Anyone with a HS girl dating a College boy?

[daisyduck123]

No way would we allow DD14 (sophomore) to date a boy in college.

We realize that all the kids in her grade are older than she is, & that when she goes off to college she will be surrounded by people several years older than she, but until college....no way.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our rule is no dating until 16. And yes she had seniors asking her out as a Freshman/Sophmore.

We said that you need to date someone who is still in high school.

Currently she has a long distance boyfriend in TX. I don't know how that is going to work out. But as she is almost 18 and going to college in the fall, it is not my issue to handle.

I think you just have to work on what works within your own family morals, rules, etc and also what you think your child can handle.

 

[mamacatnv]

IMO I would rather have the nice christian college boy (yes, I know doesn't mean anything to some) vs. the high school party animal or player dating my daughter any day.

My DS is a college Freshman and until about 3 weeks ago was still hot and heavy with his high school girly friend. Now, she is a Sr. and they are only a little over a year apart in age.

I am not one who puts a lot of stock specifically into age. I think that there are 18 year olds who should not be allowed out of the house without supervision and I think that there are 16 year olds who are mature enough to take on the world.

I wouldn't get to worried about it at this point in time, and like previous posters have stated when dealing with teens and the tendency to rebel IMO it is always wise as a parent to really pick your battles well.

 

[Piecey]

My parents always told me that if it wasn't legal, it wasn't legal and thus not allowed.

That said I'm 21 and DH is 27, we got married last year.

 

[alexandria674]

If you forbid her to see him, it may make the relationship exciting, but if you say yes, then there is another problem. You are kind of stuck, but I think that you should encourage them to be friends. I believe that by the time she is able to date, the relationship will probably fizzle out.

 

[westjones]

Thanks everyone. Yes it is a difficult situation. He is a nice guy and if they were the same age I would be fine with them dating.

I have told them both they can be friends and that some day things can be different (meaning when she graduates high school and goes to college herself).

But it sounds like this is not a common situation and that there are not too many high school Sophomores dating college guys. I don't think I am being unreasonable telling them she is too young to date him.

I would be very happy to see them together one day and if they got married one day that would be fine with me too....BUT only after she has had the chance to grow up and be a kid for the next three years of high school.

I like the idea of making a rule that she can only date boys who are in high school. Again, she has never dated at all, but she will be 16 soon, so it is coming.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Robmom]

I'm sort of going through this now with my DD (!6). She is a junior and she is dating a college freshman (18). I told her that I don't like the idea of her dating someone who is 18, but I'm sure she would still see him behind my back, if I were to forbid her. I met him, seems like a nice guy. So, I'm just kind of waiting for them to break up at some point, thinking that this won't be a long term relationship.

 

[Golf4food]

I am just shy of 5 years older than DW and was 21 when we started dating - she was 16 and a couple of months. But then, I'm a nice guy and a Southern gentleman who wasn't out to prey on an innocent girl. If I were a father I'd still tread carefully with a similar situation. We were married three years later and are now pushing 6 years with no regrets. It is possible. Not likely, perhaps, but possible certainly.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I agree with a lot that was said here. Don't make a huge issue out of right now and see what happens.

But, I also dated a college guy when I was in High School and I look back on it and think "WTH was my mother thinking!" It really was a totally different world that he was in and I actually withdrew from some of my high school friends and activities because of the time spent with his friends and activities. It was too much, too soon. He didn't really want to hang out at my high school activities I usually did like attending basketball and football games and going to parties or even get togethers like movies with high school aged friends so I just went along with what he wanted to do. That is what you do when you are 16 and stupid and in love. I wish she had not been so lenient and had at least limited our time together.

Interestingly enough I was the one that broke up with him when I got to college and discovered that entire world for myself!

 

[horseshowmom]

IMO I would rather have the nice christian college boy (yes, I know doesn't mean anything to some) vs. the high school party animal or player dating my daughter any day.

My DS is a college Freshman and until about 3 weeks ago was still hot and heavy with his high school girly friend. Now, she is a Sr. and they are only a little over a year apart in age.

I am not one who puts a lot of stock specifically into age. I think that there are 18 year olds who should not be allowed out of the house without supervision and I think that there are 16 year olds who are mature enough to take on the world.

I wouldn't get to worried about it at this point in time, and like previous posters have stated when dealing with teens and the tendency to rebel IMO it is always wise as a parent to really pick your battles well.

Yeah, I've got to agree with mamacatnv. We did say that DD had to be 16 to date, but after that, we evaluated the situation based on the individual rather than the age.

She actually started dating the guy she's marrying in June when she was 17 (going into her senior year) and he was 21 (in college). He was a good guy (we checked him out thoroughly through mutual friends ), and he's treated her like gold. They broke up for about 6 months, she dated others, and then got back together again. They'll have been together 5 years when they get married. We have had absolutely no issues with him.

Each parent has to decide what is best for their own child, but in our case, I wouldn't discard a young man who was only 2 1/2 years older than my daughter if they seem genuinely compatible.

 

[mamacatnv]

I have told them both they can be friends and that some day things can be different (meaning when she graduates high school and goes to college herself).

But it sounds like this is not a common situation and that there are not too many high school Sophomores dating college guys. I don't think I am being unreasonable telling them she is too young to date him.

I like the idea of making a rule that she can only date boys who are in high school. Again, she has never dated at all, but she will be 16 soon, so it is coming.

IMO you are way to invested in the dating decisions of your DD. While the situation is not common as you pointed out the reason it is not common is because one of the daters calls it off not the parents.
I have seen it time and time again, parents forbid something and the kids will go behind their backs, especially where there are emotions involved. This is not saying, "don't cut school" this is saying you can't like someone enough to date them. IMO that is asking for trouble.

I would allow it as long as there are no legal issues with the ages and monitor it just like I would any relationship that my child is involved in.

 

[Nie0214]

IMO you are way to invested in the dating decisions of your DD. While the situation is not common as you pointed out the reason it is not common is because one of the daters calls it off not the parents.

I agree a bit with this. The reason I shared my story was to say that we did date, but when one goes off to college things change and the relationship ends.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Each parent has to decide what is best for their own child, but in our case, I wouldn't discard a young man who was only 2 1/2 years older than my daughter if they seem genuinely compatible.

Ahhh... the voice of reason. DH is two years older than me.... I was 18 and he was almost 21 when we started dating. My Mom was not thrilled... but after she got to know him she knew he was perfect for me. Now granted we were both in college, but I don't think you can judge a boy on age alone. Let them be.... talk to them.... get to know him..... then let your daughter know what you are feeling and thinking.