Anyone remember my son's broken engagement to the girl with the crazy mother?? (long

[Antonia]

Well, after not seeing this girl for nearly three months - she's BACK!!!
She called DS at work to say that she misses him and that she is no longer living with her mother, etc.
They have gone out to lunch together and DS did not come home after work yesterday. They rode up to the mountains for supper. Then when he did come home, he ran in and got a CD and left again. He left his truck running which led me to believe she was outside.
I don't know quite what to think about this whole thing. My DS was so hurt when the relationship fell apart and we felt like it was for the best and now she's BACK!
I have not seen or spoken to her and our entire family - both sides - consider her to be a demon for the way she did DS. And yet he is seeing her again.
It will take a long time for her to prove her intentions where DS is concerned. This is the girl who left on the day their engagement anouncement went in the newspaper - invitations already printed, church reserved, caterer booked, wedding dress bought and already altered, apartment leased and furniture moved in, etc. We did not hear from her - no explanations, nothing. Now nearly three months later she returns because she misses him!!Well, I have decided not to agonize over it too much and not to tell DH's family. The more people who know it the more people will talk about it. DH's family is larger than mine and live in town and his sister is a blabber mouth. I am not going to entertain this girl - no invites to cookouts, etc. No coming over to the house. He will have to see her out - like to eat, to movies,etc. The whole thing may fizzle out and DH and I have decided not to get involved. DS will have to figure this one out. I guess time will tell where this will lead.

 

[floridaminnie]

for your family and your son. He's young and in love. Hopefully he'll learn his leason the first time around. B/c if she's done something like this once, she'll do something like that again. HOpefully you'll son remember, if it ever get to that point again, that he's not just marrying her, but her family. Which includes her mother!

 

[helenabear]

I wish them luck... hoepfully everything will work out for the best for them. I remember the mom had a strong hold on her daughter, right? Maybe she just needed to let go of her mom or stand up to her. I have also known others to break up and wind up together again only to have very strong marriages. So don't think this is an awful thing... and it may or may not last.

 

[Antonia]

Trying to just live my life and stay out of it. DS is pretty level-headed so I feel like he will figure it out - one way or the other. Just gonna be patient and let time unravel this insanity. Good thing it's spring - there's a lot to be said for working in the garden to take you mind off things like this.

 

[Keli]

Ugh, that's got to be a no fun situation for you. Sometimes I think we parents have a harder time getting over hurts to our children (at least really big hurts like a broken engagement) than our children do.
I think you are doing the right thing in taking a wait and see attitude though and letting your son sort it out and make his own decisions. Obviously he wasn't ready to let her go if he jumped so quickly when she showed up again. It could be he just needs to find out what his feelings are toward her when given the choice to date her or not.

 

[Serena]

 

[Disney Doll]

You're smart to take the "stay out of itt" tactic. The less you say the better. Hopefully, the old adage "give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves" will work in this case.

If DS asks your opinion, I'd say "I am resevring comment since it is your decision what you want to do with your life". I agree that I wouldn't make her feel welcome with open arms. If DS asks why you don't seem welcoming, I'd simply tell him that you have a trust issue with this young lady based on your experience with her. I'd be matter-of-fact, not emotional.

The bottom line is if he is going to make adult decisions, he has to be prepared to face the consequences of them. He made an adult decision to get married to a person who may not have been completely stable. If he makes the adult decision to get himself involved with that same person again, he cannot expect everyone to be thrilled until she proves herself.

 

[Amy]

You're wise to take a "wait and see" attitude, but as for excluding her from family get-togethers.....maybe initially, but if it seems like your DS is really serious about her again, you should probably start including her.

Yes, you have trust issues with her, which is completely understandable. Give your DS time to figure out if HE wants to trust her again. If it seems like he wants to trust her and they're seeing a lot of each other, then you should probably show your DS that even though you don't trust her because of what she did, that you're willing to include her in some family gatherings because you know that she's important to him. If you continue to exclude her, you'll run the risk of alienating your DS.

Trust your DS and follow his lead, but cautiously.

{{hugs}} What a difficult situation!

 

[Antonia]

I'll give it a while before including her in anything - like DH has a birthday in a week and a half and we'll probably have a cook-out. (By the way, the Filipino nurse I have befriended has the same birthday as DH so I have also ordered her a smalelr birthday cake and she is coming over. Her DH and kids won't be here until May so she is looking forward to celebrating her birthday with us.)

Yes, if this relationship does continue eventually we'll have no choice but to have her over. Right now I say time will tell.

 

[RitaZ.]

Good choice to stay out of it.

 

[danacara]

I understand that she indirectly hurt you by hurting your son, but excluding her now could backfire in your face later. You have to assume she had some reason for doing what she did, even if it is a reason you don't particularly agree with. It must have been embarrassing for her to walk away from the life she'd built with your son. Like you, she also had to explain it to her friends and extended family, I'm sure.

Try to remember that this is, quite probably, the mother of your grandchildren. And your son is in love and if push comes to shove, especially as time passes, he will take her side over you. So even if it kills you to pretend, BE NICE and CIVIL and WARM. Remember that a negative attitude towards their relationship will probably do one of two things, neither of which you want -- (1) give them a galvanizing reason to get closer to each other, to "prove everybody wrong", and (2) give them a convenient scapegoat for past problems, i.e. "people don't support us."

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My brother and I are very close. I told him all of the reasons he shouldn't marry his fiance. This is an example of her craziness. She was mad and pouting because I got pregnant and was due right before her wedding. She said I had planned it to take away attention from her wedding. Yes, I got out a calendar and said, Oh honey, it has to be tonight so that we can ruin Christie's wedding!"

Well, my brother didn't listen to me and 1 year later she left him. He says now that it didn't matter what anyone said to him that he would have married her anyway. Even the preacher in premarriage counseling told her that if she didn't change her attitutes that their marriage would never work.

I think you are right in staying out of it but I worry for your safety because of her crazy mother. She is dangerously, mentally unstable.

Lori

 

[Amy]

Originally posted by pirateofthecarolinas
My brother and I are very close. I told him all of the reasons he shouldn't marry his fiance. This is an example of her craziness. She was mad and pouting because I got pregnant and was due right before her wedding. She said I had planned it to take away attention from her wedding. Yes, I got out a calendar and said, Oh honey, it has to be tonight so that we can ruin Christie's wedding!"
Lori

Oh Lori, your brother's fiancee sounds like she belongs in DH's family! My BIL actually told DH that we got an answering machine specifically so we wouldn't have to accept his phone calls!! (I've often wondered how he survives in the business world with all the phone-tag!) Ah, the joys of dysfunctional families.........

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by danacara
I understand that she indirectly hurt you by hurting your son, but excluding her now could backfire in your face later. You have to assume she had some reason for doing what she did, even if it is a reason you don't particularly agree with. It must have been embarrassing for her to walk away from the life she'd built with your son. Like you, she also had to explain it to her friends and extended family, I'm sure.

Try to remember that this is, quite probably, the mother of your grandchildren. And your son is in love and if push comes to shove, especially as time passes, he will take her side over you. So even if it kills you to pretend, BE NICE and CIVIL and WARM. Remember that a negative attitude towards their relationship will probably do one of two things, neither of which you want -- (1) give them a galvanizing reason to get closer to each other, to "prove everybody wrong", and (2) give them a convenient scapegoat for past problems, i.e. "people don't support us."

I agree 100%

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

Yes, I remember!

I think it's very wise to leave it to your DS this time. I'm not sure whether to say hope it works or fizzles out after reading your previous stories of the GF mother!

 

[WeirdEyes]

Have you seen the movie "The Wedding Singer?" She sounds exactly like Adam Sandler's fiancee that ditched him at the alter. OMG!

Good luck and I hope your son comes out of it unhurt this time.

 

[Antonia]

How'd that movie end? I can't remember.

 

[floridaminnie]

He ended up with another girl.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well I can't say I am happy that your son has chosen this path, but both of them are quite young, aren't they?

DD that is pretty good!
Hopefully, the old adage "give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves" will work in this case.

I agree to stay out of it and follow your son's lead. If he and she make a "case" for themselves (down the road) then I suppose you will have no choice. One I think an explanation is at least on the short form.

 

[luv2nascar]

I have a feeling she will break his heart again if he lets her
good luck for all of you
strap in its goinna be a bumpy ride