix for reading pleasure, and I dare any one among us to deny the feeling that we are somehow multitasking.
Some people take their potty time very seriously. A few minutes just won't do. They take drinks, food, a whole newspaper. My father could not only read a book during his extended loaf popping sessions, he could write one as well. I still remember when he went from amateur to professional in the colon cleansing races - it was when padded toilet seats first appeared in stores.
No more did his tender hiney have to endure the abuse and inevitable red ring around his rosey booty and thighs. Rather, he - to this day - is cossetted by puffy vinyl, soft lighting, and a magazine rack under the TP.
But I received a story earlier today which makes my father look like a nonstarter. He is definitely a bronze medalist compared to this Oval Olympian...
It seems a 35 year old Ness City, Kansas woman took the meaning #2 to a whole new level.
Until authorities recently pried her off, she had been sitting on her boyfriend's toilet, steadfastly refusing to budge - eating and drinking and sleeping - FOR
TWO YEARS.
TWO YEARS. I {kid} you not.
According to the boyfriend, she entered the bathroom long ago, and simply refused to come out, always staying seated. He begged her, and everyday she would reply, "Maybe tomorrow."
Lucky for him, since tomorrow never came, there was a second bathroom in his house for his use.
Authorities finally received a call from the man on February 27. Sheriff Bryan Whipple - and no, I am not making that name up - states that the man said, "there was something wrong with his girlfriend."
Ya think?
And it took you two years of serving her room service in the john to figure that out?
Something tells me the boyfriend has a little low-flo issue in his own mental plumbing.
When authorities and paramedics arrived, they found the woman was not just adamant about not leaving, she was unable to get up. Her sweat pants were down around mid-thigh, and it appeared her legs had atrophied. Also, her skin and body fat had, after two years,
actually grown attached to the toilet seat.
Whipple said, "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."
He added, "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital. The hospital removed it."
Police are still investigating her mental state, the boyfriend's reasons for the prolonged wait to call for help, their luck at having a sheriff named Whipple...
Ok I know he's not. 
DW answered with the usual greeting Good afternoon, this is Debra how may I help you? The voice on the line answered and said, This is the 
