Anyone send kindergartener on time instead of holding back?

[lyeag]

I have 3 kids all with summer birthdays. All went to kindergarten on time. My oldest will be 15 on July 21 and will be a sophomore in the fall. She has never had any problems. My middle child turned 9 on 6/20 and while she had a few maturity problems in kindergarten, academically she has been fine.

My son turned 6 on 6/21 and will be going into first. No problems at all. I asked his pre k teacher about holding him back and she told me not to. I asked the kindergarten teacher about placing him into a transitional first grade class and was told he was fine to go on to regular first grade.

 

[camouseketeer]

As a teacher, I can tell you a couple of things. If you walk into a Kindergarten classroom in the fall, you can usually identify those late birthday kids. But by 3rd grade, they're indistinguishable.

As a third grade teacher, I disagree with this. I've taught several children with late fall birthdays, and I could definitely tell.

From my experience, younger boys do struggle more, especially in writing. Many have underdeveloped fine motor skills. This means their handwriting is slower and more laborious which leads to difficulty getting their ideas onto paper. This problem actually becomes exacerbated in third grade as the children are asked to write longer and longer pieces on their own.

Now I also taught a girl one year with a late November birthday. She was the youngest AND the highest achieving child in the class.

If these threads have shown anything, it is that all individual cases are different.

I too have DD in question. She will be four in late August and will be in pre-K this year. I actually had my local school district come observe her, as she was the youngest in her 3 year old class and was less mature socially. I wanted to prepare myself for the possibility of waiting to send her to K. The school district district (after some testing) urged me to send her on time. I know that they have also encouraged other parents to wait with their children, so I trust their opinion.

 

[Stephres]

My son's birthday is in August so we debated holding him back, but his preschool teacher said he was academically and socially ready so we sent him. He has always done well academically but has had social problems, especially will bigger and older boys. He has often said to me he wished I would have held him back so he wouldn't be the smallest in class. Like the poster above said, he has had problems with writing. He can do it, it's just a struggle, so I got him a workbook to practice this summer before third grade.

I sometimes wish I would have held him back, but I think he would have been bored because, besides the writing, everything comes easily to him.

 

[sskem96]

The date for us is Sept. 1. DD7's b-day is Sept. 29. She couldn't start the year she was 4 getting ready to turn 5, so I homeschooled her for K during her last year of preschool so she could start 1st grade in the fall when she was getting ready to turn 6 instead of starting K. She just finished 2nd grade and she's doing great! She's a big kid anyway, and looks out of place with kids her own age since she's so much bigger. We don't get real grades til 4th grade, but she gets "exceeds expectations" in her classes.

I wasn't worried about her being the youngest because I was one of the youngest in my class and never had a problem (Nov. 19 b-day with Dec. 1 cutoff). I coundn't have stood to live at home for another year anyway. At 17, I was ready to go off to college and be on my own.

DD10 has a Dec. b-day, so she's one of the older kids in her class. She gets good grades (5As and a B+), but her handwriting is horrible while her sister's is very neat. I think it's because they don't teach handwriting as a class at their school like they did when I was a kid, but I worked on handwriting a lot with DD7 while homeschooling her for K. Now I'm wishing I had homeschooled the first one for K too!

 

[3DisneyBuggs]

My DD is 4 and an October baby. SHe will be staring K in September. My SIL had a T1 class available when my neices went to school. It was a stepping stone from PreK to K. If that was offered that I would put my DD in. She is not serious about school work, not that any 4 yo really is. I am going to work with her with numbers, letters and name writing over the summer. Her teacher did promote her from Prek4 and I really couldn't imagine her repeating Prek4 while her friends moved on. She will have some school shock when she is there all day but I think she will adjust quickly. Her K teacher is a really great teacher too.

 

[Aristomommy]

I taught Pre-K and I have taught Kindergarten. I have noticed that children born in the summer months and start school "on time" seem to struggle more. I don't know if this is due to maturity or what. Understand that this is not a given. You know your child best.

I think your statement is greatly generalized and I am not sure if it is true or not. Speaking with experienced teachers I have more often heard that there is a difference btw. boys and girls in this regard. DD is very tall and does not look young for the grade she is in. It is not easy to distinguish her as a younger student and maturity isn't an issue. There are also reasons why some parents hold their child back that doesn't resolve within that one year and this child can still struggle. Age is often the easiest excuse teachers can use when a child struggles. Some may have a learning disability, ADD, or extreme giftedness that can't be managed in a cookie cutter classroom.

 

[Aristomommy]

To answer OP:

DD actually started early, because our school system changed the cut off that year. Otherwise she would have been right before the cut off. Physically she was very tall then and academically she was ready as well. We have not had many issues and I have been very glad with my decision. This year was the first that I had to be more proactive in her education as she was struggling with math, or so it seemed. At first her teacher didn't even know that she was younger than her classmates, but when I mentioned it, that became the reason for her struggling. As I became more involved in her education, it turned out it was not related to her age at all. So lesson for me was to look beyond the age. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Jill72]

I have a daughter with a July 12th bday and sent her to school on time with no second thoughts. However, my friend's son has a May bday and she had him wait another year before starting him. And in both cases - it was the right decision for our children.

I like the idea of having the school staff come and observe your child to give their opinion.

But probably, as a mother, you already have a sense of what is the right thing for your child. Hopefully all the above posts have helped you determine that it's ok to do it either way....if you have your child's best interests at heart - you can't go wrong.

Another idea to take into consideration is the age of children you child gravitates to. Do they seem to prefer younger or older kids? This may be a clue to their maturity level - which may be a deciding factor for you as well.

Good luck!!

 

[SGB13]

We started our Sept girl when she was 4. Before they changed the date in NC. She's going in the 4th grade now and is always in the top of her class. They are putting her in the advance class next year. Her first year was a little tough, but if we kept her out, she would have been so bored at this point. I think the main issue is really how mature they are. She still hates to be the youngest kid in class, and it doesn't help that she is very petite as well. But, you know, they are kids, they'll find something good and bad about every situation.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DGD's birthday is in the middle of October so my DD struggled with this decision. She was not able to find a real Pre-K in the area, so so she asked the school for feedback. They did an evaluation for her and thought that she would be fine. DD decided to send her and if she was stressed make an adjustment. She was with older children, it seems that a lot of parents are keeping kids back, but she was fine and was able to keep up well with the other children.

DD works during the day, I watch DGD, so I volunteered in the classroom. She did interact well and appropriately with children in her class, was able to respond appropriately to the teachers instructions. The only area she needed support in was the drop off when she started in the morning. She was a little nervous walking all the way to her classroom alone, kindergarten wing was the furthest from the drop off point. I walked her and we just picked points to have her let go and walk alone. She adjusted quickly.

If you have questions I would suggest that you talk to the school. DGD's school involved the social worker and the teaching staff who spent time with her and they were able to provide an assessment that DD could use in order to make an informed decision. Honestly, I think that while parents know their children, a little feedback from the people who are going to working with the children is invaluable if you have any concerns. They want your child to succeed almost as much as you do.

 

[CleveRocks]

Holding kids back is one of my pet peeves. I know everyone is entitled to their choice, and they that get to decide what's best for their kids, and I'm not trying to change any of that. I just hate it, that's all.

It wasn't an issue for our oldest, since our cutoff is October 1 and he was born in the winter. But now our youngest is set to start kindergarten in the fall, and she was born only about a week before the cutoff. We never seriously considered holding her back. She is small for her age, and has some slight speech issues (by now mostly corrected by private speech therapy). But we know how she's operated in full-time pre-K all this past year, so we have no qualms about sending her.

My wife is a pediatrician and sees people holding back their kids all the time, and it is alarmingly common.

I saw the opposite of the desired effect a few weeks ago at my daughter's pre-K graduation. There was a girl there who had been held back the year before, and she was SOOOOO much bigger than the rest of the graduates that I actually felt embarassed for her -- she looked lik a much older and more mature child up on stage with a bunch of relative babies.

In thinking about all of this, I realized that I was about 6 weeks from my school district's cutoff, and I remember wonderful social and academic experiences in kindergarten and first grade and so on. My grades were outstanding and I met all of my educational and social goals and enjoy a happy and successful professional and social life. One of my brothers was only a couple weeks before the cutoff, and on top of that he skipped 2nd grade. He was 16 when he graduated high school and started college. Same "success story" as me afterwards.

Some kids flourish, some do okay, some struggle. I think that's the case whether they are held back or are straight arrows.

 

[crisi]

Think through all twelve years of school and into collge - including being the last in the class to drive and social issues of hanging with kids potentially two years older in the classroom.

I was the youngest in my class and academically it was a piece of cake - emotionally - horrid. I don't know how much of the emotional problems would have been resolved by not being the youngest - I was also small and "developed late" so I was the last by over a year to get a period. I looked like a twelve year old high school senior (not a great way to get a prom date). The "youngest" thing didn't stop being an issue until I passed the legal drinking age (back then 19), because until then I couldn't go dancing or see a band.

 

[MSSANDRA]

While I am a fan of the "holding back" I try to look at every child and every situation. Here are a few other things to consider when making the decission:

The sibbling relations- I recomended just last year that a family send a late Summer birthday boy on due to the fact that holding him back would have put two brothers in the same grade. There was already some sibbling conflict and because I had taught both brothers, I felt that the family needs were strongest and that the family was best served by sending the child on.

The Next year school- Holding a child back can be effective but you have to make sure that you do not waste that year. For some children staying in the same preschool program that they were in the year before is fine but others need more stimulation or a stimulating year a home. You need to be sure there is another program that will serve your child better than kindergarten. I am a huge fan of the transitional kindergarten but they are rare in our area. Our preschool plans to have one in place for the 2008-2009 year.

Does the child have ANY special needs beyond maturity??- If that is the case, often public school have better access to special services the child might need and they are free. Some preschools can access these service but often at a cost to parents. This is where some professional evaluation can be helpful.

CAn you afford another year of day care? For some families this is really a big struggle. I know families that space sibblings to avoid two in day care at the same time. Again you have to look at the whole family sometimes.


I love the suggestion to watch which children your child tends to play with.This is SO true.

I also caution that I personaly have seen a high number of "young 5" boys be diagnosed ADHD in kindergarten. If you choose to send your young 5's just be aware that you may need to really question and investigate if this suggestion is made to you in kindergarten.


Use your brain, Listen to other professionals and follow your heart.

 

[Nancyg56]

I saw the opposite of the desired effect a few weeks ago at my daughter's pre-K graduation. There was a girl there who had been held back the year before, and she was SOOOOO much bigger than the rest of the graduates that I actually felt embarassed for her -- she looked lik a much older and more mature child up on stage with a bunch of relative babies.

This was something I noticed as well. There were some girls who were almost two years older than the majority of children and they were much bigger than the rest. I though that it may have been difficult for them. I really did not see that so much with the boys, although I may not have noticed it.

When it was very apparent to me was last week during the children's field day. While the activities were geared towards all of the kindergarten children, the older girls seemed to feel a little self conscious.

 

[lexmas]

Our family is full of "sent on time" kids. The cut off in our district was December 1st, and my brother and sister were born on November 25th, and November 3rd, respectively. They both were in the top 5 in their classes...and socially, well some social troubles can't be helped by holding someone back! We're quite the nerdy family, unfortunately. DH has a December 23rd birthday, and started in Catholic school where the cut off was January 1st, and then transferred to our district, so he was by far the youngest in his class, and did fine. In fact, he was almost 2 years younger than one of his best friends! I had lots of friends in school with late birthdays, and it didn't seem to be any problem.

Not sure what we're going to do with DS yet, but we have quite awhile...my only hangup with sending DS early (Nov. 18 birthday, Dec. 1 cutoff) is that he was a preemie and shouldn't have been born until well after the cutoff...which wouldn't be the biggest problem but he is tiny...always has been barely at the 3rd percentile for height and weight. We've got a few years yet though, so no need to worry about it now! They may change the cutoff date before then, anyway.

 

[Gillian]

A couple of people have mentioned that age becomes the excuse for problems in the class. I also feel that it's important to look at the child and not their age. DS is in a class where the ages range over 12 months, and he is one of the younger ones. But several kids are having problems and it's not the younger ones only (or mainly).

DS started on time, and he is having some problems, but I know from observing him in preschool that he would have had these problems anyway. It's not just age. It's him. He's going into 2nd now, and we have discussed holding him back at various times, but everyone agrees that he's in the right place. There are other issues to look at.

Sometimes I have felt bad, and you start to get defensive about it. However, we were willing and able to hold him back throughout the year last year and everyone felt he should stay in 1st.

We will be switching schools again at some point before high school (or maybe sooner) and will reevaluate at that time. He understands he's young, and knows about repeating grades because his friend did first grade twice.

 

[Gillian]

I became so involved in this issue that I teach a Young 5s class for our public school system. Our state funds the program so there is no cost to parents. The program has grown so much, we now accept out of district students.

pinnie

pinnie, I think that's great! One consideration we had with sending DS sept birthday to K at 4 was that there was no where for him to go. Our district doesn't have T1, and his same preschool would have been incredibly boring. It's very difficult to get into 4 year old programs for preschool. They fill up before outside registration begins. And I am not at all qualified to homeschool!

We switched to private school after public kindergarten so DS could have a smaller class size. With half the number of kids, some of his issues became more apparent, but others were lessened. The only thing possibly related to age is his lack of athletic abilty. However, his sister, 3 years younger, is much more coordinated than he is! His fine motor skills are excellent.

 

[belle&beast]

I went to school on time, if my birthday had been 2 days later, I would have had to wait. I was a very bright young child and was socially and academically ready for school. In the beginning, there were no troubles, I loved school, had lots of friends and loved academics. Then I hit middle school. This is a tough time for every kid and to be a full year younger than many was really difficult. I was not developing like the other girls, I was immature because I was younger and very sensitive- someone was always hurting my feelings! After I got to high school things were better again, but I couldn't drive or date when my friends did and in college, I couldn't go out with everyone because I wasn't 21 when they were. Now that I'm in my 30s, it is fun again to be younger- all my friends will turn 40 first!!!!

I think it really should be a case by case decision. I went to school young and my DH and I decided to wait with our DD due to some medical issues and social immaturity. It is the right thing for her, but not for all. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Becky2005]

There are also reasons why some parents hold their child back that doesn't resolve within that one year and this child can still struggle. Age is often the easiest excuse teachers can use when a child struggles. Some may have a learning disability, ADD, or extreme giftedness that can't be managed in a cookie cutter classroom.

I wasn't sure about my 7 year old. He's a May baby, our cut-off is Sept. 1. He did go through the school system for preschool, so when he was in the 4 year old class & we were doing our annual review for the following year, I asked about sending him to Kindergarten. I knew he would be on the younger side. I basically was told that even if I held him back, he could still have his issues and it wouldn't really make that much difference plus they had kids with later birthday than him going. They basically asssumed he was going to go to Kindergarten on time & he did. Now, he will be going into 2nd grade but won't turn 8 until almost the end of. He still has the issues he had in preschool which are addresssed in his IEP, so even if I held him back those issues would have still been there just like they said. I do notice he's about 1 step behind a lot of the kids socially but I don't think all of that is related to age more to why he has the IEP. For that matter, my 10 year old who has a January birthday had a hard time in Kindergarten too but should you really hold a middle of the year child back? We found out in 1st grade he has a learning disability and it wouldn't matter how long I waited to send him to school, he would still have this particular issue.

Now my youngest will be one of the oldest in the class due to an Oct. birthday so we will see how that works.

The only experience I have with those holding kids back is in my DD's Kindergarten class there was a girl that turned 7 the first week of school and it was awful (I think it was 7, I know I was baffled with her age when she got her birthday stuff, it just stuck out in my mind since she was practically 2 years older than some of the other girls.) She would tease the girls for being "babyish" and she was WAY more mature than the rest of the kids in the class. I know my nephew was about 19 when he graduated. Now, I can't remember if he started later or if it was just the way his birthday fell and was also retained. He has a Sept. birthday so he may have started older by default.

I just figured I would send my kids to school on time and figure it out as we went along. It would have never occurred to me to hold my January & March kids out with a Sept. 1 cut-off and wouldn't have really thought it for my May child if it hadn't been for other issues but since the school didn't feel he needed to be held back and they dealt with him for 2 years prior, that's what we went with. For all I know my October baby will need extra help too. He already gets speech therapy (but that's because my other 2 boys needed it too so I caught his really early as I've gotten better!).

 

[pantherlj]

Think through all twelve years of school and into collge - including being the last in the class to drive and social issues of hanging with kids potentially two years older in the classroom.

I was the youngest in my class and academically it was a piece of cake - emotionally - horrid. I don't know how much of the emotional problems would have been resolved by not being the youngest - I was also small and "developed late" so I was the last by over a year to get a period. I looked like a twelve year old high school senior (not a great way to get a prom date). The "youngest" thing didn't stop being an issue until I passed the legal drinking age (back then 19), because until then I couldn't go dancing or see a band.

On the opposite side of things, it is very embarrasing and emotionally tough to be a girl that develops sooner than any of the other girls, "larger" sooner than the other girls, and starting your cycle first.

Middle school sucks for everyone LOL