Anyone with a HS girl dating a College boy?

[westjones]

My DD is a freshman, and I have not allowed her to date yet. But there is a senior boy that she "talks" to all the time and they like each other. I have nothing against the boy, he has been very nice to me also. Even made a point to get to know me better. Right now they just talk at school and then they text at night.

Anyway, next year he is going to a local college, so he will still be around. She will be old enough to date next year, but the age difference seems to be to big to me. They are 2 years and 8 months apart and I know in the "adult" world that isn't a big deal at all, but she will only be 16 in the fall and in high school and he will be an adult (18) and in college.

So I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation. I would like to hear some perspectives from other parents on this situation.
Thanks,
DJ

 

[mickeyboat]

I was dating a senior when I was a junior and he dumped me towards the end of the school year faster than you can say break my heart. He had no desire to be attached to a HS girl while he was in college.

Relationships change very quickly when kids are that age. Don't worry!

 

[sbell111]

I would not allow it. There is a huge difference between sophomore in high school and freshman in college.

 

[onelilspark]

I'm not a parent, but I think it totally depends on the boy. To me, it sounds like this kid is on the up and up. If he's made a point to get to know you, it means he obviously respects you. If he respects you and your family, he'll respect your daughter, which is the best thing you can ask for as a parent. I'd keep curfews in place and I wouldn't let her stay in the dorm with him or go to parties with him at the college (if you can prevent it.) But if this will be her first relationship, being in one with a respectful guy would be more important to me than the age difference.

 

[connorlevismom]

When I was 16/17 I was dating a 20 year old in college. I don't know your child so I am only going by my experience. I did way more than I should have because I was dating a college guy. I was always at his dorm and although I never drank, I was exposed to things I should not have been at that age. And sexually, it is a whole different world between the ages.

Kristine

 

[sbell111]

I'm not a parent, but I think it totally depends on the boy. To me, it sounds like this kid is on the up and up. If he's made a point to get to know you, it means he obviously respects you. If he respects you and your family, he'll respect your daughter, which is the best thing you can ask for as a parent. I'd keep curfews in place and I wouldn't let her stay in the dorm with him or go to parties with him at the college (if you can prevent it.) But if this will be her first relationship, being in one with a respectful guy would be more important to me than the age difference.

That's funny. When I was that age, girls' parents thought I was on the up and up, also. While I pretty much was, my intentions were contrary to theirs, not that I would ever let them know that.

 

[rigs32]

It also depends on the laws of your state. Would he be committing a felony if their relationship got physical?

 

[schoen]

I was 16 and dating a college freshman. It was not always 100% on the up and up. I would go to his dorm, and stay there occasionally. Telling my mom I was somewhere else. Your kids are going to do naughty things no matter what though. If you like, and trust this kid, I would go with that. I ended up marrying the guy, and we are happy as clams. I am glad my parents didn't try to keep us apart.

 

[GoodFairies]

The chances that they will even stay together once he starts college are pretty slim. Two different worlds, which I'm sure he can't wait to sample.

 

[3mtn-kate]

I'm 15 and I have a friend that is dating a Senior. she's a sophomore. I don't think there is really a problem with it but I just don't understand if the guy is just going to college next year then what is the point? I mean if it's not just a fun kind of fling type thing then i don't think you should worry...but if it has the potential to be a real realtionship i would step in...

but I don't really know the situation and me and my boyfriend are in the same grade so i don't have to worry bout that stuff..

 

[tennvalgirl]

The chances that they will even stay together once he starts college are pretty slim. Two different worlds, which I'm sure he can't wait to sample.

sorry to be negative, but this was my first thought as well

 

[westjones]

Thanks everyone. Actually he won't be in a dorm, he will be living at home and going to a Christian College 30 minutes from us during the day. So I am not sure about the partying thing---never been at a Christian college, so I don't know if they "party" like they do at state colleges (which is where I went a hundred years ago).

I still think they will be going through different experiences and I don't want her growing up to fast.

I told them both that in a few years (when she graduates high school) things could be different, but right now it just doesn't seem like a good idea....even though he is a nice guy.

 

[mamamary]

When I was a soph. in high school I was dating a freshman in college. We're still together. Married almost 20 years.

But......if it was my DD it might be a different story. It all depends on the kids involved. I know how I was with my future husband so if my daughter and the boyfriend were like us I would be ok with it. My DD is only 10 so I don't even want to think about this yet.

Good luck.

 

[DVC_Princess]

My husband is 2 years older than me and I started dating him when I was junior in highschool (16). We've been together now for 10 years and got married 2 yrs after graduating college. My honest advice is that teenagers will break any "rules" that they feel are unreasonable. Respect your DD's feelings and explain to her any concerns you may have. If you keep the communication open and honest, then she will turn to you for help and advice when she needs it. If you blatently tell her "no", she may start to hide things from you, which IMHO is much more dangerous than her dating a college boy.

 

[daisax]

So much can change in the next year before she's even allowed to date that making him "forbidden fruit" now would be the last thing I would do. Once she does start dating, you can lay down rules then about how much time they can spend together and where.

But for now... don't borrow trouble. 3 weeks from now she might not have any use for him whatsoever, and you will have used up some parental angst!

 

[Glenn]

Right now they have things in common at school, pep rallies, sport teams maybe theatre. Once he graduates that will be gone to some extent & thats when to see if the interest continues. The around here most Christian colleges dont have a party reputation at least not in what most think as party. And the guy will be very busy his first yr at school since that transition is hard & he's at home too. If they want to continue chatting thats fine i would think. If they want to get together invite him over on Sunday to go to church and visit for a couple of hours with you & the family being around. If they are really interested in each other they will endure restrictions for a year or 2. Most likely they will meet other interests in the long term but who knows.

 

[maelstrom]

I had a boyfriend in high school who I started dating the weekend after my freshman year of high school ended. His senior year of high school had just ended. Rather than attending college in the fall, he went to Parris Island (USMC bootcamp) six months after we began dating. We stayed together for about two and a half years, so from the time I was about 15 and a half to almost 18. Yes, we did have sex. The relationship ended because it ended up being mostly long-distance due to him being away at training, and we both just got sick of each other and kind of grew up and apart.

If what you're really worried about is sex, just remember that your daughter can have sex with someone her own age and in her own high school. Being a couple of years older and in college does not make all the difference.

 

[Nie0214]

Sophomore year of HS, I dated a guy who was a senior at another HS. He was born Nov '84, me Feb '86. He went to community college (commuted there) and was able to meet new friends, new girls, and decided to cheat. He was still growing up apparently. We broke up at the start of my senior year of HS.

If this boy is going to a school (especially one where he will be living in a dorm), I wouldn't expect him to still be around when the time comes to allow your daughter to date.

 

[Disney Doll]

Truthfully, I wouldn't worry about it. A lot can change between now and then. A lot can change next year.

My 1st "real" boyfriend...it was summer...I was 15 going into sophomore year, he was 17 going into senior year. He could drive...cool. . Nice kid. Always got me home on time. Respectful. My parents liked him. We went to different high schools, so when school started that Fall, he was in one place, I was in another. HUGE drag!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had way more exposure to all the cute guys in my high school, flirting, hanging out etc. As the school year went on, I had less in common with him and more in common with the boys from my own high school. Eventually we broke up, stayed friends, I went to his wedding a few years later. AFAIK, he is still married.

The same thing may happen with your DD & her boyfriend. He may find college girls to be more his speed, your DD may begin to look immature to him once he gets exposed to a few 21 or 22 year olds (even in a Christian college ). DD may find it hard to remain "ever faithful" to him once he's not around a lot, she may develop more commonalities with boys IN high school with her. Nature may take its own course and save Mama a lot of worry.

 

[Kath2003]

I dated a guy in my senior year who was a freshman in college; we had a great time 'dating' in the vacations although I'm sure he was off seeing other girls whilst at college (as I was off seeing other guys back home); we just hung out and stuff. I still talk to him now. It doesn't have to be serious, just let them enjoy spending time together. Eventually I went off to college and we just grew apart.