In defense of Totalia, I thought it was a bit harsh -- the reply about, "just because YOUR mom gave up her dreams... etc" -- if we really think about it... most of us, to some degree base our own life philosophies for our present and future, on our past -- a past which we have been given in large part due to our parents/families.
Regardless of the lesson Totalia's mom was hoping to teach her, it appears the one she has taken most to heart is to live for herself, not for anyone else, including her own children, should she have any someday. Being realistic, should Totalia have kids of her own, she MIGHT change her point of view... then again, it may be stronger than ever that she continue to have a life outside of her kids... for her that might be work... at any rate, that is a path she will have to walk herself and hopefully be happy wherever it takes her in the end.
Even when I was working and DIDN'T have kids... I always strived to have a life outside of work too. For me, it has never been enough to just be "one thing" whether that be "mom," "careerperson," "wife," whatever... I have hobbies, dreams, goals, plans that don't revolve around any one particular label.
With that being said, I would have to admit that I felt I could somewhat identify with Totalia -- about not letting your kids become your WHOLE life -- to the point of stressing your marriage, etc. I also identify with the idea that a parent who works and identifies him/herself with their work SO much, could easily be seen just as their "career" -- just like a SAHM, may be seen just as a "mom."
I hate labeling people. When the papers came home from school asking me to describe my child -- it is hard for me to put labels on them -- or on anyone... we are all so muti-faceted. Just as I would be ajar at being labeled only a "Mom" -- I would be equally disappointed to be labeled only a "Journalist" or "Accountant" or any such title. I am not just these things... I am so much more... and so are all of you! Labels just make it easier for us to classify, stereotype and judge.
I have based a lot of my life decisions on the kind of family I grew up in, and I would be willing to bet that most of us have here -- either by wanting to follow in our parents' footsteps, or to find a better solution for our own family dynamic. Over the years, I have listened to friends and family and learned from their situations... all to form a living environment that works for me.
For me, I have been everything in the "labeling" spectrum. . . From working mother to part time working mom, to SAHM, to taking my kids to work WITH me. Different situations have been the right alternative at different times. I have never read Maria Shriver's book eluded to earlier, but I have always said what was pointed out... maybe, you can have everything... just not at the same time.
For me, I have lots and lots of dreams. Some, I've had to close the door on -- some before I was even married or had kids -- I realized I should no longer pursue some of these dreams -- and part of the maturation process is realizing that you may not always get EVERYTHING you dream for... but if you prioritize you will soon see which dreams are most important... which ones are worth fighting for until your very last breath. I still am living to fulfill many dreams; however, one of my lifelong dreams has been to be a mother... and to be there for and with my children. I have four ages 5, 4, 3 and 2. I am happy to be fulfilling this dream.
Totalia stated it never occured to her to be a mother until after she was first married -- so for her, this isn't considered a lifelong dream come true -- to me, IT IS. I don't expect anyone else to understand this, only to respect it... just as I would respect someone's lifelong dream to give up lots of other things in their life to become, say an Olympic Gymnast.
God made us all as individuals. We are higher up the animal chain for a reason... and we can live and survive successfully in a plethora of living situations, utilizing our lives and talents in endless ways. The only judgment that matters to me in the end is God's. Of course, while I'm here on earth, I DO care what my friends and family think and it would be nice to spread a bit of peace, understanding and respect along the way.
With that being said, I would never stand up in a contest and try to prove my life is better, worse or more "right" than another's. I live in the United States of America and am entitled to my "pursuit of happiness" which is what I intend on doing. I only hold all of you also from the U.S. to the same standard. If you do anything less than that (pursue your own happiness) -- then you are cheating yourself. . . and THAT, my friends, would be wrong.
Regardless of the lesson Totalia's mom was hoping to teach her, it appears the one she has taken most to heart is to live for herself, not for anyone else, including her own children, should she have any someday. Being realistic, should Totalia have kids of her own, she MIGHT change her point of view... then again, it may be stronger than ever that she continue to have a life outside of her kids... for her that might be work... at any rate, that is a path she will have to walk herself and hopefully be happy wherever it takes her in the end.
Even when I was working and DIDN'T have kids... I always strived to have a life outside of work too. For me, it has never been enough to just be "one thing" whether that be "mom," "careerperson," "wife," whatever... I have hobbies, dreams, goals, plans that don't revolve around any one particular label.
With that being said, I would have to admit that I felt I could somewhat identify with Totalia -- about not letting your kids become your WHOLE life -- to the point of stressing your marriage, etc. I also identify with the idea that a parent who works and identifies him/herself with their work SO much, could easily be seen just as their "career" -- just like a SAHM, may be seen just as a "mom."
I hate labeling people. When the papers came home from school asking me to describe my child -- it is hard for me to put labels on them -- or on anyone... we are all so muti-faceted. Just as I would be ajar at being labeled only a "Mom" -- I would be equally disappointed to be labeled only a "Journalist" or "Accountant" or any such title. I am not just these things... I am so much more... and so are all of you! Labels just make it easier for us to classify, stereotype and judge.
I have based a lot of my life decisions on the kind of family I grew up in, and I would be willing to bet that most of us have here -- either by wanting to follow in our parents' footsteps, or to find a better solution for our own family dynamic. Over the years, I have listened to friends and family and learned from their situations... all to form a living environment that works for me.
For me, I have been everything in the "labeling" spectrum. . . From working mother to part time working mom, to SAHM, to taking my kids to work WITH me. Different situations have been the right alternative at different times. I have never read Maria Shriver's book eluded to earlier, but I have always said what was pointed out... maybe, you can have everything... just not at the same time.
For me, I have lots and lots of dreams. Some, I've had to close the door on -- some before I was even married or had kids -- I realized I should no longer pursue some of these dreams -- and part of the maturation process is realizing that you may not always get EVERYTHING you dream for... but if you prioritize you will soon see which dreams are most important... which ones are worth fighting for until your very last breath. I still am living to fulfill many dreams; however, one of my lifelong dreams has been to be a mother... and to be there for and with my children. I have four ages 5, 4, 3 and 2. I am happy to be fulfilling this dream.
Totalia stated it never occured to her to be a mother until after she was first married -- so for her, this isn't considered a lifelong dream come true -- to me, IT IS. I don't expect anyone else to understand this, only to respect it... just as I would respect someone's lifelong dream to give up lots of other things in their life to become, say an Olympic Gymnast.
God made us all as individuals. We are higher up the animal chain for a reason... and we can live and survive successfully in a plethora of living situations, utilizing our lives and talents in endless ways. The only judgment that matters to me in the end is God's. Of course, while I'm here on earth, I DO care what my friends and family think and it would be nice to spread a bit of peace, understanding and respect along the way.
With that being said, I would never stand up in a contest and try to prove my life is better, worse or more "right" than another's. I live in the United States of America and am entitled to my "pursuit of happiness" which is what I intend on doing. I only hold all of you also from the U.S. to the same standard. If you do anything less than that (pursue your own happiness) -- then you are cheating yourself. . . and THAT, my friends, would be wrong.
