Anyone have their child repeat kindergarten & regret it?

[katie111]

My son has a late April birthday. The cutoff in our state is Sept 1 for kindergarten. My son is currently in kindergarten on an IEP. He was originally on an IEP for "developmental delays' but they just did his 3 year testing (at age 6) and they have determined that he has a "learning disability". He seems to have problems with memory and tested pretty poorly on any memory portions of the tests. He seems to do well with verbal cues and repetition of directions. He currently has a learning specialist for one hour a day as well as several aides that he shares in his integrated classroom (about 6/20 kids in the class are on an IEP). He also receives speech therapy twice a week in school and an hour a week privately. He had severe eating issues and recently got a feeding tube removed. His eating is now okay.

He is currently in the full day integrated kindergarten class. Our school has one class that is full day & all other classes are 1/2 day. We are trying to decide if we should move him on to to first grade next year or hold him back. Academically, he is doing okay. He is meeting most of his benchmarks but mostly through the additional help he is receiving. He will continue to receive 2 hours a day with an aide and speech therapy next year. The school definitely wants him to move on but we're not sure what to do. I know his learning disability will not disappear in a year but the areas that I think will improve are his speech and his social skills. He has friends but they are mostly younger than him or they are the other special ed kids in his class. He can become pretty unintelligible when he tries to tell a story or when he has a long sentence and some of the kids just have no patience for it. Otherwise, he is a great kid. He works really hard in school and he's just very lovable. Almost everyone he meets just really adores him.

So, my question is, has anyone held back their child & regretted it? How did your child do with not moving on to first grade? The hard thing is that he will be in the same classroom with the same teachers as it is the only full day option. I think that will make it much more noticeable to him that he did not move on. Any thoughts would be appreciated!

 

[RadioNate]

I don't know anyone who has held back due to legitimate concerns, academics, known delays etc that has regretted it. In those cases I only know people who regretted pushing them along as they fell further behind.

I do know a few who "red shirted" due to perceived immaturity who regretted it once the kids hit jr high & high school.,

 

[jodifla]

If your child has an IEP, it is rare that they get held back. It typically isn't all that helpful in the long run.

 

[kirstenb1]

OUr 1st grader with PDD NOS was recommended for retention back in December. I don't have a strong gut feeling either way. I googled it, for ways to explain to her, and I was absolutely struck by what the search popped up. Lots of recent studies, about how retention is outmoded, ineffectual, etc. She is older than most kids, she turned 7 in September for first grade.

She also has a visual processing disorder. So the IEP team met in January. I said although she was older than most kids, I wasn't entirely opposed to retention if her teachers could convince me they would employ different strateiges to address the l/d.

We wound up agreeing she'd definitely be older, and none of us were certain she'd have a different outcome. So we wound up with more hours of special ed. Who knows if this was the right decision? It's a complicated decision, OP, and I think you have to go with your gut.

 

[Pembo]

As a special educator, trust the team and do your research. Holding him back will not make his disability disappear but it will make him one of the oldest in the class and they may end up making things more difficult as he matures.
Also, we are a small school, only one teacher per grade. If your son is doing fine academically then he will be bored by repeating EVERYTHING next year which creates behavior issues. Think very carefully before holding him back.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My nephew repeated and continued to struggle for a long time, especially with reading (dyslexia). He's doing very well now in middle school. I don't know if the extra year helped, but it sure didn't hurt.

 

[GigglyFigment]

Would holding him back allow him to be in class with some of his friends?

If so, I'd definitely do it. While he may meet the school requirements for moving on, it sounds like he'd benefit by another year to really tackle his learning issues without having a lot of stress about mastering new skills. As you've said he's done "okay" I'd also be inclined to think that he won't be bored in class either as he'll still be making progress on things he hasn't learned 100%.

It's definitely a gamble (aren't most decisions?), but I think if he was going to be in a class with friends that might help him accept it. Otherwise, I'd recommend a lot of help in the summer to help him be ready for first grade. I think he would have difficulty learning/enjoying class if kids continued to ignore him. My other concern would be that these kids have gotten used to not paying attention to him, that may continue even after he improves. He really sounds like one of those kids who would benefit from another year to get a better handle on his weaknesses and gain a lot of confidence by being a bit "one up" on kids without those delays.

I'd talk with his current teacher about your concerns and also a first grade teacher to see how his current difficulties will effect his learning experience.

My experience isn't with my own child, but from volunteering in a kindergarten classroom that had a lot of special needs children for several years. Sometimes children were held back who did "okay" the previous year but still had difficulties were a bit immature and it did help them tremendously.

 

[rutgers1]

Our son did an extra year of nursery school because his birthday was somewhat near the cut-off, and I preferred for him to be the oldest as opposed to the youngest kid in his grade.

Now that he is in 7th grade, I can look back a bit and reflect. For us, it was a great decision. He is more mature than most of his peers, is in the top 1/3 academically, and seems to be headed toward a strong finish to his time in middle school. I really don't think he would have been as strong of a student and as ready for the trials and tribulations of middle school if we had pushed him ahead.

 

[maxaroni]

Our school system has what they call "pre-first". This is for all the kids not quite ready for first grade. However, it's almost like a half move up. Kindergarten is not totally repeated and they get a bit of first grade. Different classrooms and teachers. The way it's presented to the students is done in such a way the kids don't feel badly. If there is an IEP involved there are aides in the classrooms in each grade, one class has the aide and is an inclusion class.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Our school system has what they call "pre-first". This is for all the kids not quite ready for first grade. However, it's almost like a half move up. Kindergarten is not totally repeated and they get a bit of first grade. Different classrooms and teachers. The way it's presented to the students is done in such a way the kids don't feel badly. If there is an IEP involved there are aides in the classrooms in each grade, one class has the aide and is an inclusion class.

That sounds like a great system

 

[avgeek81]

Our school system has what they call "pre-first". This is for all the kids not quite ready for first grade. However, it's almost like a half move up. Kindergarten is not totally repeated and they get a bit of first grade. Different classrooms and teachers. The way it's presented to the students is done in such a way the kids don't feel badly. If there is an IEP involved there are aides in the classrooms in each grade, one class has the aide and is an inclusion class.

We had this in my school also. I went thru this program in the 1980s. I had speech problems and maturity issues. It didnt help that my brother had the same kindergarten teacher the year before and he was a perfect angel. The teacher was expecting me to be the same and I was not.

 

[Ruthiesmama]

We had this in my school also. I went thru this program in the 1980s. I had speech problems and maturity issues. It didnt help that my brother had the same kindergarten teacher the year before and he was a perfect angel. The teacher was expecting me to be the same and I was not.

My little brother went to "pre-first" also- he had speech issues and his birthday was five days from the cutoff so he had already been younger in age and maturity in Kinder. He went on to do great in first- and excelled in school from that point forward. My Mom always believed that had he not had that extra year, he would not have done so well in the subsequent years because he would have just always been behind. I think if a child is going to repeat a grade to catch up- the earlier the better.

 

[tiggspring]

Each child is different but research shows that kids that are behind either academically or emotionally catch up by third grade. My DD8 and DS11 where both admitted early (5yrs in Oct) because they were reading but both needed speech. By 3rd grade both were not only thriving in their studies but with their peers as well. If he struggled in both areas then it would be a much easier decision but it sounds like he is basically doing as well as can be expected and he will need some assistance no matter what grade he is in.

The schools usually only focus on the year ahead of them. I can tell you as someone who worked with trouble youth and families, the teen years for boys held back are a serious consideration. Being 18 your entire senior year can be risky. First of all you can go to war, buy a house, get married but the schools treat you like a child. Many kids, especially boys chafe at this. If his friends do something wrong like drinking,even if he doesn't drink, he can be charged with the delinquency of minors. The school/town will treat him like a child unless the law is involved then suddenly he will be an ADULT. If you have been watching the case in FLA of the teen girl being charged with statutory rape it can be even more serious. If his girlfriend is under 16 when he turns 18 he would be at risk.... and being accused does not mean he actually has to do anything. This happens a lot more than parents would like to think.

That being said my sister was held back because she was extremely shy and doing poorly. It was good for her.

What do you think he wants to do? Will he miss his current classmates? Will he think he's not smart enough to move up? What are the real benefits to staying back?

If you listen to your child, and it sounds like you definitely do, whatever you decide I doubt you will regret it.

Good luck!

 

[tasha99]

If your child has an IEP, it is rare that they get held back. It typically isn't all that helpful in the long run.

As a special educator, trust the team and do your research. Holding him back will not make his disability disappear but it will make him one of the oldest in the class and they may end up making things more difficult as he matures.
Also, we are a small school, only one teacher per grade. If your son is doing fine academically then he will be bored by repeating EVERYTHING next year which creates behavior issues. Think very carefully before holding him back.

 

[kathyk2]

I woudn't hold him back. If he's passing what would he gain by repeating an extra year? If he has an IEP he will still receive the help he needs in first grade. Holding him back might send him the message that he is stupid or not good enough to be with his friends which is not good for his self-esteem.

 

[dbogen]

I held my oldest son back in Kindergarten (December birthday, made the cutoff date by 2 weeks) because his teacher felt he didn't quite have a good work ethic. Well, he just finished his second year of college and still doesn't have a great work ethic, but is doing well in scool

My youngest Kindergarten teacher suggested retention for the same reason, (October Birthday so a little older) we chose to send him ahead and this year he will be graduating from a trade high school as the 4th in the state for his trade.

So from a mom who held one and sent one on, I can't say i regretted either decision, you just have to go with your gut.

 

[JamesMom]

Slightly OT but my son has been in special ed since the age of 2 with speech delay and sensory. He didn't start talking until age 4. He is now finishing up 2nd grade and they plan to pass him onto 3rd. We are homeschooling next year. Why?
His reading level is mid 1st grade with significant phonics and phonemic issues and the school is fine with that as evidenced by the IEP they presented showing the same gap at the end of next year. Research shows that any reading gap that remains after 3rd grade is rarely closed and will bleed into all other subjects. So this year is critical and all the school cares about is which state test is he good for. In 3rd grade the focus changes from learning to read to reading to learn and he is not ready yet.
He has a learning disability along with Autism spectrum diagnosis and ADHD. His best friend in his current class is turning 9 the same month he turns 8 - July so age and maturity are playing a factor.
So I plan to test and teach to his weaknesses and get him caught up at his rate or learning - fast or slow. We are working in 1st grade reading this summer with a planned repeat of second grade in the fall. He will progress to 3rd when he has mastered 2nd. The "plan" is to keep him home for the next two years and hope at that time is sufficiently caught up to enter Intermediate School (5th grade) with his current peers.
I mention all this because I had misgivings in Kindergarten, but allowed the school to bully me into Kindy and 1st because of the carrot of free services - which he no doubt desperately needed. I wanted to hold him back in preschool, but state law said he had to go on to Kindy because of his age with little consideration for his social/academic age. He had wonderful, thoughtful, caring teachers and support team, but we believe they have reached their potential - time to try ours. Wish you and us much luck.

 

[bethy]

I have a girl which does make a difference. She made the K cutoff by one day and has ADD. The ADD wasn't diagnosed yet when she was 5 but I knew there was something about her that would not plug in neatly into the traditional school model.

We waited the extra year and have regretted it, somewhat. All of the issues she has would have been there either way. She is a top student academically but really, really struggles socially. Plus she looks like many ADD kiddos: tall, thin, lanky, redheaded, lack of coordination. She's adorable but from a peer's perspective a bit awkward looking to go along with her social awkwardness. She's the tallest girl in her grade but if I'm honest she'd be close to that if she were a year ahead, too. Her interests are so much deeper and more mature than her peers'. Note: she is 11 would is a super tough and awkward age for many girls anyway.

When making the decision we subscribed to the theory that it would be easier for her to skip a grader later on versus repeat a grade if we made the wrong decision. I think that was too simplistic a view. Also in our schools, the classes at the middle and high schools are structured less by which grade you are in and more by what you need academically. So a year doesn't make hardly any difference academically.

At this point, the main reason I wish I had sent her ahead is because she will be done with school that much earlier and can move on with her "real" life. I think she will thrive as an adult - I just have to get her there in one piece.