Anyone send kindergartener on time instead of holding back?

[guelde96]

I guess that is what I mean. Where does all of this nonsense end? In the quest to hold kids back just so "they aren't the youngest", I think we are doing a disservice to the kids. The cut-offs are there for a reason and pretty soon, we are going to have kids starting college at 20! (assuming they go right after high school )

I guess I just wish parents would pay attention to what THEIR child needs, instead of what all the neighborhood parents are doing. I would never consider keeping a June or July bday child back unless there were developmental delays. When we were kids, kindergarten was for 5 year olds, whether they were 5.5 or just turned 5 on the first day of school. Has the curriculum changed so much in the last 25 years?

Curriculum has changed drastically in the last 25 years. The trouble is not with the children/parents holding back. The problem is the school are expecting these kindergarteners to learn what we were taught in first grade. This would be fine if preschool were regulated. In Illinois it is not. Preschool is now our kindergarten. The curriculum has been moved up and the age of the child has remained the same. I think this is a big problem.

Our schools use to be number 1 in the world when we were kids. Now by 5th grade we are not even in the top 20. Something is wrong!!! It is not the kids!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Holding kids back is a huge pet peeve of mine. If I ruled the world (LOL) children who are born within in a month of the state cut off date would could be placed in school at their parent's discretion. If their birthday were outside that one month window, they would need to go through an evaluation process similar to an IEP to demonstrate substantial need. IE, if the cut off was Sept 30, then children born from August 30-October 30 could start that school year or not, depending on where their parents felt was most appropriate. Outside of that time line there would need to be significant testing done to determine need for either a late or early start.

I am sick to death of parents who think that the purpose of school is for their children to show off how much they know rather than actually learn something. Parents are wanting their kids to have mastered the kindergarten curriculum before they even start. Then they get to kindergarten and complain that is not challenging enough for their child. School boards bow to the pressure and make kindergarten even more academic and make the cut offs even earlier. It's getting totally out of hand. I'm seeing more and more kindergarten classes with 7 year olds in them!

My kids all have "late" birthdays. I have no plans of holding any of them back. My first DD went on time and has done just fine. I don't want my kids to be freshman at 16 or in college at 19. Studies are coming out showing that kids who were held back tend to think less of their own achievements. In college, none of my friends with late birthdays regretted not being held back. My friend who were older had the most frustration.

Things tend to even out by 3rd grade regardless. I'm not going to hold my kids back for some supposed advantage for 3 years and then have them have to pay for it for the next 10-18 years.

I'm all for allowing children who truly *need* to be held back or jumped forward to do so. But someone will always be the oldest and someone will always be the youngest in a class.

Why on earth do you care so much what other parents do for their kids? If they all even out, why on earth do care enough to be peeved about it?

And what studies are you quoting? I've never seen age as a factor in the college counseling center. Neither the 16 year olds nor the 19 year olds seem to be suffering greatly.

I'd rather see a 7 year old in K, than force that same kid to be there and frustrated at 5. Perhpas there wouldn't be so many kids in LD classes if they were allowed to learn at their developmental stage rather than an arbitrary cut-off date.

 

[macmahony]

Curriculum in our kindergarten is much more advanced than it was when I was younger (and I had a late birthday, went on time and did fine). But, after sitting with the teachers at my kids school they will be going to, looking at there curriculum, talking to parents, and seeing how my kids fit. I 100% stand by our decesion that they would not of done well in kindergarten, my oldest (who is starting in the fall, as one of the oldest), would of been okay, but not great. She has always been a perfectionest, and expects a lot of herself, and for her that pressure to perform where she just could not would of driven her nuts and us as well.
All my kids will have birthdays within 3 weeks of the cutoff date.
Should it be done case by case, yes of course, parents should explore all options before holding there kids back, but with what is expected of kindergartners now, most young ones will struggle. They are just not ready for some of the things being thrown at them. Should it be there fault that when the cutoff dates were made, things were slower, no, not at all. In our state, they are changing the cutoff date, and when they do, all of my kids will technically be in the grade they are supposed to be in (by the new cutoff).
If you want to send you child, go ahead, but then don't complain when others choose to hold there kids, everyone but one person I know held there kids with late august, september birthdays (with an oct 1 cutoff), and not one parent did it so there child could be ahead of the game the next year, we all talked a lot about it, did a lot of research. We did not do it to give our kids an edge, we did it so our child could handle the work being thrown at them. Yes, my oldest will start kindy reading, so what we read a lot at home, I do not expect her teachers to pace the class by her. I know she will not get bored, and I can always step up and do some extra reading work with her at home.
I guess it comes down to the blanket statement that we held our kids to give them an advantage, I have yet to meet a single parent who felt that is what we were doing, I think we would all agree we held them to put them on fair playing ground.

 

[bellarella]

Why on earth do you care so much what other parents do for their kids? If they all even out, why on earth do care enough to be peeved about it?

Because it is a vicious circle. The same parents who make a big deal about holding their kids back are the ones who complain incessantly that the teacher/school/curriculum isn't challenging enough for their brilliant child. School boards and state legislators bow to the pressure of the squeaky wheel and up the standards and make kindergarten even more academic and push the entry dates earlier and earlier in hopes of stopping the ridiculous holding back of a child who turns five in June being held back from a district whose cut off is in December. Then as soon as the cut off becomes June, then you've got January birthday kids being held back. All this trend is doing is creating a *larger* spread in age and abilities in classes, which hurts *all* students. What is the point of having kindergarten teaching skills that used to be taught to second graders when you end up having a class of 7 year olds in Kindergarten? It's not kindergarten any more, it's second grade called kindergarten. And parents are being forced to pay private school tuition for preschool programs that cover the skills that used to be taught in kindergarten.

Make kindergarten designed for children aged 4.75-6.25 during the entire course of the school year. Don't let parents hold their kids back "just because". The whole system will work much smoother.

 

[Pinnie]

Make kindergarten designed for children aged 4.75-6.25 during the entire course of the school year. Don't let parents hold their kids back "just because". The whole system will work much smoother.

That would solve a lot of problems. Truth is with NCLB standards, the curriculum has changed. Our district has a literacy based Kindergarten. 52 mintues a day have to be spent on literacy. Add math, science, specials and you have very little time for play. Some of the issues are that in 4 states (MI being oneof them) the cut off date is Dec 1. That means you could be 4 for 3 months in Kindergarten. However, if that parent moved to another state where the cut off was Aug 1, the issue of even sending that child to school would be moot. He couldn't go.

As a former 5/6th grade school teacher (now Young 5/special needs) I could tell who the youngest kids were just by observing. Girls do better because girls are more social and because their brains grasp the concepts of print much quicker and easier than boys. Boys stuggle more in the areas of reading, which is the BIG push in early grades.

I guess my motto has always been:

Childhood should be a journey, not a race.

pinnie

 

[meandtheguys2]

All right, i do see your point a bit clearer. I still believe that many kids are not ready for the current curriculum at the early ages. If you could "fix" that then your plan makes more sense to me. Rushing skills early hasn't been proven to benefit. We don't have the competition issues that seem to exist in certain districts either, so I don't see it in that light. The people i see holding their kids back are the ones with young boys (usually) who are barely able to sit still and color a picture for 10 minutes, let alone learn the basics of reading.

I still wouldn't plan around graduation and college age, though. And would still like to see the links if you have them.

 

[Embel]

My DD has an August Bday, and will be starting K this fall. I firmly believe that I made the right decision for my daughter, based upon our circumstances. It was the hardest decision I have ever kept, since every Tom, Dick & Harry who has no knowledge of my DD felt the need to tell me all of their horror stories of children sent before they were ready...or who later ended up having emotional problems in middle school. I really don't know why people do that. Generally this wouldn't have affected me so much, but the worry of screwing up your kids for life is pretty overwhelming.

I finally decided to listen to my gut, and to DD's teacher- I think we are the people most qualified to make decisions about her education. I hope to come back to this thread next summer & tell you my success story. Good luck with your little one, & please remember to share your success story with us!

 

[brymolmom]

I can't speak for the poster who originally called it their pet peeve, but holding back for no true reason (like speech delay or other developmental delay) irks me too. Why? Because it affects what my 4 year old dd will have in her classroom. There is no way a teacher, even a good one, can have both 6 year olds and 4 year olds in their classroom and fully teach each and every one of those students. So, my child is being hurt by the other parents and their decisions. So it does irk me.

All I want is a level playing field - I don't care if they want kids to be 4, 5, or 6 - but make a decision and make everyone follow it so all kids are at an even level when they start.

One thought I had is that they should change the age rules for most sports teams - like at the JV and varsity level. It should have age restrictions - that way - people who really NEED to hold their child back will do so regardless of whether or not they'll be allowed to play with their peers in sports. But, if people are just doing it because they want to let them be little longer...that might make them think twice about it.

And I think that holding your kids back only makes the 'learning too much' in Kindergarten problem worse. Of course they're doing more reading and more advanced things - many of the kids have a year additional 'learning' before even entering the classroom - so many of the kids are ready for this.

 

[guelde96]

My DD has an August Bday, and will be starting K this fall. I firmly believe that I made the right decision for my daughter, based upon our circumstances. It was the hardest decision I have ever kept, since every Tom, Dick & Harry who has no knowledge of my DD felt the need to tell me all of their horror stories of children sent before they were ready...or who later ended up having emotional problems in middle school. I really don't know why people do that. Generally this wouldn't have affected me so much, but the worry of screwing up your kids for life is pretty overwhelming.

I finally decided to listen to my gut, and to DD's teacher- I think we are the people most qualified to make decisions about her education. I hope to come back to this thread next summer & tell you my success story. Good luck with your little one, & please remember to share your success story with us!

People are not telling you their stories to scare you. They just do not want you to make the same mistake they did. Having said that each child is different. Girls tend to do better academically in the lower level grades. Your daughter may do fine and we all hope she does.

Personally I tell as many people as I can my experience. Like you said the worry of screwing up your kids for life is overwhelming. I have felt very guilty every time my son struggles with reading due to my putting him in school to young. Good luck with your decision. I truly hope everything goes well for you and your daughter.

 

[jenjersnap]

Sorry, I haven't read the entire thread, but, yes, I have huge regrets sending my oldest DS to kindy. He was an early learner, pretty advanced, (still is, reads at 4th grade level in 1st grade, but I expect kids to be catching up soon) but he was/is socially immature and that has been an issue. It will continue to be an issue. His soccer coach is a jr. high teacher and she told me its those younger kids who have it very rough in 7th-8th grades. After talking about it extensively, I agree with her POV.

We hope to re-locate elsewhere in the next couple years. I will probably homeschool him for one school year and then send him to a new school one grade up from that point.

His younger brother whose bday is even later in the year will be held back. No question.

 

[guelde96]

I can not believe in some states children can start kindergarten being only 4. That does make for a big age difference. Your state should set better regulations so their is not such a huge age difference. Children here are not allowed to enter kindergarten until they are 5. Then if your summer child doesn't start on time they are not that far ahead age wise.

 

[Tess'smom]

While I think it is dead wrong to hold a child back simply so that they have an academic edge or to excel at sports, I do think it is every parents right to decide when their child is developmentally ready to enter school. I think most states have a chronicalogical age by which they have to start school. Our state requires students to enter school by age six.

I find it hard to believe that most parents hold their children back just to insure they have an edge. Most parents I know want to send their children when they are five. The ones who don't feel that their child is not emotionally or developmentally ready to enter school. My child was not developmentally ready to enter Kindergarden, her birthday fell three days before the cut-off. She is absolutely the tallest most developed physically child in her class, but academically she is not ahead of the game.

I would think that most parents make decisions based on what is right for their child.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Because it is a vicious circle. The same parents who make a big deal about holding their kids back are the ones who complain incessantly that the teacher/school/curriculum isn't challenging enough for their brilliant child. School boards and state legislators bow to the pressure of the squeaky wheel and up the standards and make kindergarten even more academic and push the entry dates earlier and earlier in hopes of stopping the ridiculous holding back of a child who turns five in June being held back from a district whose cut off is in December. Then as soon as the cut off becomes June, then you've got January birthday kids being held back. All this trend is doing is creating a *larger* spread in age and abilities in classes, which hurts *all* students. What is the point of having kindergarten teaching skills that used to be taught to second graders when you end up having a class of 7 year olds in Kindergarten? It's not kindergarten any more, it's second grade called kindergarten. And parents are being forced to pay private school tuition for preschool programs that cover the skills that used to be taught in kindergarten.

Make kindergarten designed for children aged 4.75-6.25 during the entire course of the school year. Don't let parents hold their kids back "just because". The whole system will work much smoother.

I agree with a lot of this. Unfortunately, my DD falls in the 4.75 range for Kindergarten- and no, I would prefer that she not be in school with a 7 year old.

 

[1of6]

I think some of the problem stems from different cut-offs in different states. We lived in DE for a couple of years right before my oldest started K. His mid-Nov. birthday put him well past the end of Aug. cut-off. He would have been an older child but instead we moved to Michigan where he made the date by 2 weeks. He has always been the youngest in his room and each year there have been kids (6 of them in K) that were more than a year older.

 

[SqueakyMouse]

Both of my ds' have late June birthdays. I debated whether or not to send them to K "on time" for maturity issues. (Both boys are extremely bright and have since qualified for GT in multiple areas, including General Intellect.) I have never regretted sending either on time. Younger ds was the more socially immature and continues to be. However, I've noticed that the children in the grade "behind" him are far, far more immature. If I had kept him back, I don't think he would have "fit in" well with his grade level peers. All of his close friends are either his age or older (quite a few). It is NOT my opinion that all children need to start K at a set age. I've seen many kids (I'm in public ed.) who really did need to either start K a year later or repeat it. It's a tough call, and specific to each individual child.

 

[jenjersnap]

Ok, I've read a bit more now.

I want to add that I agree that its become a circular problem. My DS wouldn't be socially immature if so many other parents hadn't made a choice to hold their kids back in the past. He has only one other boy in his 1st grade class that is anywhere near his age, a May birthday. Of the 6 boys on his soccer team, 3 are a full year older than he is, the other two are 9 months older.

It is what is though and now I am in a position that requires I do what is best for my kids.

I would be in favor of enforcement unless a delay could, by evaluation, be proven beneficial. My midkid has a moderate articulation disorder and would probably require an extra year regardless.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think some of the problem stems from different cut-offs in different states. We lived in DE for a couple of years right before my oldest started K. His mid-Nov. birthday put him well past the end of Aug. cut-off. He would have been an older child but instead we moved to Michigan where he made the date by 2 weeks. He has always been the youngest in his room and each year there have been kids (6 of them in K) that were more than a year older.

Yep, in DD's class room this past year there were 2 boys that were full year and a few weeks older then one of the other girls. She did great all year, and is a better reader then both boys.

One boy this is his 2nd time taking K. He is doing very well. The other kid who started this year in K is more then a bit of a bully, is not interested in any class work (isn't the head of the class by far) and doesn't really play that well with the rest of the kids in the class. He only plays with boys, and all of his good friends are one grade up. Both of these boys were 6 before even starting K. I guess this situation has colored what I think about it. One thing for kids to not be ready, another to have manufactured bully type situations when the kids don't relate to the kids in their class and would rather be elsewhere.

Oddly enough we have no birthdays in the months of Oct, Nov, Dec or Jan in the class. I happened to be there volunteering one day when the teacher was going over when everyone birthday was and celebrating those during the summer.

Next year more then likely DD will be in a 1/2nd spilt class. We will see how that goes. This year her K experience was very good (she has a late March B day so there was no question of when to send her.)

 

[akmom]

Both of these boys were 6 before even starting K. I guess this situation has colored what I think about it. One thing for kids to not be ready, another to have manufactured bully type situations when the kids don't relate to the kids in their class and would rather be elsewhere.

My DD is 4, our cutoff date is August 1. She turns 5 August 16th. Unfortunately she cannot begin K this fall. She will be 6 when she goes. At pre-school/daycare all her friends who are going to Kindergarten are now in a different classroom than she is. I just hate seeing her seperated from all her little friends she has been at daycare with since she was 6 weeks old! I know she'll make new friends. I just hope she interacts well with these kids who are younger than her. She is definitely ready for school, but she'll have to wait one more year.

 

[Kat77]

Both of these boys were 6 before even starting K. I guess this situation has colored what I think about it. One thing for kids to not be ready, another to have manufactured bully type situations when the kids don't relate to the kids in their class and would rather be elsewhere.

My DD is 4, our cutoff date is August 1. She turns 5 August 16th. Unfortunately she cannot begin K this fall. She will be 6 when she goes. At pre-school/daycare all her friends who are going to Kindergarten are now in a different classroom than she is. I just hate seeing her seperated from all her little friends she has been at daycare with since she was 6 weeks old! I know she'll make new friends. I just hope she interacts well with these kids who are younger than her. She is definitely ready for school, but she'll have to wait one more year.

Have you considered doing a yr of private kindergarten, even part time- 2 or 3times/wk, so she can just move up into first grade at the public school next year? Many churches offer private kinder where we live and are MUCH cheaper than private schools is cost is an issue.

 

[akmom]

There is one option for private kindergarten, but the problem with that is, it is only 1/2 day until 11:30. I would have no one to watch her from 11:30 on. I'm still considering it though and trying to find childcare.