Anyone have family stay with them every Christmas?

[etoiles]

Hi all,

My mother in law stays with us each Christmas. For the past few years she comes before Thanksgiving and stays with us through Christmas. She travels from The Netherlands and is retired so that is why she stays longer. During Christmas each year we then drive with her to my parents house 2 hrs away for a few days to celebrate Christmas.

We are expecting a child in April and I would like to change this up sometime so I can start my own traditions at least once a while in my own home during Christmas instead of driving and staying away each year. However, if I stay at home and my mother in law is there it doesn't feel right only to celebrate with her and tough luck to my side of the family.

Is there anyone who has family stay with them every Christmas? What did you do if you wanted to spend Christmas by yourself one year?

 

[usnuzuloose]

I have not had that happen, but I would sit down with your husband and just have a nice talk about how you feel and how you two can come to some sort of agreement to resolve the issue. Hopefully he will understand.

 

[moon]

Could your parents stay with you from now on?

That way you get to stay home and they get to share the festivities with you

 

[Darcy03231]

Once we had children we made the decision to stay home for Christmas Day. I invited everyone to our house. For years no one came so it was just us. My parent now ususally come for the day (they live an hour away). DH's parents (only his mom now) have never come (they live 18 hours aways).

Since your DH's mother lives out of the country I think it would be very hard to tell her that she can't come and stay for Christmas. I would just suck it up and invite your parents too. That way if they choose not to come it won't come back on you.

 

[clarabelle]

When we had our first daughter (17 years ago)
We made an announcement well ahead of time that we were not doing Christmas day away from home. All who wanted were welcome to join us.
We were willing to travel before or after -but Christmas day we wanted at home
It worked for us -if there were hurt feelings they kept it to themselves.

 

[Bluestars]

Once we had children we made the decision to stay home for Christmas Day. I invited everyone to our house. For years no one came so it was just us. My parent now ususally come for the day (they live an hour away). DH's parents (only his mom now) have never come (they live 18 hours aways).

Since your DH's mother lives out of the country I think it would be very hard to tell her that she can't come and stay for Christmas. I would just suck it up and invite your parents too. That way if they choose not to come it won't come back on you.

This is what I would do too.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Invite your parents to your home. If there isn't room for them to stay, hopefully there is a hotel nearby.

I originally had planned to start hosting holidays in my home after having my son, but honestly after a couple of times I have found it easier to keep going to the grandparents. Less preparation and clean up on my end.

 

[etoiles]

I like the idea of traveling other days but not Christmas day.


The city my parents live in the rest of my family also lives in such as my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc or they travel there so I don't know if my parents would want to go away from the rest of the entire family to visit us. Also, we buy my mother in law's plane ticket and I know she does not like visiting my family so it kind of feels like giving her exactly what she wants for Christmas, us all to herself. My parents are both not retired and cannot stay a long time like her either.

DH has suggested that next year we take the new little one on vacation just the three of us and that honestly sounds appealing but I don't want to have to travel just to have some time to ourselves each year.

 

[bedogged]

Once we had children we made the decision to stay home for Christmas Day. I invited everyone to our house. For years no one came so it was just us. My parent now ususally come for the day (they live an hour away). DH's parents (only his mom now) have never come (they live 18 hours aways).

Since your DH's mother lives out of the country I think it would be very hard to tell her that she can't come and stay for Christmas. I would just suck it up and invite your parents too. That way if they choose not to come it won't come back on you.

I agree with this. By the time next Thanksgiving rolls around, you may actually enjoy having an extra pair of hands to help with the baby.

 

[disykat]

With a two hour distance, I would travel on Thanksgiving and late in the day on Christmas. That would give you Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at home. You could leave at 3 in the afternoon and be there for dinner.

\

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Once we had children we made the decision to stay home for Christmas Day. I invited everyone to our house. For years no one came so it was just us. My parent now ususally come for the day (they live an hour away). DH's parents (only his mom now) have never come (they live 18 hours aways).

Since your DH's mother lives out of the country I think it would be very hard to tell her that she can't come and stay for Christmas. I would just suck it up and invite your parents too. That way if they choose not to come it won't come back on you.

Agree.

 

[dimimi]

Could your parents stay with you from now on?

That way you get to stay home and they get to share the festivities with you

This is a good idea. The first Christmas you will enjoy having everyone around. Having the holiday alone seems better than it is. You and your husband and baby will have plenty of time alone...so enjoy the time with family.

 

[momof1princess]

well, for the first 13 years of DD15's life, my mom stayed every Christmas Eve with us, and was with us all day on Christmas Day, no matter what our plans were. If we went to my grandmother's, she went with us; if we went to my in-laws', she went too. however, she had a mental breakdown 2 years ago, and now considers me to be the enemy, and has sworn she'll never spend another night under our roof. so, each year at Christmas, she goes and spends a week with my DB, SIL, and DNephew. DNephew is only 8 yo, so she pretends she's doing it to make things fair, since she spent all those Christmases with us.

OP, you've gotten some great suggestions - if possible, for baby's first Christmas, i would suggest to your parents that they come visit you, instead of you visiting them. it doesn't have to be Christmas Day; it could be Christmas Eve, or at some point after Christmas, if they prefer. i totally understand what you're feeling; this is the FIRST year, since DH and i got married 20+ years ago, that we haven't traveled on Christmas Day.

 

[daisyduck123]

What did you do if you wanted to spend Christmas by yourself one year?

Take a trip!!

We host Christmas every year. This year, I decided I am fed up with it. Next year, DH, the kids, & I will take a trip for Christmas...either WDW or a cruise. I've already told the relatives.

The last time I was fed up with hosting & having guests was Christmas 2006. I announced at the Christmas dinner table to all (in-laws, grandparents, aunts, uncles, everybody) that if they wanted to spend the following Christmas with us, they could book rooms in WDW cause that's where DH, the kids, & I would be. I meant it too. The next year, we checked into AKV on Dec. 20. That was by far, our best Christmas ever. I'm looking forward to another next year.

 

[etoiles]

Thanks for the input everyone.

Overall my parents probably would come down for 1 or maybe 2 days if we asked them to but doing it that way and staying in our neck of the woods would result in spending every Christmas with only/mainly my mother in law. Since she also comes during the summer for 4-6 weeks for a total of 10-12 weeks out of the year I already see her so much more than my own parents it's not super appealing.

We might just do the trip once in a while on some years just the three of us. I was glad from daisyduck to hear how well yours turned out. I think we just need a break.

 

[thinkerbell]

DH has suggested that next year we take the new little one on vacation just the three of us and that honestly sounds appealing but I don't want to have to travel just to have some time to ourselves each year.

This is exactly what we started doing when our kids were little. We took a little trip on Thanksgiving and at Christmas so that we could still do something fun for them and also not have the struggle of who to celebrate with. The kids loved it. They always looked forward to it. Now that they are out on their own, my husband and I still take trips at the holidays---well we delayed our trip a little for Christmas this year b/c we have a new grandbaby that we wanted to see. We do still plan to take our trips every year. We don't want to be in that tug of war and we don't want our kids to have to decide who to be with. To us, you can be with your family anytime. It doesn't have to be on a designated day.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would say thatif your DH wants to take a trip next year with just the 3 of you over Christmas that that is exactly what you should do.

He can deal with telling his mother that you guys won't be around for Christmas so that she can adjust her travel plans accordingly.

Meanwhile you can set up another time to visit your parents...since they both work, perhaps it would be better for them to see you on the weekend before or after the actual day so that they have 2 days off in a row to enjoy.

The first time you break a habit is always the worst but then people get used to it.

 

[TinkTock]

If your husband wants to travel somewhere for Christmas just so you won't look bad to your families, maybe you should just do Christmas at home and lay down ground rules. You could go visit your family on a different day to celebrate Christmas, and your mother-in-law could visit for the month of January or November instead of Thanksgiving through Christmas.