Anyone have a school threated to kick out your child? NEW UPDATE 12/22 on PG 5

[mapmakerj]

THis is an update to my thread from Sept. about my DS hitting in school. The teacher has been sending home notes everyday about his progress. By these notes we have noticed a steep decline in the amount of his hitting. They were also monitoring his not sitting still. He is given chips for good behavior and has them taken away for bad behavior. He has the potential to earn 9 a day. Over the past few weeks he has gotten one 6, one 2, a couple 8's and the rest 9's. We took that as pretty good progress considering he used to get 1's, 2's and 3's pretty consistantly. We had a meeting yesterday (suppose to be parent/teacher) that ended up with the teacher, principal, councelor, psychiatrist, speech therapist, reading specialist and a behavior specialist. We were utterly shocked by all the people that were there. The teacher starts by pointing out the one day he got 2 tokens and then goes on to say that he is still disrupting her class too much. She says that academically if she tests him one on one he is in the 70% range for his age nationwide. Then the psychiatrist chimes in that they tested him in a group setting and because he can't focus all the time he is below the 35% mark and that his work in a group is below that of a preschooler and that they recommend putting him in early childhood special ed classes, HUH? If he can prove he is smarter than 70% of kids his age when given work by himself, then what good will putting him in remedial classes do? They also threw the ADD card at us again!! We have told them repeatedly (and given documents to them) that he was tested last fall at the request of his preschool and the doctors could find no evidence of ADD (FYI if you didn't know, the only 100% true way to diagnose ADD is a brain scan. The abnornal brain waves show up on the scan, other testing is only a best-guess). They told us that our only choices were to pull him out and send him to special ed at another school or get a doctor to put him on meds! The principal said that if we chose neither option she would have no alternative to suspend him if he misbehaves. They also said that he is on track to be held back. Unbelievable! He is 5 years old and has only attended school 47 days so far. I can't believe that are writing him off so quickly. I don't know how they can have the nerve to even mention holding him back when only 1/4 of the year is underway. If we had been seeing the behavior get continually worse I could see trying something else but we were given the impression that it was starting to improve. We told my DS what they said about going to another school and he started crying hysterically. Kept crying and asking a million questions like " what about my christmas concert I have been practicing so hard for?', "Why do my teacher and principal hate me so much?", "Why don't they want me to be with my friends?" and he also was upset because they have a tooth chart at school and he has his first one about to fall out and he was crying because he said he won't get his name on the tooth chart. I have been crying as hard as he has for the last day. I am totally devestated to have to see my DS hurt this bad. My DH and I are completely frustrated and heartbroken. We have no idea what we should do. I would welcome any suggestions, ideas or support.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I will respond at a great length later but right now I would say to get him out of that school right away.

I will say a prayer for you today and try to share a little bit of my experences as a preschool director with you later today.


Jordans' mom

 

[mamaminnie]

I will respond at a great length later but right now I would say to get him out of that school right away.

I agree, it doesn't sound as if this school is equipped OR willing to deal with him. Are there other options where you live? A school with small classes, and with teachers with some special ed training--not that anything is wrong with him bit it helps the teachers teach him better.

Have you considered occupational therapy for him? It has really helped my son.
HTH

 

[ducklite]

I can empathize. Been three, done that, got to the point that I took them to court.

To make a very long story short, you need to call your state education department and speak to an advocate about the situation. This will cost you nothing, and they are a wealth of help and info.

I wouldn't be too certain that your son doesn't have ADD, but I'm not a doctor, and the older a child gets, the easier it is to diagnose. I'm also wondering if he's got some other issue, such as a learning disorder that hasn't been discovered.

They are right, if you son is not classified, and it doesn't sound like he is, then they can suspend him for poor behavior. Classified students can only be suspended up to ten days out of any acedemic year, per Federal law, as an FYI.

If your son has not been classified, then you should seriously consider having them classify him. That can be changed at any time if he "grows out" of this. And by classifying him, you will get a huge number of services and accomodations not available to unclassified kids.

Under the Federal law, they need to provide the least restrictive environment. That would probably mean that they will be obligated to hire an aide to work with him full time in his current placement. They can't move him to another school without your consent, and if they try to you can request an emergent appeal through the state DOE. Until they've exhausted all possibilities within the current setting, he can't be moved.

I could go on and on, but bottom line is that they can't move him until they do an IEP and prove that they can't provide the least restrictive setting for him. You need to educate yourself, get strong, dry the tears, and prepare to do battle. I'm not going to kid you, it could be a high mountain to climb.

My son was moved around from placement to placement within the local district, and then an out of district placement that was absurdly wrong. Long story short, I took them to court and won a placement for him in a nationally acclaimed private school for LD/ED kids who showed a lot of potential (80% of their graduates go on to college). The local district paid for the tuition and transportation by court order--it cost them a lot of money. But because they didn't ahve an appropriate educational setting in district, this actually was the best choice for my son. He thrived there and graduated with a B average. He could have gotten pretty much all "A's" but he carried so much baggage from his previous experiences with "the system" that he had more or less given up and we were satisified with "B's" and a happy kid rather than "A's" and a stressed kid, if that makes sense.

At any rate, my point is that an out of district placement can be a good thing. I wish we had done it sooner. It gave him educational continuity in a school that CARED about the students as opposed to one that was there because it had to be. He was there for five years and loved it. He knew the rules, the teachers, administration and staff, and he thrived in that continuity and structure.

I wish I could give you a real hug, but here's one Please let me know if you want more info, I"m glad to help. PM me if you want.

Anne

 

[rrs_mhs]

I agree with ducklite. My cousin was in a similar situation as your son and did not have ADD. He struggled in school from the very beginning and my aunt and uncle were beside themselves. Then they decided to investigate what they could do. They did not have to go to court, but they got an advocate who consulted with them, went to the school meetings with them and pushed to get the help they needed. My cousin is now 14 and in 8th grade and he is doing really well. It was a long and tiresome road, but don't give up - your school district should work with you to help your son. Hugs to you and your family.

 

[alicenwonder99]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I don't have any experience with this, but my friend has had a hard time at her school district. She has had to fight to get a proper education for her child. She was advised by someone to look up the guidelines of what her child is entitled to through the district and then fight like crazy for him. I believe she is looked at as the "biotch" at the school because she demands things from the school. Her child is entitled, by law, for these services, but the school is making her fight for them. Last year, her ds nearly failed 4th grade. But this year, her ds has a wonderful teacher. He is thriving and has made all A's, except for one B on his last report card. My friend has just found out that her son's teacher last year would humiliate him in class constantly. When his desk got too messy and he couldn't find his work, she would dump his desk and he would have to spend the day cleaning it up. Of course this isn't acceptable, but this is the reality of some schools. The teachers don't know how to handle special children so they use fear, intimidation, and humiliation on the kids (reminds me of the nuns back in the 60's).

Anyway, sorry I don't have advice for you. Just know that you will have to fight for your child. Don't give up!

Mary

 

[tessqt]

My ds was not ready for kindergarten last year when he was 5, at the recommendation of his preschool teacher (whose opinion I value) kept him in a prek program 3 days a week for another year. It did him wonders, he entered kindergarten this year and it started out fine in his class of 11. Due to our Principal passing away and reorganizing of the teachers the two K classes were combined. He is now in a class of 22 along with some other very active boys, I feel for his teacher and her aide! His first K teacher never had a problem with him, but I think to her advantage, she has a ds who I think is worse than mine.

I recently had a conference with our school counselor that I requested, I asked his teacher to get him involved so he was "ready" for me to discuss my little active guy. The first word out of all there mouths is how smart he is and what a sweetheart he is, BUT HE CAN'T SIT STILL!!! We are dealing with red, purple and green dots for behavior and he had 3 greens (good) in a row this week. YEA! We have a plan so I'm hoping.

I could see me going through what you are going through if I had to deal with our public school system.

Hugs to you.

 

[massielovesdisney]

I had this problem with my DS and I have to say that our awful situation has turned ideal. My DS has ADD, ADHD, & ODD. He has had problems in school for the last 5 years. Sleeping in class and a little behavior well 6 weeks ago we finally let the school transfer my son to a neighboring less desirable school district. ( I was totally beside myself with the idea) But since my DS would not apply himself HE left us with no other choice. So he left his friends and moved to the new school he is thriving his grades have shot up and were having very few issues right now. He was not happy about it but I told him this was a result of his actions or there lack of so if he wanted to get back to his former school district he needs to apply himself and work the right to come back.
He was previously on ADD medication but it just never seemed to do anything for him. I also struggled with the idea of medicating my child so I took him off the meds this past summer. But I have a nephew that the medication totally works for him. You would need to see what works for your son.
I never fought the school on their recommendations I have found that if you fight with the school they just single out and target your child. Coorperating worked for me, I did drag my feet on the transfer but after the first grading period he was failing even I could not deny that changes had to be made, at the next meeting I told them to transfer him. They reassured me that if this did not work we would try something else. SO far it has been great. The most important thing is his education, as he grows he will mature and become more conforming.
You may want your child to realize that much of what is happening is a result of his actions and only HE can change it. Teach him appropiate was to vent his fustration that will not get him into trouble.
An IEP will give you more legal ground to stand on but, do you really want your child where he is not wanted? Kids can tell if you don't like them. Would be a healthy environment being someplace your not wanted?
Realize that this may be a temporary solution, to help him deal with his problems. It does'nt need to be permanent situation. I hope this helps but ultimately only you can do what is best for your child. Just don't get caught up in the fear of the unknown it could just be the perfect solution.Be cautious letting your child see you upset, if he sees you fear it will plant the seed in his head that maybe the is something to fear about this new situation. Best of luck

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I forgot that he was kindergarten and not preschool. First, I still say that if possible get him out of that classroom. He has already been pegged the "Bad" kid and that is a tough one for any child to have to overcome.
Now that might not be possible. Can you afford private school? Would you consider home school for a year? Would they put him in another teacher's class?
I also think that you have to be completly honest with your self. Do you belive deep down that there might truely be a problem?
From you last letter he seemed to be very inmature. When is his birthday? There is nothing wrong with pulling a child out of kindergarten and giving them another year to grow. I would however at least consider having him evaluated at an outside independent testing facility to be 100% certain that there are not underlying issue that he might need help with. ADD is very difficult to diagnose at such a young age and treatment for that young a child has had so little testing that it scares me.

If he does indeed need some additonal help, your public schools might be the best choice as they as others have mentioned are mandated by law to adress those needs. HE would have an IEP that would mandate that you be involved in the decissions that are made.

Remember that you are his advocate and you owe it to him to find out what is going on and what his needs are and find the best possible solution for him!!!

Prayers for you.

Jordan's mom

 

[Alicnwondrln]

last year when ds6 was in kindergarden by dec the teacher wanted to hold him back she awful complaining about everything all year
we didtn do it
and now this year academically he is doing good
only you know your child
good luck

 

[DisneyDotty]

What duckite said.
Has your child been evaluated for special needs? Does he have an IEP?
Also, be careful of sharing too much information with your little guy right now. As you saw, it can be very upsetting for him, and it all may change anyway.
Good luck!

 

[lisafromgeorgia]

I had a similar situation with my son and all I can tell you is that it's possible the situation could get worse. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when he was 6. I never truly felt the diagnosis was accurate, but I wasn't the expert so I relied on other experts to do their job. My son was told by the experts to let others know that he didn't appreciate being touched or having his belongings touched. My son was finally removed from his elementary school when he was in the fourth grade because he tried to stab a child, in the hand, with his pencil when the other child tried to take his book. The teacher heard my son tell the child not to take his book, but as soon as she turned around the other kid went for it. My son was labeled as dangerous so he had to leave. I, like you, did not want to see this happen but I had no choice in the matter. It actually turned out to be the best thing for my son. At his new school the classrooms were smaller and the teacher's were trained to handle this type of behavior. This school had a psychiatrist on staff who properly diagnosed my child with Asperger's Syndrome rather than the ODD and ADHD the other "experts" had advised. We put my son on the proper medication and he received therapy. After three years my son decided he wanted to leave the school and try regular school. I was terrified, but I knew I had to give him the chance. My son is gifted so they allowed him to skip a grade and go directly to high school. My son did very well and we had no problems. He actually made friends and had a social life. My son is now in college working on his law degree. The three years he spent at a special school were truly a turning point for him. He got the help he needed and now is very successful in life.

The hardest thing for me was to except the fact that my son wasn't "normal." My first reaction was to deny the problem and swear to fix it myself. I really tried to fix it myself but was unsuccessful because it is a medical problem. The key for my son was a proper diagnosis. Once he was properly diagnosed we knew the steps we needed to take to resolve the problem. Another key factor was my ability to accept the diagnosis and never give up! I cannot even begin to tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering if my son would ever find his place in life. This is a hard, painful thing.

I will agree that you absolutely must keep your feelings about this from your son. You need to be his strength and fight for him. When he is old enough to understand you can have a real discussion about his diagnosis, whatever that may be. Until then, he needs to think everything is fine. I know it isn't fine but you must make every effort to make him think that it is. I never let my son see me upset. As far as he was concerned we were all (teachers, administrators, doctors, etc) a team and he could trust all of us. He didn't need to know that he was being kicked out of school. I told my son that WE had decided that he needed some extra help because he was having a hard time in school. I told him that this new school would be smaller and give him the help he needed. I got him excited about the "new" rewards program the school offered. We never discussed the things he'd miss. Privately, I was dying inside, but he believed I thought this was the coolest thing ever. I know it's hard, but you can do it!

 

[lisafromgeorgia]

When I truly understood, and accepted, that my son couldn't control his behavior I knew he couldn't stay in a regular classroom. I have two other "normal" children and it really occurred to me that I wouldn't want my other children to be in a classroom with someone as unpredictable as my son. Instead of teaching the children in the classroom, the teacher was spending her time reprimanding my son and protecting the other kids from him. That wasn't a good situation for anyone. The worst part about this realization for me was the guilt I felt for even considering his classmates. What kind of mother was I? Like I said in my prior post. This is a very difficult situation and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[mapmakerj]

My DS will be 6 in a couple weeks so I absolutely do not want him to be pulled out or flunk and have to be a 7yr old Kindergartener next year. We do not see the same problems the teachers seem to see. We know there is an impulse issue at times, but not daily at home. He is very active at home but has no problem sitting down and working on projects, homework etc. He has alot of focus at home, just not at school. My DM and DMIL are baffled by the reports from school too. He does not act out at their homes and my DM has a daycare and he plays very well with the children there. He also has no problems with any playdates he has had so we cannot figure out the behavior towards kids at school. In fact the one kid he seems to have the majority of school conflicts with is one he has the best playdates with. I received 2 calls this morning, one from principal and one from the district psychologist. The principal called to try and smooth things over and before you knew it was reaffirming her position that we should probably be open to looking at meds. I wanted to tell her where to go, but I told her I was on my way out. Then a while later the psychologist called to say he was sorry I got upset and wanted me to know that he firmly believes we should try the other school before we even consider medicines. The school doesn't even agree on a stance to take! My DS was a slight preemie. When our Doc (2nd pediatrician) ran all the tests in August on my ds he said he couldn't find any of the medical markers of ADD. (and believe me, my poor DS was put through the ringer.) My original pediatrician (she left to open her own practice) told us when DS was 2 that a common occurance in in preemies (more so in very preemie babies), other than ADD, was a lag in development in the area of the brain that controls impulses (think before you speak, act etc.). She warned us that either could happen. Doc #2 suspected the developmental lag after all the test were run, before I even brought up what Doc#1 said. He said usually they are a year or two behind their peers in impulse control, but equal or ahead in physical and mental ability. Trying to tell the school this is like talking to a brick wall. Our Doc even contacted them to see if he could help with any insight and they basically dismissed him. There are no private schools in our area other than a couple Catholic schools (which IMHO have produced more problem students in our area than the public schools). I wish I did have a good private school choice but we don't. I would really like to see about homeschool but my DH doesn't want any part of that. He won't even consider it. He feels it would be harmful to keep him out of a structured environment and that he has to have the daily socialization. I feel that he can get enough socialization during baseball, soccer, swim lessons and playdates until he catches up on the impulse problem. My DH wants us to check out the other school. I am not opposed to looking, but I don't want to make a hasty decision either. I will tell the school the same on Monday. I will also tell them how cruel and unfair they are being springing this on us while we are still grieving the loss of my Grandpa (they know all about how difficult it was on the family and like waiting a few more weeks would have made such a difference) and while my DS was practicing for and looking forward to their Holiday Celebrations at school. They want to do something asap but I don't think I am unreasonable at all to think they should wait to disrupt my DS until after the christmas break. Sorry this is so long but I am so upset.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

We had a meeting yesterday (suppose to be parent/teacher) that ended up with the teacher, principal, councelor, psychiatrist, speech therapist, reading specialist and a behavior specialist. We were utterly shocked by all the people that were there.

I'm sorry for that alone. I would have felt ambushed.

My son was suspended from preschool for behavior problems and we had to take him to a counselor before they would accept him back. We did switch preschools to another one where the program better suited him with a lot more physical activity.(If i could have afforded it i would have sent him to a local private school that starts every day with an hour walk.)

His second grade teacher demanded a conference with the school psychologist and DS did go to a social skills building group at school until they graduated him out of it after 2 years.

Other teachers liked him despite of his stubborn opionated behavior. He did well with authoritative rather than authoritarian behavior. Tell him the rules and he'll follow them but he can't cope with changing the rules midstream.

He was kicked out of Cub Scouts by his Den leader until we talked to the council. the Den leader had kicked two kids out because of problems with her child which i can understand kicking him out of the den but not out of cub scouts.

He is doing well now but those were some horrible times to go through so you have my sympathy as you work this out.

A good friend had a very difficult child. Bright, intense, active, behavior problems etc right from the beginning where he was suspended from preschool and then later many school conferences and counseling, trying caffeine and medications. In fourth grade he was finally diagnosed with Tourette's. Having the right diagnosis than guided her for doing what was right for her child.

Good luck to you and your son!

 

[kellyg403]

I am sorry that the school did not inform you better of who would be at the meeting. I am one who likes to be prepared and I would have been extremely upset if I had not known what type of meeting I was actually going to.

My DD, who is now 17 was diagnosed ADD in kindegarten. She had poor impulse control, sleep problems and for awhile there was some conjecture she may actually been bi-polar. I actually had a physcologist tell me she was probably the worst kid he had ever seen, she was just too stubborn. She was label all through elementary school. I hated it. As time wore on, she became better and better at handling herself. We did alot of research and after serveral months of medication took her off it and did strict diet regulation, behavior monitoring etc. By the 6th grade she was in a new school with no label. Just that was a drastic change for her and us. She couldn't breathe in 3rd grade without her teacher calling. Everything she did that was normal, talking to her friends was magnified. I thought if I heard that teacher say one more time "Well ADD children...". I did not deny that when her sleep cycles were bad she was not the greatest kid around. And one of her worst symptoms was poor self esteem. She was a beautiful, witty intelligent kid who had been made to feel like she wasn't.

I would definitely consider moving your poor ds to another school. Self esteem is one of the most important factors in a child's development. For every good thing, there are ten bad things happening at school. If I had been wiser 10 years ago I would have done it. I was resolute in thinking I was giving in and doing more damage if I had. Now I know better. In 6th grade the hardest year for most children was my dd's coming out. Even the children treated her differently. They pick up from the teacher and even they would say "oh, thats the bad kid". I hope that you are able to decide what is best for you/dh and ds. And if it were me, well first of all..its public school...you are welcome in the classroom anytime. Second, maybe you could wait until after the Christmas pagent to move him, but the new school may have an even better one. I spent many a day in the 3rd grade with dd because it seemed the teacher needed as much watching as she did. Once the label is there, it takes alot to remove it. Nowadays, people do not even realize she was given that diagnosis many years ago, she is an honor student and though she does have impulse issues still she is becoming more successful. Her self esteem is the one area we are constantly working on.

Kelly

 

[Merriwind]

So sorry for the trouble you are having. If I were you, I would do two things first. One, I would call your state DOE and see about an advocate. You need someone who speaks "school" helping you. Secondly, if you are seriously thinking about a change in his placement--another school, another class, homeschool, whatever, I would do it at Christmas break. You have a huge break coming up, that would your most natural time in the next several weeks to make a change.

Also, please be very careful what you say to your DS. Kids are so smart and sensitive. He doesn't need to know every bit of what's going on. I really think that whatever you decide for him needs to be framed as a positive decision, "Daddy and I think it's best that we ..." You will need to be positive and happy to avoid causing him further stress. None of this is his fault and he is too young to truly understand--only to be frightened and hurt.

One last thing, I would encourage your DH to reconsider homeschooling. We did it last year for first grade for a couple of reasons--no program in NY to accomodate DD who is highly gifted and we knew we were moving, so it wasn't worth it to take on "the system" for one year. It was the best year DD and I have ever spent. I miss it so much. Several times a week I really think about going back to homeschool. I wish I could do it part-time--three days of school, two days homeschool sort of thing. Trust me, DD saw plenty of kids--playdates, soccer, dance, gym class, Brownies--and you can have as much or as little structure as you like. It was fantastic for both of us. I will always cherish that year.

Best of luck to you. Sending hugs and pixie dust. Rmember, you are your child's advocate!

 

[horsegirl]

I am the mom to three DKs, all of which have had behavior issues in preschool. I can so understand your distress. Having worked in several school districts, I too would recommend moving him to another school, as traumatic as that may be. To pressure a family of a kindergartener to be on meds is completely inappropriate. The fact that the behavior program has decreased some of the aggression is just wonderful, and they should be encouraged by that. The fact that he is struggling in that setting could be indicative of impulisivity or a result of a mismatch between teacher and child. He could be responding to how he is being treated. Children are vbery perceptive. Some schools are very positive and respectful of families and kids with special needs. Other schools tend to pathologize and label. Our DS6 has ADHD, and is on meds, and still has some challenges. Meds alone will not solve their problem. You might have to do alot of adovocating for your little guy. It is wonderful that you are such a loving and concerned mom. Some folks are so intimidated by a school that they cave to the pressure. great for you! It seems like lots of folks here understand your plight. Our little people need all the positive vibes they can get and he sure doesn't seem to be getting them there! My thoughts are with you. And I agree that a change until after the Christmas break. This will give him time to prepare for a change. Again, I would definitely try to move him as this school appears unable or unwilling to meet his needs. Good luck, my thougths are with you.

 

[ducklite]

My DS will be 6 in a couple weeks so I absolutely do not want him to be pulled out or flunk and have to be a 7yr old Kindergartener next year.

That's what YOu want, but is it neccessarily the best thing for HIM?

We do not see the same problems the teachers seem to see. We know there is an impulse issue at times, but not daily at home. He is very active at home but has no problem sitting down and working on projects, homework etc. He has alot of focus at home, just not at school. My DM and DMIL are baffled by the reports from school too. He does not act out at their homes and my DM has a daycare and he plays very well with the children there.

But in those cases he is getting a lot more one on one attention, which is something kids with various developmental/emotional/learning disabilities do well with. It's also not a stressful situation which is requiring focus to learn as opposed to play, and is not requiring him to sit still.

He also has no problems with any playdates he has had so we cannot figure out the behavior towards kids at school. In fact the one kid he seems to have the majority of school conflicts with is one he has the best playdates with.

My guess is that he's frustrated because he wants to act like he does during play and his friend understands and follows the school rules. Thus your child gets in trouble and the other child doesn't, and it's frustrating to him. It really sounds like he's got some developmental delays with his maturity on several levels.

I received 2 calls this morning, one from principal and one from the district psychologist. The principal called to try and smooth things over and before you knew it was reaffirming her position that we should probably be open to looking at meds. I wanted to tell her where to go, but I told her I was on my way out. Then a while later the psychologist called to say he was sorry I got upset and wanted me to know that he firmly believes we should try the other school before we even consider medicines. The school doesn't even agree on a stance to take!

I've been there. It sounds like the school pshrink is an allie, and you shouldn't shoot at your allies. It really sounds like the pshrink feels that your sons educational placement isn't the best place for him. HOWEVER they can't just move him for no reason, and you MUST request an IEP. You'll be able to put a lot into that--I helped write my sons as I became more educated on the system and the laws.

My DS was a slight preemie. When our Doc (2nd pediatrician) ran all the tests in August on my ds he said he couldn't find any of the medical markers of ADD. (and believe me, my poor DS was put through the ringer.) My original pediatrician (she left to open her own practice) told us when DS was 2 that a common occurance in in preemies (more so in very preemie babies), other than ADD, was a lag in development in the area of the brain that controls impulses (think before you speak, act etc.). She warned us that either could happen. Doc #2 suspected the developmental lag after all the test were run, before I even brought up what Doc#1 said. He said usually they are a year or two behind their peers in impulse control, but equal or ahead in physical and mental ability.

But until they have the impulse control under control, a standard educational setting is not going to allow them to learn. You need to make a choice, is your son going to learn or not? that's the bottom line, and if he stays where he is I'm afraid the answer is "not". They are not being mean, they are being realistic. Please, I fully empathize with you, but you need to do what's best for your son, not for you!!!

Trying to tell the school this is like talking to a brick wall. Our Doc even contacted them to see if he could help with any insight and they basically dismissed him. There are no private schools in our area other than a couple Catholic schools (which IMHO have produced more problem students in our area than the public schools). I wish I did have a good private school choice but we don't.

Are you really certain there is no school for children with special learning needs? most of them fly under the radar and if you aren't in need fo them won't be aware of them.

I would really like to see about homeschool but my DH doesn't want any part of that. He won't even consider it. He feels it would be harmful to keep him out of a structured environment and that he has to have the daily socialization. I feel that he can get enough socialization during baseball, soccer, swim lessons and playdates until he catches up on the impulse problem.

My sister homeschools, it is a VERY structured setting. They have a room dedicated as a classroom with books, desks, blackboards, bulletin boards, it looks like a "School" . They start at the same time every day, work through a set class schedule every day, and have educational field trips twice a month. The kids also particpate in scouts, dance, karate, music lessons, riding lessons, etc. She works her lesson plans up with the assistance of a friend who is an elementary teacher. (My sis is a PhD in psycology, her dissertation was on cognitive ability in early childhood) IMHO it might not be abad idea for your son.

My DH wants us to check out the other school. I am not opposed to looking, but I don't want to make a hasty decision either. I will tell the school the same on Monday. I will also tell them how cruel and unfair they are being springing this on us while we are still grieving the loss of my Grandpa (they know all about how difficult it was on the family and like waiting a few more weeks would have made such a difference) and while my DS was practicing for and looking forward to their Holiday Celebrations at school. They want to do something asap but I don't think I am unreasonable at all to think they should wait to disrupt my DS until after the christmas break. Sorry this is so long but I am so upset.

OK, first of all, take your personal loss out of this. I'm sorry you lost a family member, but the school is not springing this on you out of the blue, it's been building for some time, and unfortunately it's coming to a head at a bad time in yoru life. I do agree that if at all possible they should try to keep the current placement until after the holidays, but it might not be possible. This last paragraph made me realize that you aren't looking at this objectively. You need to speak to an advocate, and then YOU call a meeting, and YOU invite the people you want there, and YOU tell them what will happen based on the advocates suggestions. YOU need to take charge. No more tears and pity party, you are your childs strongest advocate, but you need to be strong, and do what's best for HIM not what will or won't make YOu feel better.

Anne

 

[SqueakyMouse]

As a parent of 2 special needs children (one teenager with severe ADD and a Kindergartner with social/emotional deficits but wicked smart) I can empathize with the frustration and hurt you are feeling.

However, as a former special ed teacher and a current school administrator, I can see the situation differently. For school personnel there are two primary issues. First and foremost is meeting the needs of every child. While your child's behavior may be improving, it is taking a lot of work from the regular classroom teacher. As a result, this takes away from the attention this teacher can give to the other students. (Yes, parents often do complain when their children are not getting attention from the teacher because of a disruptive/very needy child in the classroom.) It is possible that your child's needs can be better met in either an alternative or special ed/resource classroom. (My K student attended a pre-K class for special needs children. He is now in a regular K classroom and only goes to resource for 30 minutes a day. During that 1/2 hour, his special ed. teacher goes over his behavior contract and works with him in a very small group -- never more than 3 kids. He has made such gains!!!) There also is the liability issue. What if your child hurt another student? What if another child responds to your child's hitting by hitting back? What if the teacher gets hurt? This threat cannot be ignored.

I agree with much of the above posts. Educate yourself on your rights and seek counsel. Try your best to keep an open mind. Believe it or not, most educators really do have the best interest of their students at heart. Also, many, many special ed teachers have special needs children of their own and can speak from personal experience as a parent.

I wish you and your child the best.